by J. S. Cooper
“Yes, I do want to make you feel better, but I’m also a selfish man, Lacey. I would not be bringing another man into this picture.” He started to come toward me. All I could think about was Eliza and what I’d just found out. I didn’t even care that she’d slept with Steven. He’d been an asshole and he’d been a cheat. What killed me was that she’d never told me. She’d never told me about that or the fact that she’d lied to Shane about being pregnant. She’d hidden so much from me. She hadn’t trusted me. She was my best friend, but she hadn’t trusted me. Yet Shane had known. He’d known everything. She’d trusted him. She’d confided in him. He meant more to her. Ultimately my friendship was nothing. I was nothing. I’d thought we were best friends forever. I’d thought that we’d have each other’s backs for the rest of our lives. I’d thought that we could share our deepest and darkest secrets with each other. I’d thought that we had already done that. Yet I now realized that that wasn’t true. We weren’t the friends that I’d thought we were. Essentially, we were nothing.
Essentially, I knew nothing.
“I would be the one to make you feel better,” Henry said with a smirk, and while a part of my brain knew that I should say something to him, some retort, I didn’t have it in me to say anything. I felt like a veil of sadness had fallen over me, and while his words were being heard, they weren’t piercing my veil. They weren’t important. I didn’t care that I found him slightly sexy. I didn’t care that he was making a sexual innuendo. I didn’t care that he wanted me. I just didn’t care about anything at all. I just wanted to get into bed and sleep and forget everything.
“Cat got your tongue?” Henry said after a few seconds, his eyes searching mine as I just looked up at him. His face was mere inches from mine and his green eyes were staring into mine intensely as if he were wondering what I was thinking and why I wasn’t responding. I blinked up at him as his hand came to rest on my shoulders, and yet I still did nothing. I had nothing to say. Nothing to feel. What did it even matter anymore? If my own best friend could lie to me, what did it matter what this man said? This man who I knew didn’t have any real care or concern about me. He didn’t know me. All he wanted to do was flirt with me and get in my pants, and while I hadn’t cared about that fact before I’d come up on the trip, I was no longer interested. I felt lethargic. I didn’t want to banter playfully with him and flirt. I just couldn’t be bothered.
“I have nothing to say.” My voice was barely a whisper as I gazed at him, tears starting to run from the corners of my eyes. I looked at his face closely as I tried to think about something other than Eliza’s betrayal. He really was handsome, but there was something in his face that seemed almost unsure of himself. He was cocky and arrogant, but something in me told me that he wasn’t as confident as he tried to let on. I wondered what his story was. Wondered if there was a part of him that needed fixing, just like there was a part of me. Was I judging him too harshly? Maybe I should give him a chance. I sighed as I found myself getting distracted. I wasn’t really sure how I felt anymore. I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. I wasn’t sure what side was up and what side was down and I wasn’t sure that I would ever really know or understand at this point. Obviously my read on people was off if I’d never realized that Eliza had been lying to me for all these years. How could she have done that to me? And how could I have not known?
I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes for a few seconds. And did I really want to fix him if he did have problems? Was it really possible to fix anyone? Would I just be walking into trouble?
“You have nothing to say?” He frowned. “Are you sick?” He reached his hands upward and touched my forehead and my eyes flew open. “You do feel slightly hot. Do you have a fever?”
His voice sounded concerned and that surprised me. I looked into his eyes to see if he was being sincere and I was surprised by the intensity in his gaze. We just stared at each other for a few seconds, and this time, it was his eyes that flew away from me. As if he were uncomfortable with our gaze. As if it had awakened something in him as it had in me. As I’d gazed into his eyes, I’d really felt a special connection with him, a spark of something. Something I’d never felt before. Something that was both thrilling and scary. Something that felt real. More real than I’d ever felt in my life.
