by Erica Hale
“Thank you, Frank. I want to make myself clear here,” I started, turning to face him. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me for one. And for two, let’s keep our relationship strictly professional.”
He put his hand on his chest. “I wasn’t implying anything by it. Nor was I going to pursue. I was just stating the obvious.”
The elevator door dinged and I may as well had heard a starter’s pistol. Giving Frank a quick goodnight, I headed straight for the glass doors. Downtown Planters was more on the scale of Mayberry. There was no parking garage or valet. My Explorer sat there across the street, waiting for my return from a long day.
Ever since the day that my tires had been flattened, I sort of made a habit of scanning my car before I got in it, starting from the rear bumper to the front. It was all good and maybe this weekend me and kid would wash it. I could still see bug death all over the front from the cross-country drive.
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“I think you should let him in, I know him he’s a good guy,” Ernest Jr. said to Anthony. “The guy is like an uncle to me.”
Anthony took another look out the window by the front door, not giving a care at the man that stared back at him. “My mom doesn’t like him and I’m pretty sure that I don’t like him either. Hell, because of him, he almost got my mom arrested.”
That got a giggle out of his friend. “Leland is a straight up guy. I’m sure after he talks with your mom, they will smooth everything out. Trust me,” the kid said, giving him a chipped tooth smile.
“I can hear you two, just open the door!” Leland hollered on the other side of the door. “Just let me in, I want to speak to your momma.”
“She’s not here!” Anthony hollered back.
“When will she be?”
“When she pulls into the driveway.”
Ernest at his back and in his ear. “Come on. It’s not like he’s a child molester or anything.”
Peer pressure was a bitch, but Anthony knew his mom could turn into a monster if he pissed her off. “You can sit on the porch and wait for her. She should be home after a while.”
Both boys backed away from the door and took up their stations on the floor in the T.V. room.
“So, are you coming or not? My dad really wants you to come. He says you need some males in your life, ya know, since your daddy isn’t here.”
“I’ll ask my mom. I’ve never been fishing before and it seems like it would be fun to get out of this house for a bit,” Anthony said, pushing play on the video game.
“I think you’ll like it. Me and my dad go several times a year, ya know, whenever he gets some time from the construction site. That reminds me, Leland will probably go, too, so you should try to be a little bit nicer to him, ya know. Since he kinda got a thing for your mom and all.”
Anthony froze. “What? He likes my mom? Why, I mean, how? Did he say something to you about it?” Ernest’s face drew back in a smile. “What are you smiling at?
“You all over here acting like you can protect your mom from a guy like Leland.” Anthony’s nose flared. “Calm down. Not like that. Leland is like what you would call a man’s man. He’s hardworking, he works for my dad at the site every now and then, but has his own wrecker to make ends meet. Besides, Leland ain’t had to say anything. You can just tell. He always wants to see her and be around her. Shit, he’s outside sitting on y’all’s porch right now. The man has been bitten by the bug all right.”
Ernest kept his eyes on the television waiting for Anthony’s reaction. He knew he could use this bit of information to ensure that Anthony would go with them this weekend.
“Look, if I were you, I would just check him out. See for yourself if he’s good enough for your momma. Or…”
“Or what?”
Ernest just replied with a hunch of his shoulder.
“Or what?”
Anthony threw his controller on the floor.
“Or does your mom like men like that, ya know. White men?”
That wasn’t a question that Anthony was prepared to answer. “Um… I don’t know. I guess she likes white guys. She really doesn’t date much.” More like not ever. “I mean, she doesn’t have a problem with me.”
“Of course not, stupid, she’s your mom. Of course she’s got to love you. And while we are on the topic, how did that even happen?”
“How did what happen?”
Ernest twisted his lips and narrowed his eyes. “Dude, your mom is black and you…well you’re not. How in the hell did that happen? Did she adopt you or something?”
In their neighborhood in Washington, only people that were new to the area asked him how his family came to be. “My real mom died in child birth. She and mom were best friends in college, and my mom, the one that you met, her and her family adopted me.”
Ernest face fell in sadness. “So, you never met your mom? I mean your real mom?” Anthony shook his head no. “Don’t feel bad. My mom passed when I was eight, car wreck.”
Both boys sat in silence going over their past hurts. “At least you can remember her. I was just a baby when my mom died.”
“To be honest with you, I think it’s worse. For a long time, I could hear her voice in the house, or when I’m out playing, I swear I hear her calling my name to come in and eat. You’re lucky you don’t have the ache, ya know.”
Anthony shook his head. “Don’t know what you mean on that one.”
Ernest stretched out his legs and let out a long deep breath. “It’s like I can remember, so it’s like I know that she’s gone and she’s never coming back. You know that she’s gone, but you don’t have any memories of her. You can’t miss something that you never had. Besides, you got a mom and I guess she’s doing alright raising you and all. You’re not all bat shit crazy. You don’t have a bunch of tattoos and you are not on drugs.”
“Who says that I’m not bat shit crazy? Man, I could be a killer and that’s the reason my mom and I had to move down here to escape the police.”
