“What does that mean?” Jack asked but Paige didn't need prompting for a second time and left the stifling room. She felt as though they had escaped, by the skin of their teeth and sidled anonymously back to their sofa decked in Union flags with the rest of the BBC production team.
“I think we're in the clear,” Claire explained with a smile and they didn’t speak about the incident any more. Not while EuroSong cameras were about.
After all, nobody believed the canvas falling was accidental; the only debate was whether it the BBC, EuroSong or Paige that had made it happen.
Chapter C
Jack
It took over two hours for every country to have their turn on the stage; some were good, many weren't. The dirges were forgotten, the upbeat music was more memorable. All of the countries had something to remember them by.
Sweden had the light display behind the band, Russia had a skimpily-dressed woman bursting out of a latex top and Luxembourg had brought in a backing quartet of young ladies with impressively synchronised voices.
The sexualisation of many of the acts amused Jack; the tight and revealing apparel was designed to appeal to the voters across the continent and had passed EuroSong's censorship regime with ease. Their own act was highlighted as “immoral” when it was the demonstration of a healthy, natural lifestyle. The whips, chains, latex bustiers and fishnet stockings found on Latvia's anthem, “Let us be free” was a far more deserving of EuroSong scrutiny.
Other countries were more eccentric than BDSM-themed singers; the dog and cat suits, that had clearly been stolen from a furry convention, crawling across the stage as the Maltese singer belted out a dire tale about cats and dogs loving each other was desperately cringe-worthy; it went beyond the bounds of eccentricity.
Claire talked to the Swedish delegation repeatedly; they were sited next to the British sofa, and she leant over to chat and laugh with Henrik, despite the din around them.
A camera crew traversed the Green Room and a young female host, bright and bubbly with strands of pink hair and a pearl white complexion interviewed the contestants from each country.
They reached the United Kingdom. “Paige,” she cried out as she sat next to the young singer. “We have to know, what happened out there with the screen?”
Paige smiled. “EuroSong peeps didn't put it up correctly so it came down. Didn't want the damn silly thing up in the first place!”
The bubbly host smiled at the surly woman. “So it wasn't deliberate.”
“Of course not,” Paige lied. “But who cares anyway …”
“And I have to ask, there are some rumours going around that you were in London this morning?”
“Oh yes,” Paige said, her voice angry and determined. “My sister was attacked by her husband who was trying to rape her. I heard, flew back and smashed his skull with a bronze figure of himself. No-one rapes my sister. No-one attacks her or hits her and thinks they can get away with it …”
The face on the bubbly host fell; Paige sensed the producers shouting into her earpiece and she turned to Jack. “OK and …”
But Paige didn't allow the camera or the bubbly host to move on. “… and had to give a Police statement this morning before flying back today. Arseholes who beat up anybody, but particularly their own partners deserve the 28 broken bones this pregnant woman inflicted on them. In this case, a vicious thug.”
Paige's lips curled into a knowing smirk, as the camera moved on; the half-time show was about to start and the explosive revelation to the world at the start of voting was not in the EuroSong executive's script.
Jack chastised his girlfriend. “You do know that naming a rape or sexual assault victim is against the law. Didn't Andre tell you?”
Paige shrugged. “Don't think so. He got you to tweet that she had been attacked.”
“Attacked is one thing, attempted rape is another. Paige, I wish you'd think before you speak.”
Paige scowled and Jack pressed a couple of Union flags into her hands. “Come on, the cameras will be on you today. Be a good little patriot.”
“Don't patronise me,” she replied, yawning as she half-heartedly waved the flags.
The first voting came in from Armenia and the Bare Necessities scooped second place with Sweden taking maximum points; both adjacent sofas erupted into cheers. The roles were reversed when Greece read out their points.
Sweden and United Kingdom traded places at the top of the leaderboard; Russia and Luxembourg were a little further back in the voting as the contest evolved into a two-horse race.
Along with Greece, Finland, Monaco, San Marino, Ireland, Germany and Spain gave the trio twelve points, while many more gave them ten.
At the mid-point of the jury voting, it was neck-and-neck. The bubbly host bounced down the aisle of the Green Room and interviewed Jack, and then Henrik, taking care to avoid the troublesome Paige.
Not that it bothered her; the United Kingdom gave Sweden maximum points, only for their host country to do the same for Britain.
Henrik and Claire swapped flags for the cameras as they posed with each other; it was a picture that would go viral on social media as the two songwriters and guitarists joked with each other.
Paige wandered around the Green Room and spoke to other acts; she knew that EuroSong officials and producers had told them during the dress rehearsal to ensure that they remain with their delegation, but Paige enjoyed flouting their rules and she got to talk to many of the other entrants; she enjoyed being sociable.
Jack and John traded analysis of the scores; John had quickly calculated after the first few rounds that it would be between Britain and Sweden and the deciding factor would be if other countries could split the two runaway leaders. Fortunately for Britain, the bloc voting helped; Germany awarded Austria their ten points after voting for The Bare Necessities.
John considered that there were a number of countries where their music had resonated and he wondered if there was a correlation between the countries they visited pre-contest or the locations of the gigs from their last tour.
