“Thanks,” he muttered, and I hoped Rachel wouldn’t pry. I’d told her about Zack’s mother, but I knew he wouldn’t want to talk about her situation.
“Hey, that is cool,” Molly said, leaning down to inspect Rachel’s stomach. “One of yours?”
I looked up to see her directing her question at Chase. I looked at him in question as he froze for a few seconds.
“Um, no, not one of mine,” he mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pack.
He concentrated on lighting it, as I stared at him in wonder. I had absolutely no idea my brother designed tattoos. He was a freaking mystery to me still, after all the time we’d spent together that summer.
Zack set about making introductions, pointing to everyone in turn.
“And, this is my friend, Derrick,” he said last, and I heard Rachel gasp.
I think she finally noticed the cute blond guy who’d been smirking at her since she’d walked up. I watched her swallow hard, as she said a hushed hello to him, and I reminded myself to remind her that she had a boyfriend when everyone else was out of earshot.
After a few hours of baking in the sun, Molly, Derrick and Chase left to smoke. Jared, Leo, Reagan and Keely were hitting a volleyball back and forth in the surf, and Zack had gone back to the house to check on his mom, so Rachel and I were alone.
“Oh, my God,” she breathed, letting her head fall back as if she was exhausted.
“What?” I asked, peering at her over my aviators.
“That guy – Derrick.”
“He’s cute,” I said, stealing a glance back up the beach where he was just disappearing around the side of our house behind my brother.
“He’s also the drummer for Liar’s Edge,” she said, shaking her head back and forth.
“Shit!” I said, sitting up straight. “The guy you slept with who never called you? I thought he had longer hair.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow at me. “Well, he obviously cut it, but I’d remember him anywhere. That bloody piranha tattoo on his stomach is pretty unique.” She made a sour face.
“Shit,” I said again, for lack of anything better that would fit that bombshell. “Do you think he remembers you? It was like two years ago.”
“Oh, he does,” she said. “He’s been smirking at me knowingly all day, and I just know he’s picturing me naked. This sucks!”
“Wow, you must have been pretty memorable,” I said, wondering just how talented my best friend was in the bedroom.
“It’s was a good night,” she said, a bit of nostalgia creeping into her voice. “This seriously sucks.”
“Why? So you slept with him. Who cares?”
She shook her head, and mumbled something incoherent, and I knew I needed to change the subject. Rachel was about to lose it. So I asked her what I’d really wanted to know but had been afraid to ask each time we’d talked.
“How’s Ben?” I asked, holding my breath slightly.
She just raised her eyebrows at me.
“I’m serious. How is he?”
I’d actually thought about Ben a lot since our last conversation. My anger at him had dissipated just a little, and the part of me who’d loved him for so many years wanted to know if he was okay.
“He’s alright,” Rachel said, not looking over at me. I knew her mind was still on Derrick.
“Care to elaborate?”
She finally looked at me. “I could,” she said, being vague.
“Please,” I said, feeling like I really needed to know.
She rolled over onto one elbow and propped herself up. “Well, it was bad for about two weeks. He was drinking a lot – you know, out of control at parties and stuff, and he wouldn’t shut up about you and how you broke his heart and how much he loved you. He kept hounding me for details about ‘the asshole you cheated on him with’,” she said, using air quotes and a really dramatic deep voice to imitate Ben. It sounded nothing like him.
My face fell a little at the thought of how broken up he was. No pun intended – seriously.
“I didn’t give anything up, don’t worry,” Rachel assured me.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I figured it would be better just to let it go,” she said, and she was probably right.
“God, I feel so bad that he was hurting. It’s the only part I regret.”
“Well, let me finish. You might change your mind.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Well, one night a few weeks ago, he shows up at Olivia Carlson’s house with – drum roll please – Ashleigh Ballast!”
“No way!” I said, sitting all the way up.
Rachel nodded, smiling conspiratorially at me. “Yup, he did. She was all smiling and smug and telling everyone they were together. He wasn’t denying it. Then they were practically going at it on the couch later that night, so it was sort of confirmed.”