Both boys fell out laughing on the floor. “Yeah right, what was your serial killer name?”
“Bone crusher. I would take my victims and squeeze their heads until it would pop right off their necks.” Anthony made claws out of his fingers and bore his teeth. He crossed his eyes and stopped his tongue out. “They call me the bone crusher.” He gave a menacing laugh.
“Anthony!” I called as soon as I walked in the house.
“More like you are going to have your bones crushed.” A nervous laugh fell out of Ernest’s mouth as the two stood.
“Is there a reason why he is here?”
With raising a man child, there were simple things that deep down you knew that you were not going to get a simple answer to, like asking who left the toilet seat up or whether they had eaten the last piece of pizza? And, why this guy was still hanging around. “Are you going to tell me?”
“Lauren, he did the right thing. He didn’t let me in. He’s a good kid. You are raising him right.” Leland stood behind me placing a hand on my shoulder.
I picked up his large paw and took it off me. “Anthony, would you excuse me and Mr. Leland while we have a discussion?”
“Yeah, buddy, this is my cue to leave. Hey, think about the trip and call me later. Good night, Ms. Neilson.”
Ernest waved and headed for the door.
What trip? I gave my son the look that spoke that he and I would have a conversation later.
“Now, Mr. Leland, you know that I’ve been at work all day and I that I wish to make dinner for my son and go to sleep, so if you would excuse me I would like to do so.”
“Why is it that a man can’t be nice to a woman now and days? I mean for the love of God, I don’t want anything from ya, just trying to be helpful. Woman like you make life hard for men like me.” His gun metal colored eyes bore down on me as his upper lip began to twitch. “You’re impossible, you know that?” he said, slapping at his jeans and puff of dust rose and fell.
&nbs
p; Balancing on one leg, I took off one high heel shoe then the other. “I’m a person that enjoys her space, a space with you not in it.” He frowned. “I’m not here to find Anthony a daddy. I’m here to work hard and provide for him. Sorry if I hurt your feelings or made your life so impossible.”
“You hungry, I know that you said the boy can eat?”
“Did you hear anything that I just said, my space without you in it?”
I untucked my blouse from my skirt and opened the freezer door. I guess I was more eager to get to work than I thought. I hadn’t taken out any real food. Everything was frozen solid. The icy cold felt like a dream on my skin. I let the door hang open and I closed my eyes. “Mr. Leland, I really want you to leave; my son and I can manage.”
The front door bell rang and my eyes opened. I saw Leland headed for the door.
“Here you go, and keep the change,” he said as I tried to peer over his shoulder. “I knew you would refuse, so I went on ahead and ordered some take out for you and the boy.”
There had to be over ten bags of Chinese takeout in his arms. “How much was it?” I asked, walking back the counter where I left my purse. I took out my wallet.
Leland grinned, carrying the food to the table. “Look, no charge. Just enjoy your meal and I’ll talk to you later.”
His boots clumped to the door. “Wait, damn.” He turned and bit at his bottom lip. “Did you want to stay for dinner? Anthony could eat, but this is a lot of food.”
He twisted and pulled to adjust his hat back on his head. “No, thank you. I’ve already ate. Have a good night, Ms. Lauren.”
I went to the door and looked out the window. He was already putting his truck in gear and heading down the street.
“Are those eggrolls I smell?”
I heard my son’s feet coming down the stairs before his voice.
“Yes, it is. Hope you brought your appetite with ya. We got enough food here to last.”
Instead of Anthony taking his plate and retreating upstairs, he sat at the other side of the table and dug in.
I waited for him to swallow.
“So, what was Ernest talking about?” I asked, taking the tongs out of my son’s greedy hands and putting Chow Mein on my paper plate.
“Him and his dad are planning a fishing trip this Friday and wanted to know if I wanted to come.”
I could tell that he really wanted to go by the bouncing of his knee under the table.
“I don’t know Anthony; you really don’t know them like that.” There was a part of me that wanted him to go and enjoy himself. Then, there was the part that didn’t want to see my baby go with total strangers.
“I mean, how well do you know Ernest and his father?”
“Mom, you are the one that told me try and fit in and make friends here.” I was elated that he didn’t fold his arms and stick his bottom lip out. “All friends start off as strangers, right? Come on, please.”
He was growing up and there was nothing I could do about it but watch.
“I didn’t say that you couldn’t go. I just want to talk to Ernest’s father before. I’ll make some time tomorrow and discuss it with him, okay?”
Soy sauce dripped from his chin. “Thanks.”
The sounds of chewing and glasses of Kool Aid clinking the table made me smile. It was the sound of home and it made me long for Washington even more. All of us, my parents, my brother and his family gathered around a huge table. We would all be talking, laughing, and poking fun at each other.
I shook the gloom out of my head. I was here for one reason and that was to put a man behind bars for the rest of his life.
I looked up at my son, who bit down on a spring roll.
“You know I love you”
“I love you too, Mom," he said, trying to keep what was in his mouth hostage. I saw his eyebrows wrinkle and his lip twist in thought.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go for it.”
