by R. Lorelei
When we finished our kiss Nick started talking to Bradley, “What did you do with the fishing case Bradley? Did the surgeon come?”
“He did, he took her to the operating room to try to save her eye. I sedated the boyfriend. Last I heard from the surgeon it wasn’t good, the hook was lodged in her bone.”
“That’s too bad, I feel sorry for the poor girl. I wanted to give her more attention but there was too much going on. Thanks for helping me out. Did your brother find you? I forgot to tell you he was looking for you.”
“No problem. You were doing well on your own. When was Chase looking for me?”
“Just before the girl came into emergency. It totally slipped my mind. I got so busy.”
Bradley started reaching in his pocket for his phone, “I’m just going to call him.”
I excused Bradley, “No problem, take your time.” He left the table to make his call.
Nick was totally focused on Aria, “Let’s go talk, alone.” Nick wanted to make things right. I was happy for both of them. Maybe he cared about her more than he realized, “Thanks’ Coco.” Aria looked at me and gave me another hug, but this one was a good-bye hug. Her enthusiasm was contagious as she didn’t bother answering him, she just grabbed her purse and the two of them started heading for the door, his arm on her shoulders.
Bradley came back to the table, “Where did they go?”
I smiled at him knowingly, “They went to ‘talk.'”
“So we’re alone?”
“We are. What did your brother have to say?”
“Nothing that couldn’t wait until tomorrow, where’s my food?”
“I think it’s on the warmer, be patient she will come.” The waitress did come shortly after and left a huge dish of souvlaki with buttered potatoes and Greek salad. I watched as he started digging into his food hungrily. He appeared starved, “When’s the last time you ate?”
“I forgot to,” he admitted.
Bradley’s eyes looked troubled and I asked, “Is something bothering you?”
He hesitated before saying, “The nugget around Nick’s neck was he in Vegas with you?”
My heart skipped a beat, “No, I gifted it to him.”
“Then when you gave Aria and me our gifts why didn’t you give Nick’s at the same time? I guess a better question is where did he get his tan from? You have a choice, either you tell me the truth or I will have Chase look at his attendance?”
There was no escape, I was caught in a lie, “He followed me there.”
He started running his fingers through his hair, I could tell by his expression that he was furious, “Do you see who he left with?”
He put his cutlery down on his empty dish with a loud clang. He wiped his hands and face with the napkin and then he took a sip of his drink and studied me. His brooding eyes looked at me in contemplation before he kissed me demandingly. His tongue forced entry into my mouth and I brought my fingers up to his face running them through his unshaved shadow. His mouth was cold and tasted of alcohol from his Martini.
“You told me you were okay with being exclusive. You obviously can’t handle it with me. What did I do wrong?” His eyes looked hurt for a second before turning stone cold again.
“Of course I can handle it Bradley. You’re the only one I want to be with,” I said in a pleading tone.
“It seems whenever there is a problem you can’t help yourself, you go running to Nick. You’ve proven you will do it again, and again.”
“He followed ME to Las Vegas. I didn’t follow him. I made it very clear that I wanted to get back together with you when we returned to Toronto. Remember, you left me, not the other way around.”
“Did you fuck him in Vegas? You don’t even have to answer that. I know the answer.” Then his eyes appeared to be struck with a realization, “Those marks on your ass, they were from him weren’t they? You let him hit you!”
I didn’t get a chance to answer, I didn’t know how to. He continued, “Aria’s with Nick. Does she know about the two of you? Will the two of you cheat on her too?”
“They were broken up when he was in Vegas, neither of us cheated.”
“So then it’s all okay? This shouldn’t bother me, is that what you are trying to say?”
“No, I’m not saying that.”
“Did you break Nick and Aria up? Was it your doings? You treat me like I’m some stupid fuck that you can lie to. Damn it Chanel, you had a chance to tell me when you got back from Las Vegas. We were working things out, but instead you lied to my face.”
“You hurt me before I left for Vegas. Nick followed me there and picked up the pieces. I didn’t want the fact that he followed me to Las Vegas get in the way of us getting back together. I missed you.”
“It’s you’re lies that keep getting in the way of us getting back together, nothing else. I don’t give a damn what you do anymore because I don’t trust you.”
“Don’t say that Bradley.”
“Maybe I’ll call Maggie and fuck her. You were so upset to find out she was my ex-wife but at least I didn’t go running back to her every time it suits me.” He stood up and threw his napkin and a couple of twenties down on the table. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
~34~
He parked a block away from the Paddock. It was the first time I wished I lived really far away from the bar. He opened the door to let me in the Hummer and then went around to the other side so he could get in. The truck started with that diesel sound it always made, and I noticed he wasn’t quick to put the Hummer into drive.
I couldn’t look at him I was so remorseful for allowing myself to be with Nick again, I just stared straight ahead. I knew I shouldn’t keep running to Nick every time I had a problem, but ultimately Bradley had finished it off with me and that really hurt.
He pulled into the Visitor’s parking at the loft and turned the Hummer off. We sat in silence for some time not looking at each other. He was pinching the bridge of his nose and I could see the shiny path a tear had made sliding down his cheek. I knew that as long as he didn’t drive away, I had a slight chance that it wouldn’t be completely over between us.