As every country passed their scores in, Sweden and United Kingdom edged ever further in front of the chasing pack. Not a single country gave the Bare Necessities less than third place.
Malta, Albania, Slovenia, Luxembourg, Belgium and Lithuania all gave the UK maximum points as they entered the final round of voting.
Sweden were ahead by one point. Henrik and Claire looked at each other as the French delegate, in front of a picture of the Eiffel Tower to emphasise the location of the woman, flashed onto the giant video screen in the Green Room.
She milked the occasion; the French votes would decide who went into the lead at the midway point and the delegate praised the Swedes for their fantastic contest and wonderful acts. She expressed disappointment that the French act had not done better and she bestowed the beauty of her country.
The bottom seven were revealed; both Swedish and British camps breathed a sigh of relief.
Luxembourg got eight points.
Everyone held their breath.
Paige stood in front of the screen, several yards from her delegation; she knew the cameras were trained on her, waiting for her reaction.
The French lady smiled. “And our ten points, dix poix, go to ...”
Paige could feel her heart racing, the silent tension in the Green Room as two countries each poised to explode into manic and delighted cheering. Ready to party the night away and celebrate a famous victory.
Poised; the dramatic pause was cruel, the strain on the faces of the Swedish and British delegations obvious.
“… Sverrige! Sweden.”
The Swedish band smiled and clapped; they waited for the twelve points to go to their biggest rivals in the contest. Indeed, not a single country had given the Bare Necessities less than eight points, and not a single country had given the Swedish No-Nonsense Ninjas less than six. Why wouldn't the British top the leaderboard?
They waited.
“And the twelve points, douze poix, go to …” Everyone waited; at that point in time Sweden were top of the leaderboard. “Grande Bretagne!”
Paige screeched in delight, bouncing as she ran towards the delegation. “We won!” She squealed. “We won!”
“Yeah, only the jury votes,” Jack shouted to excited woman. She held up her hands.
“What?”
Jack groaned. “Now we have the televoting. It’s new for 2016.”
“What?” Paige squealed louder. She could see a few smiles on the surrounding delegations. “That’s not how it works.”
“It’s new for 2016,” Claire repeated. Paige scowled as she looked around the Green Room.
“So what have we won?”
“Nothing,” Jack said firmly and put his hand on his girlfriend’s arm to pull her towards the UK delegation once more. “I explained this to you last week. Those were the points from the juries. Now, they are going to total all the televotes and then start awarding them to the countries. In reverse order.” Paige shook her head. “Just watch it now. It’ll be over in ten minutes, and then we’ll know who’s won.”
Chapter CI
Paige
Paige sat on the sofa and stared at the screen. The female host spoke, broadcast to a continent.
“The juries have voted, but everything can now change as you, at home in your communities have the final say. It can change everything. We are now about to present Europe’s votes.”
“This is so …” Paige moaned but Jack silenced her.
The feed cut to a graying EuroSong executive who advised that the voting had “gone to plan.”
“We are about to present the televotes. These are the votes from you at home and you have the same number of points as the juries to give out. All of your points from each and every country have been added together and we will present them from the lowest to the highest. Let’s take a look at the scoreboard.”
The male host spoke. “You can see we have United Kingdom in the lead with 278 points and Sweden just a point behind on 277.”
“This is ridiculous,” Paige muttered under her breath.
“It’s now time to present the winner of the EuroSong 2016,” the female host announced, and dramatic music was overlaid with her voice. The two hosts were replaced by the image of the leaderboard, and the computer began adding the lowest sixteen scores.
“Zero points to Armenia, eight points to Spain, ten points to Germany, eleven points to Malta, …”
The United Kingdom received no further points. “This is good,” John advised. “European televoting always gives UK low numbers of points.”
“But …” Paige started and then rubbed her eyes. “Can they just announce the winner. I think I’ll have a baby’s first birthday before they’ve stopped messin’ around!”
“More dramatic this way,” Claire whispered.
“And we now have ten songs still waiting for their final points,” the female host cooed. “And starting with the country that got the tenth highest score with 98 points was … Latvia!”
The camera cut to the cheering Latvian delegation in the Green Room.
Bulgaria were ninth, France was eighth, Denmark was seventh, Romania was sixth, Iceland was fifth, Austria was fourth, Russia was third.
Each time the video cut to a cheering delegation in the crowd, and the dramatic instrumental music had a key change.
“We know the winner will come from either the United Kingdom or Sweden.”
The two countries had dropped down the rankings as other countries had overtaken them, but they were guaranteed to get considerable scores with the final televotes.
Paige gulped, and stared at the screen. With just one point separating Sweden and United Kingdom, whoever topped the voting, would win the contest.
There was one more ball to play, one more shot to make. The final sentence of the final chapter that could change everything, and everyone was waiting for the author to ink the final words. Did Sweden or the UK get more votes in the televoting?
The wordless dramatic music got louder; the room fell silent. Everyone waited for the host to announce second place.
Chapter CII
Paige
“Sweden!”
