by Dana Corbit
He set the bottle on the ground and then stared down at his hands, watching the liquid drip off his fingers. “Well…that happened.”
She looked up from where she’d been removing her hiking boots and socks and shook her head. “I think risks are overrated.”
“Probably.”
He started back for the motorcycle and pulled one last item from the saddlebag: a flat container of wet wipes. “These come in handy sometimes.”
Caroline hurried over to help him clean up the mess, and soon they were seated back on the blanket, munching on peanut butter sandwiches and drinking what was left of the sodas. When they were finished, Logan stretched out his legs and rested back on his elbows.
Sitting barefoot and chewing on a blade of grass, Caroline looked more like a back-to-nature gal than a high-powered executive, even one on a hiatus. As she stared out at the same incredible backdrop where he’d often contemplated his life, he couldn’t help but wonder if she saw the same things he’d seen, if she’d felt as small and insignificant as he’d felt.
“So you come here to hang out alone for your dates?” she asked finally.
“Mostly I come here to pray. There’s just something about being out here surrounded by God’s creations.”
“It’s like your church, right? Like in the Old Testament how Joseph felt close to God when he was out in the field with his flock of sheep.”
“I guess it’s the same, except that nobody’s going to give me a coat of many colors.” Though he’d been staring out over the drop-off as he removed his riding boots, Logan turned back to her. “I really do feel closer to God here than I do anywhere else.”
“You, Logan Warren, never fail to surprise me.”
“Why this time? Because I come out here to pray?”
“No. Because you find the time to come here for private meditation, and you go to church every Sunday. Before I came back to Markston, I couldn’t tell you the last time I went to church.” She tapped her head. “Oh. I remember. Christmas Eve. Back in Markston.”
“You couldn’t help it. You worked on Sundays, right?”
“I could have found the time to attend services if I’d really wanted to.”
“So maybe God used Mom’s stroke to speak to both of us in some way.”
She seemed to consider what he’d said before she finally nodded. “Wait. What was He trying to show you?”
“He probably wanted me to honor my mother a little more and stop aggravating her by being late to church.” At her frown over his joke, he added, “Okay, I think God wanted me to get my priorities straight.”
“That makes two of us.”
“So how has it been getting back into the church habit since you’ve been in Markston?”
“It’s okay, if you enjoy believing that every one of Reverend Boggs’s sermons was written expressly for you.”
“I always thought the good reverend wrote all of his messages for me as if I had a target on my head.”
They shared a laugh, and then both quieted as they continued to stare into the open space. Logan didn’t even mind the lull in the conversation. It felt so good just being there with Caroline, spending time with her in this special space. He hadn’t expected her to understand why this place was so important to him, but she had. He wasn’t used to anyone getting him that way. He wasn’t used to wanting someone to know him, either, but for the first time he really wanted that. In a strange way, it seemed as if she already did know him.
Logan was falling in love with Caroline Scott. Though the realization struck him like a blow to the gut, he realized now that the possibility of it had played just outside the reach of his thoughts for days. He didn’t know when she’d become more than a friend to him, when caring about her had taken the leap to not being able to imagine life without her, but he couldn’t deny the changes.
Even knowing it, though, Logan wasn’t sure what he should do about it. He sensed that Caroline had feelings for him, too, but was she ready to admit it? Would she ever be when she could continue to use stories about their shared history and their age difference to distance them? It wasn’t wise to risk his heart this way. He was a heartbreak waiting to happen.
He couldn’t help himself, though, not with the possibility of a future with Caroline within his reach. Despite the risk, despite the possible pain, despite everything, he would go beyond standing on the cliff’s edge and letting the possibility take him. No, this situation called for a determined leap, and he was ready to take it.
Chapter Twelve
“I’m ready to tell you now.”
Caroline had blurted the words before she had the chance to rethink them, but the surprised look on Logan’s face made her wonder about her timing. She’d been so nervous about coming here today, wondering if it had been a mistake going on her first date in years with a man who specialized in only first dates.
But she’d felt so comfortable with him that she’d thought it might be the best time to share her story. Maybe there would never be a good time.
“Wait,” she said. “Were you about to say something? We can talk about this later.”
“Oooh, no,” he said, his expression transforming to a grin. “I’ve waited this long to hear your story. I’m not going to let you back out of it now.”
He turned to face her and folded his legs into an uncomfortable-looking crisscross position. “Okay. Spill.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
But it wasn’t, even if she really did want to tell him. Even if he was the first person she’d ever wanted to tell. With effort, she straightened her shoulders and forced herself to turn and face him. She folded her legs like his.
“It was the biggest failure of my life.” She paused, lifting and lowering her shoulders. “Okay, until I got the pink slip.”
“Which is a whole other subject, so…”
“Did I ever tell you that you’re a pushy person?”