He got out of the Hummer and waited for me to get out. We walked to the elevator and he came up to my floor. I developed the courage to look him in the eyes and that’s when I saw the look of a wounded animal whose death was imminent. His pupils were fixed and dilated and I was the cause, the bullet lodged in his heart. I wanted to dislodge it, fix my wrongs and the only way I could do it was if I walked away from him with no struggle or fight.
There were no words left to exchange. His soft lips covered mine and he sealed me. When our seal was broken he pulled away, and the words bled from his lips, “I loved you.” He kissed me one more time and squeezed me so tightly I lost my breath, then he turned away and left my loft. This time was different from the last time, the damage was too extensive, and we went to our separate corners to lick our wounds. We were broken, and I was devastated because it wasn’t until now that I knew for sure, I loved him too.
~35~
Shelly and I were in the middle of doing our rounds when THE page went off at 10:00 a.m. We weren’t sure who the page was for because it sounded like it was coming from both of our pockets. We reached for our pagers at the same time. We realized both of us were being paged to the Emergency department. I called the extension showing up on my pager, “Chanel St. Clare. and Dr. Shelly Morden returning your page.” I listened waiting to hear what we were being paged for. It was unusual that we would both get paged when neither of us was on call.
An unfamiliar voice on the other end came on, “Resident Nick Ward has been involved in an MVA (Motor Vehicle Accident). EMS reported the patient is critical. Estimated arrival time is three minutes. Dr. Hart told me to page both of you.” There you have it, like the proverbial knock on the door when the police have horrific news to tell you. This second of time was permanently suspended in my memory as one of the worst seconds of my life.
We got to the Emergency doors and waited for the ambulance to show. It was cloudy and raining. My body was running on adrenaline and my thoughts were coming fast and furious, I was trying to figure out if the weather could have been a cause to Nick’s accident.
The ambulance pulled up and the cab doors opened with both driver and passenger jumping out to open the back doors so the patient could be brought into the General. This was too surreal for me. How come it was so different when you didn’t know the person? My heart was pounding through my chest and all I could feel was fear.
The first attendant jumped inside and the second attendant started pulling the patient out. I wasn’t close and couldn’t see who it was. Dr. Morden and I were standing there waiting, wearing our stethoscopes. I called out is that Nick Ward? The first ambulance attendant nodded yes. When the stretcher was completely out the wheels dropped down.
I sucked much needed air into my lungs, not even noticing I was holding my breath. Salty tears stung my eyes once the attendant confirmed it was him. Oh my God, I thought my legs were going to give way. I was starting to feel dizzy and my first feeling was a wave of nausea.
He was buckled down on the stretcher with an intravenous bag of normal saline infusing into his right arm and 100% non-rebreather oxygen mask covering his face. He looked horrible.
The driver started giving report to me but Bradley appeared from nowhere. I was so shocked and upset, I had no idea how long he was standing next to me. Everything was moving fast, but in slow motion. I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s how I felt.
Bradley told the attendant, “I’m taking this case.” He turned to me and said, “You’re too close, you’re not to working on him. I will do everything I can for him, I promise.” That was it; I was suddenly a powerless observer, tears sprung from my eyes.
The attendant spoke as he pushed the stretcher, “Thirty-five year old male was driving alone in a vehicle on the 401, and his car was witnessed to have driven down into a ditch approximately ten feet deep at full speed. No other cars were involved. Witnesses said it didn’t appear that he was cut off. Police are still at the scene investigating. There’s nothing left of the car. When we got to the scene we had to use the Jaws of Life to cut him out. Airbags deployed.
Vital signs at the scene were heart rate 145 beats per minute, blood pressure 72/45, respirations 6, 02 saturation 80 and dropping. We put a hundred percent non-rebreather on him, gave him a bolus of 500 ml of normal saline.
The attendants and two nurses transferred Nick onto a hospital stretcher. There were two nurses and the two doctors, Bradley, and Shelly who were going to be the ones working on him.
Bradley looked at Shelly and under his breath I heard him say, “He looks like he’s going to code.” He spoke orders very calmly to the nurses, Place him on a heart monitor, insert another intravenous into him 18 gage, bolus another liter of normal saline wide open, have x-ray come down and do a stat one-view of his chest and then intubate him. Bring him to C.T. for a full body without contrast dye looking for any bleeds. Page me when he’s back.
“We’ll go down with him to C.T, in case something happens down there.” Shelly volunteered. One nurse started putting a second intravenous in Nick’s arm while the other one placed a heart monitor on his chest. He was in sinus tachycardia with a heart rate of 150 beats per minute. When the nurse was finished inserting the intravenous in his arm she hung another bag of normal saline to bring his blood pressure up.
We started walking quickly to the C.T. scan area. There were several people waiting in front of Nick but due to his acuity, he was taken first. It was the first chance I got to see him up close. The ambu-bag covered his nose and mouth and one of the nurses was squeezing oxygen into him with it. The rest of his face was all pale and bruises were starting to appear.