It scared me because I wasn’t sure if it was all in my head. I wasn’t sure if it was real. And I wasn’t sure if I was just hoping that he was feeling the same thing or if it was just me. Maybe I just wanted a connection so badly that I was imagining one.
“I’m fine.” I shook my head and then looked down at my watch. “Thanks for your concern, but I need to go now. I need to leave,” I declared, feeling flustered. I just wanted to be by myself and out of here as quickly as possible.
“How are you going to leave? And where are you going?” His eyes narrowed and he looked annoyed. An expression I was seeing quite a lot.
“I’ll catch an Uber to a hotel or something.” I shrugged. “Thanks for listening to me, but I think I need to be alone right now.”
“There hasn’t been much to listen to. You haven’t said much.” He shook his head. “And you’re definitely not leaving.”
“Excuse me?” I frowned at him. “You can’t make me stay here.”
“I don’t want you to leave. You can’t leave while you’re sick.”
“I’m not sick.” I sighed. “I’m just upset. My best friend betrayed me.”
“If you no longer have feelings for the guy, why do you care so much?”
“You wouldn’t understand, obviously.” I looked past him and to the door behind him. “It has nothing to do with Steven and everything to do with Eliza.”
“Then explain it to me, make me understand.” His expression changed to one of caring and it almost made me want to cry. I wanted to believe that he was being sincere and that he really cared, but I just didn’t trust him or myself.
“Look, it’s been nice getting to know you, Henry, but I’m going to go now.” I shook my head and clasped my hands together as a wave of sorrow hit me. All I wanted was to go and lie down in a bed and then soak in a hot bath. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and was about to hit the Uber app on the screen when I felt Henry’s hand on my arm.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you’re not going anywhere right now.” His fingers gripped my skin and I looked up into his eyes with a small glare. His eyes pierced mine and I could see a nerve twitching in his forehead.
“What’s your problem?” I glared at him and pulled my arm away from him. I took a step back and tried to ignore the fact that he was standing so close to me and that my body was reacting like crazy. My arm was still burning with heat from where he’d touched me and my stomach was churning for a different reason now.
“Lacey, I didn’t have a problem before…” His voice drifted off and then he continued, “but you’re fast becoming my problem.”
“I’m not anyone’s problem, least of all yours,” I said. “I don’t know who you think you are, Henry James, but you’re super annoying.”
“I’m annoying?”
“Yes, you are. I don’t know if you think I’m some floozy or if you’re so used to women throwing themselves at you or what, but I can resist your charms. I don’t need you and I don’t want you. Save your come-ons for some other girl. I don’t want to sleep with you or play your games,” I said in a rush, even though a part of me had been very interested in both sleeping with him and playing whatever games he had up his sleeve.
“I don’t think you’re a floozy.” He smirked. “And who says women throw themselves at me?”
“Really, Henry?” I rolled my eyes at him. “Does anyone actually have to say it? I think it’s obvious to all of us.”
“Oh, really?” He grinned at me. “How is it obvious?”
“You’re a very handsome guy. You can have any girl you want.”
“You think I’m handsome?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes at him.
/> “Really?” I shook my head. “Who doesn’t think you’re handsome?”
“I don’t care about others. I’m just happy that you think I’m handsome.”
“Okay,” I said and rolled my eyes at him. As if he didn’t know he was blessed with good looks. As if he didn’t know that ninety-nine percent of the women on God’s green earth would jump at a chance to be with him. At least, all of the straight women I knew would be eager for a chance to just flirt with him.
“I’m glad you think I’m handsome.” He winked at me. “I think you’re very beautiful, so that puts us in good company.”
