He grabbed the suit jacket, tossed it into a metal trash bin near the rest-stop bathrooms, and lit it on fire with a blowtorch he had stashed in the back of his truck. Hopefully that would keep the demons from coming here once they were gone. There were no guarantees, but it was the best he could do, given the situation.
It was time to get Jackie back home. He had never before trusted anyone enough to tell them about his soulless state, but he was going to have to now. He needed help figuring out how to get her out of the mess she’d inadvertently stepped in, and now that Gilda and Angus were dead, he could think of only one person who might have some answers.
“Time to go,” he said.
Iain helped Jackie into the truck, and then slid in behind the wheel. He hit the highway, plowing through the miles at a breakneck pace. Jackie was silent beside him, splitting her attention between what was in front of them and what was behind. He could feel her anxiousness sliding through their newborn link.
He reveled in the connection even as he cursed it. This was how it was supposed to be. Being tied to her fulfilled his purpose in life. It was such a feeling of completion, it was hard to remember that it was utterly wrong for her—a depressing mix of useless and dangerous. And yet he couldn’t deny the power of her gift to him. His pain was gone. Not all of it, but most of it had vanished when she’d taken his luceria and used his power to drive out the poison. The pressure that had built inside him had abated, leaving him feeling…light. After all those decades of agony, he was finally free. It didn’t matter that it wouldn’t last long. He soaked up the respite she’d given him, letting himself revel in it.
Iain hadn’t felt true joy in a long, long time, but he remembered it now. It felt a lot like this, and he had Jackie to thank for restoring some of what had been lost to him. The restoration was temporary, so he was determined to enjoy it while it lasted. Once he went back to the way things had been, he might not even remember how he felt now.
As soon as he could, he took an exit to hit the back roads. The chances of getting pulled over by highway patrol were a lot slimmer out here, and if he had to stop and fight Synestryn, there were fewer people to see it happen, or to get in the way.
“Do you see anything?” she asked, her voice trembling with fear.
He hated it that she was afraid, and wished he could do something to take it away.
The thought hit him hard, triggering a memory of a dream—one he’d had while poisoned. Jackie had been afraid. Cold and desperate. Now that he was awake, he realized what that dream had been. It was the vision the luceria had chosen to share with him, but now it was hard to remember, with only bits and pieces of it flickering through his mind.
Jackie had been a prisoner in a cave, huddling together with a little girl for warmth. She was scared out of her mind and weak from the last round of feedings. Zillah had nearly drained her dry before tossing her back in her cell. Her arms and legs were cold and numb. She was shivering, and yet her thoughts were centered around the child next to her and how she was going to protect her.
That had been during the first few days of her captivity. How she’d endured another two years was beyond Iain. How she’d stayed sane was even more of a mystery.
But she had, and now she was here, bonded to him in a way she didn’t understand. She hadn’t meant for it to be permanent. She’d meant only to save his life.
How was he going to tell her that she was now tied irrevocably to a man with no soul?
She frowned and glanced at him. “Are you in my head? Reading my thoughts?”
He tamped down on the rush of fury her question caused. She’d said it like he had no right to connect with her in that way, as if the very concept disgusted her.
“No,” he clipped out.
Iain had to get hold of himself and his raging emotions. He needed to find that blissful numbness he’d had for so long. It was simply a matter of discipline. All he had to do was exactly as he instructed the members of the Band of the Barren to do: pretend he was honorable as he’d once been. Pretend that the feelings battering him did not exist.
“I thought I heard something.” She shook her head in confusion. “I’m just paranoid. Drake and Helen are always carrying on silent conversations with each other. She claims she likes having him in her head, but my brain has a very brightly lit keep out sign, okay?”
Iain nodded and took control of his wayward thoughts, just in case they were loud enough to leak through to Jackie. He didn’t want her in his head, either, finding out what was wrong with him. At least not yet. Not until he had time to think and plan a way to free her. Right now the only way he knew to break their bond ended badly for him.
He wasn’t ready to die yet. His brothers still needed him.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Dabyr.”
“This isn’t the way we came.”
“I’m taking a back way.”
Her head thumped back against the seat in frustration. “I’m never going to get out of there, am I?”
The misery he heard in her voice made him ache. The need to reassure her bore down on him, and he had to grip the steering wheel hard to keep himself from reaching for her. She wouldn’t welcome his touch. She’d made that clear earlier. “You will. Just not today.”
The temperature inside the truck had risen, thanks to a constant pouring of heat from the vents. Jackie stripped off his jacket and laid it on the seat between them. He knew the next time he wore it, he’d be able to smell her scent clinging to the lining. He looked forward to the intimacy as much as he dreaded it.
“I don’t belong there, you know. I belong in my old world. It’s the only place that makes sense.”
“I know you think you don’t belong with us, but you’re wrong. You can’t see it now, but one day you will be a fierce warrior.”
She snorted as if she found the idea ridiculous.
“Helen is. Why would you be any less than your sister?”
