by Sotia Lazu
I nodded, quietly.
“You should shower after he’s done,” Constantine said. “I’ll use the upstairs bathroom.” He left me no time to reply.
I waited for Alex to come out, holding a pair of sweatpants and a Tee for each of us away from my body, so I didn’t stain them. He came out, wrapped in a towel. We avoided each other’s gaze, as I handed him his clothes.
I took the fastest shower in history. I didn’t want to smell Alex’s blood and body gel any longer than I had to. It jumbled up my brain, sending warm and fuzzy feelings to my belly and jolts of terror through my core.
I pulled on my pants and shirt, and fled the bathroom.
Alex gathered our torn and blooded clothes into a pile, and we shoved them into the big garbage bag Constantine brought downstairs with his own tattered clothing. I braided my wet hair hurriedly, and tried to apply some makeup on my neck, but gave up. There was no reason to put effort into hiding the bruises. They’d fade and disappear all together after a good feeding.
I took in Alex and Constantine’s faces. Alex’s cheeks had deep gashes, and the bones seemed broken. His nose was swollen, and angry purple blotches circled his eyes.
Constantine only had a few cuts on his forehead, but the knuckles of his left hand looked like raw hamburger.
By comparison, the two bite marks on my neck, were nothing.
A hole in the wall of the bedroom marked the spot where Willoughby had skewered Constantine to the wall. Despite all his scheming, that was all the lasting damage he’d managed to do today, and it would be fixed with some plaster and paint.
I felt hysterical laughter bubble up my throat, and clenched my teeth together. That wasn’t all of it. Alex, Constantine, and I were still here, my parents were still alive, Ádísa was still dust, but something else had been irreparably dented.
My relationship with Alex.
* * * *
We found Mom in the kitchen, preparing breakfast.
“My God, what happened to you?” Her gaze zoomed in on Alex, then took in Constantine and me.
“We got Willoughby,” I said.
Mom wiped her hands on her apron, and rushed to hug me so fiercely, I thought my bones creaked. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“We’re fine. Well, not fine, but nothing a little blood won’t fix.”
“You should see the other guy.” Alex’s chuckle turned into a groan. “I can’t even laugh.”
He’d tried to kill me. Twice. Still, he was as much a victim as I was. I patted his shoulder, and he rubbed his cheek on my knuckles. Maybe my body could forgive, if it couldn’t forget.
“Sit. I’ll get you some blood, and some tea,” Mom said.
“Don’t bother with tea for me. I’m good with blood too,” Alex replied.
Mom gave him a questioning look, but got two bags of blood from the freezer and popped them into the microwave. She returned her attention to the skillet just in time to salvage five strips of crispy bacon.
“I decided to expand my diet,” Alex said. He waited for me to sit first, and took the seat across from me, leaving Constantine to sit next to me.
“Willoughby is no longer a threat,” Constantine said.
“Not thanks to me,” Alex muttered.
I’m not sure Mom heard, but she kept nodding as she poured the first large spoonful of pancake batter in the griddle, without cleaning the bacon grease. My mouth watered.
Dad joined us for breakfast, and between us, Alex, Constantine, and I told them what had happened during the night. Alex had the most trouble with it, but his description of the systematic brainwashing Ádísa had done in his dreams was honest.
I cut in before he told them of the first time he almost drained me. “Willoughby and Ádísa made him take me to the woods, but he shook off their control, and helped keep Willoughby busy until Constantine came.” The more time passed since our fight with Willoughby, the more I thought Alex and I might work things out. If my parents knew the disturbing details, there would be another hurdle for us to overcome, and we already had enough of those.
I reached across the table for Alex’s hand, but he fisted it before I could clasp it. He frowned, and opened his mouth, but closed it again without speaking.
“And where is she now? Willoughby is dust. Does she have other progeny that could come after you?” Dad asked.
