by K. A. Linde
She felt the phone buzz once more, and then with a loud sigh answered the phone. “Clark,” she mumbled into the phone.
“Hey, baby,” he said from the other line. Lexi’s heart fluttered at the pet name. Well that was a good sign. She shook her head. No, it was more likely a habit. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to respond to him or if he was going to do all the talking. Her throat felt like it had a handful of cotton balls shoved down it, and even if she had wanted to initiate conversation, she would probably need a full glass of water before she could even attempt to manage it.
“We need to talk.” Lexi gulped. That didn’t sound good. How could he sound so calm after blowing up this morning? How was he so controlled? She was all over the charts. She had cried for hours, and then stared at the ceiling for God knows how long. Clark sounded more like he had just taken a brisk morning jog, gotten out of the shower, had breakfast, and was ready to start the day.
“All right,” she began, clearing her throat. “Let’s talk.”
“Come meet me for coffee.”
Lexi’s head swam as a vision of Jack standing behind a counter handing her a paper cup brimming with coffee filled her. She snapped her eyes closed hoping to clear her head. The last thing she needed to think about right now was Jack. “Can I…just come over?”
“I’d rather not be at one of our houses.”
Why did she always have to associate coffee with Jack? She just wanted to hit herself. Everything seemed to remind her of Jack. She needed to focus on what he was going to say to her. She needed to remain calm as he broke up with her.
“Coffee it is then,” she said weakly. “See you soon.”
“Yeah.”
Lexi decided that it really didn’t matter that she was going out in public in something resembling a clown outfit. If all she was going there for was to be broken up with, then what did it matter? It didn’t really add to the humiliation. She couldn’t humiliate herself any more than she already had.
Her eyes traveled the familiar building, her heart aching with memories. She entered through the side entrance to avoid getting a glimpse of the counter area and her all too familiar study space. She breathed in the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee and appreciated the dull green glow that emanated from the lamps resting on every table. At least this light didn’t hurt her already damaged eyes. She saw Clark nestled in an overstuffed couch next to the fireplace with two cups sitting before him. They both appeared to be untouched.
Their eyes met across the room. She felt frozen in time in that second as she stared across into his hazel orbs. Clark had always been so intuitive, so knowledgeable. Even from her spot rooted to the floor in front of the entrance, she could tell something had changed in him. In the short time they had been apart, he had come to a decision. A decision that Lexi knew would change everything.
Lexi meandered through the crowded room, and plopped down next to Clark on the sofa. He handed her one of the cups. “Black, like you like it,” he said taking a sip of his own cup.
That was strange enough in itself, because Clark didn’t drink coffee. He was one of those self-motivated people who could survive the morning without that extra buzz. She eyed his cup like it might explode any minute. He followed her gaze to his cup, and revealed a half smile that quickly dissipated. “It’s hot chocolate,” he confessed.
“Oh.”
“You’re probably wondering why I asked you here,” he said.
Lexi didn’t really wonder. She knew why she was here. He needed time before to think about things, and then after thinking things through he was ready to break up with her. He might love her, but Clark wouldn’t be second best. He wouldn’t let this slide. However, all she said was, “I guess.”
“I just…can I ask you something?” he questioned putting his cup back down on the table and turning to look at her.
“You just did,” she said meekly, “but sure, go ahead.” She wasn’t sure why he was prolonging this. It would just be better to get this over with. Cut the strings and all that.
He gave her another half smile before it fell off of his face again. A curl fell into his eyes and he pushed the hair back into place. Lexi hadn’t even realized he had let his hair get so long. He normally cut it all off before it was long enough for her to play with. How had she missed the fact that she was able to run her fingers through his thick mess of curly hair? Had she been so lost in her other world that she hadn’t really been present in this one? Her heart contracted at the knowledge that she would never again have the privilege of playing with his beautiful hair.
Had Jack been right? If the roles had been reversed, would she have given everything up? Would she have willingly given up Clark? Her eyes followed the curly hair down to the five o’clock shadow across his chin, up to the plump lips, and then finally resting on his hazel eyes. Now with him right in front of her, she couldn’t be sure.
“Do you want to be with me?” Clark asked breaking her out of her thoughts.
“Of course I do,” she said without another thought.
“Why…” he began taking a deep breath. “I want to ask why you would do this to me if you claim you want to be with me, but I know that is a useless path to take. You did it because of Jack. I should have known all along. I should have seen the warning signs. I did see the warning signs. I just didn’t want to believe that anything had happened. I wanted us to stay exactly where we were. We were happy, right?” he asked his eyes pleading with her.
“Yeah. We were happy.”
“I knew from the get go what Jack meant to you. I could see it every time his name was mentioned. I could see it every time he was near you. I knew it every time you had to run away from him. You did that to save us. I can see that now,” he said. “Then, I forced y’all to be around each other. What did I expect by doing that? I should have known that y’all wouldn’t change. Y’all would only continue to harbor the same affection you felt previously. Right?”
