Summer Daze

by Renee Porter

  “El? Who is waiting for you back home?” In this moment. In this perfect moment, my fantasy El would say ‘you. You’re waiting for me back home.’” And I would tell her I was and we would work whatever we needed to work on in order to be together.

  But real life El didn’t answer right away.

  “How long have you been together?” I asked. Her face showed instant regret. Regret of being here with me. With what we did. El was loyal to a fault and that regret meant she had just cheated on someone who she deeply cared about.

  “Two years.” She said. She looked like she was going to be sick and she sat up quickly. I sat up as well, just to comfort her. “I fucked up, Jayce.” She looked at me with sorrow in her eyes. Again I wondered if she was referring to more than just this situation, but I didn’t press on the issue any more than I had to.

  “Are you going to tell, him?” I guess on the pronoun. The last time I had spoken to El about her love life she had just started dating her manager. I was guessing that the relationship had actually stuck.

  “I don’t know. I just…” El shook her head and stood. She grabbed her clothes and ran to the bathroom closing the door. I could tell she needed time.

  I looked around the small hotel room as I waited. Hopeful that El would return and that we could talk but also knowing there was a good chance that she would need a little more time than I should be willing to give.

  I picked up the frame next to the bed. She must have traveled with it. A simple picture of her and Summer, the same one that had been assigned as her profile picture when she had friended me that summer. How did I not see that this beautiful, innocent girl would end up turning my world upside down?

  I placed the frame down and heard a phone go off. I searched for my own but realized it was El’s. I called out to her but she didn’t respond. Figuring it was her alarm, I grabbed it and pushed the side button to quiet the noise. And that’s when I saw El’s background picture.

  It was of her pointing to a ring on her finger, looking happy standing next to her fiancé.

  Her fiancé.

  I sighed as I struggled the tears back. What had I done? I stood and dressed quickly, making sure I left nothing behind. I looked at the closed door one more time, hesitated, but thought better of it and left.

  It still hurt. But this time, I knew my heart would never be fully healed again.

  Chapter 17

  Summers came and went. As did a few falls, springs and winters. Like a scene cut from a movie, looking back I could see the leaves start to turn, then lazily fall to the ground. The rain wet the side streets and then the flowers grew and the sun brightened the sky; only to have it happen all over again.

  I only saw El when I least expected it. Maybe it would be on a trip downtown, where the billboards were larger than life, or in the supermarket tabloids showing just how in love she was with her husband. And then how much out of love they were with one another. And how he had cheated prior to them being married.

  But she had too, hadn’t she?

  “How many people does this damn city have? It’s Saturday and we’ve only gone a mile in ten minutes.” Marshall barked from the driver seat as I played with the radio.

  “You still haven’t gotten used So Cal? You’ve been here for three years Marshall. You should know it doesn’t matter the time or day, you’re going to be in traffic.”

  “Yeah, I get it. It still isn’t something you should get used to.” Another honk of the horn got us a whole three inches closes to where we were headed. “It’s like everyone is headed to the beach right now. No, no, go back. You’ve passed the best song!”

  I bit my tongue as I continued to press the buttons. Marshall slapped my hand away and put it on one of the most popular radio stations in the Valley.

  “I don’t know how you don’t like them. You’re the only one on the planet that would pass up sold out tickets to see them.”

  I rolled my eyes as I tried to let El’s voice pass in one ear and out the other. Their newest single was a hit way before it even made it to the radio waves. How was it possible for one group to become so large so fast?

  I told myself it was the marketing – they made Solithane look wholesome and good and at the same time also hard and eccentric. The group catered to everyone, straight, gay, bi, men, women, it didn’t matter how you labeled yourself – Solithane was music for every generation.

  “I like them. It’s just that they are overplayed.” I tried to change the station and my hand was slapped yet again.

  “Not overplayed. They can never be overplayed.” Marshall clucked his tongue at me and I forced myself not to roll my eyes. Marshall was the closest thing to a best friend that I had in while. Coming from small town Georgia, Marshall came to California hoping that the state would accept him more than the southern Bible belt state would.

  Marshall stumbled into my shop asking if we were hiring. With no resume, ripped jeans and a tank, I turned him away only to have him compliment a customer who was getting on my last nerve. He didn’t need to do that, he wasn’t concerned with getting the job, it was just his nature to make people feel good about themselves. I didn’t even allow him to exit the shop before asking when he could start. Since then, Marshall has been the closest thing to a friend that I’ve had since…

  I bit my lip allowing the train of thought to end there. I knew I had to live with El all around me.

  It was possible that she didn’t even remember me. I mean, it had been long ago – a whole lifetime away. Maybe that life only existed in my own mind. Sometimes I thought I dredged it up myself.

  It only took another forty five minutes before the Pacific Ocean made its first appearance. The car thermometer would drop a few degrees every mile closer, and I knew it wouldn’t be long until the L.A. buildings would give way to an infinite expanse of blue.

  Marshall exhaled loudly as his own baby blues met the ocean. It was such a serene sight to see. The white caps lazily curling over the beige sand. The sun glistening down and sparkling back off the water. Way in the distance, small triangles of white sailed back and forth – what I wouldn’t give to be there instead of in this car. Feeling the wind in my face, the warmth of the sun on my skin.