I froze for the second it took Constantine to shake his head. “No. If there was another childe of hers out there, we’d know by now. Even if she’s not entirely gone, she is no longer a threat. She’s suspended somewhere, inert without Willoughby to bring her in touch with the living and undead. There is no way left for her to return to life.”
Phew.
“So what now?” Mom studied my face. “Do you have to go?”
I looked at Constantine. “Do we?”
“You can stay for as long as you want. You slew Willoughby, and once I return to L.A. and inform the council, you’ll be one of the cool kids.” His grin was full of mischief.
“I’ve always been one of the cool kids. Your stupid council just didn’t know it.” I held out my plate, and my mother served me a neat stack of pancakes.
“Our stupid council now.”
So I was going to become a member of the ruling body. Cool. There were some things that needed changing. Especially the stupid rule forcing fledglings to disappear from their families.
Alex was silent until then. Now he asked, “What about me? Am I still the secret bastard of the vampire clan?”
His words lacked bite, and Constantine didn’t react to the snark. “I think between Cherry and me, we can convince the others of your value, as well as of the need to allow your continued employment. One of our own in the Los Angeles police force should be handy.”
I expected Alex to be happy at that, but he just seemed pensive, eyebrows drawn low and nostrils flared.
“So you’re staying?” Dad asked.
“I guess so.” I smiled. Some tender loving care from my parents would go a long way toward healing us all.
At least, I believed so.
For the next two days, we all stayed with my parents, who coddled us and plied us with packaged blood and Ruby’s potion.
After the first couple of feedings, our bodies were fully recovered. Even the holes in Alex’s shoulder and Constantine stomach, where Willoughby had run them through with stakes, were completely healed. And Alex now fed solely on bagged blood, which other than a great step toward his full acceptance of his vampire existence was a relief to me. Although at times I missed his more gentle bites, I wasn’t sure I could bring myself to feed him.
I did enough soul searching at night, when he slept on the floor by the bed we used to share, to know I still loved him and wanted to make our relationship work. I wasn’t sure, though, how long it would be before I could enjoy his touch again. Or even endure it.
I wasn’t the only one feeling uneasy. Alex walked on egg-shells around me, treating me as if I were made of porcelain, and Constantine made himself scarce while I was awake.
Their behavior drove me up the walls, and kept me from fully enjoying what should be a relaxed time. I tried to mend our relationship, but seemed to be doing something wrong.
The nicer I was to Alex, the more distant he became. We didn’t have a single exchange during which he looked me in the eye. His gaze was usually drawn to the floor or ceiling, and he avoided talking about what had happened—No! What Willoughby had done to us. I was fed up with his behavior before too long. Yes, we weren’t at a good place, but if he wanted to ever make things right, we needed to talk about what happened, not dance around it.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I was still not used to sleeping at night. After fighting to doze off for what seemed like hours, I sat up with a huff. “Alex, about Ádísa…”
He sat on the floor by the bed, not even pretending to try to sleep. “No.” He shook his head. “It’s too soon. You need to recover first, and—”
“We w
ill never recover, if we don’t deal with what happened. Alex, I want to be with you. Look at me.”
He swung his arm to the side, slammed his fist on the wall, and grimaced when I winced. “I’d say I’d never hurt you, but we’d both know it’s a lie,” he said.
I got up and approached him slowly, as I would a wounded animal. “I don’t believe you’ll hurt me again. I know what happened wasn’t your fault.”
“Wasn’t it? She came to me, yes, and I’ll even grant she had some psychic influence on me, but she would have achieved nothing, if I wasn’t jealous of Constantine deep down.”
“Cons—”
“I know you say you and he are in the past, and I believe you believe it, but he loves you, Cherry, and he’s a better man than me. Not that it’s hard these days.”
“It’s not a contest. I chose you.”
“But would you choose me again?” He didn’t give me time to answer. “Should you? Ádísa persuaded me with lies and compulsion, and Willoughby urged me on, but I knew I was hurting you. Even if I didn’t believe I’d kill you, I was still trying to force you to choose me. Force you, Cherry.”
