Guilt Ridden

by Marie Johnston

  She screeched and jumped. Spinning around, she threw a hand up. It landed on Travis’s chest. He held his hands up in surrender.

  “I’m sorry. Sorry.” He didn’t step back, and she left her hand right where it was. “I wanted to see if you needed help, or ask if anything was wrong.”

  Her shoulders sagged; her hand slid down his solid chest to fall at her side. He towered over her, but she didn’t mind, not when he looked so concerned about her.

  When was the last time a guy worried about her? It’d only been Austin since Ben, so the time had been the morning Ben had died, when he’d promised to stop for milk and lunchmeat before he came home from work. She’d had a full evening of coaching and hadn’t had time to pick up anything for supper between school pickup and work.

  Locals gossiped that she’d only married him because he got her pregnant, but that wasn’t it at all. Being a single mother hadn’t intimidated her then, and it didn’t now. She’d fallen for Ben because he’d been a good man. Like Travis, he’d obviously been infatuated with her. Unlike Travis, she hadn’t assumed he’d grow bored with her and rush off to bigger and better things.

  Ben would’ve moved from Normandy to the ranch. Then they’d have raised Kambria on the slice of paradise, most definitely with horses. It wouldn’t have mattered that she and Ben had nothing more than a push-mower and two snow shovels. But he was gone and she was on her own, floundering.

  She puffed a lock of hair out of her eyes. “Nothing’s wrong.”

  His expression said he didn’t believe her.

  “Yeah, okay. I feel so incompetent around you.”

  He recoiled. “Me? Why?”

  Said like he really didn’t know. Was he book smart and not people smart? That made Kami feel a little better.

  “You’re a doctor.”

  “Ph.D. type. Not medical.”

  She threw her hands up. “You’re also really talented. At farming. At ranching. At computer shit. At business. I was afraid of being beholden to you even more than I am by asking for your advice and here you have it all written up, organized, and set in a timeline.”

  He propped one hand on the counter next to her and his other hand on his hip. She was partly caged in by a hot guy with brains to match his looks.

  “I’m the same geeky kid you rode the bus with every day. I just like to be organized and I get bored easy.”

  Exactly. Bored. She’d never have the intellect to keep him. “You weren’t geeky.”

  “Nerdy?”

  “All the girls had a crush on you. All of you Walkers.” She’d only wanted Travis and as soon as she’d had him, she’d known they were never meant to be. Everyone said so.

  “I wasn’t into all the other girls. I had eyes for only one.”

  “Please,” she scoffed. “I bet they lined up outside your truck for…” She gulped. What they’d done together inside of his pickup had been magical. She hadn’t known what an orgasm was before Travis.

  He lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “I got asked out, but I kept hoping you’d give me another chance.”

  Warmth infused her and mixed with melancholy. “You’d have never stuck around. We have nothing in common.”

  He considered her for so long she started to squirm. “Did you and Ben have a lot in common?”

  “Yes.”

  “What was it?”

  Her defenses rose. “We’re both from small towns. We both liked sappy movies and action flicks. We both…” Damn, there was more. Why couldn’t she think of it?

  “You both liked spending time together?”

  She gazed up at him. “Yes.”

  “I didn’t have much in common with Michelle. She’s the only person I’ve been with besides you.”

  Seriously? A guy like him, with his body, had only had sex with two people? She’d had more experience than him by the time she was seventeen.

  “We both enjoyed school,” he continued. “That was what drew us together. She liked city life, I didn’t. She liked sherbet, and nope.” Kami’s mouth quirked. “She was uncomfortable in my big family get-togethers and I think I’d be a hermit without them. But we still worked…for a while.”

  “What do you mean—”

  He cut her off with a kiss, stole the rest of her sentence, seized control of her mind. She went from wanting to interrogate him on Michelle to wanting nothing more than to keep touching him.

  He crowded in and wrapped his arms around her. The kiss deepened. The pie was forgotten. She was pressed against him from head to toe. Every cell in her body demanded that she never move away from him.

  Desire like she’d never known before swamped her. It’d been too long since she’d been intimate. That had to be why her sex thrummed with her heartbeat.

  Did she care what the reason was? Or that Travis was here, and she could do something about it?

  He burned a path from her mouth, down her neck, while he untucked her shirt from her waistband. Why had she chosen blue jeans and not a wispy pair of shorts?

  She gave herself free rein, roaming her hands up his shoulders, loving how they bulged and flexed, up to his trimmed hair. The slight curl in it had always driven her wild. It ran through her fingers like silk, so soft compared to the hard body against her.

  He freed her shirt and splayed his hands along her sides. The flick of his tongue at her neck made her suck in a breath of delight.

  God, that felt good.

  His head jerked up, and he claimed her mouth again.

  Yes, she needed this. But she couldn’t go through another two weeks of after effects of nothing but a kiss. He wedged his knee between her legs. Friction. Yes, please.

  Rocking into him, she groaned. She’d never been so ready to get to the act as she was now.

  His arms flexed, like he might be trying to sweep his hands up to her breasts, but they were pressed too closely together.