“Hmm.” He leaned his elbow on his leg and rested his chin on his fist in a contemplative pose. “I don’t think so, but have I ever told you that you’re stalling?”
Caroline crossed her arms but then shook them out again and planted her palms on her thighs. “I was nineteen. His name was Kevin. We were both business majors, both driven and ambitious, with these king-sized dreams and goals that we shared in common.”
“Sounds romantic. Like a match made…on Wall Street.” He chuckled.
“Do you want to hear this or not?”
Instead of answering, he moved his hand in a circular motion to signal for her to continue.
“It was one of those whirlwind romances. Not like me at all. He proposed, and I accepted.” She shook her head at the memory, hating any reminder that she could have been so naive. “Then before I’d even figured out how to tell my parents, it was over.”
An unreadable expression covered Logan’s face, and he looked away for a few seconds before finally turning back. “What happened?”
“A couple of things, really. First, he told me that after we were married, he didn’t want me to work.”
“For you, that must have been like asking you not to breathe.”
Caroline’s gaze connected with his and held. He wasn’t laughing at her as she’d first suspected. He just knew her. She wondered now if he was the only person who ever had.
“Yeah,” she said, lowering her gaze to the blanket.
“As if that wasn’t enough, you said there were a couple of things. What else happened?”
“After I said I couldn’t believe he would ask me to give up my dreams for his, Kevin said we never would have worked out, anyway. Then he told me about his other girlfriend. I kind of objected to her, too.”
“What a complete idiot! How could he ever even think about—” Logan stopped himself and looked up at her sheepishly. “Sorry. Go on.”
Caroline couldn’t help grinning at him. “I felt the same way, only I realized I was the idiot for taking a chance like that. Anyway, thanks for being
on my side.”
“Always.”
When she glanced up at him, his gaze was warmer even than the sun on her face. Strange, but she didn’t think he was talking about the show of support he’d just given her, and stranger than that, she was glad.
“So, that’s it?” he asked her. “I thought this story was going to be really ugly.”
“Yes, that’s it. Don’t you think that’s bad enough?”
Instead of making another joke, Logan nodded. “It was bad enough to keep you from ever dating after that.”
“I told you that it was more about me being career-focused and—” She stopped when his expression told her he didn’t believe her. The words didn’t even ring true in her ears anymore.
He watched her for several long seconds. “Were there no signs that you weren’t the only woman in his life?”
“In retrospect, sure. Calls from his ‘study partner.’ Nights when he was supposed to be at his off-campus job, but he never had any money.” She reached off the blanket and started plucking handfuls of grass, letting it fall back to the earth.
“It’s much easier to analyze our lives in the rearview mirror than to see any of it with the headlights,” Logan said with a shrug.
“Why, Logan Warren, that’s awfully profound.”
“I’ve had a lot of time for profound thoughts on afternoons up here at the lookout.”
“So, what other profound thoughts have you had here in this place that belongs on a postcard?”
“Just one more.”
“Then it has to be a good one. What is it?”
“You’re not living if you’re not taking any chances.”
“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Is that thought specifically for me or a general worldview?”
She would need to tell him soon that she was taking a chance this coming week in Chicago when she interviewed for that new position, but somehow now didn’t seem like the time to tell him. She’d been reluctant to tell him all week.
“If the shoe fits.” He must have expected her to argue because he held up his hand before she had the chance. “It fits me, too, Caroline.”
“What do you mean it fits you?”
He’d been serious when he’d said it, but suddenly he grinned. “I don’t know whether I can take the risk of going for a hike with a novice outdoorswoman like you.”
“Is that a challenge? You know I can’t turn down a challenge.” She glanced over at the pair of old hiking boots of Haley’s that she’d worn with her shorts and T-shirt today. “I have my boots so I’m equipped for a hike. At least a short one.”
“Then it’s a challenge.” He wore a pained expression as he unfolded his legs and reached for his boots.
Caroline recognized a dodged question when she heard one, but his hedge let her off the hook as well, so she didn’t push the subject. She slipped back on her socks and boots and started lacing up the shoestrings. “You’re sure you can handle hiking with me?”
“My riding boots will make it rough, but remember, we’re in my territory now.”
Finished with his boots first, Logan reached out his right hand to her left and helped her to her feet. But when she was standing next to him, he didn’t release her. Instead he shifted his hand, and suddenly their fingers were laced together.
For a few seconds, Caroline could only stare down at their hands, marveling at how right it felt for them to be holding hands, how safe she felt just being near him. Still, it took all the courage she could muster to look up at him.
“Nice trick.” Her titter gave away her nervousness, but she couldn’t help it. She’d never been an expert at dating, and now she was out of practice, too.
