by Leigh James
I felt as though I was going to throw up. “Did James say this was okay?” I asked, my voice small. I held my breath until he answered.
“No,” Cole admitted. “I didn’t run it by him yet. But James isn’t exactly sentimental.”
My heart was pounding in my chest, hard, when I heard the door open behind me.
“It’s true, I’m not sentimental,” James said, coming toward us.
I held my breath a little longer and felt the blood drain from my face. I had a feeling this was about to go very, very badly.
He reached me, and to my complete surprise, he took my hand. I looked at our hands linked together like that. I just stared at them as if they belonged to other people, and then I looked up at his gorgeous face.
He was glaring at Cole. “That was a dick move,” he said. “By the way, I heard almost everything you said.”
“It’s not like I was trying to hide it,” Cole said easily.
James looked at my face. “Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded, biting my lip.
He turned back to Cole. “You are on my shit list.”
His friend looked at him and snorted, unfazed. “I’m an entrepreneur—you know that,” he said. “I see an opportunity and I move for it, fast.”
James smiled at him tightly. “You’re my best friend,” he said, “which is why I haven’t punched you in the face. Yet. But for the record, Audrey is a person, not an opportunity. So please do not approach her with any more business propositions in the future.”
Cole studied his friend’s face and let his glance trail down to our interlocked fingers. “Why James, I didn’t know you cared.”
I felt James stiffen for a second but only slightly. “I care that you find someone else to put your entrepreneurial hands on tonight. Audrey has agreed to be exclusive with me for the next two weeks. Please don’t get her into trouble—not with me, and not with her employer.”
A look passed between the two friends, and Cole nodded at James.
“Call me tomorrow,” James said. “If I answer, it means I’m speaking to you again.”
Cole smiled at the both of us, unabashed, and then he winked at me. “See ya,” he said. “It’s too bad James can’t share—I’m much more fun than he is.”
James gave him one final disapproving glare and then hustled me out to the car. I was shaking a little, still biting my lip. I nodded at Kai and got into the car silently. James climbed in after me and sat close by.
“That was unfortunate,” he said.
“Is that how all your friends treat you?” I asked.
“Cole is my only friend. And he would never do anything to hurt me,” James said carefully. “He must have thought it was okay.”
“I wasn’t going to say yes, if that’s what you think,” I said and looked out the window. Cole could have offered me a million dollars, and I wouldn’t have taken it. Which meant I was completely fucked up and in deep trouble, as far as I was concerned.
“I can pay you what he offered—so that you don’t have a loss,” James said quietly.
“I don’t consider it a loss,” I said. I kept my face turned away. There was a tumble of emotions inside me—I felt betrayed that James had shared our secret with his friend, thrilled that he had stood up for me, and darkly hopeful that he wanted me for himself.
It was the darkly hopeful part that was killing me. That part had to go.
“I’m sorry that I told him about us,” James said, and I heard him pour himself another drink. I kept still, my face turned toward the window. “He thought we were an actual couple, in love. He was making such a big deal out of it. So I told him to shut him up. Which was a dick move in and of itself.”
I shrugged, looking out at the darkness, but I felt as though my heart was being ripped in two.
He thought we were an actual couple, in love.
I’d only met James today. We were not in love. We were playing a game, putting on a show. But I had all sorts of inappropriate feelings for him, bubbling up right underneath the surface. I was not a feelings person—I didn’t have the space for them in my already-complicated life. But for whatever reason, or for a whole host of reasons, James had gotten under my skin quickly. He was not just a John to me. That was a huge fucking problem on a long list of huge fucking problems.
I needed solutions, not more problems.
I also needed money. I closed my eyes and willed all my stupid feelings to go away. But they didn’t, and I found myself on the verge of tears. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t cry in front of him—that was Escorting 101.
“I don’t know if I can do this tonight,” I said, my voice treacherously thick.
He sighed. “I’m sorry, Audrey. I’ve hurt your feelings twice tonight. I’m completely fucking this up.”
“I think I should go home,” I said miserably.
I turned back just in time to see him finish his bourbon, a bleak look on his face.
“I think that would be for the best,” he said stiffly.
* * *
I had them drop me off three blocks from my apartment. I didn’t want him to see the crappy building where I lived. Kai pulled over, and James got out with me.
“I’m sorry tonight turned out like this,” he said, his jaw clenched.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I just need to be alone.”
“I need your number,” James said. I recited it to him and watched him tap it into his fancy phone, wondering when, and if, he was ever going to call me. I wasn’t sure what our separation meant. This was supposed to be our first night together, and I was going home to sleep alone. Would I still have him as an assignment? Would he phone Elena and tell her I was too much trouble? Would he decide that I was a pain in the ass, and I’d never see him again?
A lump formed in my throat, but I smiled at him when he was done. “Thanks for the ride,” I said. “And the drinks.”
“Anytime,” he said and unceremoniously got back in the car.
