by Jo Ramsey
“Chastaine, what did you do all day?” Dad asked.
“Stayed in my room, mostly.” I looked at Marcus. “I didn’t know anyone was clearing the snow.”
“I thought you weren’t feeling well,” Marcus said. “When you came down here for lunch, you didn’t look so great, so I left you alone.”
“I didn’t sleep well.” The last thing I needed was for Mom and Dad to think I was sick. Mom always went a little overboard about viruses. “I had crappy dreams, so sleep didn’t happen. I’m feeling fine, and maybe fresh air would have been good for me.”
“I doubt it,” Marcus said. “I don’t think the temperature got out of the teens, and you won’t wear jackets. If you aren’t sick now, you probably would have been. And why am I lecturing my kid sister about proper winter attire?” He winked at me. “I didn’t mind dealing with the snow. I would have asked for help if I’d wanted it.”
“Okay.” I still felt kind of guilty for having him do it all, but it wasn’t my problem.
“Did you do anything?” Dad asked.
“A little homework,” I said. That was true by a very loose definition of homework. Evan had asked Holly and me about a question at the end of our history chapter. He hadn’t been able to find the answer anywhere in the chapter. Neither had I, but I’d paid enough attention during class to have been able to tell him what to write.
Of course, I hadn’t done the homework myself. It was kind of hard to concentrate with the instant messenger tone going off at random intervals, not to mention being too tired to think.
We ate without speaking for a little while. It was kind of nice to have a family dinner that didn’t involve some serious discussion about Chastaine’s school and mental stability. Hopefully now that Jim had been sentenced, my parents would back off a little.
After a few minutes, Mom set down her half-eaten sandwich. “You’ll probably have school tomorrow.”
“I’m guessing,” I said. “The street looks okay, and they don’t want us to miss too much school because the teachers don’t want to go too late into the summer.”
“How do you think it’s going to go?”
It took me a second to catch on to what she was really asking. People would have heard the news about Jim last night or today. I hadn’t paid enough attention online to know whether there was any backlash. Tomorrow, I would find out.
“It’s going to go however it goes,” I said. “I can’t stress about it. There’s no point. I can’t change what people think or what they’re going to say to me.”
“Chastaine’s going to be fine,” Marcus said. “She learned how to stick up for herself from the best.”
“Yeah, you guys definitely taught me that.” I rolled my eyes. My brothers loved me and watched out for me, but that hadn’t kept them from causing me grief most of my childhood. Just because they didn’t allow anyone outside the family to give me a hard time didn’t stop them from doing it.
“I just worry.” Mom picked up her sandwich again but didn’t take a bite. “Your dad and I talked last night, Chastaine. We agreed you had a point about the rules changing and making you feel like you were the one who’d caused what happened.”
“We’re sorry about that,” Dad said. “Believe me. The last thing we wanted to do was make you think we blamed you. We were trying to protect you in entirely the wrong way.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at both of them. I doubted they were over the whole overprotective thing, but at least they were apologizing for how they’d handled it. And they said I’d been right. That was pretty rare.
“We’re going to try going back to the rules and restrictions you had before,” Mom said. “I can’t promise not to call or text to check on you if I get worried, though.”
“And if we have a reason to think having those rules is putting you in a bad spot, we’re going to change again,” Dad said.
I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by “bad spot.” From their perspective, a lot of the things I’d enjoyed doing were probably bad. I didn’t ask him to clarify, though. It was definitely not time for another dissection of how “Chastaine is making poor choices.”
“I’m not friends with most of the people I hung out with before,” I said. “I haven’t gone to any kind of party since Homecoming night. So I don’t think you have to worry about me being in a bad spot, but I get what you’re saying. Thank you.”
Dad nodded. “You’ll be seventeen in a couple of months. You aren’t an adult yet, and you still have to follow our rules as long as you live here, but it doesn’t make sense to give you less freedom instead of more as you get older.”
“You handled things better than a lot of people I know would have.” Mom put down her sandwich again. I was starting to think she hadn’t thrown it away yet only because she needed something to do with her hands. “You heard what I said to Jane the other day.”
“Mr. Sumter.” I hesitated. “Don’t tell me anything confidential. Jane was a—pretty mean person, but telling us something she wouldn’t want people to know still isn’t right.”
Marcus snorted. “Chastaine says things like that, and yet you worry about what she’ll be up to when she isn’t under your noses.”
“We know what she was up to before,” Dad reminded him. “Double standard or not, we can’t completely approve of it. We wouldn’t have approved of any of you boys drinking or having recreational sex either, for the record.”
“Which is why we never told you when we did,” Marcus said calmly. “That doesn’t mean we only had sex with girls we were in relationships with and never partied.”
“I don’t want to hear this.” Mom chanted it like a little kid and smiled.
It was weird, but I liked her doing that. For the first time in two months, we were sitting at the table joking and teasing each other the way we’d done all my life. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until now, when it looked like I had it back.
“Anyway.” I shook my head. “Marcus, TMI. I don’t want to know what my brothers do when they’re naked. Mom, if you’re going to say something about Jane that she doesn’t want people to know, please don’t. Dad, please pass the salt.”
