by Kami Kinard
What? It happens! I did some research on it last night and discovered that not only is ♥ @ 1st *sigh*+t a real phenomenon, but there are three characteristics that prove you have a case of it. Guess what. I have all three.
Here they are:
You are attracted to the way the person looks, but also recognize some other quality. (He’s super-cute. But I think that tingly feeling was the other quality.)
You can’t stop thinking about him. (I’ve been experimenting with name morphs like everyone makes for celebrities. My favorite is Justin + Kara = Jara)
You want to learn everything there is to know about him. (Do I ever!)
So it seems pretty obvious that this is ♥ @ 1st *sigh*+t. I only have one problem. I’ll die if he recognizes me as the girl who asked about him, then ran out of the store pulling her mother behind her. Good thing I have Julie to help me accessorize!
On the way home from the mall
When I walked through the doors at A&F, JUSTIN didn’t seem to recognize me at all. Okay, so I had Julie do my hair and makeup, and lend me her boots. I guess I didn’t exactly look like myself — I looked better. Older. More confident! Still. I think he should have been able to recognize me a little bit if I was supposed to be his soul mate. He’d have said something like “You look familiar.” I mean the whole point of ♥ @ 1st *sigh*+t is that you fall for someone by just seeing them. But JUSTIN barely even looked at me because he was so busy looking at her. Chicken Girl.
I could tell by her uniform that she worked at the Chicken Hut in the food court. Plus, she smelled like drumstick. Anyway, at first I hung around and checked out the new tops and shorts. I tried to look confused, like I needed help. I even sighed loudly, which is universal shoppers’ language for I’m frustrated because I can’t find what I need. JUSTIN didn’t seem to notice. He was leaning against the wall mirror (imagine two gorgeous JUSTINs in the same room) and he had his hand on Chicken Girl’s arm. The same hand that gave me that tingly feeling and let me know (after I remembered it) that I was experiencing ♥ @ 1st *sigh*+t!
And the whole time I’d been in there, Chicken Girl hadn’t looked at a single piece of clothing! She was only looking at him. Didn’t she know he had customers who needed him?
When I realized that I only had five minutes left before I had to meet Julie, I cleared my throat and said — very politely — “Can you help me?”
Justin and Chicken Girl just stared at me. Then she answered instead of him. “He’s helping me now,” she said. She yanked a shirt off the rack, headed to the dressing room, and said, “C’mon, Justin. I need some help.”
He shrugged at me. “Sorry, kid, but she was here first.” Kid! And then he FOLLOWED HER!
I think it’s pretty obvious now that I was mistaken about the ♥ @ 1st *sigh*+t thing. Justin can’t possibly be my soul mate because now I can never go to A&F again and that was my favorite store and I’m pretty sure that your soul mate shouldn’t keep you away from the things you love.
Sunday, February 18
Morning
Oddly, I actually believe Bebe’s advice this time. For good reason.
To: Kara M
From: BebeTruelove
Subject: Tip #7
Dear Soul Mate Seeker,
Body language is the language of love. A guy will direct his feet toward someone who interests him.
Tip #7: Try the foot test.
Good Luck in Love,
Bebe
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See, this has to be true. It was pretty clear which direction Justin’s feet were pointing when he was walking behind Chicken Girl — and away from me.
I’m not even doing a research review card for this week. What’s the point?
Monday, February 19
Noonish
It’d be so much easier to face everyone at school tomorrow if it had turned out that Justin was my soul mate.
I mean, everyone could be like: “You’re gross for hanging in the boys’ room.”
So I could be like: “My hot boyfriend doesn’t think so.”
Because even though I don’t care at all what the kids at my school think about me, I really do.
Bedtime
I have the best sister ever! Julie just convinced me that everything is going to be okay.
“You just need to stick to the really-really-had-to-go (RRHTG) story, Kara,” she said. “And act self-confident, like it’s no big deal.”
She walked over to her dresser and picked up a cute pair of pink-tinted sunglasses. “Here.” She handed them to me. “Think of these as shades of power.”
“What of what?”
“Shades of power,” she said. “See, it’s your eyes that give away how you really feel.”
“Proof that eyes are windows to the soul!” I exclaimed.
“Whatever,” said Julie. “The point is that if Colleen can’t see your eyes completely, she can’t get to you completely. If she thinks you’re self-confident, she’ll probably leave you alone.”
I put on the sunglasses. “It’s like I’ll have my own personal soul shields.”
“Like I said.” Julie flipped her ponytail. (I hate when she does that, but she’s still pretty great.) “Whatever.”
“You’re the best, Julie,” I said.
My sister got a funny look on her face for a second. Then she gave me one of her super-quick hugs. “You are, too.”
Spring Valley Middle, are you ready for this? The new Kara McAllister is about to come back to campus packing an attitude and cute shades!
