by Kage Baker
Silence. Then a babble of panicked voices, louder outside where people had been listening through the walls. Sepawit looked around at all the confusion and rose to address me.
“So … we’re to interpret all this literally, then.”
“Of course!”
“And not as a series of metaphors.”
“What did you think, I came here to read you riddles?”
The chief turned and stared at his shamans, who looked uncomfortable. From the back of the room, someone cried out: “I’ve seen those big canoes with wings! They’re sails! And they do have white men in them!”
“Like I said.” I crossed my arms, or forelimbs, or whatever. Must have been some Spanish ships straggling north from Mexico that weren’t making it into the history books. Oh, well. I’d known these people weren’t stupid. It might be a good idea to ease up on the mythic style, though.
“You have to save us, Uncle Coyote!” cried the general mass.
“Now, everybody, calm down!” The chief waved his hands. “There’s no immediate danger. Sky Coyote has already promised to save us. And we have seventy years—didn’t You say seventy years?—yes, all right, He said seventy years before the white men even get here, by which time I’m sure we’ll be long gone. So you see, there’s no cause for alarm.”
“I’d like to ask a few questions.” The spokesman for the Canoemakers’ Union got to his feet. He looked determined, though he’d gone pale like the rest of them when I howled the doom of everything he knew.
“Ask, nephew.”
“First, the Canoemakers’ Union would like to thank You for Your concern and Your timely warning. But we’d like to ask—could You be a little more specific about this white-men thing? What exactly is involved here?”
“Yes, the United Steatite Workers would like to ask that, too,” chimed in Sawlawlan.
Coolheaded pragmatists, huh? All right. I addressed my words to them, but I spoke to be heard by the fearful unthinking masses at the back. “You want to know more? I’ll tell you. The Sun hasn’t got just one of those canoes with sails, He’s got thousands of them. They’ll bring more white men than there are stars in the sky, and white men, let me tell you, are the masters of invasion. Everything they touch dies, even their embraces kill, and you should see their weapons! Don’t think they’re just coming for a raid on you, either, don’t think they’ll take the sea-otter pelts and a woman or two and go to sea again in their big canoes. They’re going to live here.
“This won’t be your land anymore, it’ll be theirs. You’ll be their slaves, as long as you live. And you won’t live long. But while you live, you’ll do what they tell you to do, you’ll eat what they tell you to eat, you’ll think what they tell you to think. And after they’ve destroyed you, they’ll start on the very earth. They’ll remake it to what they think a land should be. No more oak trees, no more wild places.
“Don’t you understand? As soon as the white men get here, that’s the end of this world. It won’t even be a memory, because there’ll be none of you left to remember what this place was like.
“Only Sky Coyote can save you.”
Just about had them. Their eyes were wide and staring now.
“All right.” Sepawit swallowed hard. “But surely, Sky Coyote, this is a little sudden—”
“You don’t believe me, do you?” I looked down my muzzle at him, severe now.
“We do, but—”
“You never expected me to visit you, did you? You didn’t even believe in me. Even now some of you are thinking, Who is this Sky Coyote really? Does He have to disrupt our comfortable lives like this? Couldn’t we just stay here and take our chances with these white men? Well, believe me, if this is too much trouble for you, I can go to some other village.”
Some of them began to panic. Sepawit was sweating. “No! No, please, Sky Coyote, don’t take offense. You must understand, this is all something of a shock to us. We need some time to take it in. To, er, discuss it among ourselves. Won’t you tell us more about what you plan to do?”
So I unbent, and graciously told them. Not the whole story, naturally, but the usual rigmarole about giant sky canoes carting everybody off to a wonderful promised land where they wouldn’t ever die, even after their present bodies grew old and passed away. And I told them about my spirit servants who were going to be visiting to collect samples of the local flora and fauna, so the rest of their world could be rescued, too.
And they bought it, pretty much. The chief was mortified at my anger and ready to do anything to show himself cooperative, but I could tell I’d still have some work to do with the businessmen. Probably with the shamans, too. Get them alone, personal interviews, wheedling and threats and a little sleight of hand, one on one.
