by Renee Porter
“Yeah, well…” the waiter came by and put a water glass down in front of El. “Here’s to a miserable, lonely existence.” El lifted her glass and clinked mine.
“Amen, sister.”
“At least you have someone, El.” I couldn’t help but wallow. I had been left, alone, on a lunch date. It wasn’t even a real, evening date. Friends have lunch dates! Gosh.
“Naw. Janet and I are over.” She looked through the menu as she spoke. It was like the most natural thing in the world.
“What? What happened?”
“She was dating someone else. I’m not one to share.” El closed the menu.
“I thought you liked her though.” I took a sip of my own water, curious to the inner musings of Eleanor Bloom.
“I did. She was sweet. Great kisser.” El smiled and the thought of her lips made me blush. “But like I said, if I’m going to date someone it’s going to be only me and no one else.” El shrugged her shoulders and played with the rim of her water glass. “I’m sorry she didn’t show.”
“What is she really doing?” I asked. I wanted to know. I needed to know so I could move on from this ridiculous crush.
“She’s out with Bryce. She’s been at his place since Friday.” She didn’t sugar coat it and I was thankful for it.
“Ouch.” I felt the stab in my heart, but for some reason it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would.
“I really wasn’t lying, she thinks you’re gorgeous. She said that if she were gay she would want you. I just think that maybe she is realizing that playing gay is different than actually going through with it.”
I scoffed. “Summer thinks I’m gorgeous. Now I know you’re just putting it on sweet.” I took another sip of water, hoping the cool water would fight away my tears.
“I’m not. You are.” Another shrug from El. She said it as if it was the most known fact in the world. El thought I was gorgeous? Strong words, Jay.
+
“So, what now?” El stretched her long arms as we exited Joanie’s. For being rejected on my first date, I was thankful that El was there to save the day.
“I think I’m just going to head home, lick my wounds and cry myself to sleep.”
El chuckled and shook her head. “Nah, we’re going to go to the movies.”
“We are?” I asked not so happily.
El nodded her head again at me. “Yes. I’m taking you out on a real date.” I rolled my eyes at her choice of words.
“You’re taking me out on a pity date.”
El stopped and turned to me, tilting her head. She smiled, placed an errant lock of hair behind my ear and shook her head. “Definitely not a pity date. Of course, unless you don’t want to go out on a date with me. Which is okay, if you don’t like me…”
Oh. My. Word. El Bloom was stammering. Is this what happened when she was nervous?
“You’re serious?” My mouth was slightly agape. Like that first night, El lifted my chin and nodded.
“Extremely.” Her eyes darkened a little and I swallowed hard. There was something about the Bloom girls that got my insides churning. But for once in my life I didn’t dampen the feeling.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” El smiled as she led me to her Dad’s borrowed car.
“Okay.”
Chapter 9
Okay.
I had to breathe in deeply as the caterpillars crawled out of their cocoons and emerged in full flight. I think I was about to be kissed. My first real kiss and I couldn’t breathe.
“You should really breathe.”
“This isn’t fair. I already know how to swim.” I felt El’s hand glide up the smooth skin of my back and I sucked in deeper.
“You’re going to pass out if you don’t breathe.” She teased. El knew exactly what she was doing, and my god she was doing it well.
After the movies El invited me over to her house to go swimming. I immediately said ‘yes’ if only to extend our day a little longer. I knew I liked El, but today made me realize just how much. She wasn’t only beautiful, but she was fun to be around. She was hilarious and easy to speak to.
Summer who?
The only catch with swimming was that I had to pretend that I didn’t swim so El can come in and save the day. I thought it was a little childish at first, until I realized it was an excuse for El to get close to me. She was smooth, I would definitely give her credit for that.
“El,” I whimpered for something but I didn’t know exactly what. She kept her arms on my back, keeping me afloat just like I had last summer. She would lean in close to my ear, tell me to breath and I’d exhale only to have to inhale again right away. I found out if I didn’t she would drop her hands, and I didn’t want that to happen again. In that moment I thought, “I love summer.” Because of El, because of what she was doing.
