"You're sure?"
Ben nodded his head then picked up the tray of sandwiches. "Take one of these to Isaac. I know he's probably hungry by now. There's some fruit punch and celery sticks too."
"I'll take him some. Let me watch all the kids for the afternoon. You go to Vance and get some rest with him. Relax."
"Thank you, Slayven. You're a saint."
* * *
Rav waited impatiently in the common room of the ship, wringing his hands together on his lap and picking at the drawstring in his black hoodie. He had been completely sober for the two days since he had said those awful things about his son. It was no excuse, and he felt worse about this than anything else he had done in his life. It had torn his son away from him. Even now, Kalimis was sitting next to him with a laser pistol in his hand, prepared to intervene if Rav was to lose control and harm his son.
"Bring him in, Leah." Kalimis called out to the side door. "I've got him covered if he tries anything."
Rav's heart leapt in his chest when the love of his life brought the tiny seven-year-old bald boy out from behind the door. He immediately got down on his knees and held out his hands to his son. "Nemo! Nemo, come here. Oh, I've missed you. Have you been all right?"
Nemo simply stood there with Leah behind him.
"Nemo, please. Give me a chance." Rav crawled up to him and wrapped his arms around his son's bony legs. "I love you. I'm so sorry for the things I said. These two days of not seeing you have been torture. I didn't mean anything I said back there. I need you. Come back to me. I'm not going to hurt you. You know that. I'm your father. You mean the world to me, Nemo. I was in a bad place and drunk. I know it's no excuse, but I'm not going to hurt you. I swear it. Do you forgive me?"
"No."
Rav's heart shattered. He let go of his son and sat back on his knees to look up at the thin face.
Leah patted Nemo's head. "Nemo, your daddy is apologizing for what he said."
"I know what he's doing. I'm not stupid."
"No one called you that. Has someone called you stupid?" Rav asked, frowning more.
"Stop." Nemo slapped her hand away from his shoulder. "You didn't have to use the word to say it. Listen to me. Do you think I want to be like this? Do you think I choose to be sick all the time? I'm sorry it's hard on you, but what about me? No one cares about me. I'm tired of no one hearing me. I'm hurting and I'm scared, but all of you want to throw me away. You lock me in the med bay and hook me up to machines that hurt me. You drug me when I cry too much. It hurts in ways you will never understand. The electrical currents burn me. The coolant makes me sick. I know what I am, but I'm not just scrap parts. Don't throw me away. I have a right to live too."
Rav stared into those mint green eyes that held so many thoughts and emotions below the glossy surface. "That's the most eloquently you've ever spoken, Nemo."
Kalimis grinned. "Wow. You raised a smart one, Rav."
He turned his attention back to his son. "Nemo, I do care about you. I've cared since the day you were created. You're my son."
"You said you never should have created me."
"I didn't mean it, Nemo. I didn't mean it."
"Then why did you say it?" Nemo asked, his tiny voice quivering.
"Because I was sick too. I have things I am dealing with as well. I said things I didn't mean. I love you, Nemo. I always will." Rav took his hand, but he quickly released it when he felt the trembling. "No. Nemo?"
The boy's eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed on the beige carpet.
Leah raced to him and picked him up in her arms. "He's having another seizure. It's because of those memories. He has nightmares like this that cripple him. We can't do anything to reverse it." She held the boy out to Rav. "All you can do is hold him until it's over."
"Maybe someone else should do this."
"Rav, he needs his father."
Rav tore his gaze away from him. "He didn't forgive me."
"He's seven. He's angry, just like you get. He doesn't mean that. You two are more alike than you'd like to admit. Hold your son and comfort him. Take him, Rav! He needs you."
Rav turned back around and took his son in his arms. He held him tightly against his chest to keep him from harming himself through the violent trembling. He kissed his head that quickly became covered in a sheen of sweat. "Nemo, it's okay. It's all right. Whatever you're seeing, it's not real. It's not real. You're safe. You're safe here. Daddy has you. Daddy has you now, and I'm never letting go."