The questions and answers went on until pretty late, and I was invited to stay overnight in the special guest quarters for visiting dignitaries. With me went a couple of young ladies, groupies, as it were, in otter-fur capes, who wanted a closer look at some of my effects. You don’t need to know about this part, but the Prosthetics and Appliances Division of Dr. Zeus passed yet another field test with flying colors.
“Wow.” Puluy leaned back dreamily into otter fur, carefully arranging her hairdo. She was the prettier and more poised of the two. “That was neat, Coyote. I’ve never picked poppies with a Sky Guy before. You’re so, like, you know, furry.”
“Dummy,” Awhay told her scornfully, stretching out her legs. She was the plumper and more serious one. “Of course He’s furry! He’s Sky Coyote, okay? So anyway, Uncle Coyote. Did You, like, really mean that, about the white men coming and all? I mean, the end of the world is, no shit, really coming?”
“That’s right.” I tried crossing my forelimbs behind my head and found I could do it. “You can kiss this place goodbye.”
“That is so weird.” Awhay stared at the ceiling, thinking about it. “And I can’t believe the first person You talked to was Kenemekme. That guy is such a loser!”
“Omigod!” Puluy started up on her elbow. “I’ve got my birth day party coming up next month! My dad’s sent me some money and my grandmother’s jewelry. Oh, shit!”
“Don’t worry,” I said with a yawn. “You’ll get your birthday party. We won’t be leaving right away.”
“My dad lives in Nipumu.” Puluy frowned slightly. “Are You gonna be rescuing his village too?”
“Can’t.” I shrugged. “I’m only allowed to take so many. Sorry, sweetheart.” She considered that a moment before her face cleared.
“Oh well. At least he’s already sent the presents. And it’s not like he’s even seen me since I was ten. Like he cares.” She lay down again, perfectly content. Awhay turned on her side and regarded me.
“What was it like in the beginning, Uncle Sky Coyote?” she asked. “I mean, really. Forget the shit we’re told by the priests. You were there! Was there actually a big flood and all that?”
“Sure.” I wriggled around and pulled up a folded fur behind my head to get comfortable. “We used to live down here in the Middle World, but after the flood we decided to be Sky People instead. But somebody had to live down here, so we got together to make you guys. All the Sky People contributed different ideas. Humans were designed by committee, and that’s why your bodies work so badly. We mold-cast the first couple in parts, see? And I was going to give you all nice useful hands like mine, that you can dig with and run around on without hurting; but at the last minute Lizard substituted a cast of his hands instead!”
“I’ve heard that story.” Awhay held up her hand and peered at it. “But it’s weird, you know, because we don’t have lizard hands.”
“Well. They look more like a lizard’s hands than mine,” I improvised. “And anyway, this is Sky Lizard we’re talking about, and he has hands just like yours.”
“Oh. Okay.” Awhay settled down, but her eyes were still on me. “Tell us more about what it was like in the old days?”
“Well, let’s see.” I accessed mo
re files. “Did you ever hear about the time I rescued Eagle’s daughter from the Sea People?”
“Uh-uh. Tell us.”
“Okay. Way back when we Sky People used to live here, Eagle had a beautiful daughter. She was so lovely, golden light shone from her, and golden poppies bloomed out of her footprints. And everybody wanted her, because her beauty was famous all over the world; but Eagle decided to marry her to his sister’s son, Falcon, who was chief over on Limuw Island back then. So he sent a wedding party, a bunch of people in canoes, with Pelican and Cormorant leading because they knew the way, and a big fancy canoe decorated with golden poppies with Eagle’s daughter in it.
“But halfway across the channel, a bunch of swordfish came swimming up out of the sea and attacked the bride’s canoe! They made it capsize, and Eagle’s daughter fell into the water and sank like a stone and vanished from sight. So did the swordfish. The wedding party put about and searched, and Cormorant and Pelican dove down to see if they could find her, but it was no use.
“Boy, was there a to-do about that! The groom, Falcon, was crazy with grief. Eagle racked his brains to think of what he could do. But what could he do? The sea was a big place, and he had no power there.