  “I’m so happy you decided to ditch today with me.” Marshall said as he pulled into a parking spot. Sand crunched under the tires and and scoffed.

  “It’s not ditching when you’re the boss.”

  Marshall chuckled with me as we gathered our beach gear out of his beat up Pontiac. The sand was warm underneath our feet. It was a summer day in Huntington, and the beach was lined with umbrellas and coolers, allowing the patrons to shield themselves from the rays and cool themselves with whatever drinks they chose.

  We found a spot where it wasn’t too crowded and finally sat down, digging all twenty of our toes in the sand, feeling the warmth go cool with every inch.

  “Nothing beats this.” Marshall smiled up as he removed his shirt.

  If I wasn’t gay, I think that I would be attracted to Marshall. His dark skin glistened with perfection as his muscles flexed. He was around my age, only twenty six, but with what he has been through was as wise as an eighty year old. His bronze eyes smiled at me as he placed the sunglasses over them. “If I didn’t know you any better, I think you were crushing.” His bright smile lit up the day even more and I chuckled with his sincerity.

  “You know you’re gorgeous. Even I can say that.”

  “Tell that to my ex-boyfriend. I should have known when he told me he was bi. He was just a straight guy going through a phase.” Marshall never really spoke about his ex, but I knew he was cheated on and I knew it was with a woman.

  “I don’t think that you really mean that.” I was being honest, because if anything, Marshall was not the type of person to judge anyone on what they believed or felt.

  He sighed loudly and sat up on his elbows. Looking at me, he winced. “I know. I just still feel hurt. I try not to think about him but everything remin
ds me of him. Songs, television shows - hell, even driving out here I saw ten cars that looked like his. Which means I thought about him at least ten times today.” Marshall sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck with an embarrassed smirk.

  “Eleven.” I pointed at him as I took a sip of my water.

  “Yeah, eleven.” He stared out across the water and I offered him my bottle.

  “You loved him. It’s not easy letting someone like that go.”

  “It’s been two years, Jay.”

  Jay. Just the nickname reminded me of her. If only Marshall knew just how alike we were. Maybe his ex-boyfriend was a celebrity who left him to be rich and famous. We would basically be twins.

  “You will probably miss him for the rest of your life.” I bit my lip as I saw a surfer tumble down off his board under the surf.

  “That’s not what I really want to hear,” he said as his back hit his towel again.

  “It may not be what you want, but it is what you need.” He made a noise somewhere between a scoff and a groan. “Seriously. You could love someone so deeply, but it will never work out. I mean, if he came running up to you at this moment and said he loves you, and wasn’t sure who he was yet but still wants to be with you, what would you do?”

  “Honestly?”

  I nodded my head, my own fantasy playing behind my sunglasses. I could see El running to me, her wavy hair blowing in the breeze. Her bright smile rivaling the sun. I could feel my heart beating as if she was really there.

  “I would grab his hand, go to the bathroom and have my way with him.”

  I held back a chuckle because I could feel he was telling the truth.

  “But you can’t blame me,” he said. “I mean, can you imagine being so desperately in love with someone who said they loved you back? And then being with them when they were supposed to be with someone else?”

  I swallowed deeply. I knew exactly how he felt. But he didn’t know that.

  I shook my head and offered him a sincere smile.

  “You’re going to find someone to make you feel that way again.”

  “I don’t think I will.”

  “Come on, you’re being too hard on yourself. You have to find someone who will make you feel that way again.” Because if you don’t, there is definitely no hope for me.

  Again, Marshall scoffed, officially switching the topic. “What about you and Mariska? You haven’t said anything about her since the ‘third date fiasco’.” I internally winced at the mention of my horrible third date with the beautiful Russian accountant. Mariska was extremely smart but not very adept at catching onto sarcasm.

  “Yeah. She hasn’t called since I asked her if the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of hers.” I rolled my eyes as Marshall tried to muffle his laugh. “What? It’s not my fault that she would constantly interrupt me. I don’t think I ever finished a thought!”

  “You’re just so picky…”

  I pointed to my fingers as I started to rattle off how she wasn’t the right choice in a partner for me.

  “So, what does the perfect woman for Jayce look like?”

  And then, as if the world was trying to troll me, the group of young teenagers next to us turned on their Bluetooth stereo with a very familiar song playing. I was certainly in hell.

  “Well, at least we know what type of girl you aren’t interested in.” Marshall tried to jibe about a certain singer playing over the stereo right now. He bobbed his toes with the beat as I considered how far I could throw the speaker in the ocean.

  After a few hours, the sun grew too hot, and Marshall and I made our way back to the valley. I had asked Marshall if we could stop by the shop first, just to make sure my temporary store manager hadn’t accidentally burned the place down.

  I wasn’t surprised when I entered the store and there was no one in sight. I sighed, not knowing how I was going to get through the next month.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t have a good business model, or that the clothes and accessories I sold weren’t in fashion. On the contrary, I was constantly doing research to find out what the current trends were. No, my problem wasn’t what I was selling, it was where I was selling.

