by Ryanne Corey
“Immensely,” Zack said meekly, heaving a great sigh. “I’m delicate where you’re concerned. Handle me with tender loving care…or, if you’d rather, just handle me.” He grinned, showing a flash of his usual bravado. “I’ve discovered I’m basically a carnal fellow where you’re concerned.”
“And you were pious and innocent back in Los Angeles? Led a monk’s life?”
“Oh, yes.”
“Never a single wild fling?”
He shook his head emphatically. “Oh, no.”
She grinned, loving the combination of wicked silvery eyes tucked into an angelic expression. Zack was an irresistible mixture of cherub and mischievous imp, emphasis on mischievous. She wriggled against him, luxuriating in the newfound freedom they had found together. Making love was an amazing liberator. “I hate to tell you this, but I have to leave you for a little while today.”
His lower lip stuck out immediately. Already he didn’t like this plan. “Why?”
“Because Kyle called a while ago and told me he was coming over at noon to talk to me. He didn’t give me a chance to say no before he hung up. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be here, so I arranged to meet Carrie for lunch. I’m sorry to do this to you, but I’d like to ask you a little favor.”
Since this favor seemed to involve Anna being away from him, Zack said immediately, “I’m sorry, I can’t. It’s impossible.”
“You don’t even know what the favor is yet.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to ask me to be civil to Kyle. Some things are simply not within my power.” He smiled sweetly. “Now what should we talk about?”
His charm surrounded her, weaving a sweet, sexy spell. Anna had a wild impulse to use the kitchen table for something other than eating breakfast cake. Which she probably would have done had she not been pressed for time. She contented herself with a long, lingering kiss that instantly heated her blood to boiling. “Do me this little favor,” she whispered against his lips. “When Kyle gets here, don’t kill him. Just…try and open his eyes a little. Carrie’s the best thing that has ever happened to him. Pleeeease?”
“Evil woman,” Zack muttered, his eyes dark with passion. “You know I can’t refuse you anything.”
“You won’t hurt him?”
“Not even a little. But before you go—”
“I’m going to be late.” She grinned, pushing him away firmly. Her expression was positively joyous. In fact, she felt joyous from inside out. “I need to shower and get ready. The only problem is that I need someone to wash my back. I know I’m asking a lot of favors from you this morning, but…do you think you could manage that?”
Zack smiled at her with bright-eyed anticipation. “Oh, yes. I love to be useful.”
Zack had expected a less-than-pleasant encounter with good old Kyle. No matter how you cut it, he didn’t like the guy.
Then Kyle walked in the house and Zack saw the misery in his face. The man was hurting and didn’t even bother to hide the fact. Grudgingly Zack thought he’d give the guy a break. He knew intuitively that Kyle was not aching for Anna. He was missing Carrie.
“I’ll fix you a sandwich,” Zack said, leading Kyle back to the kitchen. “Anna had a lunch date planned with Carrie, so she left you to me.”
Kyle only sighed and shrugged, taking this in stride. What Anna was doing or not doing suddenly seemed not to matter to him. On that basis, Zack began to like him just a little bit more. But just a little bit.
“Carrie has been gone from my life for less than two days,” Kyle said morosely, straddling a kitchen chair backward while Zack searched the cupboards for peanut butter. “And she’s left a gaping, empty wound. Why are humans so damn stupid? They never know what’s important until it’s gone.”
“The human condition,” Zack pronounced wisely. He liked to think he himself knew exactly what was important, without going through the suffering like Dr. Doolittle.
“I guess Carrie’s staying here for a while?”
Zack gave him a look over his shoulder. “Only until she finds her own place.”
“Oh, hell.” Kyle’s chin slumped to his knuckles on the chair back. “She’s really doing this, isn’t she? She’s done with me.”
“Can you blame her?” Zack asked, his head deep in the refrigerator. “Where the heck is the jam? Oh, there. Good. Anyway, like I said, Carrie isn’t the one responsible for this. You’re the one that turned schizo on her. What’s the matter with you? She’s wonderful, smart, funny…everything you could want. How could you possibly take a woman like her for granted?”