He looked like he was going into shock. His hemoglobin must have been really low, and I suspected he was bleeding internally. I knew I would feel better once they found the bleed. The stress I felt was unbelievable.
The C.T. scan took several minutes but it felt like several hours. I was glad that Shelly was with us. She paged a colleague and asked him to cover for her while she was with me and Nick. It didn’t matter to anyone if I wasn’t working but it did if Shelly wasn’t. Looking at Shelly or Bradley one would never have guessed how scared they were, but that’s because we were trained in hiding our fear.
The nurses were waiting for us when we got back. We were all in sync. He came right away. The nurses told the respiratory therapist he needed to secure Nick’s airway with intubation. Once the airway was secured, the second nurse paged Bradley. Bradley came back and called the radiologist for a verbal report of his C.T. scan results and chest x-ray.
Bradley didn’t have to say anything to us. We already knew what was happening by his side of the conversation. He hung up the phone immediately and called locating to page the general surgeon on call stat. He then hung up and called the operating room confirming the use of the room.
The surgeon called on another line and the unit clerk picked up immediately, we heard Bradley’s side of the conversation, “We have a 35 year old medical resident who was involved in an MVA. He’s intubated in critical condition. He has two bleeds, a small one in his head and a larger one in his abdominal cavity. The Operating room is booked. I’ll have the nurses bring him down to you stat. Dr. Morden will be there in case he codes while you are working on him. Thanks Bill.”
Shelly and I followed his stretcher to the Operating Room. That was when Shelly turned to me and said, “I want you to wait outside for this part. I need to not worry about you when I’m inside there worrying about him, sorry Chanel. I’ll page you the second we’re finished.”
I tried to say okay but instead a sob escaped me unexpectedly. I started to cry again my emotions overcoming me. I was losing my composure and control. I turned away from Shelly, and as she had no time to spare she followed Nick into the operating room.
I headed for the exit needing air. When I got through the doors outside I sat on the closest covered bench. Nick would always take me there to have a cigarette and talk to me. The bench was wet from the rain but I didn’t care. That’s when I really broke down. The rain hid my tears. I began to cry really hard. I was so scared Nick was going to die. People were starting to look at me; I didn’t care.
I started searching my pockets for my phone, when I found it I called Aria. She picked up on the second ring, “Aria, its Nick” and that’s when my voice started breaking, “He got in a car accident, you have to come to the hospital when you can. Drive safe. Call me when you get here.” It was hard just sitting there waiting. We hung up and I found myself motionless on the bench staring through whatever was in my line of vision.
I got the page two hours later. Aria still hadn’t shown up yet. I went back to Emergency to find out Nick wasn’t there. I called the extension on the pager and Shelly answered, “Hi Chanel, He’s out of surgery. Bill found the bleed in his abdomen and removed his spleen. He is more stable now. I’ve ordered a second C.T. scan of his head tomorrow.
We’re starting to wonder if he had a cardiac event when he was driving, his rhythms keep changing. At first his heart was fast and then it went really slow and he became bradycardic. He pops into first and second degree blocks. I’m thinking he needs a pacemaker or better yet an AICD so if he goes into ventricular tachycardia he can get shocked internally.
“Bradley admitted him and they’re settling him right now in the Intensive Care Unit. You should be able to see him in the next few minutes or so. Is there anyone to sign consent? I have to go back to work now. I’m sorry about your friend C
hanel. I hope he’s going to be okay.”
“Thanks’ Shelly, His parents live in the Ukraine, I guess I would be his substitute decision maker.” I squeaked.
Aria had just walked in looking all disheveled she gave me a hug and spoke into my hair, “What happened? Where is he?”
“They’re taking good care of him. Dr. Morden thinks it was his heart. I just know there were no other cars involved. He had a C.T. scan and they operated on him fixing a bleed in his stomach and they removed his spleen. He also has a small bleed in his brain. They transferred him to I.C.U. I was so scared Aria.”
I took her hand and led her to the Intensive Care Unit. We introduced ourselves to the nurses’ station asking what room Nick was in. An attractive blond haired nurse came up to us and introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Bridgette, Nick’s nurse. How are you related to Nick?”
“I’m his best friend and I guess the closest thing he has to a substitute decision maker. His parents live in the Ukraine; he has no brothers or sisters. This is Aria his new girlfriend. Either one of us would be more than happy to sign the consent form for his AICD.”
She smiled warmly at us, but I saw the pity in her eyes, “That would be great, you can sign it.”
Aria turned to me, “What’s an AICD?”
I explained to Aria, “It’s an Automatic Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator, It will act like a pacemaker regulating his heart rate and it has a secondary function giving a shock if the heart goes into a lethal rhythm.” She grabbed his chart and gave me the paper to sign. Then she pointed to the room, he’s in room 9.
The ICU had a one nurse to one patient ratio. Each room had a small work station outside it for the nurse to do her charting. Room 9 had a sliding door with a white curtain. The curtain was drawn, so you couldn’t see him until you went into his room. He looked so vulnerable. He was on a ventilator, which made a loud rhythmic noise for every inspiration and expiration his body was supposed to make on its own.