  When I had first opened Badlands, I was the hit of the valley. I was struggling to keep clothes in stock, as every teenager in a 20 mile radius made it a point to make my store the next trendy hangout spot. Snuggled in between a Starbucks and a tanning salon (which let’s face it, really isn’t that necessary living in southern California) I was the trendiest little boutique this side of the mall.

  That was until Quarters decided to open up in the same damn shopping center that I was located. Overnight my little boutique ended up looking like a ghost town. I couldn’t compete with Quarters. It was triple the size, with more clothes, shoes and accessories, and to top it off they had a 25% sale on random items every day.

  If I marked my stuff off 25% I would be paying people to buy my things. Which at this point, sounded a lot better to me than looking at my empty store.

  “Mom? Are you back here?” I turned the corner to the back office to see my mother cleaning, in nothing but her bra and jeans. “Mom! Dear heavenly father, why aren’t you clothed?!” I rubbed my eyes as I heard my mother chuckle. I also heard Marshall asking where we were and turned to try to stop what was about to happen. At the high pitched feminine scream, which didn’t come from my mother, I knew I was too late blocking Marshall from what he has just seen.

  “Oh please, I used to feed you with these.”

  I died.

  “Mom, please, put something on!” I removed a blouse from a box of overstock and handed to my mother, trying not to make eye contact. My mother kept up with her physical appearance, but it just wasn’t something I wanted to see.

  “I’m sorry, I just spilled coffee all over my shirt and came back here to find a replacement. But it was so dirty! I thought I raised you better than to allow the dust bunnies…” my mother placed the shirt I had given her down and started to pick up the broom.

  “Mom, please. Put a shirt on. I’ll sweep.” I turned toward Marshall who was covering his eyes with his hands. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “And now we know you truly are gay.” I patted his shoulder as he smiled.

  “You’re safe dear, I’m covered now.” I heard my mother say. Marshall peaked first and then let out a deep exhale.

  “It’s not that I’m not looking cause I’m gay. It’s your mama. And I’m very respectful.” Marshall gave my mom a cheesy grin and she too patted his shoulder.

  “No dear. You’re very homosexual.”

  Changing the subject I turned to my mother. “How did today go? Any big sales?”

  I followed my mother and Marshall out of the office and into the main store. She opened the cash register and held out a few twenties.

  “We had a lot of window shoppers but the only sales came from your Auntie.” My mother gave me a sympathetic look and I sighed.

  “I hope you gave her the family discount at least.”

  My mother scoffed. “Honey, I doubled the price listed.” My mother gave me sinister grin.

  “Mom…” I drew out and looked at the pristine store. I remembered when I first opened I couldn’t keep up with keeping the store clean. Now, I wish I would see shirts and accessories placed in the wrong places and not folded. At least it would mean that I was getting some traffic through.

  “It’s okay. We’re going to figure this out. Maybe a huge sale!” Marshall said.

  I let out a deep breath. “Yes, I can see it now.” I raised my hands in front of me in a grandiose fashion. “Going out of business. Everything must go!” I let down my hands heavily as both my mother and Marshall held my shoulders.

  “You’re too hard on yourself. People are going to realize that Quarters doesn’t sell anything but cheap knock offs. When that happens, you’ll be back on the map!”

  “No. Unfortunately, the only way I’m not going to go out of business is if Jesus himself promotes my store.�
� I placed the cash in a bank envelope and then placed it in the back office. Coming back out, I turned off the lights and opened the door. My mother and Marshall ushered out as I turned the lock from the outside. Jiggling my keys, I realized that I probably wouldn’t be closing my boutique this time in a few months…because I wouldn’t have it anymore.

  “You know, that’s not a bad idea.” My mother said as Marshall and I walked to her car with her. It was late evening but the summer nights still glowed a warm blue.

  “What? Do you think Jesus would really do that for me?” I rolled my eyes. My mother knew I wasn’t very religious. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  “No, not Him but maybe a celebrity of some sort? Someone very well known?” I could see the glint in my mother’s eyes as my heart rate increased. She wouldn’t dare bring that up, would she?

  I heard Marshall clear his throat. “I know someone, who would help if I asked.” Marshall looked slightly uncomfortable but I was still in denial. I didn’t need anyone’s help. I shook my head.

  “No, it’s not going to happen.” I made it a point to say it directly to my mother. There was no way I would ask El for a favor. Not after all these years of not speaking to her.

  My mother sighed and relented. “If only you were close with someone famous, that’s all I’m saying.” Okay, maybe relented was too strong of a word.

  I hugged Marshall goodnight as I told him I was going to drive with my mother home. It was late, and although Mom was independent, I still didn’t like her driving alone at night.

  “Would it really be that bad of an idea?” She asked as I turned the engine of her PT cruiser. It sputtered for a few moments, and then finally came to life.

  “You should consider getting a new car.”

  “You should consider calling El and asking…”

  “Mom. Enough, please.” I pleaded with everything in me. “I’m not going to do that. It doesn’t feel right.”

  “I’m sorry. I thought you would do anything to save your business.”

  Ugh, I hated when mom got sassy.