“I want to be with you.” I kept saying that, but after what had transpired between us, I mostly wanted to be by myself for a few days. “My mom said I could stay another week or so. More like, she said she’d hunt me down if I didn’t. You and Constantine go home, clear the air between you, and when I get back, we’ll start over. I know we’re both hurting, but I don’t blame you.” Not consciously, at least.
“Why didn’t she haunt Constantine’s dreams?”
“What?” I needed a moment to catch up to what he meant.
“Ádísa could have haunted Constantine’s dreams. Why didn’t she?”
I thought about it. “Willoughby hadn’t drunk his blood.”
“But she had, and Willoughby had hers. Cee—Constantine told me that would have worked too. But she didn’t go to Constantine, because she knew he would never turn against you.”
“He’s older, Alex. He’d know she was lying.”
“Maybe he’s stronger. Maybe he loves you more. Either way, he wouldn’t have failed you like I did.”
I didn’t know what to say—how to counteract his argument. Especially without hurting his already wounded ego more. Constantine was stronger, but that was only because of his age. As for the other thing…
“The reason doesn’t matter,” I said. “Maybe she didn’t want to risk it, since he killed her. You know what? You should stay too. Constantine can go, so the vampettes don’t take their withdrawal out on Sheena and Wesley, and you’ll stay. We’ll start over. Maybe date a little. Do things the right way this time.” We’d slept together and fallen in love before getting to fully know each other. A new beginning might fix everything.
Alex shook his head. “Dating won’t fix this, Cherry. I’m sorry. I can’t. I have to go.”
“Back to the mansion?” I knew that wasn’t what he’d said, but I needed to hope things would get back to how they were.
“Cherry…”
His hushed utterance of my name did it. It broke the dam. So far, I had found an excuse for him, every step of the way. He’d been thrown into my world unprepared. His turning had been without his consent. He was forced to leave his apartment, and cohabitate with my ex, among several other people living at the mansion. He was used by an ancient valkyrie—or whatever the fuck she used to be—and her lackey.
But now he wanted to leave me, and he didn’t even have the decency to yell and have a proper fight about it.
I’d fix that.
“What? Am I making this hard for you? What happened to your promise to make it up to me? You hurt me. Repeatedly. And you think the way to atone for it is to run away? Excuse me for not liking that solution one fucking bit.” I’d raised my voice, and wasn’t surprised to hear a knock on the door.
“Not now,” I said.
Constantine made his way in, as if he owned the room. He had a knack for that. “Yes, now.”
“We’re trying to have a conversation here,” I said.
Alex hung his head. “I’ve already spoken to Constantine about it. He agrees it’s for the best.”
Just when I thought he couldn’t piss me off more. He’d gone to talk to Constantine before he talked to me? And Constantine had—what? Given permission to Alex to dump me? “Does he, now?” I glared at Constantine. “I bet he’s only thinking of what’s best for our relationship. Or maybe you’re being played by yet another ancient vampire.”
“I resent that implication.” Constantine’s lips didn’t even move. They were frozen in the most uncomfortable smile I’ve ever seen him sport. “I am actually trying to salvage your relationship.”
“By driving us apart. Makes sense.” It had nothing to do with helping us, and everything to do with his feelings for me. There was no reason bringing said feelings up in front of Alex, though, when I was trying to convince him there was nothing between Constantine and me.
“I’d already made up my mind when I went to him,” Alex said. He stood and took an uncertain step toward me. He dusted the seat of his jeans. He was always fully dressed around me now. “The night Constantine killed Ádísa, she said Los Angeles wasn’t the only city they’d been hunting in. With the council’s sanction, I’m going to look for other fledglings she and Willoughby were hiding from us.”
“The council knows about you?” After all we’d done to hide his change from them? I was dumbfounded.
