by Kat T. Masen
Alone and on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, I’m entertained by Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. As one of my favorite movies, it is normally a great distraction, but tonight, I can’t stop thinking about what Haden is up to. No doubt, men surrounded by feral kitties and cheap booze won’t end well. Argh. I shove a handful of popcorn in my mouth, ignoring the images that taunt me. Vegas is a sleaze hole.
Moments later, my phone beeps, and Vicky’s name pops up.
Vicky: Oh my god Pres! Quick bathroom break, Patrick just told me he is leaving his wife and gave me a key to his new apartment!
I cringe and let out an annoyed sigh. Here we go again. No matter what I say, Vicky is going to ignore my advice anyway. To avoid the confrontation, I put my phone aside until I have some sort of response that will satisfy both of us. When it beeps a minute later, I know she won’t give up, so I pick it up and see that it’s not from her.
Haden: Just checking in to make sure you haven’t given birth and ran away to some enchanted forest to raise my kid.
I laugh out loud to myself, sinking further into the sofa with a deep smile on my face. As I type a response, nerves suddenly appear, and my usual witty comebacks aren’t occurring to me like they usually do. He’s miles away, yet I feel like he’s right beside me.
Me: Still THE giant elephant in the room. Surprised you found time out of your busy stripper schedule to say hello.
I sit and wait for him to respond, but nothing. An hour later, I’ve deemed myself pathetic and make my way to bed, cursing the living daylights out of him.
Why did he have to text me, only to leave me hanging like this. It’s my own fault, I shouldn’t get so giddy at a simple text.
I try to fall asleep, but my restless legs and weak bladder call for a sleepless night, so I get to reading. Somewhere in my pregnancy book, I fall asleep only to be woken shortly after from another text.
Haden: Can I call you?
These four simple words make my heart race so fast that I’m unable to respond immediately. The second I do, my phone rings.
“Hey, giant elephant in the room,” he whispers.
“Thanks. You sure know how to make a woman feel better.”
He lets out a raspy laugh. “I think I left my charm along with my wallet in some stripper’s panties.”
“Sounds like you’re behaving yourself. What time is it there?”
“Beer o’clock,” he responds humorously. “The sun will greet me soon.”
“I can’t sleep either but for very different reasons.”
His heavy breathing comes through the phone, and for a brief moment, I think he is asleep.
“Soon, the baby will be here, and you can sleep better.”
“Ha,” I exclaim. “News flash, babies wake up all through the night. I wonder if Kate would like to do the a.m. shift.”
With a slight hesitation, he responds sincerely, “You don’t have to do that. Maybe some nights I can stay over… like on the couch or something?”
It’s my turn to hesitate. It was inevitable that this would come up. We still haven’t agreed as to how things will work once the baby is here. I’m still staying at Kate’s because I can’t decide whether to stay in the city or not. Kate reassures me that having a baby around will not cramp her style. She has even offered to help out whenever she can, especially at night since she’s a night owl.
I don’t cope well with no sleep. In fact, I’m the grumpiest person ever if I don’t get eight straight hours of sleep. Haden can’t sleep on the couch forever, but it’s not like I’m ready to have the baby sleep at his place, either. I feel a migraine coming on.
“I guess we could do that…”
“You sound unsure.”
“I just haven’t thought about it much. I’ve been preoccupied with this birthing plan I’m supposed to come up with.”
It seems like the most awkward conversation ever, and it goes on for ages. He then proceeds to tell me stories about the past few nights, many of which leave me in stitches. Although he doesn’t talk much about Marcus, he eludes to the fact that Marcus is somewhat not over me.
“You need to ignore his texts and calls,” he warns me.
Coincidentally, it’s then that a beep comes through the line. I quickly pull my phone away from my ear and open the text.
It’s from Marcus and holy shit! It’s a picture of his cock. Nothing good ever comes from being drunk and your ex’s number still stored in your contacts.
“He just texted me. Do you have ESP or something?”
There is a low growl over the speaker. “What did he say?”
I laugh because it is funny when you think about it. “It’s not what he said but more what he showed.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Haden snaps.
“Don’t worry, I can handle him. I’m not looking to start things up with Marcus again if that’s what you’re worried about.”
More silence.
“I’m not worried. Marcus is relentless when he wants something he can’t have. He shouldn’t send shit like that to you.”
“Sounds like someone else I know,” I blurt out without thinking.
He laughs on cue. “You mean me? I’m not like that.”
“Yeah, and I’m not going to turn into a crazy cat lady.”
“I won’t let you get a cat. So there, you can’t become a crazy cat lady.”
I shake my head and realize he can’t see me. “It only takes one visit to the shelter and bam, you’re coming home with a kitty and a bag of litter.”
“What if I told you I’m allergic to kitties?”
I almost choke into the phone as I fall into a fit of laughter. “Um… I don’t think you’re allergic to kitties because if you were, you might as well call me Immaculate Mary.”