  No time for that! She released one hand from his head and guided his arm down until he cupped the juncture of her thighs. Just a little release. To keep from being painful.

  Teasing her with his tongue, making her think he wasn’t going to go further, he did nothing but alternate pressure and easing up.

  A needy mewl left her. She should shove his hand away so she could ride his leg.

  But slowly, he skimmed up to her waistband and undid the clasp. Without having to maneuver them into a new position, he wedged his hand between them into her pants, under her panties.

  His low moan echoed hers as his fingers parted her folds. She knew she was wet, but the ease he teased her clit with—he affected her more than she’d thought. It was like her body was transported back to the new and powerful sensations he’d given her, when he’d shown her what sex was really supposed to be like. When he’d worshipped her body. He’d spent hours on her pleasure.

  Since it’d been two minutes, did that mean he was as desperate for her, too?

  She’d worried about earning back her reputation for being easy, but with Travis she didn’t care. He hadn’t bragged then, he’d likely show the same respect now.

  This was just between them.

  His tongue licked along hers as he spread her with his fingers and circled her nub. She gripped his shoulders and rocked into him.

  He increased the pressure; another needy moan escaped. His other arm still anchored them together, otherwise she’d be bent back over the counter, smashing the pie, so she could bare herself to his masterful touch.

  Widening her stance, she circled her hips, coaxing faster movement from him. Her orgasm was careening around the corner and it promised to hit hard.

  He did nothing more but keep the same steady pace, matching the rhythm with his tongue, until she was holding off her climax just to enjoy the climb.

  How did he make a frenzied act so slow and sultry?

  The effort of keeping her release at bay took its toll. She broke their kiss and tipped her head back, her breaths coming in pants.

  He blazed another path with his l
ips down her neck, the faint scratch of five o’clock shadow heightening the ecstasy. With slow precision, he moved his hand enough that one finger speared her.

  She shattered. Crying out, shuddering, riding his hand. She didn’t know how long it went on. He didn’t move; she was the one going wild.

  Dragging in lungfuls of air, she finally pried her grip off his shoulders. He lifted his head, his hand still cupping her mound, but he must know how sensitive she’d be.

  She met his gaze and stilled. Desire shone from his clear blue eyes. Pure, unadulterated. He was in no rush to seek pleasure for himself; he seemed to revel in being the one to cause her orgasmic bliss.

  “Travis Walker, you always amaze me.”

  His lopsided smile snaked around her heart. If he’d had a cocky grin, she could defend herself. But he was sweet, earnest. Like that first night when he’d seemed so damn delighted to be able to make her climax not once but three times.

  Why had she walked away from him again?

  Right. Because she didn’t want to see his back leaving her for not only someone else’s body, but their brain, too.

  “You’ve always amazed me, Miss Kami Lee Preston.”

  The sincerity in his voice didn’t affect her. Oh, it did, but not as much as his use of her married name. Austin always pestered her about keeping Preston. Keeping his last name ain’t gonna bring him back. She suspected it only reminded Austin that she’d moved on from him, if only for a short while. Preston stayed for so many reasons. She hadn’t felt the need to change it back. It was her daughter’s last name and always would be. And it distanced herself in other people’s minds from the footloose girl who could only ace gym class. That was only important to her for Kambria’s sake.

  Travis captured her mouth again. A thrill rose, and it was as if her orgasm hadn’t happened. She wanted him again, only much more than his hand.

  She stopped their kiss long enough to murmur, “Travis, I want…” She flicked open the button of his jeans.

  “Whatever you want, I want.”

  Their foreheads were pressed together, his arms held the counter on either side of her. She felt safe in the circle he made. She worked his fly open and shoved his briefs down.

  Her breath whooshed out. She was accustomed to coming back home and thinking everything seemed smaller through adult eyes. But Travis’s erection didn’t fit that category.

  His thick shaft bobbed into her hand. She wrapped her fingers around him. His eyes drifted shut, his hips rocked. The tip glistened. She used the wetness to slide her hand around him easier.

  “When you touch me, I can’t think straight.” His warm breath brushed her cheeks.

  He can’t think properly? “I can’t believe your mind gets frazzled.”

  He groaned and tilted his hips until his shaft slid back, then he thrust back into her grip. “Around you? Always.”

  “I can’t believe I intimidate you.” Truly unbelievable.

  His hips swayed. They both watched as she worked him without effort, enjoying the coiled strength under her palm. Velvet wrapped steel and searing hot skin.

  “How can you not? You’re stunning.” He paused to catch his breath, the muscles in his shoulders quivering. “Your body is a work of art. I used to sit transfixed during your half-time routines. I only played to make sure I didn’t miss Kami English flip across the court.” He dragged in another breath and let out a growl. “I’m not going to last long.”

  “I don’t want you to,” she whispered. His words were flattering, but she wasn’t that girl anymore.

  “But it’s really your smile I’d kill for.”

  She yanked her gaze up. His hair was mussed, his intense gaze now on her lips. After what they were doing, he was going on about her smile?

  “Yeah,” he panted. His thrusts quickening. “Your smile lights up every room, makes me feel like no one else is around, like you and I might— Oh, Kami…”

  She tightened her grip. Like they might what? His hips jerked and he threw his head back.