“Whatever,” I said as I felt a blush rising up my face. There was no way he thought I was beautiful, but it was nice of him to say. The way my stomach was rolling let me know just how happy his sentiment made me. I felt like I was floating, soaring through the sky. He thought I was beautiful, and even if he didn’t think I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life, he certainly thought I was attractive—if the look on his face was indicative of how he viewed me. His eyes were alight with admiration and he was surveying my face as if he thought I were a piece of art to be studied and observed in minute detail. His gaze made me feel like I was special. And his words made me feel light inside. It really was something else to be considered beautiful by someone who I thought was so hot and sexy. I felt like I’d never really been admired by someone that I’d been so attracted to. His stare alone gave me nerves. As I stood there, I literally felt like I was going to throw up. It was such a weird feeling to be with someone who affected me so much just with his words and smile.
“Don’t you like me calling you beautiful?” He tilted his head and looked at me. He reached his fingers up to the side of my face and ran them tenderly down my jawline. “Don’t you like it when I compliment you?” he said as his eyes grew softer and his fingers traced the line around my lips before falling away.
“Who doesn’t like receiving compliments?” I paused, feeling lighthearted, and gave him a look. “When they’re sincere, of course.”
“Why wouldn’t my compliments be sincere?” His eyes narrowed. “I feel like either you have a very poor opinion of me or you have a very poor opinion of yourself, and I’m not sure why.”
“I don’t have a poor opinion of myself, but glad to hear that you think that I might.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Now that you’ve told me that I shouldn’t, I will definitely not have a poor opinion of myself anymore.”
“Ha, you think I’m an asshole, don’t you?”
“Now why would I think that? You’re definitely not an asshole.” I winked at him. “I’m sure no one would ever think that you’re an asshole. I’m sure that out of all the men in the world, you’re the last guy that anyone would think was capable of being an asshole. The absolute last guy.”
“I didn’t think that you were a comedian as well.” He grinned at me. “A writer and a standup comedian. I’m in awe of all your talents.”
“All my talents?” I started laughing. “All my millions of talents?”
“I thought you had a billion.”
“A billion and one.” I giggled and then gave him a huge smile. “Thank you.”
“Thank you?” He frowned and wiggled his eyebrows at me. “What are you thanking me for? You’re the one with the billion and one talents. I had nothing to do with any of them.”
“That is true.” I nodded my head. “But I’m not thanking you for my talents. I’m thanking you for making me laugh and for distracting me.”
“Oh, I distracted you?” He winked at me. “With my handsome good looks.”
“Of course.” I winked back at him. “What else could you have distracted me with?”
“I don’t know?” He flexed his biceps. “My bulging muscles?”
“Hmmm…” I tried hard not to stare at his muscles, but I couldn’t stop myself from admiring them. I swallowed hard as he flexed them again.
“You can touch them if you want.”
“Why would I want to do that?” I said, my hand itching to move forward. I wanted to touch his skin, wanted to feel his flesh against mine, no matter how minor it might be. I knew I was being stupid. I knew that I was letting my attraction to him take over every feeling I had. It was almost driving me crazy. I wasn’t sure if I was driving myself crazy or if he was driving me crazy. All I knew was that my body was heating up and all I could think about was him touching me. Or me touching him.
Ugh, I was going to make myself go insane—if I wasn’t already a little insane. I wouldn’t be shocked if the insane asylum came calling for me. I felt like I was a ripe candidate. I wasn’t really sure if I was coming or going. Everything in my life seemed to be topsy-turvy and upside down. And while I wasn’t sure where I was going, I knew that it could get worse. I knew that Henry could drive me absolutely bonkers if I allowed myself to become obsessed with him—which I was fast allowing myself to do. I wasn’t sure what it was about him that was so poisonous to me. But he was fast seeping into my bloodstream. And that was the last thing I needed. I’d been smitten before, fallen hard for men who were out of my league. And I knew that it was bad news for me. I knew that my addictive personality couldn’t handle obsessing over another man who wouldn’t feel for me the same way that I felt for them. I knew that I couldn’t afford for all my emotions to become invested in another man who wouldn’t feel a tenth of what I felt for him.