Even through the phone, I know he is smiling. “Mind in the gutter, Malone. I think you’re long overdue to get some.”
God, is that the truth. Don’t you dare mention that you want some from him.
“That would involve dating,” I state in a serious tone.
His breathing becomes heavy and thick. “You’re thinking about dating already?”
“No. But maybe one day. I can’t stay a nun forever, although I’m not sure how desirable I’ll be. Single mom, and the guy would have to deal with you?” I joke lightly. “Talk about excess baggage.”
“Why would you need to date? Is it just about sex?” he barks.
Taken aback by his change of tone, I go into defense mode. “Are we really having this conversation?”
“Yes. I want to know why.”
“Then, yes,” I almost yell. “This is the longest time I have ever gone without sex. I’m so fucking horny, it’s depressing, and I miss the smell and touch of a man beside me in bed every night. Being single sucks big time.”
“I have to go,” he quickly tells me.
Great, another awkward ending between the Jerk and Presley. It’s a broken record, so overplayed.
Before I can say goodbye, he hangs up on me.
What the hell was that?
Lying flat on my bed, I let out a loud growl and shake my body in frustration. The nerve of him to put me on the spot and then back out mid-conversation. When my phone beeps a minute later, I am wondering what pathetic excuse he’ll use this time.
Haden: I’m sorry I had to do that. There’s something about you… I don’t know what it is. I just don’t want you seeing anyone else. Yes I know I’m selfish but it’s the truth and I’m sick of hiding it.
I read the text over and over to make sure I get the words right. What exactly is that supposed to mean? He’s confusing me. Throw Eloise into the mix, and I really have no idea what’s going on.
Me: You’re going to have your own life soon with Eloise. I don’t think you’ll be bothered with what I’m doing or who I’m seeing.
I haven’t even hit send yet when his next text comes through.
Haden: This is complicated. You’re my kid’s mom.
You’ll be in my life forever. Every man that touches you will have some bearing on our kid. I don’t want anyone else being my kid’s dad or stepdad. Only me.
His words anger me. How hypocritical of him! Does he honestly expect that I will never have a boyfriend again or get married? But it’s okay for him? I am typing so fast with zero self-control as the words pour out onto the screen.
Me: I’m not turning into a nun Haden so you can feel good about yourself. I have needs too. Just like you do. You need to get over it because your stupid demands mean nothing to me. I will do whatever the hell I want.
I wait for his reply for what feels like forever. I expect a long-winded message, but instead, it’s only a few words.
Haden: Then why won’t you let me help you?
What the hell is he talking about? He wants to help me find someone to date or marry? This is ridiculous, and I am growing bored with his antics.
Me: Help me do what?
I wait impatiently for his response.
Haden: Let me take care of your needs. Nobody has to know. It can remain our secret. Maybe you need to just release and you’ll feel different about the whole situation.
Now I am completely lost, so I dial his number, and he picks up immediately.
“I don’t understand.”
“You’re smart. What part of having a mind-blowing orgasm don’t you understand?”
Did he just say mind-blowing orgasm?
“Are you talking about phone sex? I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, you’re in Vegas… and did I mention already that it’s probably not a good idea?”
“It doesn’t matter where I am. I’m right here talking to just you, Presley. Get comfortable.”
I laugh nervously. “How? I’m pregnant.”
“Sorry, I mean naked.”
Shit. It just got real. And why am I peeling off my clothes at his command? Maybe he is right, this could be our little secret. It’s only phone sex, no physical touching involved.
“If I have to get comfortable, then so must you.”
“I already am… naked, that is.”
My palms start to sweat, and I focus on his uneven breaths as I close my eyes and listen intently. My body is betraying me, reacting with pleasure even in my uncomfortable state.
Phone sex is something I’ve never dabbled in. When Jason went off on trips, the only sexual interactions between us were quick I’m-horny-so-I’ll-jerk-off-when-we-hang-up-and-catch-you-later types of calls.
This is unfamiliar, nerve-wracking yet incredibly hot.
“Relax,” he whispers calmly. “It’s just you and me. But I’m warning you, I don’t play fair, and this will be over really quick.”
“I don’t play fair, either, Haden. I’m assuming your cock is out and hard as a rock. I’m also guessing that this is driving you insane, and as we’ve been speaking, you’ve been stroking it gently, trying to control the mind-blowing orgasm you’re about to have.”
His silence only confirms what I’ve just said.
“So, what if I were to tell you that I’ve been lying here, pussy soaked and throbbing, thinking about how your hand moves slowly from your shaft up to the tip of your cock as your back arches and your eyes close feverishly with pleasure? Tell me, what would you do next?”
A low grumble escapes his throat. “I’d tell you that all I can think about is how fucking wet your pussy is and how I never got to taste it. How my tongue wants to slide all over your clit and suck it till you beg me to fuck you.”
Dammit! He got me.
