by Vivian Ward
“Yeah,” he shook his head. “Here’s my number,” he pulled a business card from his wallet and began writing on it. “It’s not my card, but call me when you figure something out.”
Our eyes locked for a moment, and then he did something I never imagined he would do. He leaned down and swiftly kissed me on the cheek as he places his hand on the small of my back. Feeling his fingers touching my skin sent tingles through my spine and awoke the butterflies in the pit of my stomach.
“I’ll do that.” I stood dazed behind the church as he backed out of the space and drove away.
“Mmm, girl! Damn. He is fine.” Susan startled me.
“Were you spying on us the whole time?” I asked accusingly. The truth is, I didn’t blame her. I would have done the same thing.
“You didn’t think I was going to leave you all alone, did you? Hell, I was stumbling over stuff back there before you two left the room.” We started walking towards her car to head back to my brother’s house. “Are you going to call him?”
“I don’t know. I want to. I mean, everyone deserves a second chance, right? But Lance will kill me if he finds out.”
She smacked her lips, “Well, I can babysit anytime you want. Drew can come over to Auntie Susan’s house whenever you need—as long as you promise to fill me in on every detail when you pick him up.”
The ride home was filled with silence as I thought about what to do. I know Susan kept looking over at me and could tell I was thinking, but she never said a word. I hopped out of the car in front of Lance’s house and thanked her for the ride before I scampered up the steps.
“Hi, Drew!” I swooped Andrew up and swung him around. “Were you good for Uncle Lance?”
“Uh-huh,” he smiled.
“Drew, what is this?” I asked as I pried his sticky fingers from my hair. A red substance coated them, preventing him from separating his fingers.
He giggled. “Uncle Lance gave me suckers.”
“Oh, boy. Come on, let’s get you washed up before we go to bed.”
“You all right, sis? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“Yeah, I’m good. It’s just been a long, crazy day.”
I wasn’t lying. It had been long and crazy. I never thought I’d be pulled out of a fire by an old flame, get stranded at the hospital, and run back into my ex at church. The same church I have been going to for the past three years, well since I had Andrew. My social worker had suggested I try their support group after I left Andrew’s daddy, Joe.
After I finally had him asleep, I started thinking about Matt. I should still be mad at him, but every time I picture him, it all goes away. I guess on one hand I want to be angry with him over the past, but on the other hand, I can’t help but forgive him. We shared a lot of good times, including my virginity.
Chapter 6
Matt
I hope that I appeared as calm and collected as I tried to be when I approached her. If I were handing out awards, I would give myself a fucking trophy for my acting skills because I thought I was going to vomit all over her sandals. It took every bit of courage I had to go up to her and approach her, especially in front of her friend, but it might have been my only shot to do it. I’ve run into burning buildings with less fear than I had when I talked to her.
Before my AA meeting, I wanted to get the hell out of that building. In fire training, they teach you to trust your gut instincts about things. The problem is that sometimes your gut is wrong, but I would rather spend a lifetime knowing that I was wrong than spend an eternity wondering what if. For Stephanie, I would put every ounce of myself out there for her.
When I left the church that night, I was on cloud nine. It was liberating to see her after all those years and walk up to her and talk to her. When I got back to the firehouse that night, the guys noticed that my spirits were much lighter than when I had left earlier that day.
“What’s with you?” Zack asked.
“Don’t know what you mean,” I smiled as I got my gear ready in case we had a call-out.
“You’ve been gloating since the minute you walked in that door. One of two things happened: you either got your dick wet, or you had a drink. Which is it?”
I laughed. “Neither.” He stared at me until I was forced to look up at him. I sighed and let my body relax. “Okay. I’ll tell you this, but only because you know me too well, and honestly, I have to tell someone. I went to the bar,” he immediately raised his brows. “No, no, no.” I held my hand up. “I came this close,” I pinched my fingers together, “but I didn’t do it. Not even a sip.”
“Good, man. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, but something happened.” I checked my oxygen tank to make sure it was full and ready to go. “I saw Stephanie,” I looked at him to see if he remembered the name. I had told him about it before, but I had just briefly mentioned her.
“Stephanie?” he rubbed his upper lip with his finger as he thought. “Why do I remember that name? Oh! That’s the girl you were madly in love with, right?”
“That’d be the one.”
“Oh, shit. How’d that go?”
“I thought it went well. We talked; kept it light, but we talked. I gave her my number.”
“Is that why you almost had a drink? Calm your nerves?”
“No, that happened before I went and saw her. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Zack’s a good friend. He knows when to be there for me and when to shut up. After I had finished setting up my bunker gear, I put on a fresh uniform shirt and plopped down on my bed. I needed some time to think and reflect on things. Plugging in my ear buds, I cranked up my iPod as I began to let my thoughts consume me.
Maybe I should have never even approached her. It’s been two days since I gave her my number, and I haven’t heard a peep from her. She seemed like she was glad that I had talked to her, but they say your actions speak louder than words so maybe she was just being polite. I do know one thing, though, and that’s that I can’t harp on it today.
