by Rachel Hanna
We reached my house just as I finished. I stopped, turning to look at him. “This is me. Still want to get to know me?” I asked smartly, the feeling of victory filling me.
All of what I had told him was true, even if I faulted on those beliefs as I stumbled along my way sometimes, but I meant them. Those were the ideals and standards I was holding myself to—and anyone who wanted to be with me, had to hold themselves to those same ideals.
Looking at Logan now, who all but oozed sex and danger and violence, I knew he couldn’t live up to those expectations. And more importantly, wouldn’t want to.
He tilted his head to the side, staring at me with those storm cloud eyes, searching my features. Satisfied, I turned my back to him and started up the steps towards the door. Before I could unlock it though, he stopped me.
“Yes,” was his simple, serious answer.
I looked back at him to find him staring at me, all the joking, teasing from his face, leaving only a serious expression that told me he meant exactly what he said.
“Good night, Addy,” he said, finally turning away and heading off in the opposite direction.
I stood on my porch in the cold, watching him go for longer than I should.
“What just happened?”
Chapter 9
The next day my mind was wrapped up in two things: Logan and Miranda.
There were twelve unread messages in my inbox. I wasn’t sure if they were all from my mother, but I dare not check. I had worked out a lot of my frustration and worry out yesterday in class, but that had led to the second thing on my mind.
Logan’s attendance at class had been unexpected and… better than I ever would have guessed. Though we spent the whole walk to my house arguing, I thought maybe, if anything that he had told me the night before was true, he might not be such a bad guy.
But that was the problem. What were the odds he wasn’t lying?
That’s why I was currently looking very deliberately for someone. Probably, she wasn’t in the library and it was too early for lunch, so she likely wasn’t there either. I didn’t have her in any classes and I didn’t have her number.
And even if I did, I wouldn’t text her. My fear of checking messages would make that completely pointless.
“Damnit,” I muttered to myself as I pulled my coat around me. I was standing beneath the awning that covered the front steps of the school and it was raining. The water didn’t really bother me—though I hadn’t been swimming in a long time—but I had just straightened my hair that morning.
Swirling a piece of my dark hair around my finger, I debated venturing out into the weather to continue my search. I was about to forgo my endeavors and try to catch her later that afternoon, when I saw the subject of my search walking across the lawn.
She had an umbrella over her head and was wearing a pair of polka dot rain boots.
Someone had been prepared today, I thought, glancing down at my converse and skinny jeans.
“Lexie!” I called out, waving at her to try and get her attention from where I stood, a desperate attempt to not ruin my hair. But she just kept walking. She likely didn’t hear me.
Sighing, I accepted that if I wanted to talk to her, I would have to brave the rain and go to her. Yanking the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head, pulling it around my hair as best I could, I darted out into the rain. Water splashed up my legs, soaking my jeans, and within minutes the downpour had managed to soak through my hoodie.
By the time I reached Lexie, I looked like a drowned rat. She looked at me in surprise—and maybe with a little disgust as she glanced down at my appearance—barely even recognizing me.
“Addy?” she asked, uncertain.
I nodded my head. “I was wondering if we could talk,” I asked.
She agreed without hesitation. “Sure. What did you need to talk about?”
Glancing at the rain that kept coming down, I gestured towards the library. The only reason most students even knew where it was, was because it had a coffee shop and handed out free cups of coffee during finals. “Mind if we talk inside?”
As though only noticing the rain for the first time—which was completely ridiculous since she was dressed for it and I was soaked to the bone and shivering at this point—she said, “Oh, of course! You’re probably cold.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her. No shit, Sherlock. Instead of commenting, I walked beside her as we headed towards the library. When we got inside, she gestured towards the coffee shop. “Mind if I get a latte?” she asked, hope shining in her eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders, though I was impatient to get the conversation started already. I had questions that needed answering, Damnit. But I didn’t say that. Instead, I grabbed one of the few empty tables in the place and stripped out of my soaked hoodie. The water had gone through to my shirt, leaving several noticeable wet spots. Thankfully, the shirt was thick enough that my bra wasn’t visible beneath, but it was still a little uncomfortable.
“Get me a coffee?” I asked when Lexie turned to get in line. I offered her a five and she nodded.
After about ten minutes, Lexie came back with two steaming cups. She put mine down in front of me and took a seat. I wrapped my freezing hands around the cup immediately, letting the warmth seep into my numb fingers.
For a moment we just sat and warmed up. Lexie sipped at her latte and I took careful drinks of my coffee. It was strong and black, but I didn’t care just then. It was warm and uncomplicated.
After several moments of silence, Lexie finally asked me, “So what was it you wanted to talk about? If it’s about Morgan’s class, I totally bombed it last semester, so I won’t do you any good.”
I blinked. “I didn’t realize you’d been in Morgan’s class.”