“Wow. Taking control.” Marcus handed me the salt, which meant having to reach across the table. Mom and Dad didn’t comment on it, even though reaching over the table or other people was against proper table etiquette.
Mom’s smile faded. “Most people know what happened to Jane. It was in the news at the time, and I know Jane’s told her kids about it. Mr. Sumter was one of the science teachers at the high school. He crossed lines with more than one girl, mostly flirting and inappropriate comments. Of course, back then, people blamed girls even more than they do now for that type of behavior from men. When we complained, we were always told that he would be spoken to, but we should be careful what we wore to his class.”
“Mr. Lawrence wasn’t there then, was he?” I muttered. It sounded like the type of thing Lawrence would have said.
I wasn’t actually being serious. I knew Lawrence wasn’t old enough to have worked at the school when Mom was a student. But her answer surprised me. “Not as a staff member. He was actually in our class. And he intervened one day when Mr. Sumter got too pushy with Jane. He even went with her to the office to report it.”
I had to take a few seconds to let that register. I didn’t know what had changed Lawrence from the guy who stuck up for a victim to the one who told victims things were their faults, but I wished he’d stayed the way he apparently was in high school. As an administrator, he could only do so much. He had to work within the school rules. Even so, there was no excuse for him putting the blame on the people who were being hurt instead of the ones doing the hurting.
“It didn’t do any good,” Mom said. “A couple of days later, Mr. Sumter asked Jane to stay after school. No one else was around. Afterward, she called me crying, and I talked her into going to the police.”
“That happened to her?” I couldn’t decide whether
to feel bad for her about it, or furious with her for blaming me about Jim when she’d gone through something similar. And had probably been blamed for it.
“She dropped out of school,” Mom said. “Mr. Sumter was arrested. He went to jail, and he’s out now but was never allowed to teach again. Jane thought it was her fault. She knew what kind of man he was, and he’d hinted to her about what he wanted to do to her, but she still stayed after school. And plenty of other people blamed her for choosing to be alone with him.”
“Of course they did. People are idiots.” I clenched my jaw so I wouldn’t scream. Some things never changed.
“That’s why I was so angry with her Saturday,” Mom said. “Of all people, she should have understood that it wasn’t your fault. And the fact that her daughter was involved in harassing you isn’t an excuse for her accepting the behavior.”
“Yeah.” There was no excuse, as far as I was concerned. But Jane had always said I was the instigator in my little group. Gina only did wrong things when I suggested them. Which was complete crap, but I guessed most parents saw their kids through angel-winged lenses.
“My point, though, was that she didn’t handle anything for a while.” Mom took a long breath. “She quit school, barely left the house, stopped answering the phone. She didn’t try to take her life, as far as I know, but she talked constantly about wanting to. She even tried to call Mr. Sumter to apologize for getting him in trouble. For a long time, she was lost.”
“That sucks.” My feeling-sorry side was starting to win out. “She seems better now. But maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned Mr. Sumter the other day.”
“She is better. She got a lot of help.” Mom grimaced. “You’re right. I’ve already apologized to her for that. It was out of line, no matter how angry I was with her.”
“I think we’re just about finished.” Dad stood and picked up his plate. “I’m sorry. I can’t take more discussion right now.”
“We’re finished.” Mom smiled again. This time, it looked forced. “Chastaine, just know that we never meant to make it seem as if we blamed you for anything, and we definitely don’t want you to feel like we’re being unfair about our rules just because you’re a girl. Marcus, thank you for speaking up for your sister when you believed we were in the wrong.”
“You raised me not to keep my mouth shut.” Marcus grinned. “Happy-family-group-hug time.”
Dad put down his plate. “Yeah, that will work.”
We actually did a group hug. And for the first time since the whole thing about Jim had come out, I felt like I was truly part of my family instead of a broken piece they didn’t want to hold on to.
Chapter 14
THANKS TO the gossip grapevine, or, more accurately, the gossip megapixels or whatever computer term is correct, by the next morning most of the school knew about Jim going to juvie. I found that out when I walked into the building with my friends after our usual donut shop visit. Unlike Monday, today I wasn’t ignored. But I wasn’t insulted by most people either.
“Chastaine, you got him locked up!” Brittany was the first to hurry over to me. “He can’t hurt anyone now. Maryellen cried when I told her.”
“I almost cried.” I hesitated. For about half a second, I felt kind of bad for Jim. But I hadn’t gotten anyone locked up. All I’d done was tell the truth after four months of holding it in. Jim had gotten himself put away, first by his actions and then by admitting to them. I didn’t have a damn thing to feel bad about.
“He’s going to have a record.” Gina, of course, was standing nearby. She didn’t come too close. She was probably afraid of catching my cooties. But she was close enough for me to hear her. “He made one stupid mistake, and now no matter where he goes, people will know he was in jail. And he’s going to be on that list for the rest of his life. Good job, Chastaine.”
Her sarcasm-thick voice almost sent me over the edge. Holly put her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t let her get to you,” she whispered. “She’s an idiot.”
“Yeah.”