Paige heard nothing; the entire room erupted and dozens of people moved forward to embrace the band but all Paige could feel was the deafening silence explode around her.
The admission that the United Kingdom had won by four points was irrelevant. The UK had won. In January, she had never hadn't thought they might win. She had argued against competing for that very reason. Naturism wasn't accepted at EuroSong and she felt jostled, edged towards the side of room. She thanked the people around her; only because she saw Jack and Claire in front of her doing the same thing. It felt surreal.
They got a standing ovation; two dozen unsuccessful acts lined a route through the Green Room and gave the British entourage a guard of honour. Everyone in that room knew the fight the band had undertaken with EuroSong in order to be able to express themselves. Every act knew that this was a victory for the Bare Necessities against, as well in, EuroSong. The band had fought the established order just to get on stage.
Paige could see herself in the bright lights of the television above.
Perhaps the admission that a heavily pregnant woman had flown to her home city to protect her younger sister resonated with some of the voters. John had made such a suggestion to her after the first few rounds of voting. Perhaps it was the inner rebel or the silent naturist that had swayed their vote. Or perhaps it was only about the music; Paige didn't believe that, but it didn't matter. They were victorious.
She reached for Jack's hand, a few feet away, and he took it and squeezed. For the first time she felt safe, as they navigated the wide corridors of the arena to the stage and the podium to the left of their instruments. Everyone had to see the presentation; the men holding the screen were poised behind them awaiting the cue from the producer.
The two ditzy presenters embraced them warmly; the long, flowing robes of her impossibly intricate dress reflecting the dazzling colours of the arena.
Two hundred flags, possibly more as it was difficult to count, waved from the audience as Jack espoused platitudes to the organisers and took the trophy, a metal cast of a musical note, from a bearded man.
“We'll need to get your screen up,” he joked as Jack held the trophy aloft.
“No,” cried Paige, shouting into the nearest microphone. “We came to sing naked and this trophy proves that no-one cares.” Her eyes twinkled as she embraced the crowd. “They messed up our performance, let's not mess up the encore, eh, guys?”
She gestured at the crowd. Jack and Claire shrugged and reached for their instruments. The EuroSong President pressed his finger to his ear, unable to hear the messages from his producers. The momentary indecision was all the time Paige needed to hurl her T-Shirt into the crowd like a victorious World Cup footballer. She held her hands aloft and beamed at her audience.
She was on top of the world. All other noise was drowned out by the roar of the audience, magnified by a deafening cheer as Paige's T-Shirt was caught by an excited Lithuanian fan. Jack and Claire did the same with their garments.
Paige smiled; she picked up the microphone and patted her stomach with her left hand. “Youngest EuroSong winner ever,” she joked and spoke as she waited for Claire's guitar riff to start their song. “For Hazel …”
And Paige had her wish; never, had she played naked to 500 million people across the world before.
And never would EuroSong have allowed it had they been asked, but they couldn't cut the live feed of the winners of their competition as The Bare Necessities played out the 2016 EuroSong Finals.
Naked.
As Paige had intended, all along.
Chapter CIII
Hazel
“You know you were on pages one, two, six and seven of my newspaper for the Ricky stuff, and pages four and five for EuroSong.”
&nb
sp; “Not page 3 then …”
“No. They don't do that any more. Although they had plenty of photos of your … well you on the EuroSong thing.” Hazel smiled at her sister. “I can't believe you came back.”
“Yeah well … that's what sisters do.”
“Hmmmn.” Hazel rubbed her eyes. “I heard the BBC are in trouble.”
“Oh yeah, big time. EuroSong have made noises about stripping us of our title but they won't. That's bluster. But they do think they are going to give a mahoosive fine to the BBC as punishment for me singing naked.”
Hazel sniggered. “They'll be happy about that!”
“Oh yeah!” Paige laughed. “Not only have we won it, and that most definitely was not in the script, they also have to pay for the fact that we won in Sweden as well as paying to host it next year. I've already told them that I want to host it, and they are very lukewarm on that idea.”
Hazel laughed. “Can you blame them?”
“Yeah. We won it, we should do the hosting. Jack can do the walking into the Green Room stuff, and me and Claire can host it. She talks French. A bit. I think she does. Perhaps we'd get fined for that, not speaking good enough French.”
“Mon soeur,” Hazel started. “C'est tres ... crazy.”
“Indeed. And talking of mahoosive fines, Andre has a huge fine. You see in order to get me to Stockholm he broke the odd one or two speed limits. And the police have contacted the hire firm and they've asked him for payment. I tried not to laugh but …”
“You didn't try that hard.” Paige shrugged and looked out of the window; raindrops pebble-dashed her view and she watched two columns of water fall to the bottom of the glass pane. “Mum sends her love,” Hazel said. “She was very proud of you on Saturday night.”
Paige snorted.
“Please don't fall out with her,” Hazel replied airily. “She's worrying about us both now.”
“She always did worry after the event. Pity she didn't show a little more awareness while you getting abused, and I was telling her to do so. I told her to keep an eye out for you or else I would fly back and bugger EuroSong. And …”
Bare Necessities 2 (The Bare Necessities) Page 39