My heart dropped at his curt departure. But I made myself head home with my chin up, taking long, confident strides. As if I knew I was making the right choice by walking away from him.
Plus, I didn’t want him to see my hot, confused tears.
* * *
My apartment seemed even more disgusting than it had this morning, and that was saying something. I was acutely aware of the contrast to James’s multi-million-dollar condominium. Good thing I’m here alone, I thought, but it didn’t feel good.
I made myself some tea and went and sat on my windowsill. James Preston. His big-shouldered, suit-clad image filled my head, crowding out all coherent thought. I would have Googled him, but I had no Internet access, no smartphone. It was better that way. I didn’t want to see the society pictures that Elena had mentioned, of him with other women. Real women, real dates.
I decided to worry about Elena instead. If he let me go, she would, too. She would be absolutely furious with me. And then I’d be back to turning tricks on the street, trying to make rent and keep my brother in his residence home. Except that I’d never make enough money.
I thought about getting a legitimate job for approximately one second. The idea made me laugh—the only other thing I’d ever done was waitress, and I could make more money in an hour turning tricks than I could in a whole shift waiting tables. I had my brother to think about.
My body was just my body. When I was with a John, I could distance myself from what was happening, almost as if it was happening to someone else. I could do at least that for my brother. I was all he had, and he was all I had, and I had to protect him using any means necessary. My body and my pride were a small price to pay for his well-being.
Any dreams or hopes for myself that I’d had were a small sacrifice, too.
I thought about James again, unable to block him out. I thought about how he’d held my hand earlier tonight, and how warm and comforted it made me feel. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had held my hand like that—maybe
never. I pictured him smiling at me, and my chest got tight. He’d left me on the street just now so easily, it was like I was nothing to him.
That’s because you are nothing to him, I thought.
I knew that was true, but the tightness in my chest persisted. I realized it was the sensation of common sense strangling the hope that was living there, inside my heart.
It hurt. It really, really hurt.
James
“I’m sort of surprised you’re calling me, James, after your little hissy fit earlier,” Cole was saying. I could hear people laughing in the background. Cole was probably still at the party, or at some other party, picking out a woman to go home with.
“I just dropped Audrey off. She was upset,” I said.
“Because I asked her to come home with me and I offered to pay her? She is a hooker, right? Because I really wasn’t trying to offend her,” Cole said.
He was an asshole, but he was also my best friend. On top of that, Cole was brutally honest. He wouldn’t steal a date from me, not a real date I’d gotten to first. But someone who was for hire, who I wasn’t planning on fucking because I wanted to keep my boundaries intact?
He’d do it just so he could tell me everything I was missing.
“I’m not sure why she’s upset. Maybe because I told you she was an escort,” I mumbled.
“Well, she’s right about that,” Cole said loftily. “You probably shouldn’t have said anything. She was pretending to be your girlfriend and doing a pretty good job of it. You threw her under the bus with that one.”
“Thanks a lot,” I mumbled.
“So she’s gone? Did you fire her? Or did she quit?” Cole asked.
“Neither,” I said.
“So why’d she go home? I thought she was with you for the next two weeks?”
I didn’t say anything for a moment. “I think she just needed to be alone.”
“You mean she quit,” he insisted.
I furrowed my brow. “Is that what it means?” I felt like a confused, hormonal teenager. I’d been horrible when I dropped her off, not saying a word about when I would call her. I thought she wanted to be away from me.
On top of that, I was upset for some damn reason. Upset that she was leaving, upset that I was going back to my apartment alone and that I was clearly no longer in control—if I had ever been in control since I’d picked her up this afternoon.
“Sounds like she quit to me,” Cole said. He waited a beat. “So if you two are done…can I have her number? There’s not a lot of action out here tonight.”
My jaw clenched again. “No, you cannot have her number,” I said hotly. “I’ll text you her service’s number—there’s a girl there you might like. Jenny. She’s Audrey’s friend. Go get an escort of your own.” Leave mine alone, I thought.
“I know you like this girl,” Cole said. It sounded as though he was yawning. “You can try to hide it, but you suck at it.”
“Thanks,” I said tersely.
“You might want to call her,” he said. “If I want her number, other guys do, too.”
“Talk to you later,” I said.
“If you’re lucky,” Cole said and hung up.
I opened up Audrey’s contact information and stared at it for a minute. Then I took a deep breath and stared at it for a while longer.
“Mr. Preston?” Kai asked. We were still idling at the curb near her house.
“Just put it in park,” I snapped.
* * *
One hour later, I dialed.
She answered after the first ring.
“Audrey?”
“James?”
“I’m sorry to bother you. Are you still up?”
“I just answered my phone. What do you think?” she asked.
I sighed. “Would you consider coming back to the apartment with me tonight? My mother just called,” I lied. “We have an early breakfast.”
“Oh,” she said. “Sure.” She waited a beat. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
She was going to make me work for this, I could tell. “Of course that’s what I want.”
