by BM Hardin
“That’s just it though Envy. I don’t have to lie about it or hide it anymore. And neither do you. We can finally have the life that we always wanted. I have more money than you could possibly imagine. I don’t have to worry about the police coming for me. I have resources and connections all over the world. We would be just fine. I can have any woman I want Envy, but I only want you. Just you Envy and a life with you and Horizon. I’m tired. Let’s just try. All I’m asking is that we try.”
Silas touched my hand and I flinched.
I didn’t know what to think as I stared at him.
He looked sincere but he was a man of so much power, and of so many secrets, that I was damn near scared to be in the same room with him.
And I definitely hadn’t forgotten about him dragging me into the house by my hair.
Hell no I hadn’t forgotten about it at all!
I’d always known that he’d had some of those slap a bitch qualities.
But for me, his actions only confirmed that he still had other sides to him that I had yet to see, and that I didn’t want to.
But here he was, asking me, begging me, blackmailing me for another chance at love.
He’d said it himself, and I was positive that it was true that he could have any woman that he wanted.
He was attractive.
He was rich.
So I was sure that he could.
He could start fresh and she wouldn’t know about his past or the hotel and they would be just fine.
So why me?
Why did he still want me?
I just didn’t understand.
As we sat in silence, I started to think about the situation a little more in depth and in a different direction.
I mean, was it really all that bad?
Yes, he’d lied about being one of the bosses of the thirteenth floor, and in my opinion, if he really loved me like he claimed to, there was no way in hell that he would have been okay with other men touching me.
I mean most men would at the least be jealous or wanting the head of the man that touched or even looked at their woman in the wrong way.
But not Silas.
But then again, he was trying to hide his identity and keep his position a secret, so maybe he just dealt with it the best way that he could when no one was watching.
I mean even I knew that sometimes you had to go to extreme measures to make sure that the truth stayed hidden, to make sure a secret stayed untold and to make sure that a few skeletons stayed buried.
And to think about it, he was always pressuring me to quit, so I’m certain if I had he would have made sure that nothing would have happened to me.
Hell, he was one of the bosses, so I was certain that if anybody could have gotten me out of my contract, he could.
Even though Carmen had tried to give me a little jail scare that one time.
I wondered if Silas knew about that.
Still yet, the entire time, he’d begged me to quit.
He knew that he could have made the contract disappear.
But why couldn’t he just have said that?
This entire situation was just silly!
And also a little frightening, worrisome, and pathetic. But silly to say the least.
And it would be even crazier to try to work it all out…right?
But it was all over as he’d said.
The hotel was gone, Carmen was gone, at least for now, and basically we could start over.
We could start brand new and neither one of us had to lie about the hotel anymore.
I was so confused by the situation, but at the end of the day, everything that I’d ever done was in hopes of having a better life for myself and for my daughter.
That’s all I’d truly ever wanted.
Everything I had ever done had been for my family.
Every wrong decision had been for the love of my loved ones.
The hit as Silas had called, it was to protect Josephine.
The cry wolf incident when I was younger was to protect Tia.
And taking the position on the thirteenth floor had only been so that I could provide for my child and my pregnant sister at the time, who had only ended up in the situation, end later on dead, from trying to help me.
I’d helped the detective to avoid jail, and now that Silas was threating to send me there anyway, I just couldn’t let that happen.
I looked at him.
To be honest, though I wanted to hate him, I didn’t.
No matter how angry I was at him, I still loved him.
He’d shown me so much kindness and it was hard for me to accept the possibility that all of it was just for show.
Someway, somehow, his love if that’s what he wanted to call it, just had to be real.
We both just sat there, for hours and said nothing.
After all, what was I supposed to say?
***
“I guess I’ll bring her home a day or two before Christmas. Or since we are coming down for the holiday, how about I just bring her home on that day,” Josephine said.
It was late December and it was a lot colder outside than usual.
But it was even colder in my house and in my bed.
I was still on the fence with everything concerning Silas and I, but I was still in the house.
I didn’t really have anywhere else to go.
We didn’t talk much.
It was almost as though he was just fine with the fact that I was just still in his space.
“Okay. Josephine, can I ask you something?” I asked my sister.
I still didn’t know if I was going to tell her the truth about her husband Grant or not.
Who was I to mess up her marriage?
He’d been living a lie, and I was sure that Josephine wouldn’t approve of what he had been doing, but the thirteenth floor was history.
So, was this another secret that I should just take to my grave?
Maybe.
“What does Grant do for a living? I know you’ve always said that he was busy and worked long hours. I’d always seen him in suits, so I imagine that it’s something on the professional side,” I said to her.
