SEAL of Fate: A Navy SEAL Romance

by Darcy Kent

  My heart opened, and I wanted to feel again too. All of my life I couldn’t understand how I got to this point. A few weeks ago, I wanted more than anything to leave New York, thinking it was the city’s fault as to why I was always angry. But, no it was me.

  “Ryder, I want to feel you,” I muttered.

  Ryder’s eyes held mine as he pressed his lips to mine again. He picked my body up off the couch and carried me off to my bedroom for one of the most intense love making sessions ever. I’d tell you all about it, but it was personal. Just me and him, together.

  Chapter Eight

  ──────────────────────────

  The next day,I asked Ryder about taking me to his place.

  “Just one tiny peek,” I said, fixing my hair in the mirror.

  “It’s messy.” He smiled.

  We cleaned up our breakfast from the kitchen, and walked outside. The brisk air was cold against our skin as we hurried along to the subway platform.

  “Are you nervous?” I asked as I watched him quietly stare out the subway window.

  “Not nervous, just anxious.” His eyes shined as he spoke.

  I didn’t like that he felt anxious, or anything. I wanted him to be comfortable to share his life with me. I wanted to push him further, but kept quiet. Maybe another time. We have time to share. Right? This isn’t ending anytime soon. I hoped.

  A little while later we stood in Brooklyn, in front of a large brownstone and gazed up at the many windows.

  “This place is really nice,” I said as he led me up the stairs.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  It’s like he took it all for granted. Like he wasn’t pleased with where he lived. Again, my mouth was shut not questioning anything. Just happy to tag along.

  He let me into his apartment, and I glanced around. Not much life dwelled here. Just random photos on the walls of nothing in particular. Is that a car in one?

  “It’s nice,” I said, moving closer to the gray sofa.

  “Want a tour?”

  “Yes, please.” We sounded too formal, and I could tell he was nervous. I wondered why.

  He led me around his stiff apartment. His master bedroom was all gray walls and white sheets. No real personality of anything.

  At work Ryder was always laughing, he was the life of the party. But, here in his home it was different. A vacancy of himself exuded.

  “This place doesn’t really seem like you.” I poked at the little green plant on the windowsill of the kitchen.

  “It’s not. My mother decorated it. She felt this was how I needed to live. She says this is the house of a grown-up.”

  “Oh.”

  A grown-up, right. Yeah, I didn’t think I fell into that category either. Yet, I was grown. My apartment with the purple frilly comforter, and posters hanging around my room was all me.

  When did society enforce a grown-up standard?

  “Is that why you avoid it?”

  “I just can’t grow up. Not like Peter Pan or anything. I feel like I can’t uphold the standards she has for me.”

  I sat on the couch, and he sat next to me. “I know what you mean.”

  “Do you? Like, after the war everyone expects me to just fall back into the swing of things and follow suit. But it’s hard.”

  “No, I get it. My parents are always bugging me about college and getting my life on track.”

  He scrubbed a hand against his jaw. “I just don’t think I can do it. Life is so fragile. I realized that overseas.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I had a friend Timothy. He was great, from Illinois. He used to laugh a lot. At anything. You say a joke, he’d laugh. Even if it wasn’t funny.”

  I smiled. “That’s sweet.”

  “He was killed in the line of duty. And I realized life is short. It could all be over in the blink of an eye. And then what are you left with. A life that didn’t mean shit.”

  “Once it’s over it’s over.” I knew what he was getting at. And yeah, I agreed.

  I didn’t want to be doing something I hated, just so one day I’d look back on my life and it’d be over.

  “Yeah.” He leaned his head back into the couch.

  “So, what do you want to do with your life?” I asked.

  He opened his shining eyes and gazed at me. “I want to help people.”

  “Help them how?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe counseling war veterans.”

  I study him for a moment. “I think you’d be good at that.”

  “You do? Why?”

  I leaned over, planting my lips on his cheek. “Cause you’re a caring guy underneath all this bravado.”

  “You think so?” He laughed. He used his fingers, tickling me along my ribcage as I squealed.

  When he stopped, his eyes held a hint of sadness but it quickly was replaced by lust.

  He lowered his head, capturing my lips with his. I opened my mouth to him. He kisses so good.

  It moved me to want to be a better person. To make him see that I want to help him in his quest of finding himself.

  As he kissed me, I made a vow to never let him go. I hoped and prayed he was making the same vow.

  He tugged his fingers through my hair and I let out a soft moan. He pulled me closer to his strong body, and I knew I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.

  “Ryder, make me come.” I was so forward, so unabashedly unashamed.

  “Oh babe, I’ll do anything you ask.”

  I wanted to ask him to be with me. To never stop. To move in with me permanently. But, I continued kissing him as he laid me back against the couch.

  His hand was up my shirt in no time. His mouth following right behind. He sucked down along my nipple, and I yelped in delight. He threw my shirt off, and unsnapped my bra.

  His eyes dug into mine as I felt my body build with heat. I didn’t want him to stop.