“And so at last Eagle swallowed his pride and sent for me. There’d been some bad blood between us for a long time—in fact I hadn’t even been invited to the wedding. But I didn’t hold it against him when he sent for me and admitted that only I, Coyote, was smart enough to steal his daughter back. I especially liked it that he got down on his knees and begged me. So I said, ‘Sure! No problem.’
“I got some magic stuff together in a couple of cane tubes, and I had Pelican and Cormorant take me out in a canoe to the place where Eagle’s daughter had gone overboard. Falcon insisted on coming along, even though I figured he’d get in the way. So as we sat there in the canoe, I handed him one of the tubes of magic stuff.
“ ‘Okay, kid, stick that in your ear and keep it there!’ I told him. ‘It’s dangerous where we’re going, but the tube should protect you.’ And I put the other tube in my ear and told him, ‘Now, when we get where we’re going, you let me do all the talking, understand?’ He told me that he understood, real meek, so I grabbed him and we jumped overboard. I stuck my head up out of the water and told Cormorant and Pelican not to come after us, no matter what happened.
“ ‘No chance!’ replied Cormorant. ‘We’ll stick around a day and a night, but then we’re out of here.’
“So down we went through the water, Falcon and I. First the water was clear as glass, then a gloomy kind of blue-green, then dark as night. We could feel the water squeezing us and freezing us, and we’d have been killed if not for my magic tube stuff. At last, a long way down, we saw a golden light shining in the black water.
“When we got closer, we saw that the light was spilling from the door and the smoke hole of a house that had been built on the sea bottom. It looked just like the house we’re in now, except that it had a whalebone frame instead of wood and was thatched with kelp instead of tules. We went to the door and looked in. Eagle’s daughter was in there, and the golden light was coming from her. Poor thing, she was crouched on the floor grinding up snails in a mortar, just the way you’d grind acorns, only these were nasty slimy snails, and the whole house was slimy and untidy inside. She kept working, crying the whole time and wiping away golden tears.
“ ‘That’s my bride!’ shouted Falcon. I clapped my paw over his mouth to shut him up, but it was too late, the Sea People heard us.
“There was hissing laughter behind us. We turned around and saw them. They were evil, dirty old men, with long white beards and eyebrows, and every one had a sword in his hand. Quick as a flash I said:
“ ‘Hi there, Undersea Fellows. This boy here and I are travelers, and we’d like shelter for the night. Will you grant it?’ And this really screwed them, see, because once I’d asked for hospitality, they couldn’t attack us. They looked at one another with their cold eyes, trying to think of a way around the rules. At last one of them said, Of course!’ grinning with his sharp teeth. ‘Please enter into our house, and share our food and the heat of our fire!’
“So we went inside, and they crowded in after us, careful to sit between us and the door so there was no quick way to exit. We sat down by the fire, but it was an undersea fire: it burned cold and blue and made the place darker. The only real light came from Eagle’s daughter, who looked at us hopefully but didn’t dare stop pounding snails in her mortar.
“ ‘That’s a pretty girl,’ I said to the Sea People.
“ ‘She’s all right,’ said the oldest old man. ‘It’s been a long time since we had a slave who made decent sea-snail mush! Come, we were just about to eat our evening meal of whale meat. There’s plenty for everyone. You’ll insult us if you don’t eat heartily!’ They were trying to trap us, see, by making us insult them at their own hearth, so they’d have an excuse to kill us. But I said, ‘Sounds great! Bring on the blubber!’
“So one of them went out, and after a minute he starts to pitch dead whales in through the doorway. Obviously this was a magic house, because it expanded as the whales came in, so that everybody was able to sit comfortably with a dead whale in front of him. ‘I hope you don’t expect such decadent luxury as cooking,’ sneered the oldest Sea Person. ‘We eat our meat raw under this roof, it’s healthier that way.’
“ Of course!’ I answered cheerfully. ‘That’s how it tastes best!’ I could see Falcon looking green, so I leaned over and whispered to him: ‘Just pretend to eat. Cut off chunks and pass them to me.’