“Okay,” she said. She sounded cautiously optimistic. “I’ll just call a cab. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“No need,” I said smoothly. “I’m still parked on your street.”
She was quiet for a second. “Then I’ll be right down,” she said.
Five minutes later she slid into the car next to me. She was wearing fuzzy boots, pink sweatpants, and a T-shirt.
“I was in my pajamas,” she said apologetically.
“It’s okay. I want you to be comfortable,” I said.
She looked at me with raised eyebrows and said nothing.
We drove to the Stratum in silence. I couldn’t tell if it was awkward silence or not, but I felt relieved that she was back with me, which was stupid.
Kai let us out, and we went through the opulent lobby together in silence. She shuffled across the marble floor in her fuzzy boots, not looking at me. I hit the elevator button, and we rode to the top floor. I noticed, against my will, that she looked very cute in her pajamas.
I inwardly groaned. Between the Bambi eyes and the use of the word cute, I needed to slap myself, hard.
I unlocked the door, relieved to be back home. I just wished it was Los Angeles, far away from my past. Audrey went over to the window and looked out at the city spread out and glittering beneath us.
“It’s so beautiful from up here,” she said, and she sounded very young to me. She was young. Too young to be living such a harsh life.
I wished I could explain myself to her. I sighed and sat down on the couch, finally loosening my tie. “Audrey, I’m really sorry about before,” I said.
“Which thing?” she asked.
“All of it, actually,” I said. “I’m sorry I told Cole about us. He’s the one person I’m usually honest with. And I’m sorry I just left you on the sidewalk like that.”
She said nothing, still staring out at the lights.
I sighed again. “I’m not good with people,” I said. “I’m more of an analysis guy.”
“You’re fine with people,” she said immediately. “You just don’t like them very much.”
“I’m not used to liking people,” I corrected her.
She gave me a searching look. “Is that because of your family? Because I know you don’t like them.”
“I have issues with my parents, like I told you…” I said, my voice trailing off. The headache was coming back. “It’s about some stuff that happened a long time ago. Some of that is what makes it difficult for me to trust people.”
I had what I loved taken from me, and I could never let that happen again.
But I couldn’t say that. I could barely stand to think it.
“That and my, uh, present circumstances,” I said instead.
“You mean your money,” she said.
“That’s right. It’s hard to tell if people are being genuine with me. It doesn’t happen often. So when you turned out to be a nice girl, it was just hard for me to believe it,” I said.
Audrey snorted in exasperation. “I’m a fucking escort, James,” she said, her hands on her hips. “I’m anything but a nice girl.”
“But you are,” I said. “You are a nice girl, Audrey.”
“Where do we go from here, James?” she asked, her face a businesslike mask. “I need this assignment. I need it to go smoothly. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. Even if that means fucking your best friend.” She shrugged. “I am a hooker, after all. It’s not like I have a real right to be offended.”
“Yes, you did. Cole was being a complete prick, and so was I. I talked to him again, and I told him to stay the hell away from you.” I paused for a beat, willing my hotness to subside. “I also suggested he call Elena and ask for Jenny,” I said, almost apologetically. “I hope that’s okay.”
Audrey’s face perked up. “Jenny would love him,” she said. “That was
actually really nice of you.”
I smiled, pleased that I’d done at least one thing right since I’d met her.
“So…where do we go from here?” I asked, echoing her question. “I want you to stay. I want you to stay with me, and I don’t want you to fuck my best friend, and I don’t want you to say mean things about yourself, and I don’t want to hurt you.” The words just tumbled out. Perhaps I’d had one too many bourbons.
To her credit, Audrey said nothing, her face an impenetrable mask.
“Just stay. Let’s stick with the agreement.” I stood up abruptly, lest I started trying to take her to bed.
“We have a brunch tomorrow and then a bunch of other crap events for the rest of the week. Let’s just make it to the wedding. Together.”
“Okay,” she said. If she was disappointed by something I said, she did not let on.
“It was better tonight with you there,” I said, heading off to my room. “It was almost bearable.”
“Almost,” I heard her say before I closed my door.
Audrey
I lay awake all night. Waiting for him. I hoped he would come to me, but he didn’t, and I didn’t dare go to him.
I wanted to, though. The empty bed next to me was like a physical ache. I could feel him, just down the hall, just out of reach.
The next two weeks were going to be hell.
* * *
I dressed carefully the next morning, in linen pants and a pink blouse. I pulled my hair up into a bun. It was all very appropriate, all very unlike me.
I looked out at Newbury Street from my window. The sidewalks were clean. It looked like it had rained lightly late last night, but now the sky was glorious and clear.
I decided that I was going to make the best of this situation. I started forming a plan as I put on my makeup. I applied it carefully, so that I didn’t look like the prostitute that I was, and went out to look for the resident Hottest Bachelor.
“You’re looking proper,” James said as I entered the kitchen.
“It’s not my usual style,” I admitted. I went and helped myself to coffee.