by J. Lynn
“As many times as I dreamed of this,” I said as he lowered me to the bed, so I was lying down the middle. “I don’t want to wait any longer.”
“Neither do I.” He grabbed a condom, ripped the foil open, and slid it on.
He lowered himself, trailing his lips over my flushed face and then down, blazing a path across my chest, suckling and nipping until my hips moved restlessly against him. The moment my hips pushed into his, he shuddered. His hands were everywhere, caressing me as if he sought to etch the lines of my body into his memory.
My body arched into his, aching and tense as I ran my hands down his chest. Desire flooded me, like a dam bursting after a long storm.
“I want to take my time.” He reached down between us, finding me and slipping a finger inside as he nudged my thighs apart. “I want to kiss and taste every part of your body, because that’s what you deserve, but I don’t think I can wait, baby. I really don’t.”
And he was shaking as he spoke those words. He slowly withdrew his fingers as his gaze fixed on mine. I almost came apart at the first touch of him pressing into me.
“God, you’re so . . .” He faded off, as if he was incapable of words.
Halfway in, the pressure and fullness was unbelievable. I lifted my hips, wrapping my legs around his waist. Our mutual groans filled the room as he rolled his hips, driving in until he was completely inside.
Keeping still inside me, he panted with the control to hold himself immobile. “Are you okay?”
There was a bit of stinging since it had been so long, but I was okay. I was better than okay. “Yes.”
His lips brushed mine in a sweet kiss as he cupped my cheek. “Nothing is better than the feeling of you holding me tight.”
“I can say the same.” I curled my fingers around his hair, tipping my hips against his, and whatever restraint he had up to that point, it broke.
He thrust in me, moving deeper with each long, powerful stroke. My body tensed around him as he cradled my hips in his hands, rocking me up against him. The increasing intensity turned into a feverish pace that tore open a floodgate of pleasure. Bliss built inside me and he moved faster, grinding against me as his hands moved, exploring my body, heightening the pleasure until a tightly sprung coil deep inside me started to unravel, to whip through me.
Jase kissed me deeply, and I broke apart, shuddering around him. Spasms racked my body, and he followed quickly, shouting his release, burying his head in the crook of my neck. As one last aftershock jolted my body, my hands slipped lazily down his back as his body still twitched.
Minutes passed before he lifted himself onto his forearms. “Tess, baby . . .”
Opening my eyes to a beautiful silver pair, I fell in love all over again. “That . . . that was wonderful.”
We stayed joined together for what felt like forever, before he pulled out from me, quickly moving from the bed and getting rid of the condom in the nearby bin. Seconds later he was stretched out beside me. We lay there, him on his side, me on my back, staring at each other long after our breathing returned to normal.
A lopsided grin appeared. “You know, that . . . it felt like the first time.” A laugh burst from him as he ducked his head, kissing my shoulder. “That sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”
“No. Not at all.”
“It really did feel like that. I can’t even say my first time felt that good, and I thought I’d discovered the key to life then.”
I laughed as I rolled so I was facing him and my breast pressed against his chest. His eyes flared quicksilver as he rested a hand on my bare hip. Closing my eyes, I anticipated a kiss. I didn’t have to wait long. He nipped at my bottom lip, and I sighed. “It sounds perfect.”
“You know what else sounds great?” He shifted closer, and I felt him against my belly. My eyes widened, and a wicked gleam appeared in his eyes as his body slid against mine. The fine coarse hair teased my skin, adding to the sensualness of nothing being between us.
My breath caught. “Already.”
“I told you I’m always ready when it comes to you.”
“Yeah, but . . . oh!” His hand had wiggled in between my thighs, cupping me.
The grin on his face was pure appeal. “What about you?”
It was like he controlled a switch to my sex drive. It was wonderfully ridiculous. My hips jerked as he snaked a finger inside. “What do you think?”
“I think that catch of your breath means yes.” He kissed my damp temple. “I want you. Again.” His lips then skated over my flushed cheek, capturing my mouth in a deep, searing kiss. “I want in you. Deep.” Withdrawing his hand, he reached behind him, smacked around until he found a condom in the mess of sheets. A moment later he grasped my hips, lifting me into his lap as he rolled onto his back. The deep growl that rumbled through him sent a flood of heat to my core as his tip pressed into me. “I want to go so deep you can never get me out. You want that?”
My lashes drifted down as I whispered, “Yes.”
“Look at me.” His demand was guttural and dangerously seductive. I obeyed without hesitation. His eyes were liquid silver. “God, you’re beautiful like this.” Reaching up, he brushed my hair back over one shoulder and then drew his fingers down to my breast. He cupped me, smoothing a thumb over the hardened tip. “I don’t think I can get enough of this.”
I gripped his shoulders as my toes curled. Inch by slow inch, he guided me down until he’d done just as he’d promised. One thing led to another, and like the first time, it didn’t take much to get either of us to the point we were hovering on the edge of release. Even straddling him didn’t seem to affect my knee; I was too concentrated on the pressure building in my core as I rocked up and down. We plunged into each other, our bodies straining and reaching together until we both shattered into a million pieces, our names a hoarse shout on each other’s lips.