“How is living my life, running a manufacturing facility, somehow less? What I do is important. I give people jobs and make sure they’re safe while doing them. I keep the peace and settle disputes. Efficiency is up, accidents are down, and I make a shitload of money for my company, so everyone gets a nice, fat bonus.”
“You did,” he felt compelled to remind her. “You don’t do that anymore.”
She rubbed her temples. “Yeah. I did. And now I sit around a lot, being afraid to leave my room. I’ve fallen a long way down, Iain.”
He loved the sound of his name on her tongue. It sent a thrill racing through him, making him eager to hear it again. Only next time, he wished there to be less regret in her tone and more joy. Or desire. He’d like that even more. “You’re going to save lives now. Just like you did when you were held captive.”
In his peripheral vision, he saw her body stiffen. “How did you know about that?”
“The luceria showed me.”
“You had a vision?”
“I have memories of one, like it was a dream.” Even as he spoke, more pieces of his vision became visible, like he was seeing something between shifting leaves on a tree. “You?”
She hesitated, and he could see her watching him from the corner of his eye. He wanted to look at her so he could better gauge her emotions, but he didn’t dare take his focus off the pitted gravel road as fast as he was driving.
“I saw her,” she finally said.
“Who?”
“The woman who broke your heart when she died.”
Serena. Grief swept through him, leaving him cold and shaking. He hadn’t mourned for her for a long time, and now that pain was back. Bleak, frigid grief pressed down on him, making his tone harsh. “I don’t want to talk about her. Drop it.”
Jackie fell silent, but he swore he could feel her curiosity sliding between them, through the luceria. It was mixed with a healthy serving of guilt, likely because he’d let his emotions come through in his tone.
Iain gritted his
teeth in frustration. He was going to have to relearn how to control himself. It had been much easier to do when he’d been numb. He wasn’t sure how he was going to find the self-control, but for Jackie, he’d try. That’s what a man with honor would do.
“Thank you, by the way,” he said, referring to her earlier statement. “For saving me.”
She shrugged and continued to stare out the side window. “Anyone would have done the same thing.”
She was wrong about that, but he didn’t see the point in arguing. Jackie helped others, no matter the cost to herself. He could see that now as more snippets of his vision began to reveal themselves. Each one of them showed him another time that she’d taken care of a woman or child during her captivity, giving others her food, and even a precious blanket she’d managed to steal. She’d fought for them, begging snarling demons for water and scraps of garbage, bartering her own blood for their favors.
She was a noble, selfless woman—one who did not deserve to be tied to a soulless monster.
Iain had to find a way to break their union. She couldn’t stay with him. It would destroy her once she found out that he was without a soul, destined to be sent to the Slayers to die if anyone learned the truth. She was far too precious to risk, and no matter how much she gave up, she couldn’t save what was already lost.
That’s what the luceria had been trying to tell him with the visions. If he didn’t find a way to free her, she’d destroy herself trying to save him. He couldn’t let that happen. No matter what it cost him.
There was a blur of motion from his right. He tried to slow and swerve to avoid it, but it was too late. The blur hit the hood of his truck and slammed into the window, cracking it.
At first he thought it was a deer. Then he saw the glow of its eerie green eyes. Synestryn eyes.
It clung to the hood of his truck. Its wide jaws were filled with pointed teeth, and at the end of its long limbs were thick talons that were dug into the metal. It was the same type of demon that had found them at the hotel. In fact, judging by the ragged patches of newly scarred, furless skin, this was the same creature Jackie had shot repeatedly.
The demon shifted its grip, crawling closer to Jackie. Glowing yellow saliva dripped from its mouth and smeared over the windshield, making it harder for Iain to see. It scrambled closer, sliding around the hood as Iain braked to a jarring halt. Its claws shredded the hood with its hind legs while it began scratching at the spiderwebbed glass with its front claws.
Beside him, Jackie let out a single yelp, then fell silent. He could feel her fear beating at him through the luceria, demanding that he remove the threat. To her credit, she didn’t lose her head. Instead, she reached for her purse and the gun he knew she had stashed inside.
The monster inside of him roared for freedom, needing to kill. He tightened his control over it, fearing what might happen if he let go in such a confined space. Jackie was too close.
“You can’t kill it with that,” said Iain. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
Iain slid the armored jacket on, and then jumped out of the truck to lure the demon away.
The need to kill rose easily to the surface as he gave the monster within him a bit of freedom. He felt no fear of his own, only the distant screaming of Jackie’s, held in tight.
As soon as Iain was free of the protection of the truck, the demon lunged for him, jaws gaping. A feral light of recognition shone in its eyes, as if it knew who Iain was.
Iain’s sword was free and gliding in a smooth arc before the thing had time to land. His blade sliced across one of the demon’s arms, making it howl in pain and fury. Black blood arced over the gravel road, sizzling as it hit.
The demon fell back a few feet. It scooped up a handful of rock from the roadway and shoved it in its mouth.
Like hell he was letting that happen again.
Poisoned gravel flew at his unprotected face. Iain dove under it, tucking as he rolled over the ground.
