by Judy Duarte
They moved together in rhythm that built until they reached a breath-stealing peak. As she cried out with her release, he let go, too, climaxing in a burst of fireworks and spinning stars.
Never had she felt such passion or experienced such an earth-shattering orgasm.
As she lay in Ray’s arms, relishing the stunning afterglow, a sated smile stretched across her face. She’d expected their lovemaking to be good, but she’d never imagined it would be like this.
She tried to tell herself that it was merely a physical act, that there wasn’t anything emotional going on. Making love with Ray had been a great way to completely shake any lingering disillusionment she’d had after her breakup with Erik. Yet she found herself wading through a rush of emotions she hadn’t expected.
As she pondered those budding feelings, Ray stiffened, then rolled to the side.
Was something wrong?
“I, uh…hate to put a damper on things,” he said, propping himself up on an elbow and casting a shadow over the sweet afterglow she’d thought they’d both been enjoying.
Her stomach knotted, and disappointment flared. Just moments ago, everything had seemed right—perfect, if not promising. Was he regretting what they’d done?
The possibility sent her tender emotions into a tailspin, making her question the value she’d placed on their lovemaking. As her mind scampered to make sense of it all—not only the budding emotion their joining had stirred within her, but also her agreement to enter into a fake engagement in the first place. What had she been thinking?
Determined to protect herself, she decided to downplay their joining and her unexpected emotional reaction to it.
“It was just a physical act,” she said, “something we both needed.”
“Yes, I know.” He brushed a strand of hair from her brow in a sweet and gentle manner, yet the look on his face remained serious, sending her a mixed message.
“This doesn’t mean we have to change our employment agreement,” she said, taking a guess as to what might be bothering him. “And don’t worry. I’m not going to ask for any kind of commitment or chase after you like some of the local women have done.”
“I know that.” While his expression seemed to soften, his demeanor remained tense, maybe even defensive.
“Then what’s bothering you?” she asked.
“You don’t know?”
No, she didn’t. That’s why she’d assumed that he was regretting what they’d done. And why she’d tried to assuage whatever worry he might have.
As he slowly shook his head and clicked his tongue, she braced herself for the worst.
“We didn’t use any protection,” he said.
Oh, no. He was right. They hadn’t.
“And it’s not like me to be irresponsible.”
It wasn’t like her to neglect something important like that, either. But apparently, they’d gotten so carried away with the passion that they’d lost their heads.
“You might have gotten pregnant,” he added. “And that’s a complication neither of us needs right now.”
She appreciated his concern, but at least she could put his worries about that to rest. “It’s not the right time of the month for me to conceive. And even if it were, it isn’t likely. I’ve been told my chances of having a baby are slim.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
She was sorry, too, but she’d come to accept it. “It was depressing to hear that news when the doctor told me, but I’m okay with it now. Dan and Eva’s twins have adopted me as their auntie, so I’m glad to be a part of their lives.”
The conversation was getting entirely too heavy and too sad to deal with after such an amazing bout of lovemaking. And while Ray might have said that he hadn’t wanted to put a damper on things, he’d done just that.
She rolled slightly, moving away from him. Then she slipped out of his arms, climbed from bed and headed for the bathroom.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She turned, glanced over her shoulder and offered him her brightest smile. “Of course.”
But she wasn’t okay. She was struggling with rejection, disappointment and the sudden reminder that she’d never have a baby of her own. Not that she’d expected to have one with Ray, but at least for a moment or two while making love, she’d entertained the brief fantasy of having it all someday: a husband and children, a home in the suburbs. Yet for some reason, and without any warning, that dream fell apart before it could even begin.
She had to find some solid ground on which to stand and some time to ponder what they’d just done, what she’d briefly imagined it to be and what she would do about it now.
When she’d kissed him, when she’d agreed to make love, she’d only thought of it as a sexual act. Yet thanks to the chemistry between them, it had been even better than she’d anticipated. Amazing, actually. And it had seemed to be a whole lot more than physical.
Surely, she’d only imagined the emotional side of it—at least, on her part. So until she could sort through it all and figure out a way out of it, she needed to be alone for a while.
If that darn pickup wasn’t having engine trouble, she’d tell Ray that she was driving back to the ranch tonight. But as it was, she was stuck here until morning.
* * *
After their lovemaking last night, Catherine had stayed in the bathroom for what had seemed like hours, although it was probably only a matter of minutes. She hadn’t seemed the least bit concerned about pregnancy, which should have made Ray feel better. But for some reason, it hadn’t helped at all. He’d still been uneasy about the whole thing.
Not that he regretted making love with her. The time spent in her arms had been incredible, a real fantasy come true. But now that the new day had dawned, so had reality.
A relationship between the two of them, which had seemed so feasible in the heat of the moment, was no longer viable. The possibility had dissipated the moment Catherine had returned to the bedroom, only to curl up on her side of the mattress, rather than cuddle with him.
Now, as he lay stretched out on the bed, trying to set aside the uneasiness that had niggled at him all through the night, he tried to focus on the memory of their lovemaking. Of course, any sexual encounter would have been great after a two-year dry spell.