“I don’t know,” Kyle said glumly. “I guess I panicked. It’s been me and my work for so long, I suddenly started thinking how many changes I was in for. I didn’t know if I would like those changes. I live according to a routine—black coffee and dry toast for breakfast, head off to work at 8:00 a.m., go home at 5:30 p.m., eat a TV dinner and watch the news. Then I go to bed and the whole thing starts over again.”
“That’s horrible,” Zack told him, repulsed. “Why on earth wouldn’t you want a little excitement? Don’t you get sick of living alone?”
“Don’t you?” Kyle countered. “You’re not exactly a spring chicken, and you’re still a bachelor. You must like it that way.”
“My life is different,” Zack muttered, slathering peanut butter on bread with a heavy hand. “I’m a cop. I have constant challenges, I never know what will happen on any given day. I tell you, I’ve got a great…well, a really good…I’ve got an okay life.”
“Oh, that sounds like a contented man talking.”
Zack slapped Kyle’s sandwich flat on the table, not bothering with plates. Then he sat down, buying himself some time while he munched on his Wonder bread lunch. “I thought I was happy,” he said finally, a more somber note in his voice. “I thought I was the luckiest guy alive. Then I met Anna, and nothing else seemed to matter. My value system is in serious revolt.”
Kyle nodded understandingly. “Yeah, I know what you mean. When Carrie walked out of my life, she took my life with her. I’m lost. The idea of living without her is killing me.”
Zack shook his head. “You’re a damned idiot. I suspected you might be from the moment I met you, and now you’re proving it. Are you just going to sit back and cry in your beer the rest of your days?”
“Like I have a choice? I hurt her, Zack. She won’t forgive that. Women and elephants never forget.”
“That’s asinine. You know damn well you’ve got a choice. Do you love her?”
“Hell, yes, I love her. But it’s too late. I blew it.”
Zack rolled his eyes “For a minute we were getting along here, but now you’re starting to bug me again. Look, I don’t know you real well, but you seem to be a normal kind of guy who pretty much accepts whatever life gives you. You’ve never fought against the routine, never made yourself stretch until it hurt.” He paused, then slapped his free hand hard on the table. “Do you have any idea what the temperature of a dead body is?”
Kyle stared at him. “Are you kidding?”
Zack continued stubbornly, undeterred. “The temperature of a dead body is seventy-two degrees. The climate-controlled temperature of most homes is seventy-two degrees. Kyle, when we get that comfortable, when we dig ourselves into a rut that deep, we might as well be dead. If we don’t get out of our comfort zones now and again, we hardly know we’re alive. You’ve got to push yourself past your routine, soak in new ideas and new ways of living. Just because they’re unfamiliar doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It’s the only way to really live. So what if Carrie walked out on you? You deserved it. You were a complete jerk.”
“Thank you,” he said irritably.
“So stop being a jerk already. Convince her that your life is meaningless without her. Sweep her off her feet. Humble yourself. Do whatever the hell is necessary to have her in your life. Whatever is necessary.”
Kyle was silent for a long moment. Then, with a strange catch in his voice, he said, �
��You’re right. I’ve been so blind. And my damned routine isn’t vital, it’s just what I’m used to. Without Carrie I’m never going to be the man I could be. I’ll be seventy-two degrees for the rest of my life, and seventy-two degrees when I’m dead and gone. I won’t even know the difference.”
“Finally, he sees the light.” Feeling rather smug, Zack finished off the last of his sandwich. “Damn, I’m good.”
Kyle cleared his throat self-consciously, loathe to ask for advice but having no real choice. “So tell me…if you were me—”
“What a horrible thought.”
“If you were me, how would you sweep Carrie off her feet?”
“Give me a break. You’re a big boy. You made her fall in love with you once, you can do it again. Dazzle her. Apologize profusely to her. Wine and dine her. Send her a dozen roses every day for the rest of your life. Remember the motto. Whatever it takes.”
Kyle considered this, drawing finger circles on the table top. “I can do that. Probably.”