“Girl no, he’s a pimp.”
My mouth became extremely dry and I couldn’t get my words out fast enough.
So she knew?
I mean, no, he wasn’t exactly a pimp, but that was definitely one way of putting it.
“What?”
“Well not a pimp. He used to be an accountant but he was fired a few years ago. Then he ended up involved in this whole illegal business where rich men paid for sex. From what he’d said he dealt with the finances. He didn’t get his hands dirty. He’d said that someone had offered him to come on as a partner and he took the position. To be honest, I never questioned him much on it because I was hoping that he’d gotten tied up in whatever it was that he was involved in and had either gotten killed or went to prison, you know since I was having an affair with Mark and all. But here lately, since we plan to make it work, I’d started to worry about him and just as I was going to bring up the topic, boom, he told me a few days ago that the job was over. He also told me that he’d made a lot more money than I’d thought that he had and that he wanted to start living, spending and enjoying it, and maybe even relocate. But I don’t want to go too far from you. We’re all that we have left,” Josephine closed her statement.
I was flabbergasted.
Grant had told her the truth?
Really?
Well, I mean not exactly the whole truth but he’d actually put her in the loop.
Wow. Now that’s how you do it.
That’s what you call love.
I couldn’t believe that Josephine hadn’t saw a problem with it but as she’d said, she had been so busy screwing our sister Sonni’s husband that she hadn’t cared that her own husband was selling women’s asses to the highest bidder.
I found it remarkable that he actually trusted Josephine with majority of the informa
tion.
He must really love and trust her.
See, that’s what love is.
He knew that she could have ruined him, but he didn’t care because he truly loved and trusted her.
Silas hadn’t given me the same courtesy, but then again, our situation was completely different.
But still.
Even though he hadn’t been one hundred percent honest with her, I sure as hell wasn’t going to break the news to her.
She was happy now.
They were in such a good place.
Grant was free from all of the hotel business so really, there wasn’t a point in running off with my mouth.
She knew enough.
She knew what she needed to know.
Now, I needed to worry about me.
Josephine and I chatted a little while longer and I hung up the phone.
Throwing the phone on the bed, I turned around to find that Silas was just standing there.
I clutched my chest.
He’d scared the crap out of me!
He was just standing there, looking at me, holding flowers.
I hadn’t even heard him come into the room.
“Silas, you scared me.”
“Sorry. And if you had asked, I could have told you that Josephine knew about Grant. He’d told her enough,” Silas said as he reached me the flowers.
Unfortunately, I agreed.
I simply nodded and smelled the flowers.
“Thank you.”
Silas nodded and came closer to me.
He touched me and my juices began to flow without my permission.
Despite what I was feeling, she wanted him terribly.
But sex was the last thing on my mind.
Kind of.
“Hold on,” Silas said and walked out of the bedroom and closed the door.
Suddenly, he started to knock.
“Silas what are you knocking for?”
He didn’t answer me, he just continued to knock.
“Um, come in, I guess.”
Silas opened the bedroom door and walked over to me.
“Hello, I’m Silas,” he said and reached out his hand.
I looked at him strangely.
What is he up to now?
“Let’s start over. Completely over. Hello, my name is Silas,” he said again.
I couldn’t help but grin.
He always had that side to him that tried so hard to please me, I just hated that the bad outweighed the good.
Or did it?
Did the bad outweigh the good?
I really couldn’t answer that question.
But for the moment, I guess going along with him was the appropriate thing to do.
“I’m Envy.”
“Nice to meet you Envy. Let me tell you about myself. I was married, divorced. Then I married again, but my wife and daughter both died. My family is African royalty. I come from money and I have more than enough of it. Basically, I inherited the family business. It was an illegal business involving money, sex and women. I was the head of the operation, but recently passed it on. But the business was finally brought down, so now, I’m just a man looking for happily ever after, and I was hoping that I could find it with you,” Silas said and though I didn’t want to…
I smiled.
***
“Merry Christmas!” Josephine chimed as Horizon leaped into my arms.
She was growing like a weed and I couldn’t believe that she was going to be going to school soon.
It just blew my mind how fast the time had gone.
She kissed my cheek and then ran towards Silas.
“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” Horizon screamed until she was in Silas’s arms and heading towards the Christmas tree.
I’d noticed that she’d started to refer to him as her father a little while ago.
I didn’t bother to correct her because after all, I was planning to be his wife and he was going to be the only Daddy that she ever knew or had.
And he was going to be adopting her.
But now I wasn’t so sure.
“You look good,” Josephine said as she hugged me.
She looked good too, just as she had been lately.
But this look was different.
