“My eyes are covered,” he said. “That’s not going to work.”
“How do you know what I’m up to, if you’re not looking?”
“I’ve figured out the devious nature of your mind,” he said, snagging an ankle and pulling her toward the foot of the bed.
“I think I hate you,” she said as her feet hit the floor.
“Okay.”
“I know I hate running.”
“That’s okay, too. You don’t have to love it. You just have to do it.”
“But I’ve been getting exercise. I’ve been swimming,” she protested.
“No,” he corrected. “You’ve been hanging around in the pool. If you’ve swum a single lap, I’d be shocked. I can always ask Maybelle or your mother, in case I’ve gotten it wrong, though.”
Dinah gave up. “Okay, okay, I’m getting up,” she said sullenly. “But I won’t thank you for this.”
“Never expected it. Do you want something to drink or eat before we hit the road?”
“Just coffee,” she said.
“No caffeine,” he responded.
“Who died and made you my trainer?” As soon as the words left her mouth, an image of Peter slammed into her consciousness. They’d had debates just like this so many times she’d lost count. Before she could stop it, a sob bubbled up from somewhere deep inside where she’d kept it buried. It was followed by another and then another. She drew her knees up to her chest and let them come.
Cord stared at her in shock for a heartbeat, then dropped down beside her and pulled her close. He didn’t say a word, just held her until the crying finally stopped. He handed her a tissue.
She blew her nose and he handed her another one. She mopped ineffectively at the tears streaming down her cheeks. “I suppose you’re wondering what that was all about.”
His gaze was filled with sympathy. “Only if you’re ready to tell me. My instincts are already telling me it’s not because you hate running.”
“It’s not about running,” she said. “It’s…” She tried to form the words, but they simply wouldn’t come. It seemed wrong to be talking about Peter when she was sitting here naked with another man. “I can’t,” she said eventually. She met Cord’s distressed gaze. “I will, I promise. Just not now, okay?”
“Whatever you say,” he said easily. He stood up, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Get dressed. I’ll get you some water. Otherwise you’ll be dehydrated before we even hit the streets.”
“You still expect me to run?” she asked. “All those tears and you can’t even muster up an ounce of pity for me?”
“You don’t want my pity,” he chided. “And, yes, we’re still going to run. Something tells me it’s more important than ever.”
She sighed heavily. “Why couldn’t you have turned out to be the lazy, no-account man I always thought you were?”
“Because then having me around wouldn’t be doing you a lick of good,” he retorted. “You’ll thank me one of these days.”
She frowned at him. “I hope you’re not counting on that.”
He laughed. “Where you’re concerned, Dinah, I’m counting on a lot of things these days. You haven’t let me down yet.”
Dinah thought of all the people she’d let down over the past few months, most of all herself. She regarded Cord with disbelief. “Do you really mean that?”
“Of course I do.”
His words weren’t quite enough to restore her self-esteem in one fell swoop, but it was a start. For the very first time in longer than she could remember, she felt hopeful. Not healed, perhaps. Definitely not ready to tackle a marathon. But hopeful.
Maybe she would thank him one of these days, after all.
15
Dinah couldn’t seem to run fast enough to get away from the memories haunting her. Once she and Cord had set out, she matched him stride for stride. Okay, perhaps he’d slowed down to accommodate her, but he certainly hadn’t given her much of a break. She was panting and sweat was pouring down her face by the time he finally called a halt.
“Not bad for your first day out,” he said.
She scowled at him. “First day implies there will be others.”
He grinned. “Did you think this was it?”
“I was hoping,” she admitted.
“How are your legs? Other than gorgeous, I mean. Do they ache?”
“Not really.”
“Do a few more stretches, just to be safe.”
“And then we get to go home?” she asked, unable to keep the plaintive note out of her voice.
“Then we go home.”
“Thank God. I can hardly wait to step into a shower.”
“With me?” he inquired.
“To be truthful, you weren’t part of the equation. Don’t you have to go to work?”
“I can be late if you’ll make it worth risking a lecture from your mother. I have a meeting with her at nine.”
“And you will be precisely on time,” Dinah said emphatically. “Something tells me she’s going to have more than enough questions for you as it is. Sorry, Cord ell, the shower’s out. Drop me at my folks’ place.”
“And here I thought we’d finally jump-started that adventurous spirit of yours,” he said sadly.
“We all need an occasional reality check,” Dinah reminded him. “You need to go to work and I need to…” Her voice trailed off when she realized that she actually had nothing to do. Despite the changes she’d made in the past twenty-four hours, one critical thing hadn’t changed at all. She still hadn’t found a new purpose for her life.
“You could spend some time with Maggie,” Cord suggested, in an apparent attempt to be helpful. “You’ve been neglecting her since you got back.”
“How do you know that?”
“She mentioned it.”
“Really? You’ve seen Maggie?” She didn’t like the streak of pure jealousy that immediately knifed through her. Or maybe what she really didn’t like was the idea of the two of them closeted somewhere talking about her.
“A few days ago.”