Lexi gulped and then nodded.
“That’s what I thought. Now, I didn’t think y’all would sleep together. I thought that perhaps you would be smart enough to realize that this would be done if that happened.”
Lexi gulped again even harder. There. He had said it. They would be over if that happened, and it had.
“I guess I didn’t expect it to continue. I tried to turn a blind eye. I tried to be with my girlfriend, but you weren’t the same girlfriend. I guess you haven’t been for a long time,” he said, his eyes momentarily darkening. “That’s when I couldn’t deal with it any longer. I couldn’t be with a shadow of the woman I love. And that’s what you’ve become.” He reached out and took her hand. She was so shocked by his grasp that she nearly dropped her drink. “So please, Lexi, baby, my dear, my sweet, my love, answer me honestly. Do you want to be with me?”
Her heart fluttered at his words. After everything they had been through and all the good times they had shared, did she really want to give that up? Jack didn’t want her. She had to know that by now. He wanted Kate. He had all but come right out and said that earlier today. They couldn’t be together. A part of her felt like she was dying with that thought. Jack had been such a large part of her heart for so long, she wasn’t sure if she would ever be the same person without him. As cheesy as it sounded, she felt complete with him. A completeness she had never felt with anyone else, not even Clark. Yet, Jack didn’t want her and she needed to move on from that.
“I do want to be with you,” she answered.
He searched her face for a lie or some sign of falsehood, but couldn’t locate any. Lexi was a terrible liar, and he could almost always pick out when she wasn’t being honest with him. But as he stared into her big chocolate eyes, he realized she was telling the truth.
“I want to be with you too,” he said pulling her into a hug.
Lexi couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face again. How had this happened? How had she come out of this scenario unscathed? Well, almost unscathed.
After all, she had lost Jack. She pushed that thought away. No need to think about him. He was gone.
Clark still wanted them to be a couple. She was having a difficult time processing that information. For the third time today, everything had turned out completely opposite of what she had been expecting. She had been mentally preparing herself for a break up, and he hadn’t wanted a break up at all.
When he pulled away from her, there was something different in his eyes that she didn’t recognize. “I just need one thing from you, if we’re going to stay together.”
She should have expected this. No way was he going to let her walk away so easy. “What is it?” she asked warily.
“Lexi, you really want to be with me, right?” She nodded, the anticipation rising. “All right, if you really do want to be with me, then you have to tell Kate.”
Lexi’s mouth popped open. “What?” she squealed.
He wanted her to tell Kate what they had done. God, what a terrible thing for him to ask her to do. She couldn’t imagine what Jack would think of her if she did tell Kate. No, actually, she did know what he would think of her. He would never speak with her again. He would never want to see her again. He had flat out told her that he didn’t want Kate to know. He didn’t think Clark would tell her, and he wanted to get on with his perfect, amazing life with his perfect, amazing girlfriend.
“If you want to be with me, then it won’t matter that you tell her,” he stated simply.
She couldn’t close her mouth. She was in such a state of shock. She had never realized how vindictive Clark could be. He was asking her to ruin another person’s relationship, another person’s life like she had been so easy to do to her own.
So, it came down to whether or not she was willing to give up Jack. Because after this, there was no turning back. Jack would never forgive her for this. Earlier he had seemed slightly unsure, but she knew what that meant. He had already made his choice in Kate, and now she was going to go and ruin that for him. No, he wouldn’t forgive her, because Kate would surely leave him. Lexi knew the news would crush Kate. Jack had been right in that at least.
“But, Clark…it would…it would, I don’t know,” she mumbled incoherently.
“She has a right to know the truth about him,” he said darkly.
“Of course. Of course she does,” Lexi said nodding. “But to have me tell her.”
“I don’t see a problem with it.”
“It would be the ultimate insult.”
Clark smiled the first true smile since she had arrived. “Not to her.”
Lexi bit down on her lip…hard. Of course Clark would want to get back at Jack, and having her tell Kate would do just that. “Clark, I…I don’t know about this.”
“Lexi, it’s really simple. You said you wanted to be with me, and you do want to be with me. I can see that. I’m just asking you to do one simple thing. Tell Kate what happened.”
What he wasn’t saying was that he was actually asking her to do two things. She would have to give up Jack and not just his friendship and the relationship that they had grown into. She would have to give him up forever. No contact with him at all. Telling Kate would ensure success in that aspect. Could she do it? Could she actually go without Jack?
“Fine. I’ll tell her.”
Lexi pulled out her cell phone and found the number that she had never used waiting for her. She clicked send without thinking about it. If she thought about it, she would never actually go through with what she was about to do.
“Hello?” Lexi heard her answer.
“Kate. Hey, this is Lexi.”
“Lexi! Oh my God, I haven’t heard from you in so long. What have you been up to?”
“Um…yeah, not that much. Can we meet somewhere to talk?”