Our Fire Chief, Paul Butler, asked me to make myself available for a 3 PM meeting this afternoon. As far as I know, I haven’t done anything wrong, and I have no clue what he wants to talk to me about. I asked my buddies, Byron, and Zack if they knew anything about it, but they shrugged their shoulders, completely oblivious as to what I was talking about.
I cracked the door to his office open and saw he was busy filling out reports. “You wanted to see me?” I asked as I stepped inside.
He looked up at me, “Yes. Grab a seat, Matt.” Straightening the stack of papers, he added, “And close the door.”
I looked around his office for a seat. All that I could use was a flimsy metal chair that was folded in the corner. I unfolded it and carefully sat down, hoping it would hold my weight. “What did you want to talk to me about, Chief?”
He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his speckled gray hair. “Matt, I’m a little concerned about you. I heard that you almost fell off the wagon the other night and visited a bar. Is that true?”
Shit. Zack must have said something to him. “Almost, sir, but I have it under control.”
“Son, I’ve been around the block a few times, and I know a broken man when I see one. Now you’ve done a terrific job straightening up and turning your life around. So terrific, in fact, that I’ve been considering promoting you to be our new fire captain, but I can’t do that if you’re making poor choices. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Wow. Fire captain? It would be such an honor for the chief to promote me, and it would mean so much to me. “Yes, sir. I can assure you that the other night was a short lapse in my judgment and will not happen again in the future.”
“You better make damn sure of that, son. I haven’t made this decision public, and I still need to discuss it with the fire deputy. I’ll be keeping a close eye on you over the next couple of months before I make my recommendation so make sure you’re crossing your T’s and dotting all of your I’s. We c
an’t have you relapsing. You follow me?”
“Yes, sir. I will do my best to make you and our fire station proud,” I nodded. “Have a good day, sir.”
As much as I wanted to celebrate the news that the chief was considering me for a promotion, a cloud was still hanging overhead since I hadn’t heard from Stephanie. On my way to the kitchen, my phone went off with a text alert. I unlocked my phone screen and pushed the envelope icon on my screen and scrolled to read the message.
Hey, this is Stephanie. Give me a call when you’re not busy.
I was surprised to see the message was from her. I’d started to resign to the fact that I had an opportunity to talk to her, and things were going to end there. Before I could pull a plate out of the cabinet, our fire alarm sounded, and I had to go on a call out. I wasn’t sure if I was going to call her right away, but if I had any intentions to do so, it was going to have to wait. I slipped on my bunker gear and climbed onto the truck as it rolled out onto the street.
Chapter 7
Stephanie
You would think that when your apartment burns down, and you lose everything in it, that would be the end of it. Right? Wrong. Since my car was damaged in the fire, I’ve been borrowing my mom’s car to get around which wasn’t an easy task. Before she would give me the keys, I had to agree to her long list of demands and promise not to spill or drop anything in her car. No food, no drinks—and that goes for both Drew and me. She even lectured me about how much mileage I was allowed to put on her car. “Not too much now,” she warned.
I had been working with my social worker on sharpening my job skills so that I could get a nice job that would pay well enough to support Andrew and myself, but now I have to start all over from square one with her. Unfortunately, there was no immediate assistance that I could take advantage of in regards to housing, and she told me that it would be my responsibility to find a place to live until they got to me on the list for a place of my own.
With limited options, I ended up having to ask Lance if we could just stay at his place until my name comes back around on the waiting list. There was no way I was moving back in with Joe. He didn’t object, but I could tell that he wasn’t thrilled about it either. I know he loves us and wants to help, but I also understand that he’s young, single and likes to bring the ladies home—something I asked him not to do while we’re staying with him. Not that I care about his love affairs, but I don’t want Drew thinking it’s okay to have all kinds of strange people coming and going in the mornings.
Being so busy, I had forgotten all about getting a hold of Matt. I sent him a text message earlier this afternoon, but I haven’t heard back from him. He probably thinks I blew him off, but I didn’t. Part of it was me having a full plate to deal with, and the other part is that I’m not sure where this is going to go. He was the biggest part of my life for such a long time, but then everything changed.
I honestly thought that he had moved away and was gone for good. I figured he’d became a big shot engineer somewhere and had gotten out of Memphis. We had always talked about moving away from Memphis and going someplace different. I was shocked to see that he was still here, and a fireman of all things.
That’s one thing I have never understood. Lance always said that he knew Matt would turn him in, but I disagreed. Well, that was until they were hauling him downtown in the backseat of a cop car. I guess what had—and still has to this day—me so confused is that he was helping me help my brother. He knew what the cops would be looking for since his dad was an officer and told me how to get rid of everything so they wouldn’t find out that my brother had done it. The million-dollar question was: Why would he go against him and turn him in? It just didn’t make sense.
Susan had agreed to meet me for lunch at our favorite local diner to talk things through. I parked my mom’s car and grabbed a table while I waited for her.
“Have you ordered yet?” she sat her bag down.
