by Sotia Lazu
“Don’t remember. What if she was?” His expression, already distant, turned stony.
“Alex, look at me.”
He did, crossing his arms. “What am I supposed to see?”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Did you overhear my conversation with Constantine last night?”
“Why? Do you two have secrets?” He narrowed his eyes, his full lips a thin white line.
“No. Nothing like that. I was just telling him you haven’t been yourself lately. After you walked in the woods, I was thinking maybe…you might be doing things in your sleep that you don’t remember afterward.” I paused, extremely uncomfortable at what we needed to discuss. How do you tell the man you love you believe he’s turning into a monster in his sleep? “Perhaps you’re feeling some resentment toward me. Your subconscious could be blaming me for your death, and this is how your id is acting on it. Or whatever.”
His expression softened. “Cherry, I love you. I’m not blaming you for anything. Willoughby killed me. You just showed me another way to live.” He cupped my neck, and I raised my face to him. “As long as I know you love me, I’m happy,” he whispered against my lips, before claiming them for a kiss.
He used one hand to bring me flush against his body, and drove it downward, until he was kneading my ass.
“Want to go downstairs?” he asked between kisses.
I nodded and nuzzled his cheek. I was anything but horny, but needed the connection sex established between us. “I’ll just let Constantine know you’re back.”
“You’re telling him a lot lately. Have you also told him about my nightmares? About the time I got…confused? In bed?”
He meant when he’d attacked me in his sleep. When he’d hurt me. When he’d attacked me in his sleep. Unease sent ice gliding down my spine at the memory of being unable to fight back. The need to connect turned into the imperative to distance myself.
I gulped, but schooled my features to remain placid. “That’s between you and me, and it’s in the past. He’s just out looking for you, and I don’t want him accidentally walking in on us when he comes back.”
Moving behind me, Alex slid his palm to my throat, and then down to my breast. He tweaked my nipple, where it stretched the cotton of my top. “We could stay right here and try to be fast,” he whispered in my ear, pressing his erection in my back. His voice was sweet, but dark and sticky, and with a bitter undertone, like burnt caramel.
“You’re crazy. Mom or Constantine may show up any second now.”
“Then we better get to it.” He slid his hand inside my jeans and pressed at my clit over my panties, grinding his hips against me. “You’re already wet.”
I usually was, around him. My body reacted to his touch instinctively. I rocked against him for a moment, before gathering my wits and stilling his wrist. “Alex, no. Just let me make this phone call, and we can go where we’ll have some privacy.”
He managed to move my underwear aside and slip a finger inside me. “You mean where your precious Constantine won’t see and get jealous.”
His words stunned me long enough for him to add a second finger.
“Maybe he should watch.” He pumped the fingers inside me and palmed my breast. “Maybe he likes to watch. Maybe he’ll finally realize you’re mine.”
A moan reached my ears. My moan. I shouldn’t be doing this here. I shouldn’t be doing this at all. There was something wrong with Alex, and I wasn’t letting his sexiness distract me from it. I pulled his hand out, and squeezed my thighs together. “This is ridiculous. He and I have been over for years. He knows I’m with you. I haven’t exactly been subtle about it. You go downstairs, and I’ll be with you in a sec.” I tried to sound seductive, despite the unease making my stomach roil.
He shrugged and licked his fingers clean. “If you’re not down in two, I’m coming to get you.” His nonchalance would have pissed me off, if I weren’t already busy being worried sick.
I watched him swagger toward the basement entrance, and then typed a text to Constantine. I wasn’t going to risk Alex’s overhearing what I wanted to say.
Alex is back. You may be right. If you say I told you so, UR dead. Come home now. And plz interrupt.
“You coming?” Alex yelled.
“Be right there.” I infused my words with a throaty sultriness I didn’t feel.
The front door flew open, and Constantine entered. He gave off a vibe I wasn’t used to, but I couldn’t spot what was different about him.
Not knowing with the fuck was wrong with my guys was becoming a trend lately.
“You’re back,” I said for Alex to hear.
“I am. Is Alex well?” Constantine’s blue eyes asked if I was all right.
I shook my head. “He’s fine, thank God. He even fed.” I widened my eyes, hoping he understood the last bit of info didn’t make me as happy as I pretended to be.
Constantine frowned. “That’s good to hear. And everything went smoothly? How did he decide to take that step?”
“You can ask the man yourself,” Alex said from behind me.
I turned and watched him approach in long, slow strides. He only had his jeans on, their top button popped, letting them hang low on his hips.
“It was about time I lost my training wheels. And yes, everything went smoothly,” he said, stopping next to me. He wrapped an arm around my waist, and gathered me to his side a little more forcefully than necessary. “And now we know we’re all well, you’ll excuse us, Cee.” He pulled me backward, and I threw Constantine a glance I hoped conveyed how much I didn’t want to be alone with Alex right then.
If I had to, I was prepared to fight Alex off, but I preferred to avoid violence and get to the root of the problem.
Constantine didn’t miss a beat. “I’m afraid your little reunion will have to wait.” He might be a lot of things—conceited self-serving bastard topping that list more often than not—but he wasn’t stupid. “As a council member, I’m afraid I am required by law to debrief you after your first feeding. I need to know who she was.” He tilted his head and studied Alex’s face. “I assume she was a she?”