  I ground my hips against him, and unzipped his zipper.

  “Fuck, Helena,” he groaned.

  He tugged his shirt over his head, showcasing all of his yummy muscles, and I tried not to drool.

  After all the clothes were off, and the condom was set in place. Ryder took his sweet time making me come over and over. All night long.

  Chapter Nine

  ──────────────────────────

  A few days later,I was getting somewhere with Ryder, but I still had a niggling sensation rooted deep within. What do I want in life?

  I didn’t know anything about military life or PTSD and wasn’t sure how much I would be able to help Ryder in the long run. Although, he did say I was the first person to make him feel anything.

  And, if I’m being honest. He has been the first person to wake me up from this mood of destruction I felt as if I lived in. Like a sun had come into my orbit to make everything fall into place. A sense of awareness and all that other jazz was now this utter mess inside me and I wanted to figure my life out. But how?

  I decided not to think about it too much as I woke up and traveled into my living room. Ryder was nowhere to be found and I figured he was with his shrink.

  Maybe I should see one?

  I picked up my phone and dialed Waverly’s number.

  “Hey,” I said into the phone when he picked up on the second ring.

  “Hi, buttercup. You okay?”

  I took a deep, cleansing breath. “What’s wrong with me?”

  He laughed. “What are you serious? Nothing’s wrong with you sugar.”

  “No, seriously. I have major issues.”

  It was his turn to take a big, noisy breath as he spoke. “Everyone’s got issues. You’re still young and figuring things out. What’s making you feel this way?”

  “I don’t know. Remember the bartender?”

  “Yeah, the cowboy?”

  “Well…” I trailed off.

  “Get out. You and he ….Oh my God,” he squealed into my ear l
ike a pig.

  “It is all so weird. And he brought me to his place, but he lives with me. And I really like him.” I was breathing rapidly from the excitement.

  I can tell he’s excited to.

  “So, what? You’re like a couple now?” Waverly asked.

  “I don’t know. It’s all so complicated. I guess we are but I don’t really know.”

  “Well, can you ask him? Tell him how you feel.”

  Tell him how I feel? Doesn’t that usually make men run for the hills? But, he had a point. Maybe I shouldn’t be afraid and just face the situation head on. And tell Ryder how I feel.

  That’s exactly what I’ll do. We’ve shared things. I mean really shared things. So why not?

  “Thanks, Wave,” I said, hanging up the phone.

  When Ryder gets home, I’ll be sure to tell him everything.

  ──────────────────────────

  And I wait. And wait and wait for Ryder to come home. To my home. But, it never happened. It was getting late and I wondered where he was.

  I tried his cell, nothing.

  I piddled around my apartment, cleaning every square inch. I turned on some music, throwing my hair around as I pranced.

  Hours and hours go by, and finally around sometime in the middle of the night, I passed out.

  Two days later, still nothing. He hadn’t been to work. The managers had no clue, and I’m worried.

  After a week, I realized Ryder was gone. I’d stalked his shrink’s office.

  And finally, after another week, I strolled into work and low and behold...there he was. All smiles and fun.

  My face grew hot with anger. With a boiling hot heat anger. I was furious.

  I marched up to him, past the empty tables and waitresses setting everything up.

  “Ryder,” I said.

  He spun around. “Helena, hey.”

  He didn’t even sound remorseful. Or anything. That was not helping my anger.

  “Where have you been?” I sounded needy but, I didn’t care.

  His eyes bounced around the dimly lit bar as he chuckled. “Out.”

  Oh no. The anger unleashed. I couldn’t contain it if I tried. “Out?”

  “Yeah, you know...out.” He shrugged.

  Oh, I can be out. My bitchy side came out. Full blast.

  I turned and walked away, and spend the entire night making him jealous. I hang on all the drunk men, telling me my hair is the color of rain.

  I laughed all night long. Loving the attention. And trying my hardest not to glance at Ryder.

  Every so often, his eyes would meet mine. He looked lost.

  But, I didn’t care. No, I was out.

  I spotted Grant walking toward me. Ah, perfect. He’ll come in handy.

  “Hey, Helena.”

  “Grant.” I grabbed his arm, taking him to a secluded area in the back. Down the dusty hallways and into the break room.

  I swung around, throwing my arms around his neck. I planted my lips smack dab on his. This is fine. This is working. See, I’m halfway over Ryder already.

  Grant’s tongue tickled along mine, and I tried not to bust out laughing. His hands traveled south. His fingers dug into my skin.

  This is perfect.

  No thoughts of Ryder entered my brain. Instead, they were already there. And I tried to pretend this was working, but it wasn’t.

  Before I could do anything, Grant’s body was being plucked away from mine.

  My eyes opened, and I saw Ryder.

  His face was angry, his eyes on fire.

  “What the hell is going on?” he shouted.

  Grant wiped his mouth and loosened from Ryder’s hold. “Are you fucking kidding me, Helena. This guy?”

  I shook my head. “Out. Both of you out.”