She shrugged. “He was a real dick,” she said, clearly not happy with how last semester had gone for her. “He said if I didn’t start to pull myself together, I was going to end up as a nothing on the streets or some housewife with three kids.”
That seemed pretty harsh, especially for a professor to tell a student, but then I also was starting to get to know Lexie a little better. I had begun to realize that she wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box, or maybe she just didn’t apply herself. Either way, academics clearly weren’t her thing. And she was a little too into the party scene. Not to mention her flirting addiction.
But then, that was why we were sitting here having coffee in the first place. I didn’t need the scoop on Professor Morgan. I needed the scoop on someone else.
“I actually wanted to ask you about…” I hesitated, trying to figure out the most delicate way to ask. And the way that would least make me look like I was interested in him. “About the movie night. Last week?”
Lexie tensed infinitesimally, then took a sip of her latte. “At the twins’ place?”
I nodded.
“Yeah, what about it?”
I shrugged. How was I going to ask her? “Did you have a good time?” I could have kicked myself as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I let my head fall forward and shook it, long hair wet and beginning to curl around my face already. “I’m sorry, that came out all wrong.”
Lexie considered me a moment, then barked out a laugh. “Oh, don’t worry about it!” she said, her voice overly chipper, but her eyes were cold and I knew that she wasn’t happy about my comment. “You’re asking about Logan, though, aren’t you?”
Biting my lip, I nodded. “Yeah… I heard that you two, well, you know. That you had a thing.”
I cringed at myself. Once upon a time, I used to be so much better at all of this. So much had changed since then, though, and it seemed like that skill was one of the things I’d lost.
Slowly, Lexie nodded her head. “We did. I thought it might be the start of something serious,” she said, taking a slow sip of her latte. She paused and swirled the liquid around in her cup. “But after the weekend was over, I knew we’d never be together again.”
So there
it was. The truth laid out for me, plain as day. They slept together. Logan ditched her, tossed her to the curb. And last night he lied about it to me. Why? Because of the hard-on I’d felt in his pants during defense class.
I felt sick with myself for even considering believing him.
Shaking my head, I said, “I’m so sorry, Lexie.”
She took a deep, steadying breath and then said, “It’s okay. Really, I dodged a bullet. If I’d had any idea what kind of man he was before we met, I never even would have given him a second chance.”
Frowning, I asked, “What do you mean? What kind of guy is he?”
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “I thought you knew.”
“Knew what?” I demanded, feeling impatient as my chest tightened as though preparing for something awful.
“Why he got suspended.”
The next person on my list to interview had changed instantly with Lexie’s words. I had been intending to find the girls at the table from the other day, the ones who Logan had been shamelessly flirting with and maybe ask them if he’d gotten any of their numbers, but that had changed.
I was going to go as close to the source as I could get and that meant stomping through the hallways in my soggy shoes with my damp, half curling hair until I stopped outside of the Corporate Finance class and having a short debate with myself.
It wasn’t appropriate to go into the class while it was still in session.
Which meant it was a testament to my anger when I yanked open the door and stomped loudly through McPherson’s class. I was a big enough of a distraction that the entire class seemed to have their heads on a simultaneous swivel, every kid turning to look at me as I dared to interrupt.
I didn’t care.
I was still fuming over what I had learned from Lexie and couldn’t believe that he’d even been allowed to skate on those charges to begin with!
Searching the multitude of faces taking up space in the room, I zoned in on one in particular. A pair of startled brown eyes found me and Mason’s face pulled together with worry.
I walked right up to him—he was sitting about half way down the aisle—and put my face close to his. “I need to talk to you. Now.”
Startled by my intensity, he nodded without question and gathered up his things. He sent an apologetic look towards Professor McPherson, but that was it. He followed me out in silence. When we made it into the hall and the door shut, he asked, “Addy, what’s wrong?” his hands going to my shoulders, concern written clear on his face.
I shook him off and folded my arms across my chest.
“Wrong?” I demanded, heat fueling my end of the conversation. “What’s wrong?”
Mason nodded, having no idea what this was all about.
Well, I was about to enlighten him then.
“What’s wrong is that you let a psychopath hang out with us!” I spat at him angrily, my hands balling into fists at my side. “And you told me he wasn’t as bad as he seemed! Worse, you let him take home your friend!”
I was so angry now, I couldn’t see straight. I’d known Mason since the previous school year, lucky enough to find a sophomore guide that wasn’t a complete asshole.
At least, that’s what I’d thought, until now. I had a lot of respect for Mason and I’d always considered him a good guy, but now? How could I? There was no way to justify letting that jerk, that creep into his house and telling me that it was okay!
And I had to assume that Mason knew. The way he’d been acting a little nervous about Logan, the way he seemed to not like the winks Logan threw my way or that he’d shown up unannounced at the movie night.
He knew.
“Wait, wait,” Mason said, holding up his hands. “Slow down. Now, what do you mean by psychopath? When have I ever put you in a dangerous situation, Addy?”