“He didn’t make any mistake.” Brittany whirled around to face Gina. “And it wasn’t only once. If you think it’s okay for guys to do that to girls, I have to wonder how many times it’s happened to you.”
Gina’s face went white. “Shut the fuck up!”
“Cool it.” I had to say something. From the way Gina was reacting, I guessed Brittany had hit her where it hurt. And she didn’t want to think about it any more than I wanted to think about Jim. Which didn’t explain why she was sticking up for Jim after what Maryellen and I had accused him of, but that was something I wasn’t about to ask. I didn’t have enough damns left to give.
I took a deep breath. I refused to lose it in the middle of the school lobby. I just wanted to go to my locker and get to class, where I’d have something to listen to besides a bunch of crap from a former friend. “Gina, just walk away. I’m not the only one who accused Jim, and he admitted what he did, which means we didn’t make it up. According to the call my parents got from the prosecutor, Jim only has to register until he’s twenty-one, not the rest of his life. Maybe that’s pretty bad, but not as bad as you’re saying. And again, he confessed. So it’s his own fault, not mine. Check your facts before you spew next time. Obviously you have some reason to take his side. Whatever. I don’t know how things were between you and him, and I don’t honestly care. I just know I’m not the only one he hurt.”
“Slut,” she hissed.
“Yep, and proud of it.” I straightened my back and glared at her. She looked away. Even if she hated me now, I still had the power to intimidate the hell out of her.
It didn’t feel as good as it could have.
“Come on.” Holly nudged me toward the stairs. “Anyone who would turn on a friend for being a crime victim isn’t worth wasting breath on.”
“Who the hell do you think you are?” Gina demanded. “You don’t know me. Want to talk about being a waste of breath? You’re just a frigging drama dyke.”
Before I realized what I was doing, I closed the distance between Gina and me and shoved her. She stumbled backward, and I smiled. I didn’t care what she said about me, but she damn well wasn’t going to insult Holly when I was around. “Holly might be a drama dyke, but that’s a hell of a lot better than being a backstabbing bitch. So shut up, walk away, and don’t ever talk to me again.”
“I’m a bitch?” Gina stepped up to me.
“Chastaine, don’t.” Evan shouldered his way between Gina and me. “Holly’s right. She isn’t worth it, and all she can do is throw insults around. But if you get into it with her, you might get suspended. I don’t think you want to do that.”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath and turned away. Seeing Gina get suspended again might have been kind of cool, but I had enough problems without screwing up my attendance and school record.
I was pretty sure some of the other people in the lobby were disappointed there wouldn’t be a fight. Gina didn’t say another word. I heard her heels clacking on the floor as she walked away.
I sighed and faced Holly. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t calling you a dyke, just repeating what she said. But I still shouldn’t have said it.”
“It’s okay.” Holly smiled at me. “Thanks for sticking up for me. But don’t get yourself in trouble on my account. I’ve heard worse, and I couldn’t care less what someone like her has to say.”
“Yeah,” I said again. I didn’t have much else I could say in front of everyone. I wanted to tell Holly I would always stick up for her because I cared too much to let anyone bad-mouth her, but that would only have started more rumors. I didn’t care so much if people figured out that I liked Holly, but I didn’t want her to be a target. Plus it would have screwed up her and Nathan’s fake relationship.
Gina and I shared some classes, but she kept her distance from me. As far as I noticed, she didn’t even look at me. It bothered me a little. We’d been friends for so long that it stung to realize we weren’t anymore and probabl
y never would be again. But mostly I didn’t care. She wasn’t worth anything to me anymore.
At lunch, I checked my phone and found a text from Mom informing me she was going to lunch and then shopping with Jane and two of their other friends. After what Jane had said about me, it bugged me that Mom wanted anything to do with her. Even though I’d expected her to forgive Jane, she shouldn’t have. At least not unless Jane apologized to me, not only to Mom, which seemed about as likely as Gina saying she was sorry.
I texted back asking if Holly could come over after school. If Mom and Dad were gone, Holly and I would have more of a chance to talk. And to kiss, maybe, or not, if she didn’t want to. The important thing was to have time together without anyone figuring out how together we were, at least until we decided who to tell and how.
Mom said it was okay, so when Holly and Evan sat down with their lunches, I said, “Holly, do you want to come over after school? I found some other clothes you might like.”
I hoped she would take the hint. More importantly, I hoped Evan would realize the invitation was only for Holly.
“Yeah, I can do that.” Holly smiled. “Seeing as Mr. Hanscom piled on the homework tonight to make up for us missing yesterday, we can work on that too.”
“You know, I could use help with that homework,” Evan said. “And of course I can’t go with you guys. I have to go to counseling today. Another ‘family’ session with Dad.” He made air quotes. “I wish the guy would just decide to give up on me and be done with it. The whole back and forth, ‘I want to be a better dad, I can’t stand you because you’re gay’ whiplash is really starting to get to me.”
He looked at Holly then at me. “Sorry for letting my rant interrupt your fashion plans.”
“It’s okay.” I hoped I never met Evan’s father. The things I wanted to say to him probably wouldn’t be considered respectful or appropriate. Not that I cared what he thought, but Evan didn’t need anyone making things any more difficult.