“Well, the meal commenced. You should have seen the disgusting table manners those guys had! Grease and blood and blubber all over their faces. Each one chewed down a whole whale all by himself. I ate up all mine too—but then, I can eat anything. Falcon couldn’t manage more than a couple of mouthfuls, but he tore off big pieces and passed them to me under his thigh, and I gobbled them down so the Sea People couldn’t say we were turning up our noses at their food.
“When the meal was over, I licked my chops and grinned. ‘What a great meal!’ I told them. ‘Truly you Sea People are masters of hospitality.’ But the oldest one just grinned like a saw blade and said, ‘If you liked our meat so much, you’ll have to try our tobacco. Our feelings will be very hurt if you don’t like it!’ And they handed around a tube of the awful stuff they use down there. It was like sticking a salted fish up your nose! I took a big helping, though, when my turn came, and signaled to Falcon that he do the same. Then, just like with the meat, he passed me his share under his thigh, and I was able to partake of it without harm, because nothing makes me sick. But I was getting tired of this, and besides the Sea People were still between us and the door, giving us no chance of grabbing Eagle’s daughter and making a break for it. So I said:
“ ‘You’ve been so kind in sharing your comforts here in your home, allow me to repay you by singing to you all!’
“ ‘All right,’ said the oldest of the Sea People, not knowing what to expect. Now, personally, I think I have a beautiful voice, but all the other Sky People have told me they’d rather be dragged over hot coals than listen to me sing. They say I sound like wild animals being skinned alive. Anyhow, I began to serenade the Sea People in my own special way.
“Poor Falcon went pale, and Eagle’s daughter covered her ears and cowered down. The Sea People made faces as though they’d just bitten into something rotten; but what could they do? I was hoping they’d leave, but they were so tough and ugly, even my singing wasn’t too much for them. I sang and sang, love songs and lullabies, fishing songs and songs of war. A couple began to rock back and forth in pain, one of them clutched at the side of his head like he had a toothache, and the oldest one’s nose started to bleed. But there they sat, blocking the way for us to escape with Eagle’s daughter.
“I sang at them for hours, thinking they would at least have to go out to relieve themselves. But nobody was moving, even after that mea
l! Finally I realized they were going right where they sat, like fish! Their poop didn’t have any smell, like the poop of fish or shrimp, but it gave me an idea.
“ ‘Excuse me a moment while I refresh my voice, won’t you?’ I asked, and I slipped the tube of magic stuff from my ear and poured a little into my mouth.
“ Oh, please, don’t strain your throat,’ begged the oldest of the Sea People, wiping blood and tears from his face.
“ ‘Don’t you like my singing?’ I asked in an offended voice. ‘After I’ve racked my brains for every tune I know, just to entertain you?’ Because I could feel the magic stuff working inside me, you see. And the Sea People brightened a little at that, because they thought I was going to insult them and there’d be a fight, so they could kill me at last.
“ ‘Well, I guess I can tell the truth in my own house,’ said the old one with a grin. ‘The plain truth is, your singing is terrible and hurts our ears!’
“ ‘Oh yeah?’ I retorted. Yes, the magic was working! ‘And do you want to know what I think of your taste in music?’
At that every one of the Sea People grabbed hold of his sword. ‘What?’ they said in a chorus. ‘What do you think of our taste in music?’
“ ‘THIS!’ I replied, and let loose a thunderous fart. Now you know I’m an ancient and powerful creature, and I’d had a huge meal of rotten whale and magic powder on top of that, so you can imagine what happened. The whole house rose on its foundations and settled again in the crater my fart made. Eagle’s daughter and Falcon fainted dead away. Over on the islands, people thought they were having an earthquake. When the bubble broke on the surface of the sea, birds fell out of the air like stones, and fish were killed instantly, and washed up on the beach for weeks. There were colorful sunsets for a year and a half from the poison in the air. But the Sea People got out of that house as fast as they could. They didn’t even bother with the door—they jumped out through the smoke hole!