  “Kami!”

  Hot release coated her hand but she didn’t care. The way he growled his climax, the way his neck thickened with corded muscle, the way he called her name. He made her feel like they might have a chance.

  He sagged into her, his arms coming around her. She released him and embraced him in return.

  After a couple of minutes, he shifted his head enough to whisper in her ear. “Now that we have that out of the way, I can take my time with you.”

  She fisted the material of his shirt. He’d said that back then and he’d meant it. Memory flooded her body, heating her core.

  She licked her lower lip. “We can start by taking your shirt off. It got a little messy.”

  His phone rang.

  She relaxed her hands, waited for his reaction.

  “Fuck ’em,” was all he said.

  She giggled, expecting that reaction out of his cousins more than him. Probably where he picked it up from.

  The ringing stopped.

  Travis pulled back enough to stroke her cheek. “Can you stay?”

  What should be the worst idea in the world sounded divine. She worked in the morning, but what was one day working through lack of sleep. He’d make it so worth it. “Yes.”

  His phone rang again.

  He hissed with frustration and jerked his phone out of his pocket. One glance at the screen and all hints of passion left his expression. “I’m sorry. I should take this.”

  Stepping away and turning his back, he answered in a low tone and strode out of the room.

  So that was that.

  Scanning the kitchen, she decided what she’d do. Wait here like the desperate sex-crazed woman she was, or have a piece of pie?

  ***

  “No, it’s fine. I’m not busy.” Travis sidled into the den and pinched the bridge of his nose.

  He’d only been at the precipice of an experience he’d been dying years for. Kami was in his arms again. There was something between them. She tried to keep her emotional distance and after tonight, he suspected why.

  For a woman as spectacular as she was, she lacked confidence.

  He could get past that. Whatever he had to do.

  Michelle’s dad, Phil, spoke, dragging him out of his lustful thoughts. “I just… We haven’t…”

  Travis sighed as quietly as possible. They needed room to grieve and whenever they talked to him, he felt like he only reminded them of everything they’d missed. Michelle wouldn’t be getting married, or giving them grandbabies, even if Travis had broken up with her. She’d been an attractive, intellectual woman. He had no doubt she would’ve carved out the life she wanted for herself. But to her parents, all that would’ve been with him by her side.

  “We wanted you to know how much we’ve appreciated your help.”

  “It’s not a problem. Honestly.”

  It would be, eventually. Travis couldn’t help run two farms over an hour apart from each other, but he’d have to suck it until Phil started emotionally recovering, or retired.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t called the past few weeks.”

  “No, no. You’ve been busy. Planting season, I understand.”

  “Do you need any help? Did you get the corn in?” Cash would step in and take over for him if he had to leave town.

  “We’re fine, son. I scaled back, like you suggested.” Phil cleared his throat. “Maybe we should try to get together sometime? Della thought we could stop out there. You’ve been doing all the running.”

  Travis glanced at the door and caught himself. He hated feeling like he was hiding Kami, but he didn’t want to add to their burden. “Sure, you’re welcome here anytime.”

  “We’ll give you a jingle when we’re out and about next.”

  Travis bobbed his head even though the man couldn’t see him. Calling first would be good. He’d hate to be out in the field when they arrived. Or caught with his pants down, his dick in Kami’s tight fist.

  “
Call whenever you need to, Phil.” Travis hung up, then hung his head.

  His respect for Phil was boundless, and the fact that he called robbed Travis of the elation he’d felt with Kami. His resolve to take it slow lasted days, but felt like forever.

  He hoped she hadn’t left.

  He glanced down. His cock was still hanging out, flaccid. All blood had drained from him when he’d seen “Phil” across the screen of his phone.

  He tucked himself back in. Zipping up before he sported another erection just recalling the moment he released into her fist, he left his shirt hanging out to cover any residue left on his pants.

  Had she cleaned herself up? Did she have regrets? Did she have hopes for more? He certainly did.

  Everyone commented on his intelligence, but his wants were simple. The love of a good woman, surrounded by family, in the house he was literally born and raised in.

  He had two of those things.

  Leaving the den he called for her.

  “At the table,” she replied.

  The flush in her face hadn’t left. The pie on her plate was half gone, and a second piece sat in his spot. They hadn’t even cleaned up from supper.

  “I think you already gave me dessert.”

  The blush darkened and she took a measured bite. When he thought he’d pushed too far, she threw him a flirty look.

  He dug into his piece. “When do you want to go over the list I prepared?”

  “Kambria’s home this weekend.” She frowned. “You remembered, right? That I couldn’t make supper this weekend?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I’ll be working at Mom’s as much as I can. You can catch me there.”

  He’d catch her anywhere.

  They finished their pie in silence. He desperately wanted to ask her to Dillon’s wedding and his intuition said it was too soon. But the wedding was in three weeks and if he waited too long, she might back out at the short notice.

  They cleaned up side by side. He asked about her day, like he did every night. She rarely talked about it. They were just jobs to her. Her tone was dead and her face lacked animation if he got anything beyond “fine.” Not like when she talked about her mom’s place.