Chapter 2
Ben and Vance stood inches from each other as five minutes passed by, neither of them saying a word or making a move. The bedroom was quiet, clean, and the bed was made and covered with rose petals. Candles flickered on the dresser and the bedside table, casting a pale yellow glow over the carpet and the metal walls.
Ben unwound his white turban and tossed it onto the dresser. He unzipped his black skinny jeans and slid them down over his red silk underwear. With a playful grin, he unbuttoned his flannel shirt and dropped it to the floor then took Vance's hand. "Shall we move to the bed?"
"I can't."
"What? Why not? Oh, I get it. We'll warm up a little bit first." He picked up his communicator and found some slow jazz to play. He placed his hands on Vance's shoulders. "Dance with me?"
"Oh, Ben, no. Turn the music off and get dressed."
"Uh, o-okay?" Ben shut the music off before pulling his jeans back on. "What's going on? Do you want to get a bite to eat first or something? I'm sure we can find some leftovers in the kitchen. I made some chicken Alfredo last night that-"
"Stop talking."
He stared into the mismatched eyes of his husband that were cold, detached, and unfeeling. Another minute dragged by in seemingly endless silence as Vance's gaze traveled from Ben's short shaved brown hair to his neck, his pale chest, and down past his waist. Once those eyes had made their way back to his, Vance took a deep breath and turned away from him.
"Did I do something wrong?" Ben asked. "Whatever it is, let's fix it. We can still talk and then we can have our night together. I'm sorry for upsetting you. Please don't let us fight on this last final night we have together. Please, Vance."
Vance crossed his arms over his purple tank top as he quietly spoke to Ben. "I had wanted our final night together to be something worth remembering for you. I wanted to get some wine and all of your favorite foods, have some romantic music playing, and slowly make love to you one last time. But I'm not going to do any of that. I'm sorry you thought something else was going to happen tonight. None of that is going to happen. I'm leaving early."
"What? You said you were going to leave tomorrow, after we landed on Odyssia's moon."
Vance picked up his plasma-edged boomerang and wiped the fine layer of dust from it before spinning it in his hand then securing it to his metal arm. "We're leaving early. Rav is already in the Galaxy Glider with Nemo, all packed up and ready to go. We got another seat installed for Nemo to sit in as well. Everything is ready. Rav wants to get there early and meet with this mystery contact alone. I don't blame him."
"You're just leaving? We were supposed to have a night together. I put rose petals on the bed and got those vanilla candles you like. I did everything. I shaved like you like. And I mean I shaved everywhere. I even used the special chocolate lotion you love. You can't just run off. I've barely seen you since we returned to this ship. Vance, you're going to die on Sunday."
"I know. That's why I'm leaving now."
He began to beg. "Just an hour. Stay with me for one hour. You're my husband. Let me say goodbye the right way."
"I'm sorry, Ben. I can't."
"Thirty minutes? Twenty minutes. Ten!"
Vance picked up his weathered long leather coat from the back of the chair against the wall and started towards the door.
"Vance!" Ben ran after him and caught his hand. "You can't do this. You can't leave like this. Don't you get it? This is the last time we will ever see each other. This is
the last time I will ever touch you. Please. Please don't go."
"I can't. I can't stay here."
"I love you!"
Vance did not answer. Instead, he pulled his leather jacket on and left the room, his boots stomping down the hallway.
Ben was left standing the doorway, feeling broken and hollow. He fell to his knees and stayed there for nearly an hour, listening to the silence and the dull roar of the engines as they took off from the outpost until he could not stand it any longer.
Choking back the need to scream, he rushed into the bathroom and tripped over the rug, nearly falling face-first into the shower. He turned the water on as cold as he could get it then removed his clothes. With a hesitant breath, he stepped into the shower. Gasping and shivering, he stood under the freezing water and scrubbed away the scented lotion that reminded him far too much of the night they should have had together. His teeth ground together and chattered to the point of chipping, but Ben stayed there in the sobering ice-cold deluge until his skin turned red and numb.