Alex nodded, and Constantine went on. “Where you found her; how you approached her; how many pints you imbibed; what condition you left her in; what precautions you took to protect your identity and our kind. We must address all those issues, and make sure you didn’t cross any lines with the locals.”
“Everything is fine. I found her in a coffee shop near the university, and she was alive and still standing last I saw her. This can wait.” Alex caressed the length of my arm down to my wrist, and tangled his fingers with mine. “Let’s go, Cherry.”
“You’re going nowhere until I get answers.” I don’t believe I’d ever seen Constantine so serious or so commanding before. It was like he’d unfolded to a height even taller than his six-feet-three. His square shoulders appeared carved in stone, and his voice boomed. “I am the one who allows your continued existence, against vampire law. I am risking everything by keeping you hidden from the council. In my home, nonetheless. You will tell me how you spent the hours we wasted looking for you, and you will hope none of it displeases me.”
Alex matched Constantine’s posture, his own chest puffed. For what felt like an eternity, they stood there, staring each other down. Despite their similar height and Alex’s being at least ten pounds heavier, it was soon apparent he wasn’t going to win this match. Constantine’s gaze was pure steel, forged through the centuries, while Alex’s was iron. Hard but brittle.
And he broke.
I could tell the moment he decided to concede, from the way his body relaxed, his back slumping just the smallest fraction of an inch, his eyes mellowing. He hooked his thumbs through his belt loops, not so inadvertently pulling the jeans even lower, until I could almost see where the happy trail that began under his navel ended.
“Okay,” he said. “I guess Cherry will have to wait a little longer. Let me give her something to tide her over.�
�
Before either I or Constantine could react, Alex dipped me backward and gave me the mother of all Hollywood kisses.
If I were in the mood, the kiss would have really gotten me in the mood. Now it just felt awkward and stilted, and too much like a show for my ex’s sake.
If it was actually meant to upset Constantine, it didn’t work. He didn’t even bat an eyelash. “And now that’s settled, let her get some sleep. She must be exhausted after looking for you for this long.” He motioned for Alex to enter the kitchen ahead of him.
I saw Constantine type something on his phone as he followed. A second later, my own cell buzzed in my pocket. A text from him.
Are you all right?
I replied, my thumb flying on the virtual keypad.
Scared. And still hoping you’re wrong.
He threw me a smile over his shoulder, and typed something else before leaving my line of sight.
I’ll take that as an apology.
He closed the door behind them, leaving me to my mostly unpleasant thoughts.
Chapter Seventeen
It took only the minimum amount of effort for me to convince myself listening in on Alex and Constantine was a good idea.
I stretched out on the living-room couch, eyes shut. If anyone walked in, or barged out of the kitchen in a huff, I would appear to be asleep. In truth, I adjusted my hearing until I made out the soft sound of sneakers dragging along the kitchen floor.
Alex pacing, probably. He’d seemed more agitated than Constantine.
“Where did you go when you first left the house?” Constantine asked.
“For a walk. It was a starry night. I thought I’d let the romantic in me roam free.” Sarcasm laced Alex’s reply.
“What made you leave in the first place? Kathleen said your mother was on the phone. Did something happen?”
“Do you really care about all that, or are you just trying to keep me away from Cherry? Like with the sparring?”
“We’ve already had this conversation. Repeatedly. I thought the last time I broke your nose you finally believed I wasn’t after her.”
My eyes flew open. So that was what their antagonism had been about back at the mansion. Alex had openly accused Constantine of trying to get between us. And a broken nose, more than once? Sure, it was nothing for a vampire, and I got why Alex wouldn’t want to tell me about his stupid jealousy, but why hadn’t Constantine said something? That was one twisted sense of male solidarity.
“I have no reason to keep you and Cherry apart. I wouldn’t have offered you my hospitality if your relationship bothered me.” Constantine’s tone was impatient more than reassuring. “Why is it you think the worst of me? Nothing would have been easier than getting rid of you, back when you were human. Or during your turning. I did not have to bring you back to the mansion, when I found you freshly turned. I didn’t have to come for you at all.
“Cherry wouldn’t have known if I…took care of things. She was so distraught when she found you half drained by Willoughby, she thought feeding you her blood hadn’t worked. I could have told her you didn’t make it through the change. I took you in when I didn’t have to. I am training you, to ensure you can survive in a fight against others of our kind. I even disregarded the council, and allowed you and Cherry to meet each other’s parents. You should know you can trust me by now.”
“For her. You did all of that for Cherry, not ’cause you’re my friend,” Alex whispered.
Constantine lowered his voice, until I had trouble making out the words. “Of course I did. I would do anything for her, and that includes becoming a true friend to you. Now stop being a child, and tell me why you left last night.”
Unbidden thoughts invaded my mind during the pause that followed. Constantine would do anything for me. I knew that already, though, didn’t I? Everything he’d told Alex was true. Constantine didn’t have to save Alex from walking in the sun when he first awoke as a dazed, disoriented fledgling. Didn’t have to feed him his own blood to help regain his strength. Didn’t have to put us both up, and watch us be happy together.