“What?” She chuckled close to my ear and I opened my eyes.
My brain was swimming and I sat up on the couch. There was a blanket over me and I tried to gather my bearings. I was in Summer’s house, or should I say El’s now? I looked around, catching the TV that had rolling credits. I took in a deep breath and then exhaled. It had been a dream. But how much of it?
“You’re up,” El’s voice was raspy as if she had just woken up as well.
“Hey, sorry. How long was I out?”
El came up behind the couch and pulled a few strands of hair out of my eyes. Her fingers lingered on my temples and I held her gaze. “Just a few hours. I think you’ve had a long day.”
I nodded as I placed the day back in my head. After our movies, El had invited me over a swim. But it was just that, there wasn’t as much touching in my dream but there was laughter and fun – just two friends hanging out.
“Want me to take you home?”
I nodded and yawned, stretching my body as high it would go. “Thanks for today.”
I turned to El whose eyes held onto the hem of my shirt. I looked down and noticed it had ridden up with my stretch. The blood in my body immediately reached my head and I pulled down my shirt. El cleared her throat and motioned toward the door.
She was quiet now and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe today was just a pity date. Maybe she really was just a friend who thought I was in need for being hurt. There were too many maybe’s and not enough of actual knowing. Plus, maybe it wasn’t a good idea. I was just crushing on her sister, and now El? So soon? Was I a serial crusher?
“You’re just lonely.” I said to myself.
“What?” El chuckled and I placed a hand over my face in embarrassment.
“Nothing, I’m just…nothing.”
El looked like she wanted to press but she didn’t. Instead she pulled into my driveway and put the car in park. “Tomorrow, we’re going to Madison’s beach house. And then I’m actually heading out back home.”
My head turned so quickly I could’ve gotten whip lash.
“You’re leaving? To Seattle? It’s so early though.”
She gave me a pert smile. “Yeah. Mom found a new place. She’s going to need some help moving so she wants me back early. Such is life.” El shrugged and the sadness hit me. I was going to miss her.
“Will Summer be there tomorrow?” I asked. Not because I wanted to see her, but the opposite. I didn’t want anything left to do with her.
“Uh, yeah. She will.” El shifted uncomfortably in her seat and I started to explain that it wasn’t her I wanted there…but my words died at the tap on my window.
“Hey, honey? Everything okay?” I rolled my eyes as El rolled down the window.
“Hi, Ms. Stevens. Remember me? I’m El.” My mom’s eyes relaxed, and I knew exactly why. She thought that El was safe. Little did she know that woman would probably be the death of me.
I opened the car door and waved to El. “Thanks, I would like to talk, later, okay?” El nodded as she backed out of the driveway. My mom and I watched her drive away until there were no lights left.
“I always liked El, you should hang
out with her more.”
I grabbed my middle with my arms. “Yeah. Shame she is leaving tomorrow.” I hung my head low and entered the house, my mother quickly on my heels.
Scene with Summer and El sees:
I didn’t bother with knocking this time as I opened the door to Madison’s beach house. My mom was sweet enough to let me take her car. Once I told her it was the last time I’d see El, she was more than happy to let me drive. She still didn’t really get it, but I figured I had more than enough time to tell her what was going on with me after El left.
I straightened my back as I walked through the empty house. It was déjà vu as I passed the living room. For a moment I stood, remembering my first meeting with El. Even then she was helping me get comfortable with myself. How did I not know it then?
“Finally, you’re here. They’re out back, El brought a guitar.”
Langston smiled as he grabbed my elbow and ushered me outside. I wanted to give myself time to adjust but again, it was as if the band aid had been ripped off of a gushing wound.