Leaving the shower, he held onto the walls to steady himself as he stepped into the bedroom. Through his blurry vision, he found some baggy black sweatpants and one of Vance's tank tops in the dresser and slowly dressed, not even caring enough to dry off first. Still dripping with water, Ben stepped into his soft slippers, slid his pink-rimmed glasses on, blew out all the candles, and left the room.
Ben stumbled down the hallway to the cockpit then tried to ignore the two women who teased him as soon as the door slid open.
"Hey, big boy. How's it going in there?" Leah asked, winking at him.
Sandra giggled as she spun in her rolling chair in front of the cockpit controls. "Yeah, getting all that loving in while you can? Need some orange juice to get re-hydrated for round two? I think there are some energy bars stashed away under my pilot's chair."
"No."
Sandra and Leah looked at each other with confusion on their faces as Ben shuffled past. "What's wrong?"
"Drop it. Let's get started on monitoring everyone." Ben sat in his chair then pushed the frozen burrito wrappers and empty paper coffee cups from the consoles. "I need to get this area cleaned up and organized. Just put the ship on autopilot and you two can go to bed. I'll be up for a while."
"Ben? Why aren't you in there with Vance?" Leah asked, pulling the bobby pins from her bun of red hair.
With a heavy heart, he bit his lip to keep back the surge of tears that threatened to burst free. He gathered up enough resolve to whisper to them while still maintaining his outward strength. "Vance left early."
"What? We just left the outpost. He couldn't have left since then."
"He left before then with Rav on the Galaxy Glider. They're long gone by now. He didn't even kiss me goodbye. I said that I loved him, but he ignored me."
"Do you want to call him?" Sandra asked, chewing on her fingernails until Leah slapped her arm playfully. "I'm sure we can talk Rav into turning around so Vance will be forced to talk to you."
"No. Vance said goodbye how he wanted to say it. I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He's always hated goodbyes."
"You poor thing." Leah rolled over in her chair to stop in front of Ben. She took him in her arms and held him there as she stroked his wet hair. "Don't you worry. Leah's gonna take care of you. We'll get your mind off of all this and turn this night around. You don't have to be so lonely and sad. You're too darn cute to be moping around like this. I hate it when little ones like you cry. Don't cry on me, Benny!"
He struggled to get away from her as he was nearly being suffocated in her chest. "My name is Ben. How young do you think I am?"
Leah gasped and held him at arm's length. "How scandalous! You're underage, aren't you? I knew Vance liked the younger-looking guys, but you're just a boy."
"What? No. I'm nearly twenty-seven. Where are you getting this false information? You people need to check your sources."
Both the women stared at him with wide wondering eyes.
Ben grumbled under his breath as he took out his communicator and brought up his university ID. "Here. It's from three years ago. Twenty-four. Happy now?"
"Awe, look at you and that mop of curls. You were so adorable!"
Rolling his eyes, Ben shut the communicator off and stuffed it back into the pocket of his baggy sweatpants. "I really don't feel like doing anything."
Leah's eyes lit up and she kicked off her black pumps. "What about a girl's night? We can all get together in Sandra's room and do facials. I read somewhere about one that uses coconut oil and strawberries-"
"I'm allergic to strawberries."
"Oh, then we can do one with cucumbers and almond milk. Don't worry, Benny. We'll make you all pretty and pampered and get you to forget about all this stress for awhile. Maybe we can even do pedicures."
Ben groaned and held his head in his hands. He looked up as his uncle in the green vest and purple turban sauntered into the cockpit. "Kill me."
"What is going on in here?" Tamir asked.
Sandra grinned. "We're going to give our amigo, Ben, a makeover and wax his eyebrows."
"Dear God, man." Ben spun around and held his hands up pleadingly to Tamir. "Just shoot me and put me out of my misery. I can't do it."
Tamir put his hands on his hips and pointed towards the door. "Ladies, why don't you two go to bed and let me take care of my nephew? He is not up for this kind of harassment, no matter how good your intentions are. Benjamin needs some space and time to think."
"Fine. But if you change your mind, you know where to find us, Benny."
