“Ryan, is she gone?” Abby asked softly, looking up from my neck.
“Yeah, princess, she can’t hurt you anymore.” As he pushed her hair behind her ear, she reached over for him wrapping her arms around his neck.
Now carried by her new hero, she asked, “Where are they going to take me now?”
“They’re going to take you to a new family. A good family that will take care of you the way a perfect little princess deserves.” He bounced her on his hip as she hugged him tight.
“Can’t I come home with you?” I’d never seen a child warm up to someone as fast as Abby warmed up to Ryan. They were kindred spirits; both having lost drug addicted moms. Seeing the haunted look in his eyes when he talked about protecting the kids in the system, I would have been an idiot not to realize the depth of his pain. Had someone other than his mother hurt him? Had he been abused during his brief stint in foster care? How had I not seen how fragile he really was?
“I wish you could, princess. But where I live, little girls aren’t allowed.” Her face fell and her eyes filled with tears. “But, what if I talk to Daniel and we figure out some kind of schedule where I can come hang out with you every week? Would you like that?”
“Yes,” she squealed happily nodding her head excitedly.
“Do you think that’s doable, Daniel?” Ryan asked. I stood there watching the entire thing as if I were a mute. Hearing his story earlier, it was easy to think this nineteen year old was mature, but seeing him in action showed me firsthand. However, with schoolwork, part-time jobs, and exams, as well as dealing the mind-shit he lived with, I hoped he didn’t flake out on Abby; she’d already seen so much to handle another adult disappointment in her short life.
“Okay, princess, Daniel is gonna take you now, but I will see you soon, all right? I promise,” he said as she hugged him tighter. “Ah princess Abby, I don’t want you to leave either but I promise I will see you soon, yeah?”
Abby finally nodded and let Ryan put her on her feet. He nodded encouragingly as Daniel led her to the car. “That was a big promise, Ryan.”
“I have every intention of keeping it, as long as Daniel gives me the go ahead.”
I lifted an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure? You already have two jobs and classes taking up most of your time.”
“As long as Daniel lets me know when I can hang out with her, I will be there,” Ryan stated adamantly.
We stood there watching Daniel place Abby in the back of the Ford. “Well, maybe you and Abby can help each other then.” I smiled at the thought. Ryan was perfect, strong, yet weak at the same time. I honestly believed helping Abby would help them both heal.
We walked over to him, so we could keep an eye on Abby in the car. Daniel held out his cell phone to Ryan. “Give me your information and as soon as I find out where we are placing her, I will make sure you have visitation, once you file the paperwork and it gets approved.” After putting his contact in, he handed the phone back. “As the outcry witness you will have to testify in court as to what she told you. You know that, right?”
Ryan reached out to shake the social worker’s hand. “I would be happy to testify against those sick fucks. Anything to keep them from getting any more kids,” Ryan resolved.
“Okay,” Daniel said eyeing him with interest. What the hell is that?
I glared at the man, practically marking my territory. His eyebrow raised in response, and Ryan noticed the interaction immediately.
“Here’s my information,” he began, deflecting the awkward moment back to himself. “If you need anything else let me know, and please let me know where she ends up and when I can hang out with her.” The pleading tone in Ryan’s voice had my heart constricting but I schooled my features.
Daniel chanced a glance at me before responding to Ryan. We’d had a brief relationship a few years ago and when it ended we remained friends. I could tell by the interest in his eyes that he saw Ryan’s vulnerability and need to protect Abby as just as much of a turn on as I did. I shook my head at him discreetly, even though I knew I had no right to discourage anything between them. I knew Ryan wasn’t straight, even though I’d overheard a few of the female students talking about him in class. More than likely he was bi, and after the night before when I felt him harden against me as he cried for his mother, I knew he was either attracted to both men and women or sexually confused.
“Call me anytime,” Daniel said winking at Ryan, either trying to annoy me, or deciding he didn’t give a rat’s ass and was going to go for it. “You know, to get an update on Abby. I will make sure you’re given any information you need.” He grabbed his forearm and squeezed, and shocking the hell out of me, Ryan looked at him with a predatory smile. I chuckled under my breath with the inkling that Ryan thought himself an aggressor, but he had no idea. The boy would be dominated like he’d never been dominated before. My cock hardened.
“Are we done here, Daniel?” I asked gruffly. He shot me a quizzical look, then nodded. Did he seriously not get the warning I’d been throwing out there?
“Yeah, we’re done. But, Ryan?” He glanced back, before opening the driver’s side door. “Be available for the police, since they’ll want to know exactly what Abby told you.”
Abby waved at both of us from the back seat, and yelled, “Bye!” out the car window.
When he pulled away, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’m so glad she’ll be safe.” Ryan broke the silence. “That poor little girl. I never had anyone to protect me, so I hope I can protect her.”
“You already have protected her, Ryan,” I said softly, touching his bicep and turning him to face me. “You believed her when most people wouldn’t have. You’re her hero.”
