Jane said, “I wouldn’t block you like that. I’m not an evil twin out to destroy you. I want you to be happy.”
John said, “You should be happy too. Leona told you to find a partner too.”
Jane said, “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you.”
John asked, “What do you mean easy? I had a crush on Becky for months, but was too overcome by fear every time I ever saw her to even talk to her. I felt like Stan from ‘South Park’ when he saw Wendy. I’m lucky I never barfed.”
Jane said, “But you’re much better looking than I am. I’m so fat and ugly that no man will ever want me.”
John said, “You’re 5’9’’, and weigh 155. That’s hardly fat. You read too many of those magazines that promote an unrealistic body image to sell garbage. You need to step out of that world and into reality. Men want more than a supermodel to fall in love with them.”
Jane said, “But no one has ever asked me out.”
John said, “Have you ever considered that there might be some men out there who are too intimidated by your beauty to approach you?”
Jane said, “I’m no Becky Garcia. No one’s too afraid to talk to me. No one even wants me.”
John said, “Maybe your negative attitude is why no man has ever approached you. No one wants to hang out with Debbie Downer all day.”
Jane replied, “What do you think I should do?”
John said, “I think that you need to see Dr. Black about your body image and self-esteem. You’re a better catch than your realize.”
Jane said, “Maybe I’ll do that. That may be the root of my separation anxiety.”
John and Jane fell asleep. They slept in the same bed, but faced away from each other so that they wouldn’t accidentally touch in their sleep. They didn’t want to be disoriented and do something gross.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jane
Jane went to see Dr. Leona Black the next morning. She needed to get to the root of her problems before they consumed her. She hadn’t realized that her biggest impediment to leading a productive life was her own self-defeating attitude. She had to find a way to see herself in a different light.
Leona said, “Nice to see you, Jane. How are things going with you and your brother?”
Jane said, “My brother’s doing great. He’s seeing Becky Garcia tonight. They might fall in love. I’m not doing as well as he is.”
Leona asked, “Why do you think that is?”
Jane replied, “I think that I’m my own greatest enemy. John pointed out to me that my self-esteem left a lot to be desired.”
Leona asked, “When did you talk to your brother?”
Jane answered, “Last night. We slept together again. I needed to have a familiar comfort to keep me calm through the night.”
Leona said, “I think it may be a good idea if the two of you don’t see each other unnecessarily for a while. I’m not saying that you should cut off your brother, but your relationship isn’t healthy.”
Jane said, “I know that. We’re actually sleeping separately tonight. I don’t want to interfere with his date if things go well for him.”
Leona said, “The fact that you feel comfortable enough to discuss your brother’s love life is a little disturbing to me. Most sisters don’t want to think about their brother’s love life.”
Jane said, “I’m aware of that. I need help.”
Leona said, “You seem to have some major issues. I’m not sure what they are, but I think we need to explore them.”
Jane said, “John thinks that I have a negative body image which prevents me from engaging socially. You recommended that I date someone, but I just can’t help but think that I’m too ugly to find someone.”
Leona asked, “Why do you think that you’re ugly?”
Jane answered, “No man has ever approached me for a date. No one ever checks me out like the pretty girls. I’ve lived my whole life alone or with family, and I don’t foresee that changing any time soon.”
Leona said, “Sometimes men are intimidated by women they find attractive, so they don’t approach them. Besides that, it is 2088. Women are empowered to approach men that interest them. Maybe you should try it.”
Jane said, “What for, they’ll just say ‘no.’”
Leona said, “How do you know that?”
Jane said, “Because I’m not one of those supermodels that men fantasize about. I’m just a regular girl with regular proportions. There’s nothing fancy about me.”
Leona said, “I think you need to fast from all media for a while. I know that won’t help your separation anxiety, but it’ll help you sort out your self-image. I think you’re getting too many negative messages about image.”
Jane said, “If you think it’ll help, then I’ll do it. What am I going to do to avoid getting cabin fever, though?”
Leona said, “I’ll have Scout give you some extra assignments to keep your mind from wandering. I also think you should interact with other crewmembers. I don't think you should have a lot of time to think. I also don’t think you should spend so much time with John.”
Jane said, “But he’s the person that I feel most comfortable hanging out with. I need to ease into this.”
Leona said, “Please don’t think that I’m ordering you to do anything. Only Scout can do that, but I think that I’m giving you sound advice.”
Jane said, “I’ll try to follow your instructions. It won’t be easy though.”
Leona said, “I know it won’t be easy, but you need to help yourself. Maybe even take my advice and put yourself out there. You might be surprised.”
Jane said, “Thank you, doctor. I’ll try.”
Jane walked out of Leona’s office and reported to the daily briefing. Scout gave everyone their assignments, and Jane was assigned to work with Jack White on the weapons system. Jack had traded with John so that he could get close to Jane. Jack and John saw it as an even exchange of favors.
Jack and Jane walked to the weapons array at the stern of the ship on the third deck (the top deck was the third, the middle was two, and the original deck was one. The bridge was on the first deck, along with the common room and galley.) Jack didn’t want to scare Jane, and Jane didn’t think that anyone could be interested in her romantically. They took the Turbolift to the upper deck and moved to their assigned workstations.