After the women left the cockpit, Ben gave his uncle a small smile. "Thanks."
"Where is your husband?" Tamir asked.
"On a Galaxy Glider heading towards Odyssia."
"I see."
Ben stared up at the reinforced glass as the distant lights dancing through space sped past the ship. "Vance hates saying goodbye, so he simply didn't."
"I understand. Why don't we get you into bed? I will make you some tea and stay by your side until you fall asleep."
"I'm fine. I don't need to be treated like I'm a child. I'm a grown man, for space's sake."
"Even men can break, Benjamin. You've been strong for so long, but now is the time for you to take a moment and let go. You won't be able to lead this rebellion if you are falling apart behind that mask you wear. You're brave. You're strong. You're intelligent. All those qualities will be lost if you are dragged down by this pain. It's okay to cry, Ben. It's all right."
* * *
After flying for five hours, Rav cracked open another can of lime soda as he turned on the autopilot in the Galaxy Glider. He glanced back behind him at Vance's reflection on the black screens on the other side of the middle column. "You're quiet."
"I just ran off to risk my life and left my husband without so much as a kiss goodbye."
"You're heartless."
Vance groaned. "I can't do it, mate. I can't do the lovey-dovey, so long, I'll always miss you crap. I can't. Goodbyes are like getting superglue stuck to your balls. It's better for everyone if you just rip it off and get it over with as quickly as you can."
"I remember when that happened." Rav chuckled. "You screamed like a little girl. That was a sight I never wanted to see again. Thanks for reminding me. Now I'm going to have nightmares."
"Imagine how I feel. I'm the one who had to strap a bag of frozen carrots to my groin while we finished repairing that motherboard." Vance leaned back in his gunner chair and sighed. "What I wouldn't give to be back down there in Odyssia, working away with you at CyrinoTech. That place was hell, but those were some of the best years of my life."
"I thought you hated Odyssia."
"I do. But I don't hate how simple life was. I don't hate how I knew you would always have my back. I don't hate how I was able to make plans because I didn't know I was going to die before I'd get the chance."
Rav put his feet up on the consoles. "Well, that'
s why we're trying to end this war. No more killing, no more pointless deaths. After this is all over, you, Ben, Leah, and I will all go find a nice place to live, somewhere peaceful like in the mountains on Elysia or maybe by the ocean on AX-97. You'll see. Your life will get back to normal in no time."
"Yeah . . . sure."
"What do you say? Are you up for that? All four of us living near each other? I'll marry Leah and we'll start growing our family. You and Ben and the fifteen Nemo clones can be our neighbors. We'll have game nights and go see movies. We'll do everything together. And most of all, we'll be free from all this worry. It'll be great. Trust me."
Vance whispered over the sound of the engines. "Rav, I need to tell you something."
"Don't sound all sad. With my flying expertise, there's no need to worry about us getting shot down or crashing. You'll live through this war. All three of us will. I'm carrying precious cargo. You know I'm not going to place my son in any danger." Rav reached back to pat Nemo's knee. "Isn't that right, buddy?"
Nemo's green eyes stared at Vance.
"He's staring at me, Rav."
"Talk to him. You've been avoiding him. He's doing a bit better now . . . well, aside from the flashbacks and nightmares and the seizures. He knows who you are."
Vance's voice quivered as he spoke to the boy. "Hey, Nemo. I'm your Uncle Vance."
"You're my other father. Don't lie to me."
"Oh."
Rav laughed. "Yeah, he's a lot more articulate than he used to be."
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Vance asked.
Nemo patted Vance's hand. "I'm trying to put your face into my memories so I can still see you after you die on Sunday."
Rav's smile vanished. "Nemo, why do you think Vance is going to die on Sunday? No one here is going to die. Don't you worry about that. Hey, Vance, you ready to give me backup? We'll be landing on Odyssia's moon in about two hours. We made great time. You two are troopers, only stopping once this entire time. Remind me to take you both on more trips."
"You know I've always got your back, mate. So, who do you think it is?"
The Genesis Sequence Books 6-10 Page 53