“I’m no hero,” he replied. “I just heard her story and couldn’t bear to see her treated like... so many other kids are. When she walked over after my speech and offered me comfort with no questions asked, her innocence gave me hope. I know it sounds stupid, but she made me feel better even though she offered nothing more than ‘I’m sorry.’”
He started to walk away when a police officer approached us. “Are you Ryan? Officer Gonzalez sent me down here to speak with you. I understand you heard the little girl’s statement?”
“Yeah.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, exposing the strain in his muscles as he stood there. Something bigger than Abby was going on here, and I was starting to believe that it had more to do with his own demons than anything else.
RYAN
I gave my statement to the police. Poor Abby, her whole story hit a little too close to home. My whole body was shaking in anger and sadness. Philip walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder as I stared blankly into the distance. “How could anyone hurt that little girl? Hell, any child?”
“I don’t know, Ryan. Some people are sick, twisted individuals, but there is good in the world too. You proved that today.”
I felt restless. I needed to get out of there, maybe go to a party and find someone to release the tension. The itch was back, like thousands of ants crawling under my skin. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Ryan?” Philip called after me.
“I have to go.” I pulled away from his touch, unable to take the hand resting on my shoulder. He was offering comfort, but it wasn’t the kind I needed. Nor did I need him to psychoanalyze me. Fucking my feelings away worked best.
“Ryan, you need to talk about this. It’s not healthy to bottle it up,” Philip called from behind me.
I rounded on him. “I’m not going to bottle it up. I’m gonna do what I always do. Fuck it all away.”
Philip growled low in his throat. What was that all about? He stalked towards me, his voice deep, dangerous. “You can’t just go fuck random strangers every time you feel vulnerable, Ryan.” Then, out of nowhere his professor voice took over. “It’s not healthy.”
“What do you care?” Glaring at him, not really understanding what the hell was actually going on
. “It’s my way of coping, and it’s been working totally fine up until now.”
“Because it’s not helping you.” He took a step closer, sharing the same breath as me. “You need to talk to someone.”
“Are you volunteering?” I couldn’t help my snark. While I hadn’t ever had a chance to be a real teenager, I was still young enough to pull off some serious fucking attitude. “You gonna be the therapist who helps me get through all my demons?”
“Me?” He reared back. “No, I can’t treat you. You’re, um… a student.” The look on his face said it was more than that, remembering the night before when he held me while I cried. “I have a friend. She deals with childhood trauma and would be happy to help you. In an unofficial capacity, Ryan, you can always talk to me.”
As he took a step closer again, I added a smirk to go along with the teenage snark. “What kind of unofficial capacity are we talking here?”
If I were to guess, I’d say my professor was torn, and really, it was clear why, but the itch was getting worse by the moment and nothing short of a willing participant was going to do. I knew the way I thought about sex was callous, but it was the only way to stop the images that tormented me. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, Professor Marks.”
It was a Saturday night and Greek row was insane. It was the best place to find some company. None of the sports teams had any away games so it was filled to capacity. Drunk co-eds weren’t usually my thing, but desperate times and all that. Even then as I meandered through Alpha house with a bottle of water, it wasn’t all that surprising how little I meshed with the students my own age. The whole carefree college student thing was foreign to me, not seeing the appeal of getting shitfaced even if it did quiet down my brain.
The pulsing music made my head hurt, watching the writhing bodies basically fucking on the dance floor. After an hour looking for someone who interested me, all I could think about was that tension-fueled moment with Philip.
“Ryan?” Giving up and heading to the door, a good-looking guy that I had slept with before Mom died called out. I was pretty sure his name was Dave but I couldn’t be sure.
“Hey, man how’s it going?”
He stepped closer. “You never called me back, Ryan.” The guy didn’t look angry just desperate, which was worse.
“Um, yeah, I have had a lot going on recently. I just came out to blow off some steam.” Wrong choice of words. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was when his eyes lit up.
“I can help you with that,” he whispered, probably in what he thought was a seductive voice. I had a choice to make; either be selfish and take him up on his offer, knowing that nothing would come of it, or let him down easy and go home to my single dorm room by myself.
“Sorry, I don’t do repeats, man. Pretty sure I was clear on that before we fucked.” Okay, so I didn’t exactly let him down easy, but I was annoyed with the day, the night, and the situation I found myself in. Besides, I had been really clear before I’d gone to his apartment with him.
“But, I thought....”
“What did you think? That you’d change me?” I laughed bitterly. “Sorry, trust me, you are better off. Find someone else.”
I walked out of the frat house feeling like shit for crushing the guy, but sometimes you had to be a dick to get the point across.
As I walked the half a mile back to my dorm, I thought about what Philip said. He was right to an extent, but it didn’t stop me from still needing something or someone to take the edge off. Alcohol wasn’t my thing, and as the child of a drug addict I was never even tempted by that method of escape. Even in my darkest moments, the thought was repulsive to me. Sex was the only thing that helped. It gave me the power, control I so desperately needed in my life. Needing to get out of my head and stop psychoanalyzing myself, I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t see the car pull up next to me.
“So, you struck out, huh?” Seemed like my shit day was getting worse.