This look had big money written all over it.
Grant must have really loosened the reigns on all of that big boss dough that he had been stacking up over the years.
Hell, they might as well enjoy it.
The two men in place to take the fall had been taken into custody already and from the looks of it, Silas and Grant had gotten off scotch free.
“Hey my favorite sister-in-law,” Grant said and reached out to me for a hug.
My body tensed and I caught a glimpse of Josephine who looked at me as though I was acting strange.
I avoided eye contact with her and stared at Grant.
He smiled at me as though nothing was wrong and as though I was still oblivious to whom he had been.
I took a quick glance in Silas’s and Horizon’s direction, and of course he was staring at me too.
It was as though he was awaiting my next move or as though he was advising me not to bring up the hotel.
But I was going to say something as soon as I got the chance to.
It just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t.
I wasn’t going to say anything to Josephine, but I was definitely going to give Grant an ear full.
Cursing him out was the least that I could do.
I placed on a painted smile for the rest of the evening and actually managed to enjoy myself.
The food, the laughter and even Silas and I had a few moments that I wasn’t expecting.
It definitely made me think.
Did I really want to give this up?
I was sure that love would come eventually if I walked away from him, if I could, but who was to say when love would decide to come my way again?
Maybe I could stay.
After all, I had to remind myself that I had far worse secrets than he did.
He still didn’t even know the half of what was hidden in my past and in my heart.
I guess the main thing was that he’d allowed me to be used for so long without coming to my rescue.
He had no idea what I’d had to do or go through for some of that money.
The humiliation and the disrespect.
The low down dirty, degrading and disgusting things that some of the clients had me do to them, were just too much for words.
He just had no idea.
And basically he did nothing about it.
To me, it was just as bad as though he’d sat there and watched.
And it pissed me off to think that he had the power to put a stop to it and he didn’t.
It was just so messed up.
But to be honest, I could get over it.
If I really wanted to, I was sure that I could. I was just built that way.
But was it worth it?
Grant headed down the hall to the bathroom as everyone else made their way into the living room for a movie.
I lingered around until I heard the toilet flush and headed down the hallway.
I startled him as he opened the door.
“Envy,” he said innocently.
He always seemed so innocent and so sweet.
And least he pretended to be.
And I wanted to smack the hell out of him too.
“Cut the innocent bull crap Grant. How could you? You’re like a brother to me. How could you not tell me or make a way for me to get out of it? How could you?” I whined.
Grant smiled.
This fool literally smiled as though it wasn’t as serious as I was making it out to be or as though the situation was amusing or funny.
“Envy, it was just business. Nothing personal. And you made us a lot of money,” he said.
What?
Did he really just say that?
“Maybe that came out wrong. You decided to tak
e the position so I could only assume that you needed the money. Well that was before you snagged Silas. But I wasn’t at liberty to say anything, to anybody. Well, at least not the whole truth. It was all about the money. Everything is always about the money Envy. That’s just the way that it is. But it’s all over. You’re free. I’m free. Silas is free. Maybe you should be grateful like we are and move on with your life. Enjoy your money. Enjoy your daughter. Just enjoy your life,” Grant said.
That was the most I’d ever heard him talk, and I wasn’t exaggerating.
I didn’t know how to feel at that moment.
He should have told me.
Both of them should have told me.
But Grant’s words were ringing in my ears.
As he’d said, it was all over.
I’d earned my freedom, and they’d paid for theirs, so starting fresh sounded like the best thing for me to do.
“Um, and what’s going on here?” Josephine asked.
She folded her arms across her chest.
I looked at her and the expression on my face must have said it all because what little sass she did have, disappeared almost instantly.
She and Grant headed back towards the living room and I headed towards the bedroom.
I sat on the bed and checked my phone.
I had a few calls from cousins and other family, and a number or two that I didn’t recognize, but I threw the phone down and just stared out our bedroom window.
I knew that Silas would be coming to see what I was up to soon so I got straight to my thoughts of him.
The bad thing was that it was hard to imagine life without him.
I guess it was because I’d spent over a year imagining forever with him, that it just didn’t feel right to have to think about how life was going to be without him by my side.
I wasn’t as upset as I had been.
As the days went by, the less I seemed to dwell on Silas and his deceit.
With all of my secrets, not to mention sleeping with Nolan right under Silas’s nose, I’d done plenty to him too.
I’d lied to him just as much as he’d lied to me.
And I couldn’t forget that there were a ton of things that he still didn’t know.
So why was I really holding it against him?
If he’d told me the truth from the beginning, he was right, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day.
But I had to stop trying to fool myself.
Silas was everything I’d ever wanted and needed.