Assuming Alex and I could still be happy. Or together.
What seemed like a lifetime ago, when Alex was human, and Constantine was the man who’d betrayed me, my ex had been playing the long game—allowing me to be with Alex for however long that lasted. Now he had nothing to gain, but still he helped me.
“I left because I felt suffocated.” Alex’s voice fished me out of that downward spiral. “My mother was asking about Cherry’s family and when I’d pop the question, and all I kept thinking about was Cherry’s words in the woods. How we can never have a family. I don’t want a family, but I have to explain that to the woman who’s expecting grandkids from me. And then she asked when I’m going back to work, and I don’t fucking know that either. I needed some space, so I left.”
“So you left. Without a word. When you knew Willoughby was out there.” Constantine’s skepticism didn’t surprise me. Alex’s excuse would have worked if I’d used it, since I tended to flee when faced with things I didn’t like. But he was usually the one who attacked problems headfirst.
“I wasn’t thinking,” Alex said.
“I find that hard to believe. You’ve been trained to think. You think for a living.”
“Yeah, well, I snapped, okay?” As he did just now, his answer loud enough to carry, even if I weren’t using my vampire hearing.
“Where did you find the girl?” Constantine asked.
It took me a second to follow that change in subject, but Alex was faster. “A coffee place. Didn’t notice the name. She stood alone by the restrooms, watching a group of students laugh and talk. I pretended to go to the little boys’ room, then doubled back and grabbed her from behind. I whispered in her ear that I’d kill her if she made a sound, and she let me pull her into one of the stalls. She never saw my face. I drank until she was weak. Her heart was still beating. Told her to keep staring at the wall until ten minutes passed, and I left. I didn’t risk us. Satisfied?”
A shiver ran down my spine at his dispassionate account of how he’d threatened, scared, and fed on a young woman who’d done nothing to him. He’d sworn to serve and protect people like her, and until recently couldn’t have entertained the idea of sinking his fangs into anyone but me.
What happened to him?
“Was she a redhead?” Constantine asked.
Alex snorted. “I don’t know. Wasn’t paying attention to her hair.”
“Really? Was it short? Pulled back? Didn’t you have to get it out of the way to reach her throat? You’d think its color would have registered.”
“It didn’t.”
“All right.” Constantine sighed.
“Are we done?”
“Not quite.”
“What else do you need to know? If I enjoyed it? How warm her blood felt on my tongue, compared to Cherry’s?
I was done. I didn’t want to hear how he’d felt, drinking from someone else—if he’d gotten hard, like he always did when he fed on me.
The rational part of me reminded me how much more potent vampire blood was. Humans were warm and soft and yielding, but their essence didn’t pack the zing ours did. It didn’t provide the rush Alex felt every time he drank from me. Human blood wasn’t as thick, or as infused with power.
But it tasted different every time.
Before Alex had been killed by my maker, I’d tried to explain to him what it felt like feeding from him. I said it was like licking my favorite treat—chocolate fudge—from his naked body. I could never get bored of it.
It didn’t mean he saw things the same way.
This thought process was driving me crazy, and there was no room for more craziness in my existence. Willoughby had to be dealt with, and we needed to get to the bottom of whatever was eating at Alex. My relationship issues could wait. If I’d learned anything the past few months, was how to prioritize.
Sometimes I even practiced what I’d learned, and f
or now, my priority should be to clear my head and relax. Perhaps catch up on sleep.
Every fiber in my stupid body said I needed to confront Alex, though. I had to tell him my—Constantine’s theory and force him to come clean. Whatever he’d done, we’d deal with together. There were no fatalities. No permanent damage. He hadn’t exposed us.
We could come back from this.
Assuming Alex wanted to.
The iciness in his voice earlier, the lack of emotion in his gaze when he’d told me he’d fed, the way he’d responded to Constantine’s questions—all indicated whatever had gotten hold of him had sunk its claws in deep. A confrontation wouldn’t help, until I knew what we were dealing with.
If it was an external factor, and not some previously hidden side of Alex just now rearing its ugly head.
How well did I really know him? We’d only met a little over two months ago, even if it felt like years with everything that transpired in the meantime. He could very well have always harbored a mean streak. A shadowy self that enjoyed hurting others and getting away with it.
Maybe a side that enjoyed hurting me.
Could his darkness be mere jealousy? How far back did he begin changing? How did I not notice?
For the first time since I began suspecting something wasn’t right with my lover, I thought of how he’d looked at me when I woke up to him having sex with me. The way he’d taken me in the shed. The way his eyes had clouded when he’d thought he had good reason to be upset with me or Constantine. What Sheena had told me about him and Constantine duking it out back at the mansion. It could all be connected.
It was all connected. My stomach plummeted, and my head felt light. How hadn’t I realized it?
And when did it start?
When Alex and I first hooked up, he said he’d had a bad relationship in the past, with someone who couldn’t take his way of life. He’d told me he didn’t want to fall for someone who had baggage, and I’d promised him Constantine wouldn’t be an issue.
Had I lied?