I squeeze my legs to contain the persistent throb to no avail. My arms weaken, and the tingling sensation spreading throughout my body intensifies. Shit, this is torture. My hands don’t reach that area comfortably, and when they do, I am mortified at the amount of bush forming and blush in embarrassment. Talk about a distraction. Thank God he can’t see it.
Shit, where was I?
“I wouldn’t beg you to fuck me. I can see how desperate you are. It’s all you’ve been thinking about.”
His moan deepens. “Tell me now how fucking wet you are again.”
“Soaking wet…” I moan, rubbing my fingers across my swollen clit. I gasp unwillingly at the heightened arousal. “You’ve got me so wet I can’t stop thinking about how perfect your cock would feel inside me right now.” My eyes are closed, and I allow those words to escape without thinking.
“Tell me how you taste,” he begs me.
I raise my fingers to my lips and gently lick the tips. “I taste… sweet.”
The echo shifts and there is a moan followed by a growl. Without a doubt, he is just about there. I speed up the motion and know that I have about five seconds before I am seeing stars.
“I want you to come, Haden. Come all over that beautiful, pierced cock of yours. Imagine my mouth is there waiting to take you all in.”
Three, two, one, and I’m fucking done.
I moan loudly as my body jerks back. I forget he’s on the phone, and as my eyes flick open, reality hits, and I think about what the hell I’ve just done.
As the communication between us goes stagnant, I have no choice but to speak first. “Well, that was…”
“Hot?” he teases.
“Hot… interesting… different.”
“Needed.”
I sigh. “Yes, fine. Very needed.”
“You hate admitting that, don’t you?”
“That I’m horny? Sure. Doesn’t everyone?”
“No. I’ll admit it,” he tells me.
“First of all, you’re a guy who’s seen strippers nonstop for three days. Second, you’re in a relationship. You can pretty much get laid anytime. I’m only human, I have needs, too, and I seriously didn’t think this single-mom stuff through. I’ll never get laid again,” I ramble.
“Are you done?”
“What? Yes,” I concede.
“Yes, I have seen strippers nonstop for three days, but my dick was as soft as a marshmallow. Yes, I’m in a relationship, but it’s just…” he trails off. “I don’t want to go into that part. Third, you’re fucking beautiful, and you don’t see it. Every guy in our office was waiting for you to break it off with James—”
“Jason,” I correct him.
“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Because they wanted to fuck the living daylights out of you.”
I laugh, thinking it’s a joke. “C’mon, Haden. Joke’s over. No one in the office shows interest in me. I wish.”
“You don’t realize what you do to men. You’re like this untouchable goddess walking around with a fucking wand that makes everyone’s dick hard.”
“Jesus, Haden, I’m pregnant. What planet are you on?”
“And thank God you are because now they’ve backed off.”
“What did you just say?” I ask, nervously.
“I’m saying that this is a good thing.”
“I didn’t know this is a let’s-lay-all-the-cards-out-on-the-table type of conversation, but then again, you just made me come over the phone, so no more hiding stuff anymore.”
“My cards are out if yours are.”
“They’re out,” I breathe into the phone, tired and exhausted.
“Why are you worried about getting laid once the baby is born?”
“I’m not worried about getting laid straight away. I’m saying that one day I’m going to crave the touch of a man, and it’s going to be difficult since I have a child to think about. It’s not just about me anymore.”
“But I told you I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“And I told you that’s too bad because you’re getting married and getting laid every night, so stop being a jerk.”
“I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Why are we even arguing about this? Let’s deal with it when the time comes.”
“I want to deal with it now. I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want anyone touching you, but life is unfair,” I shoot back.
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“Then no one will,” he states confidently.
“Empty promises, Haden. You’re a guy, and I respect that your cock needs to get laid.”
“By you,” he confirms.
Whoa. This conversation is taking a turn, a major turn, to God knows where. The whole dynamic of our conversation has changed, and I’m rendered speechless. He has no idea the enormity of his words, and being the rational one, I feel I have no choice but to bring him back down to reality.
“Haden,” I whisper. “We need to talk about this when you’re back. Right now, I’m tired, and I have to get up for work in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll be back on Sunday. I want to see you then.”
“Okay.”
I hang up the phone, bewildered. Not even a minute later, I receive a text.
Haden: I meant what I said.
I know he means it. I’m just not ready to deal with it.
Vicky and Kate come home not even ten minutes later. Vicky has decided to sleep over, and the second I see her walk through the door, I run to her with a razor in my hands.
She yawns. “Pres, it’s three in the morning, and you want me to shave your kitty?”
“This is an emergency situation! You don’t understand.”
“I understand that it’s three in the morning, and there’s a possibility I may give you a mullet.”
I drag her to the bathroom and close the door behind us. Kate is already in her room, drunk on her bed.
“This really can’t wait till tomorrow?”
“No, I can’t sleep knowing I’ve let it turn into the Amazon Rainforest.”
“I must really love you to do this…” she mumbles to herself, armed with a razor, soap, and water.