“I never actually thought he would stoop that low,” I said, shaking my head.
Rachel waved her hand in dismissal. “Yeah, well, I assume that he was upset, and she was there, he fell, and she caught him – right between her thighs.”
I swatted Rachel with the back of my hand. “Ew! Do you really have to be so vulgar?”
“Yes, I do. So anyway, ever since then, they’ve been making out everywhere. It’s disgusting. I’m not convinced he’s fully over you. If you want my opinion, I think Ashleigh’s just providing him with a nice distraction.”
“Wow,” I said, for lack of anything better.
I was not surprised, but at the same time, I was dumbstruck. Ben, my Ben, had stooped low enough to go out with Ashleigh. Of course, he wasn’t my Ben anymore, so I didn’t really have a say in what he did. But I at least expected him to have better taste than that.
“Hey,” Rachel said, sensing my change in mood like only a best friend can. “He could only go downhill from you, you know that, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it’s just weird, you know? I was with him for so long. I can’t picture him with someone else, let alone her.”
“Do you miss him,” she asked, posing an honest question.
I shrugged, then nodded. “In some ways, yes, but more as a friend. I don’t have the same feelings I used to have for him. I compare him to Zack, and there’s no contest, but it’s just hard when someone is in your life for so long, and then they’re not. It was easy to push him out of my mind here when I didn’t have to see him, but it’ll be weird when we get back to school.”
Rachel nodded but I wasn’t convinced she fully understood. She’d never had a serious boyfriend, and she’d never been in love. It was hard to imagine when someone who was the center of your universe, who you basically worshiped, was no longer even in your life. I wasn’t sure I would be all that okay once I saw Ben again.
“If you want my opinion, I think Ben is just filling time until you get back. My guess is that he’s heart-broken and embarrassed that he got dumped, so he’s trying to save face. I would bet anything that if you offered to take him back, he would go in a second. You can tell he doesn’t really like Ashleigh that much.”
“Really,” I said, not sure how I felt about that.
“Come on, Em, You know Ben. He’s upset, but he doesn’t want anyone to see it.”
I swallowed hard. I hadn’t wanted to hurt him, but it had been sort of inevitable.
When I didn’t say anything, Rachel got concerned. “You’re not thinking of taking him back, are you?”
I looked away from the far off point in the middle of the ocean that I’d been focusing on and looked over at her, shaking my head. “No, I’m not. I just feel bad. I still care about him, that’s all.”
Rachel put her arm around my shoulder and half-hugged me. “I know, but at the same time, if you fell out of love with him, then you shouldn’t have felt obligated to stay with him. You got back together with him out of obligation before, and look how well that worked out for you.”
She had a point.
“Besides, Zack is pretty cool.” She nudged me slightly, making me smile. “See, you did the right thing. Zack makes you happy. I can tell. And I like him – double bonus. He seems like a great guy.”
“He is,” I said, smiling widely, my mind flitting to having to say goodbye to him in just two weeks. I wanted more time.
“Okay, so I have to know,” I said, changing the subject before I got emotional. “What is everyone saying about me hauling off and hitting Ashleigh?”
“Um, well, I’ve heard words like psycho and crazy bitch, but I’ve also heard you being touted as a hero, since so many people feel like she had it coming. It’s pretty much a fifty-fifty split, but I think you breaking up with Ben might have caused more of an opinion change. A lot of girls aren’t your biggest fan, but some love you since he’s now on the market.”
I waved my hand is dismissal. “Oh well. Fuck ‘em. I’ll never see most of them again after this summer anyway.”
“Wow,” Rachel said, pushing her sunglasses up on her head. “You really have changed this summer. I like it.”
I smiled back at her. I liked it too.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Are you talking about me, princess?” Zack asked, sneaking up behind us and leaning down to kiss me.
I saw Rachel’s questioning stare when he pulled away, but thankfully she didn’t ask where the nickname had come from.