  I pushed on both their shoulders as they glared at each other. Ryder tried to speak, but I wasn’t letting either get a word in.

  Thrusting them out into the busy club, I made my way to the restroom. I needed a minute.

  Who did Ryder think he was?

  I continued my shift in silence. Barely making eye contact with anyone, especially Ryder.

  Grant ended up leaving after one too many shots of bourbon. Which I was happy to see him go. Very.

  Ryder didn’t mention a word about the bathroom incident, and I pretended not to notice.

  But inside I was dying. A little crack here, another there. More than anything I wanted to go back to the night we made love.

  Well, I thought it was love.

  How stupid of me.

  I traveled home in a blur. Sure, Ryder tried to get my attention. He even tried to follow me, but I showed him my can of pepper spray and he backed off.

  I wasn’t in the mood for an official break up. Truth is, we were never an item. So, I shouldn’t be taking it as hard as I was.

  But, it didn’t help. All the pep talks. All the motivational bull shit. It didn’t help. I was hurting. I was sad. And more than anything, I missed him.

  His laugh. His smile. The way he made me laugh. I missed it all.

  I tore into my apartment, a mad woman wanting nothing more than to cry herself to sleep.

  I shut my phone off, turned my music as loud as it could go, and sunk onto the couch.

  Fuck men. Fuck everyone.

  I guess I shouldn’t be so upset, but I was.

  And I was happy being sad.

  Don’t hear that everyday, do ya?

  But, I was happy wallowing away in my self pity. Feeling sorry for myself. This was good.

  This was fine.

  A knock at my door pulled me out of my thoughts. It was Grant. Maybe Ryder. But, whoever it was I wanted that person to go away.

  “Go away,” I shouted over the loud music.

  Another knock.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Ryder shouted through the door.

  My heart flipped, and I scolded her. Don’t flip flop when he speaks. Don’t do anything at all.

  He kept knocking. Again, and again. Over and over.

  Ugh.

  I stomped to the front door and swung it open. “What?” I clipped.

  “Helena, please help me.”

  As my eyes took in his face, I couldn’t help but open the door for him further. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he’d been crying. His slumped posture was pathetic and sad.

  He wore a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt and his jeans.

  “Are you okay?” I asked as I closed the door behind him.

  “No.” He shook his head.

  His eyes sank into mine, feeding me his pity. My heart cracked at the seams.

  I led him to the sofa, and as we sat down together I was a bundle of nerves. I twisted my fingers in my lap like I was knitting a fucking sweater. I waited on baited breath for him to speak.

  “Please say something,” I said, unable to take the silence anymore.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Good start.

  “For?” I egged him on.

  Ever had those people who drag out a story? Well, that’s what he was doing. I wanted to shake him to get on with it, but I could tell with one glance at him, he was trying his hardest.

  “Everything. I thought I could handle everything. But, the truth is...I’m a fucking train wreck.”

  I laid my hand atop his along his thigh.

  “You’re not that bad.” I smiled.

  “I got scared. You scared me. I didn’t know what to think. So, I ran to my parent’s house upstate.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Ryder, I only want to help you. I care about you.” I scooted closer.

  His big eyes shined with tears. “I know you do. And I care about you too.”

  I wanted to say more. Like, no I really really care about you, but I refrained like a good girl. No sense making him run again.

  He hugged me, but something still felt amiss.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

&nbs
p; “You and Grant...you’re not back together or anything, are you?”

  I smiled a big smile. “No. I hadn’t seen him since before you left until that night. And I wanted to make you jealous.”

  His face lit up like the sky on the fourth of July. “Well, it worked.”

  He leaned into kiss me, and I let him. Over and over again.

  The End

  Epilogue

  ──────────────────────────

  A Few Months Later

  Ryder has his good daysand some bad. But, all in all he’s great. And yes, we’re a couple now. And fuck Marissa with her evil stares every time we arrive at work.

  Ryder has been getting serious about his future and he no longer works as much while he attends the local university to study counseling.

  Me, well, I signed up for a few classes too.

  In what? Would you believe me if I said ninja training? No? Well, I didn’t sign up for that. Instead I signed up for a few art classes.

  It was Ryder who convinced me one night while lying in bed.

  He said my love for color would be appreciated in the art world.

  So, watch out people because purple will be here soon.

  As for my Navy Seal.

  Ryder is the perfect guy for me. He really is. My perfect seal of fate.

  A few few more months later….

  I sold a painting. And it was all because of Ryder. A picture of him, one night as I listened to him explain his time at war...I drew.

  I painted for peace. I painted for all the tears that fell over in the sands of the Middle East.

  One day soon, the tears will stop. And the world will know peace.

  Until then, my only mission is for Ryder to feel at peace with me.

  And that’s all that really matters.

  And by the way, I’m not longer angry. Ryder and I are doing a great job of being adults.

  Thanks for reading Seal Of Fate

  Please do not go back to the beginning of this book before closing it. If you do, the book will not count as being read and the author will not be credited.