“Oh?”
Amusement danced in his eyes as he framed her face and kissed her thoroughly. “Maggie and I are friends, sugar, nothing more. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“I wasn’t worried,” she said defensively. “You can see anyone you want to see.”
“And that’s you,” he assured her. “So, will you at least think about spending some time with your best friend? The last thing I’d want to do is come between you, especially when the reason is something so ridiculous.”
She promptly concluded it must have been one heck of a conversation. Very thorough, in fact. “You’re talking about the auction,” she said dully.
“Yes. We had a good time. We raised a little money. End of story.”
“And Maggie understands that?”
“She most certainly does. You can stop worrying. We talked about it. We’re cool. You’re the one who seems determined to misread the whole situation.”
“It just got complicated,” Dinah said. “If she really, really cares about you…”
“She doesn’t,” Cord insisted. “Maybe there was a touch of infatuation, but that’s all it was. And it was one-sided.”
“I still hate to think that I might be hurting her.”
“Then talk to her. You staying away is what’s really hurting her. Seems to me you could use all the friends you can get. This isn’t the time to be turning away from one of them.”
“I suppose you’re right.” She frowned at him. “She’s going to know right away that I’ve slept with you. She could always read me like a book.”
“You ashamed of that?”
“No, of course not,” she said emphatically. “I just hate to think I’ll be rubbing it in her face. She might not be as over you as it’s convenient for you to believe.”
“She’s over me,” he repeated. “How about this? Since she can’t have me, we’ll make it our
mission to find the second-best man in Charleston for Maggie.”
Dinah chuckled despite herself. “You really do have a high opinion of yourself, don’t you?”
“If I don’t, who will?” he challenged. “You need to follow my example and show this town what Dinah Davis is made of. You’ve already done one outrageous thing by getting mixed up with the likes of me. Now find yourself a new adventure, something that challenges you. Going off to cover a war isn’t the only thing you can do that’ll make a difference in this world.”
“I’ll take it under advisement,” she said because it was what Cord expected.
There was only one problem with that suggestion, Dinah thought. She honestly didn’t know what she was made of anymore or if she even cared about making a difference. Had Peter dying made a difference, except to his friends? Was the world one bit better or safer because he’d sacrificed his life? If it was, she couldn’t see it.
Despite his best efforts to hurry, Cord was fifteen minutes late for his meeting with Dinah’s mother. Dorothy was sitting in the kitchen at the plantation, tapping her foot impatiently, and scowling at the clock.
“Don’t blame the clock,” Cord said when he walked in. “I got a late start.”
“Obviously.”
“Blame your daughter. She could distract a man from getting out of the way of a bulldozer.”
Mrs. Davis smiled at that. “Then your date went well?”
“Well enough,” he said neutrally. “And if you’re looking for details, you’ve come to the wrong person. I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Sounds fascinating. I most definitely will have to have a talk with Dinah.” Her expression suddenly sobered. “Do you think she’s any better, Cord? Do you have any idea what’s weighing on her?”
He thought of her inexplicable crying jag. “To be honest, no. She’s not better. And I have no idea what to do to make her better. Whatever happened has torn her up. She’s not the same confident woman she once was. Every now and then when she’s sparring with me, I catch a glimpse of her old spirit, but most of the time it’s as if she’s, I don’t know, defeated.”
“That’s exactly it,” Dorothy Davis said. “It’s as if there’s not a speck of hope or anticipation left in her. What could have done that?”
“My guess is that it’s something so awful we can’t even imagine it. Maybe I should call that boss of hers over in Afghanistan. I imagine he could shed some light on it,” Cord said, immediately warming to the idea. It was past time to get to the bottom of this and if Dinah wouldn’t tell any of them, maybe someone else would.
“Don’t be so quick to do that. She’d be furious,” her mother warned.
“That might be a risk worth taking,” Cord replied.
“Not yet,” she insisted.
“Okay, then, I’ll hold off a little longer, if you think that’s best, but not forever.”
“If it comes to that, let me make the call,” her mother volunteered. “She might get angry with me, but she won’t be able to shut me out of her life the way she could you.”
“I’m not worried,” Cord said. “I’d rather have her fighting mad at me and back to her old self, than shut off from most of the world. I think I talked her into spending some time with Maggie today.”
“Really? That’s wonderful. She’s been refusing to take her calls or anyone else’s, for that matter. All she does is hang out in the pool or watch those talk shows for hours on end. Maybe between you and Maggie, Dinah will start to find her way out of this depression she’s been in.”
Cord wondered guiltily if Bobby could have gotten through to her better than anyone else, but he quickly dismissed the idea. He might not know much about relationships, but even he knew that desperation and neediness weren’t the basis for anything lasting.
He regarded Dorothy intently. “Can I assume that I have your blessing where Dinah’s concerned?”
Her expression brightened. “Does that mean what I think it means? Do you want to marry her, Cordell?”
Cord swallowed hard. Marriage? Was that what he was thinking? “One step at a time,” he corrected. “How about we think of this as a courtship?”