“We were just talking about high school,” she said. “Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Aw, that’s no disappointment. I don’t need Emily airing all my secrets anyway,” he said, winking at me. He was so darn cute. “Don’t stop on my account though. I’d rather like to hear all about Emily in a cheerleading uniform, although I’m not sure I can picture you bouncing around and yelling to the crowd to ‘get fired up’.”
Rachel laughed a big, raucous laugh. “Please, Emily was Ms. Cheerleader.”
Zack shook his head. “Not the Emily that I know,” he said, pulling me closer to him and kissing my neck, making me feel all gooey inside. “Too bad you don’t have that uniform here. I’ve never made out with a cheerleader before.”
“Really?” I asked, thinking that as hot as he was, he definitely would have been part of the popular crowd.
“Nah, I sort of did my own thing in high school. I was in a band, so the cheerleaders weren’t exactly into that scene.”
I could totally picture Zack as an indie-rocker in high school, wearing all black and not really fitting in with the populace at his Asheville high school.
“Wait a minute,” Rachel said, sitting up quickly and looking at Zack. “You were in a band?”
He nodded. “Yeah, for about two years. We sucked though. We only played a few parties here and there, but we thought we were hot shit.”
Rachel squinted at him, as if she was trying to figure something out that didn’t quite fit. By the way Zack was looking at her it seemed he knew she was onto him. I was lost trying to figure out what insight Rachel had gleaned and what Zack could be holding back, my gaze shifting back and forth between the two of them.
“What was the name of your band?” Rachel asked.
“Out of Dodge,” Zack said, coolly.
“You went to Duke right?” she asked in full-on detective mode.
“Yes,” Zack said, and I could tell he was uncomfortable with her questioning. I wanted to tell her to back off, but part of me wanted to find out what her angle was.
“Were you in a band while you were at Duke?”
Zack hesitated for a moment before saying curtly, “Yes, but we stopped playing together when my mom got sick again last year.”
“What was the name of your band, Zack?” Rachel asked, completely side-stepping the awkward revelation he had just shared. I could tell it was his way of telling her to stop with the third-degree, but she ignored him. I could hear the intrigue in her voice, so I knew she wouldn’t stop until she confirmed what she was thinking.
“Liar’s Edge,” Zack finally muttered.
“What?!” I said, completely taken aback by this information. He was in Liar’s Edge? Then it hit me, and I knew in that instant why he’d looked so familiar to me when we’d first met. He was the lead singer. Un-fucking-believable.
“I knew it! I knew you looked familiar, and I totally remember your tattoo,” Rachel said, turning to me, a self-satisfied smug look on her face as if she had solved a giant mystery. I gaped at her in disbelief since she obviously couldn’t see how this revelation was tearing me to pieces. “He was totally hanging out in kitchen shirtless the next morning.”
“Unbelievable,” I said, shaking my head back and forth while glaring at Zack.
I watched all the color drain from his face as he stared at Rachel, and I’m pretty sure he was wondering when they’d slept together and why he thought I was suddenly upset. He blinked a few times before shifting his gaze over to me, his mouth hanging open slightly as if he wasn’t quite sure how to broach this realization with me.
“Relax,” I said coldly. “She slept with Derrick, not you, but it might have been nice if you’d told me you were in Liar’s Edge when I was going on and on about how much I loved them. It might have been prudent to say, ‘Hey, that’s actually my band, and that lead singer you were lusting after was me.’ I’m just saying.”
I was still trying to wrap my head around this new information as relief washed over Zack’s face for a split second before he realized I was truly upset with him and his face fell again.
Rachel, not getting the impact of what she’d just revealed, burst out laughing at the idea of her sleeping with Zack, which I didn’t think was all that funny, but I was so focused on Zack that I didn’t have time to think about it. He was staring at me intently, an almost pleading look on his face, and I was staring back at him, fuming.
“Holy shit,” Rachel said, turning to me when she’d recovered. “I can’t believe you’ve been dating the lead singer of Liar’s Edge and you didn’t tell me, but by the look on your face, you obviously didn’t know it until right now. Okay, this is awkward.”