My eyes fell immediately to Summer, sipping a flask and on the lap of Bryce who was banging his forehead along with the beat of the guitar. Bryce’s fingers danced across Summer’s exposed skin. She took another swig as my eyes moved to El. El held my gaze and then looked toward Summer and then back to me, all while still strumming.
“See? She’s awesome, right?” I smiled and nodded and I knew tonight’s motif would be all about El. Every now and then the boys would give it a rest for a night or two, talk about different girls but then they would always come back to El. I think they liked her even more now that they knew she liked girls.
I couldn’t really blame them.
“How about some Sweet Home Alabama?” El complied, and the night filled with the strumming of the old country rock classic. I wasn’t surprised to see everyone sing along. I took a seat behind Langston, just out of the circle so I could observe. For some reason, tonight, I didn’t feel like I belonged. Maybe it was because Justin and Madison had already gotten a room. Maybe it was because Summer was with Bryce. Or maybe it was because El was giving Langston googly eyes.
I didn’t want to think that was true so I stopped trying to analyze everything. I mean, when she sang she smiled at everyone, even me. That one time.
Did something happen last night that I wasn’t aware of?
After a few more songs, El put the guitar down and decided to head off to the restroom. I took the time to try and figure out why I was feeling so empty. Maybe a drink would help? I shook my head at the thought. I had my mom’s car. I couldn’t drive, even with one drink in my system.
I left the group to their own devices as I scoured the fridge for something other than water. A coke sounded nice, a little caffeine to jolt me awake. Because it sure did feel like I was sleeping.
I found carbonated water way in the back and I settled that this would be the best choice. I took a moment in front of the sink, eyeing the group out in middle of the backyard, far enough away to not really hear them but close enough to see they were having a good time.
“Hey, Jay?” I turned at my name, and I cursed myself for not even realizing that Summer had left Bryce’s lap. I didn’t want to deal with her right now and I considered taking the bottle and running.
“Hey, Summer.” I tried to smile but it fell short.
“You know, I’m sorry. El told me that I was a shit for yesterday, and I couldn’t really understand why. But I get it now, you know?”
I didn’t know but I nodded anyway. This time next month Summer would be gone, and the metaphor wasn’t lost on me.
Summer walked closer and swayed a bit. I held my hand out afraid she was going to fall and she grasped it like a life line. “I really do think your pretty.” She was drunk. I knew this. Summer wouldn’t be so forward with me if she wasn’t. Because she was dating Bryce. She couldn’t even go out on a lunch date with me, and now, now she was flirting with me?
“Summer, I think you should sit…”
And that’s when Summer kissed me.
I was surprised, and my heart stammered for a second, probably not even that long. But as many times as I dreamed of this moment it all felt wrong. The smell of vodka was heavy on her breath, her hair smelled like plastic and I realized I didn’t want to be kissing Summer at all. I pushed her away and she smiled lazily, popping her lips and going in for another one. I moved my head to the side as I caught a glimpse of someone walking passed the kitchen. El grabbed my gaze and the disappointment I felt coming from her stare was more than any hurt I had ever felt in my life.
What had I done?
Summer tried to kiss me again and moved away from her, taking my drink outside and trying to call after El. She didn’t turn though and just grabbed her guitar.
“Hey guys, I’m out. See ya’ll later.” She tried to say it nonchalantly but she was buzzing with frustration and a heightened energy.
“Aww, sis, you can’t leave now. Please? We’re gonna play truth or dare.” Summer stumbled and found her way back on Bryce’s lap like she wasn’t just trying to make out with me in the kitchen. She looked concerned, and then angry and then she sat hard on her seat. I knew that look, El wouldn’t leave her sister alone, with a group full of drunk teenagers.
“Fine, I’ll stay, but only for a little bit longer, okay?” Summer nodded and took another swig of her flask. El rolled her eyes, took the flask from her and replaced it with her own water bottle.
Summer didn’t seem to complain.