She laughed. “You pin whatever label on it that allows you to sleep at night, Cordell, but I think the handwriting’s already on the wall.”
He frowned at her with mock ferocity. “Better not be on one of these walls.”
Maggie had a formidable scowl on her face when Dinah met her for lunch downtown. Dinah had deliberately chosen a public place for their get-together. She figured they needed neutral turf to discuss the whole Cord situation. She still wasn’t convinced that her recent involvement with him wasn’t going to cause a permanent rift between them.
“If I didn’t know for a fact that you haven’t been seeing anyone in town besides Cord, I would be very angry with you,” Maggie said.
Dinah winced. So that was it? Maggie was ticked off about being shut out of Dinah’s life. Truthfully, she could hardly blame her. “I know I should have called again before now,” she said apologetically. She picked up the glass of sweet tea Maggie had ordered for both of them and took a long drink while getting her thoughts together.
“Or at least taken one of my calls,” Maggie said. “Why have you been avoiding me?” she asked bluntly. “Is it because of Cord?”
Oddly, Maggie’s directness was comforting. It gave Dinah permission to open up in a way she hadn’t dared to before.
“That’s certainly part of it,” Dinah admitted, then sighed. “But it’s more than that, Maggie. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a total mess.”
Maggie didn’t seem dumbstruck by the admission. “I got that when I first saw you. What I don’t get is why won’t you let me help.”
Dinah wasn’t sure she had a logical explanation to offer, so she merely told the truth. “I think this is something I have to figure out on my own.”
“You’re not shutting Cord out,” Maggie reminded her. “And he doesn’t know you half as well as I do.”
“Only because he refuses to be shut out,” Dinah said. “I haven’t had the strength to fight him.”
“Is that why you’re sleeping with him, because it’s the path of least resistance?” Maggie inquired tartly just as the waiter came to take their orders.
Dinah chuckled as color flooded the man’s cheeks. “Maybe we should order before we get into that,” she said dryly.
When the obviously relieved waiter had taken their orders and left, she faced Maggie. Ignoring the implied criticism behind Maggie’s question, she remarked, “I just knew you’d guess right off about the sex.”
“That’s because despite the shadows that are still in your eyes, you’re glowing. You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?”
“Fallen for Cord? No.” She struggled for an explanation that made sense and wasn’t demeaning. “He’s what I need right now.”
Maggie’s temper stirred. It was flashing in her eyes, which Dinah had recognized long ago as a dangerous sign.
“And then when he’s served his purpose, you’ll go off and leave him?” Maggie demanded.
“It’s not going to be like that,” Dinah protested, though she couldn’t honestly swear that it wouldn’t be exactly like that.
“Then what will it be like?”
“You know Cord. He doesn’t take anything seriously, either. This is a fling, Maggie, for both of us.”
“Then you’re either blind or stupid,” Maggie retorted. “Cord’s in love with you. He always has been. He stayed out of the picture back when Bobby was involved, but his feelings have always been there. I think that’s the real reason he made up that crazy lie to split the two of you up, though he claimed he was trying to do his brother a favor. That’s why he never took another woman seriously. On some level, he’s always known he wouldn’t settle for anyone besides you.”
“That’s crazy,” Dinah said, honestly stunned by what Maggie was suggesting. “I’m like some sort of project for him right no
w. He’ll get tired of me. I’ll join that long list of women he’s left.”
“You keep telling yourself that,” Maggie said. “Maybe it’ll help you sleep at night when you take off and the rest of us are left to clean up your mess, just the way it was when you dumped Bobby.” She met Dinah’s gaze with an unflinching look. “You know I love you as if you were my own sister, but sometimes you are to tally self-absorbed and selfish.”
The accusation stung so badly, Dinah couldn’t speak. It was just as well that the waiter chose that moment to return with their salads. He set them down and scurried away, as if he feared hearing something else that was way too personal.
“What?” Maggie prodded when they were alone again. “Nothing to say to that?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it does,” Dinah admitted. “That’s actually how you see me?”
“That’s how you are,” Maggie said flatly. “All that single-minded drive that got your career into high gear is hell on the people around you.”
“You included?”
“Me included,” Maggie admitted. “You don’t let anyone in, Dinah. Have you told one single person what’s really going on with you?”
“Not entirely,” she admitted. “You know more than most, as a matter of fact. That should give you some satisfaction.”
“Oh yeah, I’m pleased as punch,” Maggie said sarcastically. “Why haven’t you shared the whole story, at least with those of us who love you? What are you afraid of, that we’ll think less of you? Don’t you know we would do anything in the world to help? Don’t you know there’s nothing you could have done or could do that we won’t understand and forgive?”
Maggie could say that now, because she didn’t know what she was talking about. If she knew about Peter, that Dinah had let him die in her place, if Maggie knew that she’d messed up at her job because she could no longer focus, would she still feel the same way? Dinah doubted it. She certainly couldn’t forgive herself for any of it.
The Backup Plan Page 20