“There’s another one!” shouted Jackie, from a few yards away.
The warning registered, and he took a split second to assess the threat. Another of these demons was loping across the ground on all fours, racing toward them. It was far enough away he still had six or eight seconds—not enough time to do this without help.
He had no choice. Jackie’s life was on the line. As much as he hated letting her see this side of himself, it was better than letting her die.
Iain took a deep breath, begged silently for forgiveness, and then let go of his control, freeing his monster. It broke out, roaring in defiance, giving his body strength and speed. Moving on raw instinct and rage, he struck the demon, severing one of its legs. Before it had finished crumpling to the ground, his blade slammed down, lopping off the thing’s head.
He turned to take out the next demon only to find that it was pinned to the ground, snarling and clawing at a dome of faint, watery light. Sparks spewed out from where its claws struck, but it couldn’t free itself.
Jackie. She’d done this.
He stalked to the demon and struck it with his sword. The blow skittered off the light, vibrating up his arms.
His monster hissed in outrage. This was his kill and she was keeping him from it.
“Let it go,” he snarled at her, barely able to form words.
The light flickered and died and Iain made quick work of the beast lying prone before him.
He scanned the area for more, his body shaking with the need for violence. Ragged breaths sawed in and out of his lungs, and his skin felt like it was on fire. He needed to kill again—to drive his blade into another creature and watch it twitch there until it died.
He was losing control. The monster was taking over, breaking free of the leash he’d tried to keep around it.
“Iain?” came Jackie’s voice.
The monster spotted her standing less than ten feet away. She was so fucking pretty with her hair whipped about her face by the wind, and her gray eyes luminous with concern. Her nipples were puckered beneath the thin shirt she wore, and he wanted to strip it from her so he could see them, feel them against his tongue.
He took a step toward her with the intention of doing just that when he realized that he was no longer in control. The beast inside of him had protected her and now it wanted payment in return.
Iain couldn’t let that happen. He regained enough control to close his eyes, shutting out the tempting sight of her so close. The monster threw its head back and let out an animalistic howl of frustration.
“Are you okay?” asked Jackie.
He could hear that she was closer now. Her tentative footsteps crunched in the gravel, drawing her closer to danger.
Iain turned and forced his legs to move, to put more distance between them. It did no good. She continued to draw nearer, ignorant of the threat he now posed.
“Stop.” He mangled the word, but her footsteps ceased.
He could smell her on the wind—a light, tempting fragrance of warm woman mixed with a hint of spring.
Her hand settled on his shoulder. The beast grinned in victory and began to reach for her. Iain couldn’t let her be subjected to what would come next. She’d end up on the cold, rocky ground, raped and bleeding.
Not his Jackie. Not while he still lived.
With a force of will he didn’t think he possessed, he found the strength he needed to beat the monster back into its cage. It fought him, snarling and gnashing its teeth, but he managed to clang the door shut.
Iain was left sweating and shaking from the effort.
Her hands settled on his face, as gentle as butterflies. He opened his eyes and looked down at her.
Worry lined her brow and pulled her mouth tight. Iain let his sword fall to the ground and ran his finger over her forehead, hoping to erase whatever was bothering her. Her skin was smooth and warm, and her mouth relaxed at his touch.
He wanted to kiss her again, but knew it would be a mistake. Still, it was hard to remember his honor when he fel
t so battered, bruised, and weary. Battling himself had taken all his strength, and he didn’t know how much more he had to hold himself back.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He wasn’t. He was so far from okay it was laughable, but he couldn’t bear to burden her with his problems. “Yeah.”
“Did you get any poison on you?”
He didn’t feel the tingle of it, but there could have been some on his coat—the one that she was too close to.
Iain took a step back and searched his clothing for signs of blood or spit. There were none, except on his sword.
He grabbed his weapon and wiped it off on a patch of demon fur. “I can’t see through the windshield,” he said, hoping to find a safe topic to distract himself. “You’ll freeze to death if we try to drive without it. We’ll have to wait here for a new set of wheels.”
He pulled out his phone and texted Nicholas with the details of their situation. That man was the most connected of all of them, with a love for technological gadgets that baffled Iain.
Nicholas confirmed he’d gotten the message, and called off the Sanguinar that was on the way to free Iain of the poison Jackie had already cured—the one Helen had sent.
“I could make a windshield. I just figured out how Andra does her shield thing. I think I could use that same technique to keep the wind out.”
“It’s worth a shot.” Anything that kept them from spending time alone out here in the dark together was worth a try. “Stand clear for a second.”
She nodded, and he got inside the truck, using his feet to push the largest portion of safety glass out of the way.
“Okay. Let’s give this a try.”
Iain felt a tug on his power, then a steady stream flow from him as she placed a flat dome of energy over the hole the broken-out windshield had left behind. He wasn’t sure how long she could keep it up, so he texted Nicholas with an update, fired up the truck, and headed out as fast as was safe.
Dying Wish: A Novel of the Sentinel Wars Page 13