“Never, until last Friday!” I spat at him, barely able to even stand there still talking to him.
He still seemed confused. “What? I didn’t put you in danger last Friday! I helped out a friend who was feeling down and stressed out!” he said, starting to get heated himself. Color flushed his cheeks and he’d started gesturing with his hands. “Then you freak out because a good friend of mine comes over for a beer and some popcorn?”
There it was. A good friend. Meaning they were tight. Meaning, in all likelihood, Mason knew exactly what kind of person Logan was. And did nothing about it.
“I freak out when it’s someone who got suspended for physically abusing his last girlfriend!” I shouted, finally getting to the crux of why I was so angry. “I can forget about the sleeping with teachers and the using women, even though I don’t condone it and I think it makes him a shitty person, but that? No. I can’t forgive someone for abusing the person they’re supposed to care about! And I can’t believe you do.”
I turned away from him, prepared to march off in indignant anger after saying my peace, but he caught my arm, forcing me to turn back and face him.
“Whoa, whoa,” he said. “Back up. If you’re talking about Logan, then you have no idea what you’re saying. I don’t know who told you that stuff, but none of it’s true.”
I was mad enough that I wanted to yank my arm free—maybe even use some of my moves from my defense class—and stomp away, yelling the we were no longer friends. But the look on Mason’s face had softened a little and I remembered that I had thought of him as a good friend for a while now.
It was the hope that maybe, somehow he still was a good friend that kept me still.
“None of it?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Well, he may have fooled around with a girl or two, but he didn’t break any records or anything. He’s really not that big of a player, to be honest. Just never his game.”
Something eased in my chest. So maybe something of what he told me was true the other night…? But whether he was a player or not didn’t matter, I reminded myself. This was more important.
“What about the abuse?”
Mason gritted his teeth, anger flashing through him. “That was the dumbest shit ever. He never touched that girl. In fact, if it hadn’t been for him, she would probably be dead now.”
I frowned. “What happened?”
Letting out a sigh, Mason ran his hand through his hair. “The guy who actually beat the crap out of her was her boyfriend. Logan’s only involvement was being the poor schmuck to catch that asshole in the act of kicking her repeatedly in the stomach. He saw red.”
Suddenly nervous, Mason hesitated. “He… well, he went pretty hard on the guy. When they questioned the girl, she said she was confused and didn’t know what had happened. She dropped out two weeks into this semester.”
Strange emotions swirled around inside me. I’d gotten it all backwards, hadn’t I? Logan hadn’t hurt his girlfriend… he’d protected someone else’s. I thought of his stormy blue eyes, and the peace lost somewhere in the center of them.
Biting my lip, I started backing away. “Thanks Mason,” I said, turning to run off.
Throwing up his hands as he watched me go, he shouted after me, “Next time just ask!”
Chapter 10
I didn’t know where he’d be, but I was pretty sure he was getting out of one of his classes located in Old Main. Jogging through the campus, no longer caring that it was still raining and I was getting wetter and wetter by the moment, I made my way to Old Main with renewed determination.
I had to see him.
I was so focused on finding him and so lost in my thoughts—wondering how much of what Lexie said was true, how much of what he said was true—that I didn’t even pay attention when I slammed into a hard body.
Probably, I would have fallen right over and landed on my butt if it hadn’t been for the strong arms wrapping around me. Catching my breath, I glanced up only to lose it again.
“Logan,” I gasped.
Grinning, he responded, “Addy.”
His hands lingered on my arms, warm spots on my otherwise wet and cold body.
“I… I was looking for you,” I murmured, now suddenly feeling stupid for the urgency I’d felt moments ago.
His eyebrows raised in surprise and he looked pleased. “Really? And why might that be?”
Straightening up, I pulled away from his warm hands; he let them fall to his sides. His hair was loose today, the ponytail missing. Outside, the rain had stopped—of course, right after I get to my destination—and the sun had started peeking through the clouds. Streaks of it glinted off of his golden hair.
“Addy?” he asked, looking amused.
Clearing my throat, I decided to be bold. “I wanted to know what you’re trying to pull with me,” I said, staring him straight in the face and standing tall.
His amusement faded slightly as he turned thoughtful. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Oh, don’t give me that!” I challenged. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Are you… are you just trying to… to…”
I searched for the right words. Seeing me struggle, Logan stepped closer to me. He was near enough now that I could feel heat radiating from his body.
“Are you just interested in sex?” I finally managed to get out, feeling strange and vulnerable for asking.
I wouldn’t meet his gaze until his large hand found my chin and gently pulled my face up to look at him. He considered what I said, searching my face and contemplating his next words. I don’t know what he saw there.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to sleep with you, Addy,” he murmured, so close to me that I could feel his minty breath against my lips.
I want to sleep with you, too, was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t make my mouth work. It didn’t matter what I wanted or how my body seemed to respond to him. All that mattered was that he was exactly the kind of guy I was supposed to be staying away from.