Or would it?
When he tried to imagine being in bed with another woman, each time he gazed into the fantasy woman’s eyes, he saw Catherine smiling back at him, urging him on.
He told himself that was because the memory of their lovemaking was so fresh in his mind, so real. In that one, amazing moment, when the two of them had become one, climaxing at the same time, he’d wanted to hold on to her and never let her go. He’d also been tempted to spill his heart and soul to her—if he’d actually thought that what he’d been feeling for her had been real. But as his heart rate and his breathing slowed to a normal pace, he’d realized that he’d neglected to use a condom, that he hadn’t even had the foresight to purchase any ahead of time. And the irresponsibility left him completely unbalanced.
He appreciated the fact that pregnancy wasn’t an issue, but he had other concerns, too. Like becoming emotionally attached to a woman who wouldn’t be in Brighton Valley forever.
Besides, just because sex between a couple was absolutely incredible, especially the very first time, didn’t mean that they’d be compatible.
When the bathroom door clicked open, and Catherine walked out wearing the clothes she’d worn to the community barbecue last night, she cast a friendly smile his way. Yet they really weren’t friends at this point. In fact, he wasn’t sure what they were to each other. He supposed they were lovers, but would that be true if this was just a one-night thing?
He had no idea. Still, he sat up in bed, determined to face the uncertainty of the day.
“Would you like to eat breakfast here or at Caroline’s Diner?” he asked.
“If you don’t mind, I’d really like to get back to the ranch. I promised Eva I’d help her with
the kids this morning.”
He wished he could say he was relieved, yet for some reason, he hated to see her go, which made no sense.
Nevertheless, he threw off the covers and climbed out of bed. “No problem. I’ll take a quick shower, then I’ll drive you back to the ranch.”
“Thanks.”
Again she smiled.
And again, he sensed there was something missing in her expression.
He’d never seen her like this—wrapped up in some kind of invisible armor, her thoughts a million miles away.
She’d withdrawn last night, right after their climax. Had she been truthful when she’d told him not to worry about pregnancy?
Or was she angry that he hadn’t been more responsible?
No, she couldn’t be mad about that. She should have thought about the consequences of unprotected sex, too.
Was she kicking herself for letting it happen? He supposed he wouldn’t know unless he addressed the issue.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yes, it’s fine.” She crossed the room and placed a kiss on his cheek as if trying to convince him, yet failing miserably.
Something still wasn’t right.
“Are you sorry about what we did last night?” he asked.
“No, not at all.” She offered him another smile he couldn’t trust. “How about you?”
“I’m not the least bit sorry.” Okay, so that wasn’t entirely true. He wasn’t sorry about having sex—and he doubted that he ever would be. His only real regret stemmed from her mood change and the distance between them.
As Ray went into the bathroom and shut the door, he tried to rehash everything that had gone on the night before so he could figure out what went wrong—and when.
The lovemaking itself seemed perfect.
When he’d rolled to the side and gazed at her, she’d been wearing a serene smile—a real one. And that proved that they’d shared the same pleasure.
It was only after she’d returned from the bathroom that things had grown a little…chilly.
Shouldn’t he be happy that she wasn’t putting any pressure on him, especially when she’d be moving back to New York soon?
Or had he begun to fall in love with an actress? A woman who pretended to be someone else?
By the time he got out of the shower, he wasn’t any closer to having an answer than he’d been last night.
Even after he’d dried off and gotten dressed, he still wasn’t sure what was going on between them—or how he ought to feel about it. But there was one thing he did know. He was in danger of falling in love with a woman who might not exist.
When he entered the living area, Catherine was seated on the sofa, waiting for him.
“You know,” he said, as he grabbed his keys from the dinette table, “I was thinking. We’ve done a good job convincing everyone in town that I’m engaged. And after that announcement at the barbecue last night, people will know I’m off-limits. We probably don’t need to be seen together constantly.”
“You’re probably right.” She got to her feet. “Just give me a call at the ranch if you need me again.”
For what? Another date to a community event he had to attend. Or for another night of lovemaking?
Damn. It almost sounded as if she was ending it all—their employment, their friendship, their… What? Their star-crossed affair?
An ache burrowed deep in his chest, and he wished that he could roll back the clock twelve hours and start over. But it was too late to backpedal now.
“There’s not much going on for another week,” he said, “but I’m sure I’ll need you again.”
“No problem. Just let me know when.”
He locked up his apartment, then followed her down the stairwell.
“How much longer do you plan to be in town?” he asked.
“I’m not entirely sure. But probably as long as you might need me.”
For a moment, he was tempted to say that he’d like for her to extend her visit, that he had a feeling he would need her for a long, long time. But he couldn’t say that. Instead, he thanked her for all she’d done to help him.
“And I’d also like to thank you for…last night. It was amazing. Maybe we can do it again sometime. But if not, that’s okay, too.”
“I feel the same way.”
Did she?
He certainly hoped they weren’t on the same page, because he hated not having a game plan. And he had no idea where to go from here.