“I ordered us a plate of cheese fries, but if you want something else we can change it.”
“No, that’s fine. I had a big lunch, so I’m not very hungry anyway.” She studied my face. “Now tell me more about this Matt guy. You were pretty quiet on the way home the other night. What’s going on with the two of you?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t know what anything means anymore or what’s even going on.” The waitress sat the food down in front of us. “I have spent the last eight years hating him for turning my brother in and putting our family through all that pain. And now? I don’t know what to feel.”
“How did it make you feel when he talked to you at church the other night?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Confused? Happy? Sad? I’m not sure how I’m supposed to answer that question.” I dipped a fry in a cheesy puddle and shoved it in my mouth. “He told me to call him. I sent him a text, but I haven’t heard back.”
“Why do you think that is?” She grabbed a cheese fry off the top of the pile and joined me.
“Maybe he’s busy, or maybe he realized it was a mistake, and now he’s ignoring me.” I sighed, “I wish I had a crystal ball so I could predict the future.”
“Don’t we all?” we laughed. “Honestly, and you might hate me for this later, I think you looked pretty damn happy talking to him. I was watching from the doorway, and you had a look in your eyes that I’ve never seen before. I don’t think you’re over him.”
I frowned. She could read me so well. She was right; I wasn’t over Matt, and I was happy that I saw him, even if I didn’t want to admit it. “Do you know what my brother would do if he caught me talking to him? He would tell Joe, and the two of them would probably beat the hell out of that man.”
“Uh, judging by his body, I think he could take care of himself, sweetheart,” she snorted.
I remember how he used to have just an average build, nothing special. Not like his body now. I can still picture him picking up that wooden guitar of his and singing to me on our dates.
“Stephanie!” Susan snapped her fingers, bringing me out of my daze. “Did you hear what I said?”
Smiling, I shook my head. I hadn’t heard a word she’d said for the last five minutes. “What?”
“I said, do you really think your brother and Joe would do that? Your brother usually stays out of your business and Joe hasn’t cared what you have done since you moved out.”
“Don’t forget that Lance was the one who set me up with Joe because that’s his boy. If Lance said to jump, Joe would ask how high. You know how them fools are.”
“If you know that, why are you talking to this guy? There has to be something there. Some sort of connection or feelings that you’re harboring for him.”
When she’s right, she’s right. There was nothing that I could say to argue that because I had already thought it myself. “I guess now we play the waiting game and see if he’ll call me back.”
I had just walked out of the job training center when my cell phone started to ring. Glancing down at my phone, I saw it was him. For a second, I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but I couldn’t do it.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hi Stephanie, it’s Matt. Are you busy?”
“Not at the moment. How have you been?”
“Good. I got your text yesterday, but there was a fire. You know how that goes.”
“Yeah, I might have been in one,” I laughed. As happy as I was to talk to him, it felt awkward.
“I was wondering if you could meet up sometime today or this evening? I have the day off and thought maybe we could see each other?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to say yes, but I knew I should say no. Before I could even think of an excuse to back out, the words were leaving my lips and taking on a mind of their own. “I’ll have to see if I can find a sitter for my son.”
“Okay, I have to run some errands, but just call and let me know.”
Shit. How was I going to get out of this one? And why didn’t I just say no? I al
ready knew the answer to that, and it was because I wanted to see him. It’s been a long time since I was happy. Even when Joe and I were together, I was never really happy. Not like I was with Matt, and the end of our relationship dragged on forever before I finally left him. I called Susan to see if she could help bail me out.
“Susan, my best friend, my reliable pal,” I beamed. “Are you busy tonight?”
“Uh-huh. What are you up to? You haven’t sounded this happy in…well, I don’t know when.”
“Matt called me back today and asked if I could meet up later. I was wondering if I could sweet talk you into watching Drew for me? Please?”
She sighed, “I guess, but just remember that I already have a full house with Trish and her girls. You are going to owe me,” she teased.
“I’ll owe you bigger than big. I promise. Thank you so much, Susan,” I squealed.
“What time are you bringing him over?”
“Um, let me feed him dinner and give him a bath. I can bring him over,” I looked at the car clock, “around 6:30.”
“We’ll see you then.”
When we got home, I fixed his favorite dinner of Spaghetti-O’s and hot dogs while I got his pajamas out. Excited about seeing Matt, I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I straightened the house before my brother got home. My mood didn’t go unnoticed.
“Why are you so happy?” he kicked his shoes off at the front door.
“No reason.” There was no way in hell I was telling him that I had a date with Matt Porter.
“You’re lying about something, and are you cooking?” he sniffed the air.
“Mmhmm,” I answered as I scooped up Andrew’s pile of clothes off the couch.
“I think you’re burning whatever it is.”
“Oh don’t be,” the smell of burned food wafted in front of me. “Shit!” I ran to the kitchen and saw that I had forgotten to stir it for a long time. When I turned around, Lance was standing in the doorway, leaning against it with his arm which blocked my path from getting past him.