Tuesday, February 20
First period
Last night, everything Julie said made so much sense. But if I’d thought about what it’d be like to step out of the car at 7:15 a.m. wearing sunglasses I’d have known
Cute Shades @ Beach = Cool
BUT
Cute Shades B4 Sunrise = Loser
Once I realized this, I didn’t feel very powerful. I felt more like I wanted to run. And I wished I hadn’t given up my morning jogs with Julie because if I hadn’t, maybe I’d have been fast enough to actually escape the entire day.
But I wouldn’t have had a chance to make a clean getaway anyway because Tabbi grabbed me, dragged me into the building, and pulled me toward our lockers. I was still wearing the “shades of power” but I couldn’t make myself look up.
Unfortunately, walking with your head down in a crowded hallway is one way to guarantee that you’ll absolutely positively have to look up because eventually you’re going to bump smack into someone, which is what I did to Evan. And when you bump into someone . . . you automatically look up.
“Hi, Tabbi. Hi, Kara,” said Evan, all cheerful-like. “I miss hanging out with you guys. We should do something together sometime.” (!) Like he hadn’t secretly kissed me or broken Tabs’s heart.
I stood vthere, my own heart beating wildly while my tongue lay dead as a canned sardine in my mouth. Tabbi broke the silence by barking, “I don’t think James would like that very much.”
Evan raised his eyebrows before saying, “Right.” Then he smiled, waved, and merged back into the crowd.
“Can you believe that jerk?” asked Tabbi. But she turned around and watched him go all the way down the hall before she started walking again. This let me know that even after everything — she’d take him back. Tabs’s feelings for Evan are the real thing.
Watching her, I knew I didn’t feel that deeply toward him. Maybe I never really did.
After school
; Sometimes girls hunt in packs. Like wolves. They single out a weaker animal and work together to bring it down. We learned about this last year in science. And I learned about it firsthand in English today. I am the hunted.
I knew that Maybelline would go for the jugular the first chance she got. Which was about ten minutes into Mrs. Hill’s class. But she didn’t do it alone. First The Sponge asked for a bathroom pass. Mrs. Hill handed it to her without even pausing during her lecture on When Zachary Beaver Came to Town, which is a book about someone who has almost no chance of finding his soul mate because he lives in a tiny trailer that he almost never leaves.
About thirty seconds later, Maybelline asked for a bathroom pass. This brought the lecture to a screeching halt.
“Colleen!” snapped Mrs. Hill. “You know I don’t give out more than one girls’ room pass at a time!”
“Yes, I know,” said Maybelline in a sweet voice as fake as her nail color. “But I have to go really bad. And I heard that it’s okay for girls to go into the boys’ room if they really, really have to go. Kara did it.”
The class broke into hyena-pitched hysterics. I could feel my skin morphing strawberry red. And I swear I could sense Maybelline’s smile spread across her face to watermelon-slice proportions.
Mrs. Hill gave Maybelline a sharp look. She rapped her pen against the podium. “Quiet!” she barked about three times before yelling words that will somber any mood: “Pop Quiz!”
“This is all your fault,” hissed Maybelline. She “accidentally” shoved my desk while putting away her book.
About that time, The Sponge came bopping into the room, smiling smugly. “Sorry I was gone so long, Mrs. Hill. I hope no one else really, really had to go.” She glanced knowingly at Maybelline, whose face must have looked like the face of a kid whose teacher just yelled “Pop Quiz” because The Sponge’s smile faded and she hurried to her seat.
When the bell rang I rushed from class, even though there was nowhere for me to hide this time. Maybelline was sure to go to the girls’ room with her posse, and the boys’ room is now forever off-limits. So I decided to sit at my usual lunch table and hope that some of my friends still liked me enough to join me.
With no one to talk to I tried to look absorbed in my PB&J, but I saw Chip take a seat just one table away. Unfortunately, The Vine walked over and slung an arm around his shoulder. She leaned close to his ear like she was going to tell him a secret, then whispered VERY LOUDLY, “I wish Mrs. Hill had written Kara up when Colleen spilled her nasty little secret. She’d deserve it. The perv.”
Chip abruptly stood up, causing The Vine’s arm to fall against her side. Before he walked away he said, “Tell it to someone else, Gina. Kara’s my friend.”
The look on The Vine’s face was almost worth all of the humiliation I’ve endured. I couldn’t tell if Chip knew I was within hearing distance or not, but it doesn’t matter. Because now I know that someone besides my sister and my best friend will stick up for me, which gives me hope that other people will, too. Know what? Having hope makes you feel a whole lot more powerful than wearing “shades of power.” (No matter how cute those shades may be.)
Wednesday, February 21
First period
When I was entering the building this morning, I passed Alex Brantley. He said, “’Morning, Kara,” which is actually remarkable because he usually only gives me a halfway smile. But this time he smiled big AND he looked at me in a different way. I know I wasn’t imagining it. Sure, maybe it’s still a little bit the way he would look at a dictionary. But I think he sees a piece of gum sitting on top of it now.