Kate was silent on the other line for a minute, and then she answered, “Sure. Jack and I were going to hang out tonight because he was busy last night. But he won’t be here for another hour or so. Where did you want to meet?”
Lexi tried not to show her guilt at her words. Jack had been busy last night because of her. He had told Kate he couldn’t hang out, because he was with Lexi. “Um…wherever you want. I can come over if you want.”
“Sure, sounds good.”
After getting directions, Lexi left Clark at the coffee shop and made her way over to Kate’s house. She had never been to her place, and she was dreading making this her first visit. The house was situated in a small subdivision outside of downtown. Each house was a bright color ranging from yellow to pink to baby blue. Most were single stories, but the one Kate resided in looked to be a two-story townhouse with a small yard and white picket fence. The area was trying to bring the suburbs to the city, and Lexi had always found them adorable. Well, until now.
Kate let her inside on the first knock and ushered her into the living room. Lexi had a faint idea based on Kate’s appearance that Kate’s family was relatively wealthy. As she looked around the townhouse, she realized this was definitely the case. An olive green couch sat on one side and two brown chairs occupied the other side. The television that was mounted on the wall fit the size of the room to perfection. Picture frames hung tastefully on the walls and the oak side tables were filled with pictures of her friends. The most common face Lexi noticed other than Kate’s was Jack. He was all over her house. Scattered in nearly every picture frame. A brown jacket she recognized as his hung on a hook at the front entrance. A Wall Street Journal, Jack’s favorite newspaper, sat on the coffee table.
Lexi gulped and looked up into Kate’s enormous blue eyes. “Have a seat, sweetie. What did you want to talk to me about?” Kate asked gesturing to the seat next to her on the sofa.
Taking a precautionary seat in the adjacent chair, Lexi shoved her hair behind her ears several times. She had no idea where to begin. She opened and closed her mouth several times before looking down at her fingers resting in her lap. She glanced back up at the oblivious girl, her heart going out to her for what she was about to do.
“Have you noticed anything different about Jack lately?” Lexi began.
“Different? Different how?”
“Uh…just anything.”
Kate chewed on her bottom lip-gloss covered lip seriously contemplating the question. “No, I don’t believe I have.”
This was going to be harder than she thought. “You haven’t noticed that he’s been missing a lot more than usual?”
“Well…I guess he has been missing, but not really more than usual. We’ve always had an understanding that we don’t have to be together all the time for our relationship to work. He can have time away from me if he wants, and I have the same privilege. It’s just how we work. Not many people would be okay with that, but we are. Why?”
“Okay, I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to dive right in. Jack and I slept together.”
The silence that followed was unlike anything Lexi had ever sat through. She wasn’t sure if Kate was going to lunge at her or break down in tears. She looked shell shocked for sure. That had to have been the last thing she had been expecting. The tension could have been cut with a spoon. Lexi wasn’t sure if she should run now. Her heart was hammering in her chest with the anticipation of Kate’s response.
“Why would you tell me something like that?” Kate finally asked barely above a whisper.
“I had to let you know and Jack wasn’t going to tell you.”
“Why would you think I’d want to know something like that?”
“I just…thought you’d want the truth.”
“I didn’t,” she said shaking her head forcefully from side to side. “I didn’t want to know that.”
Lexi just stared at her. She didn’t want to know. She had crushed her for no reason. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Kate asked her eyes glaring at her. “For what? Fucking my boyfriend or for telling me that you fucked my boyfriend.”
“Uh…”
“Just…just don’t answer that. I do
n’t want to know. I don’t want to hear any of it. I just want to forget you. Forget you ever existed. Please leave my house.”
“Kate.”
“No, I don’t need any other information from you. Thank you. Get the fuck out of my house,” she said standing and pointing toward the door.
Lexi stood in complete shock at Kate’s reaction. “Are you going to tell Jack that I told you?”
“No. I’m not telling him anything. Now leave.”
“Why are you so calm about all this?” Lexi couldn’t help asking.
That question seemed to change everything about Kate. Lexi had never seen the girl anything but way too perky, but she looked damn well furious. “You think I didn’t know that he fucked you? God, I am not stupid, you fucking whore.” It was Lexi’s turn to look shell-shocked. Kate had known all along, and she hadn’t said anything. “I knew the first day that it happened.”
“You did?” Lexi couldn’t believe it. No one else had been out on the pier that day. No one else had known they were there. Kate certainly hadn’t even been awake that night. “How did you find out?”
“I was there. I walked into his house, because I have a key that he gave me. He had his bedroom door open, and there you two were on his bed.” Lexi’s mouth popped open. “I just loved Jack enough to see past that one incident.”
“That wasn’t the first time,” Lexi admitted to Kate the information she had withheld from Clark.
“What?”
“That was about a month ago, right?”
“That’s what you were talking about, isn’t it? You were feeling guilty, and you had to let me know about it. Well, fuck you, I already knew that it happened. I knew and could get over the fact that he was unfaithful that one time.”