Wrapping his arms around me, Jase drew me tightly to his chest, burying me against him as he jerked against me, running his hand idly up and down my back, tangling in my hair.
I didn’t want to ever move. Not when he turned my head gently and his lips were a hot brand against my neck as he whispered the most powerful words I’d ever known. “I love you.”
Twenty-four
He loved me.
Those whispered words pounded throughout my body, playing over and over again. He loved me. It was like a dream come true, a happily ever after in romance novels. The boy I crushed on for years, the one I loved, loved me in return. And it was the good kind of love, the kind that nurtured and flourished, not hurt and destroyed. The kind of love I saw between my brother and Avery. I no longer had a reason to be envious, because I had that epic love, the Hallmark Channel movie ending.
Hands shaking, I ran them down his sides as the long, lean muscles slowly relaxed and his breathing returned to normal. “I love you too,” I whispered against the side of his neck, smiling into his damp skin.
The arms around my lower back tensed, and then his hands slid to my hips. He lifted me, gently placing me next to him. He kissed my temple. “I’ll be right back.”
Closing my eyes, I sighed as I curled onto my side. Jase disappeared into the bathroom and then on his way back, he turned off the bedroom light. Climbing into the bed behind me, he wrapped his arms around me.
He didn’t speak, and I was okay with that, because he’d said everything that I ever needed to hear from him.
Insides warm and cozy, I drifted off to sleep with what must’ve been a “cat ate an entire cage worth of canaries” type of grin. Jase’s arms and the way his body was tucked around mine provided a lulling warmth that temporarily held the darkness of the weekend at bay.
I don’t know how long I slept and I was sure I didn’t dream, but the warmth that had curled along my back was absent and that was what had pulled me out the contented haze of sleep.
As I blinked my eyes open, my vision slowly adjusted. A pale blue light crept into the shadows crowding the bedroom. I reached over, f
inding that the spot where Jase had been was empty. Still lethargic, I rolled onto my back.
Jase sat at the corner of the bed, elbows resting against his bent knees. His head was propped between his hands, his bare back hunched.
Concern chased away the lingering sleep. I sat up. “Are you okay?”
He jerked his head up, as if startled out of deep thought. In the low light, his eyes were dark and shadowed. “Yeah, I just . . . there’s something that I forgot to do.”
A little confused, I watched him stand and grab his jeans off the floor. He pulled them up and zipped them, leaving the button open as he turned to me. “I got to run to the frat. There’s some stuff I left there I need for class.”
“Okay.” My brows puckered. “We can leave early if you want and run by there, so you don’t—”
“It’s okay.” He bent quickly, swiping his lips across my cheek, and then he pulled back. “I’ll lock the door behind me so you don’t have to get up. You still have a couple of hours yet to sleep. I’ll pick you up around eight thirty.”
I nodded, feeling suddenly cold inside. “Sure.”
Jase backed away to the door, turned, and then stopped, glancing back at me. I could barely make out his features. “Tess . . .”
Air caught in my throat.
He seemed to lower his chin, and I heard the deep breath he took next. “Thank you for last night.”
Thank you for last night?
I was knocked so speechless that I’d heard the front door open and close before I was even able to open my mouth. He thanked me? Not that there was anything wrong with him thanking me, I guessed, but it seemed like a weird thing to say, especially when hours before he’d said he loved me.
My stomach dipped and then knotted itself right up.
Minutes turned into hours as I sat there in bed, until the pale blue light spread across the floor, chasing away the remnants of night. It’s okay, I told myself. I didn’t need to read anything into his abrupt departure. He said there was stuff he needed for class and that was all.
But he hadn’t said he loved me as he left.
I squeezed my eyes shut, desperately trying to ignore the hollow feeling opening up in my chest, quickly filling with insecurities and doubts.
Everything was okay after what we’d shared last night. I couldn’t allow myself to think anything else, because . . . I shook my head fiercely, sending a sharp pain down my neck.
Everything had to be okay.
Jase was quiet when he picked me up for classes a few hours later. So was I. I hadn’t fallen back asleep and had worked myself into a nervous mess by the time I got into his Jeep. He’d dropped me off in front of Whitehall, and I think we might’ve spoken about five words to each other.
Something was wrong.
But my worry over what was going on with Jase fell to the side by the time I stepped into Whitehall. People were staring. Not because I was on crutches. Groups of two or three would turn to one another. Some whispered. Some didn’t.
“She’s the one who found her.”
I heard that same statement about four times by the time I made it to history class an hour later.
Calla frowned as she saw me. “You look like crap.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
Tucking a strand of blond hair back behind her ear, her frown deepened. “Sorry. That was a bitchy greeting. Are you okay?”
No. I wasn’t okay. For a fuck load of reasons. “Everyone is staring at me.”
She glanced around the room. A few students up front had been glancing over their shoulders from the moment I sat down. “No one is looking at you.”
I sent her a dry look, and she cringed. “Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but everyone is looking at me like I’m some kind of morbid fascination.”
Her eyes narrowed on the boys up front. Both hastily turned back away. “Ignore them,” she said. “And they’ll stop staring. Or you’ll stop caring. Trust me, I know.”