Sixth period
This really cute eighth grader who I don’t even know stopped me in the cafeteria and said, “Aren’t you Kara McAllister?”
When I nodded he said, “Cool.” What gives?
After school
James bent over backward to talk to me in band, which seemed weird because we hardly ever talk even though he’s going out with my best friend. Tabbi later told me that James told her that the guys thought it was cool that I had the guts to use their restroom.
So I remain silently horrified, even though I’m also secretly excited that the guys think I did something “cool.” Maybe nothing bad will come of this. Maybe Julie is right. Maybe it will all blow over. Maybe it has already blown over.
Thursday, February 22
Fourth period
It has not blown over. I hadn’t counted on the creative way that Maybelline and her pack would find to torture me.
So I was totally surprised when I headed to my seat in algebra and there was a big Depend undergarment resting in it like a fluffy white cushion! The giant diaper had a huge gift tag hanging on it that could be read from, like, a mile away. It said: To Kara. Next time you really, really have to go, you won’t have to do it in the boys’ room.
I probably stood there for a good forty seconds while panic set in and I tried to calculate how many people read the tag before I did. Then I kicked into übergear and started stuffing the white elephant into my backpack. If I’d been in a TV sitcom instead of a classroom, there’d have been the kind of laughter in the background that sounds like it’s coming from the far end of a long tunnel. I know this because that’s what it sounded like to me. In reality, though, the snickers and guffaws were blasting from the surrounding desks.
Then Mr. DeLacey walked up and asked, “What are you doing, Kara?” I told him I was just putting something away. He wasn’t satisfied with this answer. He held out his hand in a way that means hand it over in teacher sign language.
I don’t know what Mr. DeLacey thought I was going to put in his hand, but it sure wasn’t a giant diaper. I swear he almost dropped it. Then he read the tag, went to his desk, and got out a referral slip. The class was now hushed with somebody’s-gonna-get-it silence. Mr. DeLacey’s face was very serious, and while I watched him, I found it hard to believe that I’d ever found him handsome.
I heard Maybelline catch her breath and I bet for a moment she thought she was going to get in trouble. But life is never that fair. Instead, Mr. DeLacey waved the referral slip in the air and said, “Kara.” So I grabbed my backpack and the slip and left the room, knowing this was his way of getting me back for the “Is it legal for you to . . .” question that I wish my dad had never taught me to use.
I waited until I was here, outside of Principal O’Neal’s office, to look at it. I’m glad I did because I’m working very hard not to cry as I stare at the words: Office Referral. First offense. Girl found in boys’ restroom.
So now the slowest minutes of my life are crawling by while I wait for Mr. O’Neal to finish his conference call. Oddly, there are some painfully slow things that you still don’t want to rush. I hope Mr. O’Neal talks a long, long time. Like, until the dismissal bell rings . . .
On the way home from school in the backseat of the car, where the only noise is the sound of me sniffing as I try to pull the tears back inside of me
Nothing says surrender like walking into the principal’s office carrying a white flag in the shape of a giant diaper. I was surrendering my pride. Surrendering my dignity. Even worse, I was surrendering to Maybelline because this time she got what she wanted. She won.
Mr. O’Neal, who’s usually pretty nice, looked at the diaper and took the referral slip. Then he asked, “Is this true, Kara?”
I hung my head and admitted that it was. I gave him my really-really-had-to-go story. By the time I finished telling it, I was crying. He handed me the phone and told me to get one of my parents to pick me up. I thought this meant I was suspended, which is why I started crying even harder when I heard Dad’s voice.
Without asking any questions or waiting to see what I needed, my dad said, “I’ll be right there.” And he was. Just a few minutes later. And I realized that the reason Dad didn’t ask any questions is because the answer
didn’t matter. Dad was going to be there no matter what. Just like he has always been.
After school
My parents were super-understanding when I told them about the whole boys’-room fiasco. I pretty much cried my way through the story, especially at the end when I predicted that I’d have 0 friends left if I ever did get the nerve to go back to school.
Mom and Dad assured me that my prediction would be false. Then they both hugged me at the same time, which is something we used to call the “family group hug,” but need to rename because Julie flatly refuses to participate anymore. (To tell you the truth, I thought I’d outgrown them too, but it turns out I haven’t. )
Anyway, Mom said for me to remember that regardless of what happened between me and my friends, she and Dad would “always be there” for me. I started thinking . . . that’s a pretty important quality to have in a person: someone who will always be there for you. Like my parents are there for each other. And for me and Julie.
I need to add that quality to my soul mate list.
Another thing I need to add to my list is compassion. Which is something Mr. O’Neal has. I know this because Dad told me later that Mr. O’Neal did NOT send me home as a punishment. He just thought I needed to get away from whoever had left me the Depend. So I wasn’t suspended after all. But I was embarrassed. Because Mr. O’Neal also told Dad to ask me to “plan ahead and pace myself by going to the appropriate facility throughout the day so that this will never happen again.”