Chapter Eight
The drive back to the Walker ranch was fairly quiet, other than the sound of the music playing softly on the car radio.
Catherine hoped that she’d put Ray’s worries to rest, although she wished she could say the same for herself. What had happened last night?
If she didn’t know better, she’d think that she might actually fall for Ray—if she wasn’t careful.
And if that was the case, then it really was for the best that they slow down their time spent together. Ray had made it more than clear that he didn’t have any interest in striking up a romance—with anyone.
Besides, she had a life in New York. Getting involved with the Brighton Valley mayor wasn’t a good idea. And if she let her feelings get in the way, their relationship—or whatever it was—could end in disappointment or heartbreak. And heaven knew she didn’t need to risk having something like that happen.
When they arrived at the ranch, Ray kept the engine running.
“I have a meeting in Wexler with a couple of investors at noon,” he said. “And while I’m in the area, I thought it would be a good idea if I talked to my foreman first. So, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to drop you off. Can you tell Dan and Eva I said hello?”
“Of course.”
His gaze zeroed in on hers, reaching out in a way that gripped her heart and nearly squeezed the beat right out of it.
“One more thing,” he said.
She stiffened, and her breathing slowed to a near stop as she readied herself for whatever he had to say.
“Thanks again for last night. It was amazing. You were amazing. And it was both a gift and a memory I’ll cherish.”
Emotion balled up in her throat, making it difficult to speak. Yet, somehow, she found her voice and mustered a smile. “I thought it was special, too. And, for the record, I’m not sorry about it.” At least, she didn’t regret making love with him. It was the unexpected emotional fallout that had her scampering to make sense of it all.
“I’ll give you a call in a day or two,” he said.
“Sounds good.” She lifted her hand in a wave, then watched him back up his SUV, as if he was backing out of her life forever.
She’d told him that she wasn’t sorry, and in a sense, that was true. But now that she’d opened up to him, now that they’d shared a physical intimacy as well, she had to admit that she grieved for what might have developed between them. Because, if truth be told, she would have been tempted to remain in Brighton Valley indefinitely if he’d given her any reason to think that he’d wanted her to.
And how crazy was that? Her life and her career were in Manhattan. Giving up everything she’d ever wanted, everything she’d achieved, for a man was unthinkable. Yet the thought had crossed her mind just the same.
Catherine turned and headed for the ranch house. After climbing the steps and crossing the porch, she opened the front door and entered the living room, where Kaylee and a little red-haired girl sat beside a pink-and-chrome child’s karaoke machine, five or six dolls surrounding them.
Upon seeing Catherine, Kaylee brightened. “You’re home!”
She smiled, glad that she’d been missed. But at this point in time, she wasn’t really sure where “home” was. Her apartment in Greenwich Village had been sublet for six more weeks, so she couldn’t even fly back to New York if she wanted to. Still, she said to the child she thought of as a daughter, “Yes, sweetie. I’m home.”
She watched the two girls set the dolls in a sem
icircle. “What are you doing, Kaylee-bug?”
“Me and my new friend, Shauna, are making a Broadway show for our dolls, just like you do. And after we practice, we’re going to invite you and our moms to watch it. Well, not her mom. But her…” Kaylee turned to the red-haired girl. “Who is she again?”
“She’s my foster mom, I guess.” Shauna, a tall, gangly child who appeared to be a year or so older than Kaylee, gave a little shrug. “Her name is Jane Morrison. And she’s a lot nicer than the last one I had before.”
Catherine’s heart went out to the girl, with big green eyes haunted by sadness.
In an effort to let Shauna know that her situation wasn’t all that unusual, Catherine said, “I’m kind of like Kaylee’s foster mom, too.”
“Yeah,” Kaylee said. “When my mommy died, me and my brother lived with Catherine. Then we moved to the ranch with my Uncle Dan and Aunt Eva. But now that we’re adopted, they’re our dad and mom.”
“Sometimes life gets complicated,” Catherine said to the child, yet the reality of the words echoed in her mind, reminding her of Ray and of the awkward situation she’d created for herself.
“Shauna goes to my church,” Kaylee added. “And on Monday, she gets to go to my school. I’m going to ask Mrs. Parker, the principal, to let her be in my class.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Catherine said. “And I’m glad you’ll have at least one friend when Monday comes around.”
“That’s why Mrs. Morrison brought her to our house today,” Kaylee said. “She’s already gone to about a hundred different schools.”
“Only four,” Shauna corrected. “But that’s okay. I’m used to being a new kid.”
Catherine doubted anyone ever got used to being moved around that much or placed in new households, but she let the subject drop and asked, “Where’s your mom, Kaylee?”
“She’s in the kitchen.”
Catherine set her purse on the bottom step of the stairway, planning to carry it up later. Then she made her way through the house, eager to find Eva and seek some advice—that is, if she had the courage to tell her what she’d done.
When she entered the kitchen, she spotted her friend standing at the sink, chopping vegetables to add to the Crock-Pot on the counter.