“Are we anywhere near your spot?” I asked him at one point when we’d broken away from a group of people who were raving out about his playing.
He shook his head. “No, but we could be. Do you want to go there?”
I nodded. “I want to be alone with you. Can we go?”
“Sure. Are you okay leaving Rachel?”
Oh, shit. I’d forgotten about her. Damn, I was being a bad friend. I scanned the beach for Rachel and spotted her sitting by the fire talking to Chase. They were laughing about something. I jogged over to them. I was glad they were becoming friends again, especially since Chase and I had formed a friendship of sorts ourselves.
“Hey,” I said, feeling breathless, and not from the short run.
“Hey,” she said, looking up at me. “Having fun?”
“Yeah,” I said, grinning. “I am.”
“Tell Zack I loved the song. It was a good choice.”
I nodded. “I will. Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Um, I think we might take off for a little bit. Is that cool?” I asked, hoping she would catch my innuendo.
She smiled. “Absolutely! Go.”
“You’re sure?” I asked, suddenly worried that I was leaving her in my brother’s not so capable hands. “You don’t need me to stay here to run interference with Derrick?”
Rachel laughed. “No, I think Chase sufficiently scared him away, so I’m good. Go have sex!”
“Rachel!” I said, realizing she was shouting. She must not have known how drunk she was. She looked a little apologetic but not much. “Okay, I’m going. Chase, can you make sure Rachel gets home safe?”
He jokingly put his arm around her. “She’ll be fine. I’ll keep Derrick away from her.”
“I think I need someone to keep you away from her,” I said sarcastically to which Chase made a face.
“I’ll be fine,” Rachel said. “I don’t need a babysitter. Go!”
“Okay, okay,” I said, smiling. “Have fun!”
Rachel whispered something to Chase, and he snorted a laugh. I was curious about what she’d said but didn’t have time to ask.
“You too,” Rachel called, as I walked away. “Use a condom!”
I cringed as I realized that more people than I had wanted to just heard what I was going to do with Zack. Then I figured it didn’t matter and ran across the sand to his outstretched hand.
Chapter Twenty-Four
An hour later, after stopping at his house to get a blanket, we were at Zack’s spot. He was idly sitting against the mouth of the cave, strumming an unknown tune on his guitar. He looked like he was far away.
“You okay?”
He shrugged. “No different than usual.”
“You’re worried,” I said, knowing he was.
He looked out over the water and sighed deeply, his breath coming out in a huff. “This summer has been great,” he said. “One of my best, but it’s all going to end.” He brought his gaze back to me.
“We still have time,” I said, trying to sound positive. I also knew he was referring to much more than our time together. There was a deadline looming that he didn’t want to think about, but what made it worse was that he didn’t know when that deadline actually was.
“It’s not just that,” he said, and I knew he was thinking the same thing as me.
I reached out and look his hand. “I’ll be there for you, Zack,” I said, “no matter what happens. I’ll come out and stay with you, if you want me to. I’ll help you get through it. You won’t have to be alone.”
He tugged my arm just a bit, pulling me toward him. “Thank you,” was all he said, but by saying that, it almost affirmed that he wanted then same thing as me. He wanted us to stay together.
Then he kissed me, long and deep, lavishing me with his undivided attention as he showed me just how much he wanted me to be with him. We ended up side by side on the blanket. He looked right at me, stroked the side of my cheek and told me how amazing I was before taking off his shirt and then my dress.
Afterward, he held me close and we looked up at the stars. We were quiet for a while.
“Was it worth it?” he asked me, breaking the silence.
“Was what worth it?” I asked, looking up at him.
“Taking a chance with me,” he said softly, kissing the top of my head. “Not thinking, going with your gut?”
“It was the best chance I’ve ever taken,” I said, snuggling closer to him and breathing in his familiar scent.
“I agree.”
I smiled and felt him do the same, and we were silent for a few more minutes.
“Princess?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you give any more thought to what I said that first night we talked – on the steps?”
“What do you mean?”
I’d pushed aside a lot of how he was that night, attributing it to him being upset. I didn’t want to read into it too much. He’d had his bad days since, and I knew how hard it was to see him like that, so I tried not to remember. His mom was sick, she was dying, and he had a front row seat. It couldn’t be easy, and I knew that, so I didn’t hold his moodiness against him.
“When we talked about how you were unhappy with your life. I told you to go after what you wanted. Have you figured out what exactly that is?”
I shook my head. “Not yet, but we’ll see. I kind of like that I don’t know exactly what I’m doing next. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have everything figured out, and it’s really liberating. I’m kind of excited about what this next year is going to hold.”
“You’re still going back to school right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, absolutely. I’ve worked way too hard to not finish, but my life after graduation hasn’t been sorted out yet, and whereas that would have made me panic in years past, I’m actually really happy about it.”
He hugged me tighter. “Good. I want you to be happy. You really do have a great life, and I’d hate for you not to realize it.”
I looked up at him, and could see how much he truly cared about me. “I’m happy, Zack.”
He kissed me. “I’m glad.”