I was already sick with myself for the repeated lies that I had told him to get here. One more deception and I thought would break the dam of our trust. “You know you can ask me anything,” I reminded him, removing duck sauce from my thumb. “What you got?”
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” He leaned back into his chair and glared. “I mean it’s not like you’re ugly or anything.”
“Well, thank you.” My sarcastic tone made him roll his eyes. “Just haven’t found the right one is all. My main concern is making you a productive citizen.”
He huffed. “Mom, I’m not a little boy anymore. I can take care of myself.”
I gripped my heart in mock shock. “Really now? You can take care of yourself?”
“You know what I mean. I think it would be good for you. You know find a nice guy, maybe have another kid.” This conversation was starting to bother me on every level. “I’m saying you’re not that old to have another one.”
“The compliments just keep rolling off your tongue, you know that? I already have a son that I love. I don’t think my heart could fit another person in it.”
“I just don’t want you to be alone. In a few years, I will be going off to college and I don’t want you to be stuck here without having someone to eat takeout with.”
I had to gather up my words before I became a crying mess at the dinner table. “That’s what parents do. We raise you and you fly out of the nest. Just like Nana and Papa did with me and your uncle Larry.”
His blonde hair moved from side to side. “Yeah, and Nana has Papa."
“Where is all this coming from? Last time I went on a date; you were all on the guy. You know, he still has a restraining order on both of us after you interrogated the hell out of him.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the memory. Anthony couldn’t have been over nine years old and he asked the poor guy every question under the sun and moon.
“That guy. I think he likes you.”
I knew full and well who he was talking about, but I played dumb. “Who likes me?”
Anthony was going to win the eye rolling award of the night. “You know the guy, the creep that sat on the porch all night for you. He likes you.”
“What do you think about him?” I asked, really wanting his take on it.
He shrugged his shoulders and picked at his food. “I mean I don’t know. Ernest says he’s cool, I don’t know him well enough to make a good call on him. But if you want to hang out with him sometimes, I guess it’s okay.”
“Thank you, sir, for giving me permission to hang out with some random guy. No, thank you. I’m good with eating takeout with you for a while.”
“Is it because he’s white?”
This conversation was steering in the wrong direction and fast. “What would make you say that? As you know, I have no problem with color. For crying out loud, my son is white. Anthony, why the sudden interest in me dating or asking whether I like white men?”
He picked at his food for a second and eyed me. “I just never see you with any white people besides me. All your friends are black, that last loser you dated was black. You don’t have to get all weird about it. I was just asking a question.”
“I’m not being weird. I don’t have anything against dating outside of my race, just never had the opportunity.” God, there was another lie. “Black men are just attracted to me.”
“That Leland guy is pretty attracted,” he snipped.
“Anthony, I reassure you that once I get a good guy, white or black, you will be the first to know, okay? Now, finish your food.”
He took his plate, but not before taking the tongs and adding a mountain of General Tso and went upstairs. I was too tired to go and dig into him about it.
Putting the rest of the food in the fridge, I headed upstairs, Anthony’s door was closed, but the light from under the door shined bright. Knowing him, he was going over the conversation in his head. So was I.
My mother said that there was going to be days like this and she wasn’t ly
ing. Raising a teenage boy had its perks, no doubt. Heavy stuff was no longer a problem. He was always willing to help when needed. And most of all, I knew he loved me. The downfall of raising a boy and being a single parent was thinking whether I was doing right by him? Would his life be somewhat better if I had gotten married? Maybe settle down with a nice guy that would love Anthony the way that I do. Give him a little brother or sister to guard over and protect.
I’d been selfish when it came to my life. I wanted to have it all, a family that solely consisted of Anthony, myself, and my career.
I sat in bed, booting up my laptop. My cell phone rang and everything in me wanted to ignore it, but I reached for it on my nightstand and put on a smile.
“Hey Dad."
“You know your mother is just now getting around to telling me that you called today? I mean that woman could’ve woke me up or something.”
I laughed at him, knowing how they fuss at and about each other, and yet how much they love and protect one another.
“You know I’m not going to keep you, and your mother has already told me everything that you want us to know. But I need to hear it from you, how is my grandson?”
More than likely, my dad was sitting on the back, deck looking over the Puget Sound and drinking an ice cold Pepsi, missing me while I missed him.
“Good, I had my first day at work. My boss introduced me to the staff and all went well. Anthony is doing just fine. Matter of fact, our neighbor has a kid the same age and I think I’m gonna let him go fishing with them this weekend. I miss you guys.”
“Well you shouldn’t have up and left. You know that you can come home at any time. I miss my spades partner.”
Now that was what we did on Sundays, we had spades night. I’ve been my dad’s partner ever since I could remember. The last Sunday that I was home, my father and I beat the pants off my brother and mom. That last hand had them in tizzy, they were talking across the board and Dad wasn’t having any of that. My brother was so messed up that he ended up cutting my mom. I thought she was going to kill him.
“My home is in Washington, but this was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. I get to have a bit more of free reign here. The paper back home was starting to become a job, and when I feel like I’m punching a clock, it’s time for me to punch out.”