Zack dropped his gaze to the sand and started kicking it around with his feet. I looked at him, willing him to make eye contact with me, but he wouldn’t do it.
“Zack, do you realize what a huge crush Emily had on you? Do you?” Rachel shook her head again, and I wished she would just shut up. Couldn’t she see what was going on between us?
“You’re the fucking lead singer of Liar’s Edge?” I said, rather calmly, and Zack met my gaze again, remorse in his eyes.
I eyes shifted to the ‘LE’ tattoo on his arm, and suddenly everything clicked. I felt so stupid! The design surrounding the letters was the same design that was on the back cover of their album. I must have looked at it a hundred times over the summer wondering why it looked so familiar to me, and the answer was right there all along.
Now I knew why Zack had looked so familiar to me when we’d first met. I’d spent hours on the Liar’s Edge website two years earlier reading about the band and checking to see when their next show was scheduled. I’d seen his picture a thousand times, yet it had never clicked. Never in a million years would I ever even remotely thought that my path would cross with the lead singer of Liar’s Edge, but I guess it had.
“Yeah, I was,” Zack said morosely, bringing me back to the present.
Why hadn’t he told me? He’d lied to me, or rather omitted the fact that he was the lead singer of a band he knew I loved. What the hell was that all about?
“Em, please don’t be mad,” he said instantly when he saw the look on my face. He dropped to his knees in front of me.
“Um, yeah, so I don’t think mad is the word,” I said, the chill apparent in my voice. “I’d probably choose hurt, confused and quite honestly a little excited only because I can’t help it, but the other two are definitely overshadowing that last emotion.”
Zack reached for my hands, but I didn’t let him take them. Next to me, I could feel Rachel watc
hing our exchange closely, wondering what the hell was going on. I knew she wanted to ask questions, but she thankfully held back.
“Leaving Liar’s Edge was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” Zack said quietly. “I didn’t tell you about it because I don’t like to talk about it. Simply put, I had everything I ever wanted in my reach, and I had no choice but to give it up.”
God, the look in his eyes could have killed me. I could literally see how much he hated talking about his band, but I knew he’d left because of his mom, so his decision had been the right one.
“What happened?” Rachel asked, unable to keep quiet while Zack and I worked through this giant thing that was now between us.
Zack sighed as he sat down on edge of my towel, but he continued. “We had been scouted pretty heavily by some labels but hadn’t committed to any at that point. Then I found out my mom was sick again, and she was all alone. I didn’t have any other choice. In an instant, I gave up my dream of being a musician, so I could take care of her, but I essentially crushed the dreams of my band mates in the process. It was pretty selfish of me.”
I blanched at how hard he was being on himself.
“They didn’t understand your reasoning,” I asked, wondering who these friends of his were.
He shook his head. “No, the guys completely understood which actually made it harder. I think it would have felt better if they’d been pissed, but they couldn’t have been more supportive.”
“Do you regret it?” Rachel asked, as I silently reached out to take Zack’s hand. He looked gratefully at me as he squeezed my hand in return.
“Every day and not at all,” he said, cryptically. “The decision I made was the right one, and I’d make it again if I had to, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss the music.”
“Do you play at all?” Rachel asked, and I wanted to stop her from prying.
Zack shook his head. “Not my own stuff,” he said, wistfully. “I still write and compose music, but I haven’t played anything of mine in a while.”
I reached out and fingered the tattoo on his right forearm, the lyrics he’d written – Liar’s Edge lyrics – lyrics he never sang anymore. I knew instantly that he hated the carefree guy he had to transform into when he played at Phil’s Tavern. He did it for the money, but his heart wasn’t in it. He sang catchy cover songs because the crowd liked them, but it was writing and singing his own music that he could put soul into. The closest he got was when he played his guitar at the beach, but even then he wasn’t singing his own stuff.
Broken Fairytales Page 24