I hugged closer to him, loving every second of being with him.
“Will you play for me?” I asked.
He held my hand up to his mouth and kissed it. We disentangled ourselves from each other, and had a slightly awkward moment while we located our clothes and got dressed. I shivered inadvertently, realizing it was a little chilly. Zack handed me the Duke University sweatshirt he’d been wearing, and I put it on, loving that it smelled like him. He leaned against the mouth of the cave, looking amazing in his jeans, white t-shirt and bare feet with his guitar in hand.
“Okay, what will it be ma’am,” he said, using the enhanced southern accent he used when he played for the crowd at Phil’s.
“That song,” I said, pointing to his arm. “Jump. I want to hear you play it. And then this, I said, pointing to the script tattooed on his rib cage that I’d read more times than I could count. It was about falling in love, and it gave me hope for the future.
Zack took the pick from his mouth before launching into the most beautiful song about putting everything on the line and not holding back because you never knew how much time you had left. It sounded a little too much like his life to not make me shiver, but then again, I’d probably guess that most of his songs were based in reality to some extent.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Rach?” I called softly as I walked upstairs, thinking she must be up there, probably still asleep since it was still early.
She was going to kill me. I walked down the hall, flip flops in hand, toward my bedroom door. I was sneaking back in after spending the night out. Zack and I had fallen asleep under the stars and hadn’t woken up until morning.
I was dying to tell Rachel about my night, so even if she was asleep, she was getting woken up. Surprisingly enough, when I reached my bedroom door I saw that it was open, and the bed wa
s made. Okay, that was strange. Rachel was never up this early unless she had to, and she didn’t make beds.
I surveyed the room, looking for telltale signs that my messy best friend been there, but here were none. Her little clutch wasn’t on the nightstand, and the clothes she’d worn the night before were not on the floor as they should have been. I could feel the anxiety creeping up in my chest. I knew letting Chase take her home had been a mistake. Just when I’d started to be able to trust him, he went and lost my best friend. Great. Typical Chase.
Infuriated, I stormed down the hall to his room. The door was closed, and all was quiet. He was definitely still sleeping. Not bothering to knock, I turned the knob, flung the door open, and nearly had a heart attack.
“Oh, my God!” I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth, when I realized he wasn’t alone.
My eyes bugged out of my head as I surveyed the scene in front of me. Chase, sleeping soundly, his chin tucked down, so it was resting on a girl’s head. She was tucked into him, her arm was draped over his chest, and her dark hair was splayed out on the pillow behind her. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing – Rachel and my brother in bed – and I couldn’t hold it together.
“What the hell is this?!” I screamed through gritted teeth, as quietly as I could, as not to alert my parents who were drinking coffee and reading the paper on the back porch.
My voice did, however, succeed in waking up the sleeping couple before me. Chase’s eyes slowly opened, and I could see he was startled. He tried to keep his arm around Rachel, but she sat up in bed so fast that his grip slipped away.
“Oh, my God,” I said again, turning around and cover my eyes, as I realized that she was topless.
“Shit,” I heard her say, as she scrambled to pull the covers up and over her again.
“Chase, what the hell,” I said, from my turned around position. “Please tell me you’re not naked.”
“We are,” he said, and I knew he was grinning.
Next to him Rachel groaned in embarrassment.
“It’s cool, you can turn around now,” he said. “We’re sufficiently covered.”
“I don’t want to,” I said, not wanting to see what I’d just seen again. Not that it would ever be unburned from my brain, but that was beside the point. Rachel was in bed with my brother!
“Em, it’s fine,” he said. “It’s no big deal.”
“It is a big deal!” I insisted. “The last thing I want to think about is you having sex – especially with her!” I spun around then, the anger I felt for my brother for being a callous asshole boiling up to the surface.
Rachel was turned on her side, covered by the sheets and had her head half-buried in Chase’s chest. I could tell she was mortified. On the floor of Chase’s room, I could see the trail of clothing that had been hastily discarded in the dark the night before, along with a condom wrapper that was just visible under the bed. Seeing that set me off.
“I cannot believe you did this, Chase. You are such an asshole. All I asked was for you to take her home, but you had to go and take advantage of the fact that she was wasted. What is wrong with you?! You have a girlfriend for God’s sake. And Rachel, what the hell were you thinking?! What about Michael?!”
No one said a word, but then I realized Chase was whispering something to Rachel. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. She said something to him that I couldn’t understand.
“Em, can you give us a minute?” he asked.
“I – can I give you a minute?” I screeched. “Are you serious?”
Chase looked at me intently. “Yes. Please.”
His tone was so definitive that, fuming as I was, I stepped out into the hallway. “I’ll be in my room,” I said, as I closed the door behind me.
As I walked the twenty steps to my bedroom door, I realized I was shaking. In all the years I’d dealt with Chase’s shit, I had never had to deal with something like this. I knew what had happened. Rachel had been wasted, she’d probably flirted with him on the way home, and he’d taken advantage of her. He was such an asshole!