“Kyle, have a little confidence. You’re…all right. You’re not a complete weasel. You’re just a little inexperienced when it comes to battling for what you want.”
“What about you?” Kyle asked quietly, looking up. “Is that what you did with Anna? All these years I’ve watched so many men take one look at her and fall hard, but no one even came close to succeeding until you came along. I guess that was part of my problem. I was her best friend until she met you, the first one she called when she was lonely or had a problem. I guess I was jealous of being replaced.”
“You’re still her friend, you know that. But if you’re really honest with yourself, aren’t you the one who changed on her? Aren’t you the one who found a new best friend when you fell in love with Carrie?”
“Maybe,” Kyle conceded reluctantly. “I never thought of it that way. I’m getting to be more of a jerk every minute, aren’t I?”
Zack nodded enthusiastically, though he said, “That’s your call.”
They talked for another thirty minutes, mostly concerning the art of seducing a woman you had wronged. Kyle listened intently, right down to actually taking notes. He was in short supply of imagination, but he was capable of following specific instructions. “I’m inspired,” Kyle told Zack, pushing his chair back from the table. “Unfortunately I have a date with a pregnant poodle, so I have to go. You’re not a bad guy, Daniels.”
“I can be,” Zack said honestly, trailing him to the door. “But if you’re not interested in Anna romantically, you’re probably in no danger.”
Kyle paused at the front door, giving Zack a firm handshake. “You know, I’m glad you obviously care about her so much. After that abominable childhood she had, she deserves only good things. When I think about all the mental and physical abuse she went through, I can hardly believe she turned out as loving and well-adjusted as she is. Hell, she was in intensive care in the hospital three or four times before she was eight years old. But I’m sure you know all that. She’s a survivor, isn’t she?”
Zack’s heart coughed and stalled with Kyle’s pronouncement. Fortunately, he was an old hand at projecting calm understanding while his vital signs were off the chart. It was a cop thing. Being a male, and a possessive one at that, he didn’t want to tell Kyle how little he knew about Anna’s past. Foster homes, that’s all he knew. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. “It’s not something she talks about much.”
“It’s nothing I’d want to think about, either. It’s a credit to her adoptive parents that Anna’s as well-adjusted as she is. They were completely devoted to her, both of them. They did everything in their power to compensate for the miserable beginning she had in life. When they were killed in the accident, I was afraid she’d be destroyed, but she dealt with it. Sometimes I wonder just how much one person has to go through in this world. It goes without saying that it isn’t fair.”
“Life seldom is.” Zack’s expression remained clean and still. But the blood in his veins felt cool, and every word Kyle said echoed like gunshots in his ears. “She’s lucky to have friends like you.”
Kyle shrugged, his face hard with unpleasant thoughts. “If you ask me, nothing makes up for her past.” He paused, then added, “She doesn’t need to be hurt again. Ever. But I guess you feel the same way.”
Zack nodded. “Yes.” The one little word was all he could manage.
After Kyle left, Zack walked into the parlor and literally dropped on the couch. His head was hurting, his heart was hurting, every cell in his body felt wounded. It was as if everything she had gone through, he was somehow feeling himself.
He was beginning to understand what he had done. By leading Anna into a relationship with him, he had put her into the position of being vulnerable once again. Worse, he couldn’t escape the haunting fear that hurting her was inevitable. He knew what kind of man he was—not a bad guy, but definitely his father’s son. Not a man likely to be domesticated. Zack hadn’t realized the consequences of giving in to his passions. He’d allowed himself to get lost in the moment, to tell his conscience to take a flying leap.
He wanted to scream and rail at fate, to tell the Almighty just what he thought of Him. It wasn’t that he had any illusions about the world he lived in. A cop often came into contact with people who were either abused as children or who were abusing their own children. It was a sobering education. It had saddened him, it had made him angry, but it had never terrified him.
He was terrified now.