“If you say something about my skills as Logan-the-lady-killer, this hike is going to move from beginning to advanced level in a heartbeat.” He took a step forward and tugged so that she came with him.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Good.” He glanced sidelong at her and then down at their hands. “This is okay, then?”
She nodded instead of answering because it not only was more than okay, it was also as close to perfect as anything she’d ever experienced and she couldn’t say anything without sounding downright giddy.
He led her across the parking lot to a paved hiking trail. “Because none of this is easy.”
“What isn’t easy? The trail?” She waited, but he didn’t answer as they continued farther down the trail.
“With you,” he said finally.
“Me?” The squeak in her voice humiliated her. At least he couldn’t hear the way her pulse pounded in her ears.
“I’ve been on hundreds of dates, but it’s different with you.” He shrugged. “Like it’s the first time I’ve done this or something.”
“Oh.” Her thoughts raced with questions she couldn’t ask. Did it feel different to him because it was the first time he’d gone on a date with a Scott sister? Or was it something more than that? Did she want it to be more than that when time was ticking down for her return to Chicago? When the opportunities she had long been waiting for had finally been lining up for her? More surprising than any of the other questions, would she be crushed if there weren’t something significant between them?
But Logan gave no hints as they passed trees and brush, his gaze pausing on two chipmunks chasing each other across the path.
“Are you really going to leave me hanging after saying something like that?”
He didn’t look at her, but the side of his mouth lifted. “That isn’t fair, is it?”
“No. It’s not, and I think you should—”
“I never take chances,” he blurted to interrupt her. “That’s what I meant about the situation fitting me, too. I was always more willing to go on one hundred first dates than to risk the possibility of a second one.”
“Are you serious?” Caroline stopped quickly and yanked on his hand so Logan stopped with her. He released her hand, and immediately her skin felt cold from the loss of his touch. But she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. After all the things she’d told herself to set them apart, was it possible that in relationships at least they shared something as elemental as fear in common? “But you’re an expert at this dating business.”
“Yes, I am. That’s the point.” His frustration was palpable as he tilted his head toward the sky, his jaw tight. Finally, he looked back at her. “Look. You know about my dad. You know what he did to the people he was supposed to love.”
All of a sudden, everything made sense to her. “This is all about your dad, isn’t it? You’re not worried about getting hurt. You’re more afraid that you’ll be like your father. That you’ll hurt someone else.”
“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “But what if it’s true? What if I am my father’s son?”
“That’s crazy. How could you think that?” She’d always hated what Elliot Warren had done to his sons when he’d deserted them but never more than right now. “The others were wrong to think that as the oldest, Matthew was hurt the most by your father’s desertion. If you believe you could be anything like your dad, then I think he hurt you even more. You’re nothing like him.”
“How can you know that for sure?”
Caroline smiled back at him. “There are probably dozens of ways, but here’s just one. If you were like him, you wouldn’t care whether or not you hurt someone. You wouldn’t have any reason to avoid relationships because other people’s feelings wouldn’t matter to you.”
“Maybe you just don’t know me well enough. I could be like that.”
“If you believe that, why are you telling me now instead of last night when you insisted that I go out with you? Are you worried that I won’t know that I’m just one in your series of first dates? Don’t worry. I’m a smart woman. I get it.” She held her hands wide to emphasize her point.
Logan shocked her by reaching out to take both of her hands and pull them together. Caroline swallowed, searching for answers in his serious face.
Caroline drew in a ragged breath, her pulse pounding like it did after her cycling classes. Had he just said some of the things to her that she daydreamed he would? She knew she should say or do something, but she felt frozen in place.
He must have either recognized her predicament or he was on a roll, because he didn’t wait for her to answer. “This is the first time I’ve ever wanted more than one date with a woman. It’s all brand-new, and I’m scared to death.” Logan paused, squeezing her hands. “I couldn’t bear it if I hurt you.”
“But you would never do that.” She stared at the ground as she spoke, but once she began, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “Don’t you see? You’re kind and compassionate and self-sacrificing. Just look at the way you returned to Markston after college, just to be near your mother.”
“That’s no great feat. I love Markston. I can’t ever picture myself living anywhere else.”
Caroline shook her head. She wasn’t going to let him get away with putting himself down this time, with failing to see himself the way she saw him.
“You didn’t hesitate to put your life on hold for your mom after her stroke. And look at how hard you’ve worked to get past those protective walls I’d built around myself. You would never hurt me because you’re…you.”
Caroline looked up then, shocked by the flow of words that had been like a dam break. These weren’t the words that someone whose presence was temporary at best should have been saying, but she couldn’t stop herself from speaking the truth.
Logan stared back at her, his eyes wide, his mouth slack. She couldn’t blame him. She’d all but said she loved him on their first date. Did she love him? Could all of these feelings of angst and intensity and surprise mean that she’d fallen in love with Logan Warren? How could she know for sure?