And I knew that with Henry it was even more dangerous. I knew that with Henry it would be so much more intense. I could feel it in the way my heart skipped every time I saw him. The way my breath caught every time our eyes locked. I felt like he was someone special. Someone who was already a part of me. And I knew that was a weird feeling. A crazy feeling. An odd feeling. I knew that what I felt for Henry could be fate, true love, kismet—whatever you wanted to call it.
Part of me wanted to ask him if he felt the same way. If his heart beat in the same odd erratic way. But I knew it would be crazy. I knew it would be too much. I knew that it would scare him away. It would scare any man away. And I knew that even though I didn’t want to pursue anything with him, I wasn’t quite ready to scare him away. I wanted to enjoy our flirtation. I wanted to enjoy his company. I wanted to enjoy the way he made my heart skip a beat and the way I felt when he smiled and touched me. I wanted to enjoy it for as long as I could. For as long as it didn’t hurt me. I knew at some point, I’d have to pull away before I lost myself in the dream and hope of whatever flirtation we had becoming more. Because I knew, as I always knew, that I would hope for, would want more.
And I knew, as I always knew, that it was unlikely to happen, and I didn’t want to lose myself again.
“So you’re not going to leave, right?” he asked me with a small smile. “Please stay.”
“I don’t know why you care so much if I stay.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I want to get to know you better.” He shrugged. “Maybe I want you to spend the night with me.”
“So the truth comes out.” I shook my head. “I see what you really want.”
“Is it wrong for me to desire you? Is it wrong for me to let you know?” He stroked the side of my face and grinned. “Because if it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
“Henry!” I giggled, not able stop myself from feeling giddy at his words. It was in that moment that I realized that I wasn’t thinking about Eliza’s betrayal as much as I had been earlier. Maybe Henry could help me take my mind off of my pain.
“I’m being serious, Lacey.” His face turned grave. “I think we could be good for each other. I think we could have a lot of fun together. If you agree, you should come to my room tonight.”
“Come to your room for what?” My heart thudded as I gazed at him.
“You’ll have to come to find out.”
“Henry James…” I said his name slowly and deliciously, the words curling out of my mouth with pleasure.
“Say my name again, Lacey.” He grinned at me. “Say it lou
der.”
“Say it louder?” I blinked at him. “Say what louder? Your name?”
“Haha, yes, my name.” He winked at me. “But I can wait for tonight. Tonight you can scream it.”
“Oh my God, you’re a pig.” I swallowed hard, imagining what he’d be doing to me to have me screaming his name out loud. I didn’t even want to think about it too much as I knew that I’d obsess about it and think about every little move he’d make in finite detail.
“You can find out exactly what else I am tonight,” he said with a laugh, and I just shook my head at him.
“Good evening, Henry,” I said as I headed toward the door. “I hope you have a good night.”
“It’ll be good if I see you,” he said in a whisper as I walked away. It took everything I had in me to not turn back and say something snarky to him in response. I hurried out of the room, not knowing what I was thinking or feeling. Everything in my life seemed to be upside down, and I felt like a bit of a mess. I felt like everything I knew was twisted, and I started to wonder what the point of being a good friend and good girl was if I was only going to be disappointed over and over again. Maybe I didn’t have to play by the rules anymore. Maybe the rules I’d constructed in my head were wrong. Maybe I just needed to have some fun. Maybe I just needed to let go.
And who better to do that with than gorgeous, sexy Henry?
Chapter Five
“You came.” He was sitting on his bed, in a pair of black silk boxer shorts, and all I could do was stare at his golden muscular chest that was dripping with water. He must have just come out of the shower.
“I did.” I walked into his room and closed the bedroom door behind me slowly, trying to fake a confidence that I didn’t really have.
“Penny for them.” He stood up, his green eyes already looking like they were laughing at me before I’d even said another word.
“Penny for what?” I blinked, knowing that there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him that I’d been thinking about how hot his body was and how I wanted to run my hands down his chest.