“You and I do. We’re both members now,” Constantine said with a shrug. “You and I witnessed Willoughby turn Alex three days ago, before he tried to come after you again, and you took him out.”
He’d said this would happen, but I…didn’t know how to react. What did it mean? What would be my responsibilities? I opted for my usual way of dealing with overwhelming situations—humor. “Do I get a crown?” I asked. “’Cause I really want a crown.”
Constantine gave me a look fraught with disapproval, but his eyes were smiling.
“Well, I don’t sanction Alex’s leaving. He has to stay. We have to work things out.”
“I need to go, Cherry. These fledglings need to be brought in and shown they can be good, despite Ádísa’s doctrine. If I help them, I help me. I’ll learn control as I teach them. I won’t trust myself with you unless I know nothing can get to me. That I’m more than my new nature. We can’t work anything out until I’ve found myself again. You and I keep saying I wasn’t myself lately, but who was I? Who am I really, now that everything I’ve known is different?”
Sadness funneled into hurt, and then into anger. “And you’re just now figuring out you’ve changed? You’ve been a vampire for months!”
“Yes, and I’ve pretended everything was the same, but it’s not. To be good enough for you—to be the best I can be—I must first figure out a way to be me. This new me. Undead guy on a liquid diet.”
“You can be you with me,” I said quietly. I’d lost my oomph. Alex was determined, and I wouldn’t stoop to begging.
Constantine reached for the door handle. “I will let the two of you hash it out.”
“Don’t bother,” I said. “We’re done.” I turned to Alex. “Go, but I’m not going to wait for you.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to, but I will return, and I will try to win you back.” To Constantine, he said, “You hear that? Take care of her, make whatever move you’re going to while I’m gone, but I’ll fight for her when I’m myself again.”
Constantine shrugged. “When Cherry comes back to me, it will not be because I won by default—because I was the one to stay behind. She will come because she burns for me.”
I expected a punch to fly his way. Alex gave him a tired smile instead. “You’re a weird fuck, Cee, but I can see what she likes about you.”
I shook my head in disbelief. I was just there, while they talked about me like I was a prize to be won. “You’re both weird fucks, and I don’t like either of you very much
right now.” Even though the discussion turned me on.
“You, pack your bags,” I told Alex. “Go, do your thing, and we’ll talk when you’re back.” Something dawned on me. “As a council member, I order you to check in with me when you get to each new city. I want to know where you are at least once a week. Got it?”
“Will do.”
“And you”—I poked Constantine in the chest—“better get back home. Your little girlfriends are driving Sheena crazy.”
I left the room, unwilling to watch Alex get ready to leave. Leave me. “I’m staying with my folks for a couple weeks. I need the time off,” I called over my shoulder, already halfway up the stairs.
I didn’t see Alex off, though Mom said Constantine would drive with him to the mansion to get a bigger suitcase and more clothes and then take him to the airport. Constantine didn’t come see me before he left either. He asked my folks to let me know my room at the mansion would be waiting for me.
I knew I’d go, sooner or later. It was the only place I could call home, unless I wanted to move back in with my parents, and I somehow couldn’t see that happening.
Epilogue
Ten days later, I still hate the idea of leaving.
Having breakfast with my parents in the morning, in a house devoid of vampires, drama, and politics, feels good. Normal.
I’ve missed normal.
Mom makes tea, and after Dad goes to work, we prepare lunch and fill each other in on the last six years.
I do most of the talking.
I’ve told her everything—about my short-lived career in porn, about my turning, about what Constantine meant…means to me. About Alex. This time I even told her about the change in his behavior toward me, and why he left.
I think she’s team Constantine, but first and foremost, she’s team Cherry, and that’s what matters. She even calls me that now, having accepted everything that’s changed about me.
My dad knows less, but enough to have realized I’m no longer the little girl who left home to make it as a model in the city. I’m still his little girl, though. He makes sure to bring me a cupcake every evening, and I’m finally glad for my vampire metabolism, after years of whining about being unable to change my body.