“Whatever. Wasn’t feelin’ it.” I glared through the window at a smug looking Philip. “Are you following me?”
“Definitely not following you, but can’t say I mind the view.” What the hell?
“What’s your deal?”
“No deal, Ryan. You want a ride?” I nearly shuddered at the innuendo in his words.
“What kind of ride?” I lifted a brow at him; two could play this game. Did he think because he was older I couldn’t keep up?
“A ride home, Ryan.” He repeated my name again sternly, but there was no conviction in his tone.
“Sure.” I opened the door to his sports car and hopped in.
PHILIP
I had to be the stupidest man on the planet. Why didn’t I keep driving when I saw Ryan walking home alone? It was still early, so the odds that he’d already screwed someone were slim, but my relief wouldn’t be satiated until I knew for sure. I couldn’t let this sick obsession with him get in the way of the rest of my life. He was young, and my student. But there was no explaining whatever it was that was driving me.
It was wrong, both morally and ethically. Not to mention, I could lose my job and possibly my license. So, being in a confined space where I could smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne was a monumentally bad idea. What was even worse was when his hand came down on my thigh. I tried really hard not to shudder at his touch. “Ryan, stop.”
“Stop what?” he asked with false innocence. His hand moved higher and I groaned.
“Stop, you really don’t want to do this.”
“Yeah, I definitely do.” His voice was silky smooth as he whispered a little too close to my ear. His hand moved even higher and his fingertips brushed my cock. My grip on the steering wheel tightened until I held it in a white-knuckle grip.
“I know you want me as much as I want you. Why fight it?” Ryan’s seductive voice whispered in my ear just before his tongue darted out and licked the lobe. The car swerved. I hastened a glance after getting control of the car to see his taunting grin.
“Don’t think for a moment that I wouldn’t fuck you senseless if you weren’t a student of mine,” I growled out, putting as much authority in my voice that I could muster. His eyes lit up with the challenge.
“I don’t get fucked, ever. I do the fucking, professor.” Oh, my dear boy. I have so much to teach you, and you have so much to learn. I chuckled out loud, knowing his words clashed with the heat in his eyes.
“Not with me.” I decided against better judgment to play this little game with him. I was playing with fire, but it didn’t stop the words leaving my mouth. “I’d have you so fucking turned on you’d be begging for my cock.”
His hand squeezed me through my jeans. I cursed, growing even harder under his touch. “Looks like I’m the one turning you on at the moment.” He grinned, so full of himself. “What would you do if I pulled your cock out and sucked it right here in the car?”
He was being more aggressive than I thought he would be. A dark laugh escaped my lips. “If you’re gonna do it, make sure you take it all because these jeans are designer and I don’t want to get any cum on them.” I lifted a brow at him.
He started for the button on my jeans as we pulled up in front of the dorms. “We’re here. Goodnight, Ryan.”
“Wait, what?” His head whipped back around to stare out the window. “You’re not going to come in?” The things I could do with the pout on his sweet lips.
“In there? Not a chance. I’m a professor. Everyone will see. Besides, you aren’t ready for me yet.”
After a silent stare down, he reached for the handle of the door, muttered, “Sure, whatever,” then stomped to his dorm, adjusting himself the entire way. How could I have been so stupid?
I berated myself the entire way back to my house. It was so irresponsible to have allowed him to touch me like that. He was a kid. Not even old enough to get into a bar, and I was fantasizing about him. It was sick. I was nearly fifteen years older. This was wrong. Even with t
hat thought, the smell of his cologne hung in the air. Knowing I was already in too deep, I resolved to stay as far away from Ryan as possible.
The weekend meeting the following day was Narcotics Anonymous. I loved running them. It gave me a sense that I was giving back to my community. They were probably my favorite because the stories and accolades that were shared gave others in the program a true sense of hope.
Finishing up the meeting two hours later, I felt the buzz of my phone in my pocket. “Hello, Daniel. I was wondering how long it would be before you called me sniffing around.”
Daniel chuckled. “Can you blame me? That boy is absolutely delicious.” He always was a little more on the feminine side unless working, then he was all business.
“I’m actually surprised you waited this long.”
“I had to find a home for five foster kids.” He sighed, the strain the situation had me closing my eyes, thinking about little Abby.
“How about lunch? I just finished a meeting and the rest of my day is open,” I offered, knowing good and well that he probably needed someone to talk to. Hell, I needed someone to talk to, and I was sure Daniel would understand.
“Sure, lunch sounds great. Meet you at The Bistro in thirty.”
“All right, see you then.” I hung up the phone and went to my car. Maybe talking to Daniel would help me to stop thinking about Ryan. It was worth a shot but I doubted it would help, considering his smell still lingered in my car.
Twenty minutes later, Daniel was already seated in a back booth. He must have asked for somewhere quiet where we wouldn’t be easily overheard. A glass of Pinot sat on the table in front of my place setting, and I smiled at him gratefully. “You remembered, thank you. I have a feeling I’m gonna need this.”
“Next time the waiter comes by, I’ll have him leave the bottle.”
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