I nodded and put all my effort into ignoring the curious stares of classmates. One would think there’d be nothing exciting about what I had experienced, but it was like people who rubbernecked when they came upon a crash scene.
“So how’s the delish Jase doing today?” she asked as we headed out of history, branching into another subject I wasn’t wanting to delve into.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, adjusting my grips on the crutches. I wanted to toss these mothafuckas into oncoming traffic. “He was kind of moody and silent today.”
She rolled her eyes. “So typical of boys. They accuse us of PMSing, but they have more mood swings than a pregnant woman.”
We made it to the connecting spot where the bus would take us to west campus. I glanced around the crowded corner. No one was paying attention to us and I probably shouldn’t say anything, but I needed to tell someone. I kept my voice low. “But we had sex last night.”
Her lips formed a perfect O.
“It was our first time,” I added, feeling my cheeks burn. “And before you ask, yes, it was great. It was freaking outstanding, but I woke up this morning and he was just sitting there on the bed. He left after that, saying he had something he needed to get from his house and when I saw him this morning, he barely spoke to me.”
She snapped her mouth shut. “Okay. Did you guys get into an argument or anything?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“Maybe he really just had to go get something from his house and he’s just tired this morning. Or just plain moody,” she said after a few moments. “Either way, just ask him if he’s okay. That’s better than standing here stressing yourself out about it. You have enough to be worrying about.”
She was right, but there was nothing about her words that looked like she even convinced herself, and my stomach twisted even further. I just needed to ask him. And I would the first chance I had. I’d ask him if he was okay and he’d tell me everything was fine and I’d just feel stupid afterward for making a big deal out of nothing.
Jase’s mood hadn’t improved much when he arrived to music. He’d said hi to Calla, smiled at me, and then stared straight ahead, like he was engrossed in what our professor was droning on about. Which was such BS, because I didn’t think one person in the entire class had any idea what was going on.
And that smile of his—it had been so tight and never reached his steely gaze. The smile was all wrong. It was fake. It reminded me of Dr. Morgan’s smile. It reminded me of the police officers’ as they’d ushered me out of their offices.
My palms were sweaty, causing the grip on my pen to slip. I’d scribbled maybe two or three lines during the entire class. After saying good-bye to Calla, I crutched my way to where Jase had parked. He’d taken my bag as usual, putting it on the floor by my feet to make it easier for me to grab.
Not seeing a familiar pink box, I bit down on my lip as I watched him make his way around the front of the Jeep. With the gray toboggan hat pulled low, only the ends of his hair peeked out from underneath it. He hoisted himself up, closing the door behind him. The hard set of his jaw caused my stomach to flop.
My mouth was dry as he backed out and hit the main road leading to east campus. Riddled with anxiety and uncertainty, I used the entire time while he searched for a parking spot near the Byrd Center to work up the nerve to speak.
Hands clasped tightly together, I swallowed hard. “Is everything okay?”
Jase turned off the engine and pulled the keys out. Sitting back, he lifted his free hand and smoothed it over the toboggan. My muscles seized up as the seconds ticked by in tense silence.
“No,” he said finally, voice so low I thought I heard him incorrectly. “Everything is not okay.”
I opened my mouth, but anything I was about to say died on the tip of my tongue when he looked at me. Oh, this was going to be bad. Very bad. I seized up, muscles rigid.
“I don’t know how to say this.” He pressed his lips together while a burn picked up in the back of my throat. “I�
��m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” I croaked out. Because he couldn’t be sorry for what happened between us. Absolutely no way.
He looked away, tilting his head to the side. “This is just too much.”
I blinked slowly, feeling like I missed the beginning half of this conversation. “What is?”
“This,” he stated with force, raising his hands. “All of this is too much—you and me.”
My nails were leaving little indents in my palms from how tightly I was clenching my hands. “I . . . I don’t understand.” Those words sounded weak and pathetic to my own ears, and the blood drained from my face. “What’s going on?”
“It’s too much.” He closed his eyes, features pinched and strained. “It’s too much too soon.”
“What? Us? We’re moving too fast?” He thought so because we’d had sex? That seemed wildly out of character for someone with his reputation. I got that he wanted to do things right, and last night had been right. “We can slow down if that’s what you think we need—”
“I can’t do this,” he interrupted, opening his eyes. “It’s too serious and I thought I was ready for that, but I’m not.”
He thought he wasn’t ready? What in the hell was holding him back? I knew about Jack and how it would impact a future with—it occurred to me then as I took my next breath. This wasn’t about Jack or us. This was about Jack’s mother.
“This is about her, isn’t it? You’re—”
“I’m not talking about her,” he snapped, and something cracked in my chest, a deep fissure that spread throughout, cleaving me in two as he spoke. “I don’t want anything serious. Not with Jack being so young, and I need to focus on graduating, getting a job, and helping raise Jack.”
“And none of that includes me?”
His clouded gaze met mine for an instant. “It doesn’t. It can’t. Because I can’t go through . . .” His jaw locked down as he gave a quick jerk of his head. “I’m sorry. Please know I never meant to hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. You have to believe that.”