He didn’t know the ending of his love story. He did know that until he met Anna, he’d been living the life he was best suited for. He did what he could for other people, but he’d never promised more than he could deliver. Rarely had he been burdened with thoughts of conscience, because he had done his best to present himself honestly, warts and all.
But now, now the world was a different place, and Zack was a different man. He felt somehow he had deceived Anna by allowing her to think he was good for her. He wasn’t sure what she expected from their relationship, but obviously her friends and her home were terribly important to her. She’d gone so long without security or love in her life. Then she had found her parents, and the sun had shone on her for a short while. But instead of having a happy ending, the ending she deserved, she’d faced another soul-wrenching loss. It was like a cruel fate was telling her, “Here, enjoy this for a little while. But don’t get too attached, because nothing lasts forever.”
Zack had no idea how she survived it all, but the woman he’d met at Appleton’s was incredibly strong and seemingly heart-whole. Then along came Zack Daniels, and suddenly Anna was put in the position of being a victim. Again.
He sat there for the longest time, trying to come up with a way to solve it all. He felt like a man facing a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle with the clock ticking down. Finding Anna had been a miracle. Yet, as far as he was concerned, he was the least likely man to deserve a miracle.
Finally he understood how wrong he’d been. He’d seen what he wanted and gone after it, never dreaming he would fall in love in the process. Anna wasn’t separate, like he was. She belonged to a home, friends, hopes and dreams. Zack belonged to…nothing. His apartment had never been a home. His friends had never been his family. His work had been the closest thing to happiness he had ever found.
Until Anna.
Zack bowed his head, burying his face in his hands. He’d always known what his life would be. He would be free, independent and unchained, today, tomorrow and always. Free.
Free. That word had never sounded less appealing.
“What do you mean, he took notes?” Anna asked Zack.
They were seated in the back of a dimly lit restaurant, the sort of place where they used real napkins, real crystal and real linen tablecloths. Being a single man, Zack was more accustomed to hamburgers or pizza, paper napkins and a cold beer, but tonight Anna had mischievously decided to “stake out” the restaurant where Kyle was meeting Carrie for dinner. As per Zack’s instr
uctions, Kyle had sent Carrie three dozen roses that afternoon, with a handwritten note that begged her to meet him at “their” restaurant. They had come here on their first date, and Zack had told Kyle that women always liked a nice show of sentiment.
“I swear,” Zack replied, “the man took notes. He didn’t want to make any mistakes.” He was doing his best to disguise the emotional upheaval he was battling, but he was aching and tense from the effort of projecting a lighthearted mood. He wasn’t ready yet to face anything close to reality. And so he’d obligingly dressed for dinner in black slacks, a pewter silk shirt and matching tie, an outfit he’d purchased that afternoon in Grayland Beach. His appearance suggested a man with a smooth veneer of experience and sophistication, a man at peace with himself and the world. Appearances lied.
“It’s almost like you and Kyle are bosom buddies,” Anna replied teasingly. She’d been very grateful when she returned from lunch with Carrie and found no corpses in her house. Still, she wanted to track Kyle and Carrie’s progress personally, which necessitated the visit to the restaurant. They had come early and had asked to be seated in the back of the room, behind an immense potted palm. Fortunately, there was just enough room between the rubbery green leaves for Anna to spy. It was a fine new game to play with her romantic policeman. She would have brought binoculars if she thought she could have gotten away with it. Then she could have read their lips.
Kyle and Carrie hadn’t arrived yet, so there was plenty of time for Anna to cheerfully drool over her partner in crime…and in love. Again, binoculars would have been nice. Kind of like a big-screen close-up of the man who controlled the rhythm of her heart. Anna loved the combination of masculinity and sexiness he radiated in his sleek, stylish clothes. She was acutely sensitive to every movement he made, every ripple of muscle beneath his silk shirt, every flicker of his deep-set gray eyes. Suddenly Anna was of two minds. She wanted to watch Kyle’s progress with Carrie; she also wanted to take her man home and ravish him mercilessly. Pull off his tie, loosen his shirt, tangle her fingers in his hair and revel in the man beneath the polish. She thought he might like that. And she knew she would adore it.