Five minutes later, I was still pacing my room, not able to sit down. I was also still in the same clothes from the night before, making me somewhat of a hypocrite, as I’d just done the walk of shame myself, but I told myself that it was different. It was Zack. I cared about him, and he cared about me. It wasn’t a drunk hook-up. It was real. What Chase had done was much, much worse.
I was starting to wear a hole in the carpet when Rachel appeared in the doorway to my room. She’d gotten dressed and pulled her hair back into a ponytail which made her look younger and much less menacing than usual. In the hall I heard the water come in the shower. It appeared Chase had escaped to the bathroom.
I turned to face Rachel, anger still flashing across my face. “I am so mad at him right now,” I said, crossing the room to her. “Are you okay?” I reached out an embraced my best friend, knowing that she probably felt like shit.
“I’m fine, Em,” she said calmly, not returning my hug.
I released her and stepped back. “You are?”
She sighed. “Yeah. Sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit,” I said, crossing my arms in front of me. “I’m too pissed to sit.”
“Fine, then I’ll sit,” she said, moving around me and sitting on the bed, crossing her legs Indian style.
I stood in front of her, not sure what else to do.
“The thing is,” she said, “I’m fine, because Chase didn’t do anything wrong.”
I shook my head slightly. “He didn’t? Are you kidding–”
She held her hand up to stop me from talking. I clamped my mouth shut and waited, hoping she had a good explanation.
“Yes, I was drunk. Yes, he walked me home. Yes, we slept together, but it wasn’t the first time, and that’s not all it is.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise, but I didn’t say a word. There were nine million questions I was dying to get out, but I couldn’t utter one word.
Finally, I gutted out, “Not the first time! You’ve slept with my brother before?! What the hell were you thinking? And why am I just now finding out about this?!”
“We’re actually together,” she explained, and my eyebrows went even higher. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while now.”
“You’re what? What are you talking about?”
“He’s my boyfriend.” she said, smiling and looking down at her lap before looking back up at me.
“He’s – what?” I asked, thoroughly confused. I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about. “I thought your boyfriend’s name was Michael.”
Rachel bit her lip.
“You lied to me,” I said, realizing that she’d been keeping her relationship a secret from me. Every conversation we’d had about ‘Michael’ had been a lie. “How long have you been together?”
“Since March,” she eeked out.
“March! I visited you in March. Are you telling me you were sleeping with my brother when I visited you, and you didn’t tell me?!”
I was essentially screaming at her, but I didn’t care. I was furious that she’d lied to me about something so huge.
“I wasn’t dating him then,” she insisted. “We ran into each other a few weeks after you left New York. We were both at The Met one afternoon. We kept running into each other at the same exhibits, so when we were leaving, Chase asked if I wanted to grab a beer. So I did, and that was kind of it.”
My jaw dropped. “You’re seriously dating Chase.”
She nodded, and I could tell she felt awful not telling me.
“So, there never was a Michael.” She shook her head, then I caught up. “Wait a minute, Michael is Chase’s middle name. Is that where that came from?”
She nodded
“And Amy is your middle name.”
She nodded again. “We thought it would be easier, since technically we weren’t lying.”
I gave her a look that said her logic was clearly warpe
d. “You were lying. I cannot believe you kept this from me!”
She looked down and then met my gaze again. “Em, you hated Chase. How could I tell you? I had to lie. I wanted to tell you how happy I was, so I made up a semi-fake guy, but I swear, all the details I told you were true. That was all Chase.”
“So when ‘Michael’ surprised you, that was really Chase?”
She nodded. “He was never with Molly at the music festival. It was just a good excuse that would get him out of town for a few days, so he could come see me.”
“And he designed your tattoo?”
She nodded again.
I felt my eyes start to well up with tears. “Rach, I’m your best friend. How could you keep this from me? I would have understood. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t have, but that’s beside the point. You still should have told me.”
She nodded, and we both looked up as the water shut off in the bathroom. “I should have. I’m sorry, I didn’t, but I was so afraid you’d judge me or think less of me or something, because you couldn’t see what I saw in him.”
“Okay, so what do you see?” I asked. Even though Chase and I had become closer over the summer, he was still Chase. I didn’t necessarily see the allure.
She smiled and looked toward the hallway where the bathroom door had just opened. We could hear Chase padding toward his room. She waited until he closed the door before saying anything.
“He’s smart and funny, and he’s so nice to me. I know you guys have never really got along, and he was a jerk to me growing up too, but I don’t know, I think he grew up or something. We talked and laughed for hours that first day we went out. It was really fun. After that, I kept hoping I’d run into him again. Finally I just called him and asked him out. He was so different than any of the other guys I’d been dating. He was original, and I loved that about him.”
I swallowed hard, thinking that it was ironic that she’d used pretty much the same description for Chase as I had for Zack. The worst part was that I understood where she was coming from. All the guys we hung out with, including Ben, were cookie-cutter versions of each other. It was rare to find guy who didn’t conform to the crowd – who was potentially a bad boy, but a great guy at the same time.
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