I stayed back in my seat, trying to catch El’s eyes but still not getting through to her. I wanted to talk I wanted a second to explain. The kiss meant nothing, I didn’t want Summer.
I wanted her.
++
The night had finally grown quiet. The alcohol had all been drunk. Summer was now more coherent and the boys were less rowdy. One too many dares had Bryce wearing Summer’s bra on his head, Langston in his underwear and Justin finally making an appearance earlier that night, sitting on Madison’s lap. They all lacked originality.
“Okay, El…” El rolled her eyes. She had declared many times that she wasn’t playing, just like me, but that didn’t stop the boys from trying. “Truth or Dare.”
“I’m not playing Bryce.” El shifted in her seat uncomfortably.
“Come on, just one. Then you can leave. Promise.” Bryce crossed his heart and El relented.
“Fine. Dare.”
I knew she’d pick dare.
“I dare you to kiss the most attractive person here.” Bryce looked smug and the boys all grew silent. Who would she choose? And whoever it was would have bragging rights for the rest of their friendship.
“So, I kiss someone and then I can leave?” El looked frustrated and I couldn’t blame her. After everything that happened tonight – I couldn’t blame her at all.
“Yeah, promise.”
El stood and walked directly up to Langston. He straightened in his chair but she passed him walked directly up to me and pressed her lips against mine. She smelled like sugar cookies and tasted like sweet lemonade. But as soon as the kiss came it was over. El turned to the group and waved. They all stared in utter shock.
“See ya, Jayce.” I wanted to follow El out. I wanted to kiss her again but I couldn’t. Instead I stared out into flickering flames, wondering why I was still there. Without saying goodbye I stood up and left.
There was nothing left for me here.
Chapter 10
“Congratulations to the Class of 2017!” The roar of the crowd and students was deafening. I laughed as pretended to throw my hat up, but not letting go completely. I didn’t want to lose it, I wanted to keep this memory forever.
“Holy crap! We did it! UCSB here we come!” Mandy grabbed my shoulder and jumped with me as we celebrated with our fellow peers.
I looked around the football stadium and couldn’t believe it was finally over. I was no longer a high school student. I was a bonafide college freshme
n.
“How did we get here?” I yelled over the roar of the crowd and Mandy shrugged her shoulders laughing.
After a few goodbyes and too many people to get through, I finally made it to my family. My mom, of course, had tears in her eyes and dad held out a bouquet of roses and daisies from our garden. I fixed my hat as I saw Justin standing tall behind them, along with Aunt and Uncle.
“You came!” I grabbed Justin into a hug and he ‘humphed’ in surprise.
“Dang girl, easy. You’re all grown up now.” His tease landed on me hard and I started to tear up myself. Dammit, I hated sentimental moments.
“Okay, stop or I’ll cry too. Just, hug them and let’s get out of here before all the new freshman ask me out.”
I rolled my eyes as I hugged the rest of my family. We made our way to our celebratory dinner at Limon, the Peruvian restaurant just outside of town. We knew it would be packed but we didn’t mind. Nothing could touch my heightened mood tonight.
“So, what do you have planned for the summer?” I looked down at my watch, counting the time left to be seated.
“Same old. Working the summer at Now or Never, then heading out to UCSB where I’ll be officially in college!” I shook Justin’s shoulders in excitement and he chuckled.
“Samesies,” he teased at me.
“You’re staying the summer? What about your internship at The Gym?” Justin shrugged his shoulders. Justin had finally agreed to a kinesiology degree in hopes of opening his own gym after graduation. His arms had already grown twice to what they were a year ago. In fact he looked good, never better.
“Nah. I just don’t think it’s for me.”
“Oh. My. God. Madison is back this summer too, isn’t she?”
Justin rolled his eyes at me but I knew he was lying.
“I thought you two broke up.” I was whining. It was true. I hated Madison and was thrilled when Justin had messaged me saying they were no longer together. And then not so thrilled when he texted me saying they were back on and then back off and then…you get the idea.