Jack said, “I haven’t used this type of weapon system before. Can you show me what I’m doing?”
Jane replied, “What have you used in the past?”
Jack said, “Well, in the navy, I used to be a communications operator. So, I’ve actually never used a weapons system of any sort.”
Jane angrily asked, “Why would Scout assign someone with no experience to this station?”
Jack apologetically said, “I’m willing to learn, though.”
Jane said, “Oh, well, it’s not like we’re all that busy today. We haven’t had much to do in weeks. I guess I can show you how to use the system.”
Jack said, “I’m a very good student.”
He wanted to tell her how he felt about her. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked every time he saw her, but the words wouldn’t leave his heart to come out of his mouth. Fear of rejection kept him from asking her the only thing he really wanted to know. He only wanted to know if she felt the same way about him that he felt about her.
Jane said, “Why did you really ask to be assigned to work with me?”
Jack said, “I want to know everything about everyone’s job in case the need arises for me to man an unfamiliar station.”
Jane said, “It’s not like Scout to allow us to explore unfamiliar jobs without a good reason. What did you do that got you off of your last work assignment?”
Jack replied, “I didn’t do anything. I just asked Scout to allow me to trade assignments with your brother so that I could work with you.”
Jane said, “What?”
Jack said, “I mean so I could learn from
the best.”
Jack’s last statement was a lie, and Jane knew it. She couldn’t believe that Jack had wanted to work with her. She wondered why he wanted to work with her, and she intended to find out. She would be very angry if he was trying to undercut her position on the ship or in the colony.
Jane said, “You’re lying. I can tell when people are lying to me, and you’re definitely lying right now.”
Jack asked, “How do you know that I’m not being truthful with you?”
Jane answered, “I have a very good intuition about these things. The only thing I don’t know is why you’re lying to me. Are you trying to undercut me?”
Jack said, “No way. I would never try to trip you up.”
Jane said, “Then why did you ask to work with me if not to spy on me?”
Jack said, “Because you’re beautiful and I just wanted to get to know you.”
Jane said, “Now you’re really lying, and trying to hurt me. Why would you try to betray me with flattery?”
Jack said, “Why are you accusing me of lying when I’m finally being completely truthful?”
Jane replied, “There’s no way that you’re physically attracted to me. No man has ever been attracted to me in the past, so why should that suddenly change?”
Jack said, “I find it hard to believe that no one has ever found you to be a dream of heaven. You’re really the most beautiful woman on the ship. Why don’t you think you’re worth it?”
Jane said, “Because it’s never happened before.”
Jack said, “I don’t think that’s true. I think that men in the past have probably found you too hard to approach. They probably figured that you were out of their league, so they didn’t bother approaching you.”
Jane said, “Did Leona put you up to this?”
Jack said, “I haven’t even seen Leona since the trip began. Why do you think she would put me up to chatting you up?”
Jane replied, “Because you just said what she has been telling me almost verbatim. Sounds too staged to me.”
Jack said, “I assure you this isn’t staged. I’ve admired you from afar for a long time now. I was just too afraid of you rejecting me to attempt a conversation with you.”
Jane said, “How am I to know the truth in this situation? I’ve never been asked out before, and now you say that you were too nervous to ask me for a long time. Yet you’re calm and collected right now. Seems like you should be more nervous if what you say is true.”
Jack said, “On the inside, I’m terrified that I even said the words. On the outside, the scene is too surreal to be processed by my brain. This situation is not at all what I expected.”
Jane asked, “So you’re stunned?”
Jack replied, “Something like that. Anyway, you can ask your brother. It was him that I traded with. I discuss you with him a lot, and I try to gather information about you through him.”
Jane said, “I’ll have to ask him at lunch.”
Jack said, “This is going to be a difficult morning. I put myself on the line for a chance to get to know you. Now I have to try to do a job that I have no idea how to do and my worst fears have been realized. You don’t want to believe that I like you without proof.”
Jane said, “Well, it’s only a couple of hours until lunchtime, so I can train you on the console while we wait for our lunch break.”
Jane spent the next three hours teaching Jack how to operate the weapons system controls. He learned quickly, and became proficient by the time that they broke for lunch.
The public address system came on and Scout said, “Lunch time! Everyone report to the galley to take lunch.”
The crew made their way to the first deck and into the galley. Shai had prepared a cod filet with fried potatoes. The crew wasn’t overly fond of this particular creation because it was overserved. Fish was the most abundant food on the ship, so Shai utilized it more often than any other meal. Once in the galley, Jane walked over to her brother.
She said, “Have you been keeping secrets from me?”
John replied, “Only ones that I was asked to keep.”
Jane asked, “Is one of them that Jack has a crush on me?”
John said, “That’s the biggest one. He asked me not to tell you because he wanted to tell you himself.”
Jane said, “Then I treated him like a criminal for no good reason.”
John asked, “You mean he told you so quickly?”
Jane replied, “I had to pry it out of him, but he told me twenty minutes into the shift.”
John asked, “Did you accuse him of something?”
Jane replied, “I accused him of lying to me and trying to undercut my position on the ship.”
John said, “You probably just ruined his dream. He’s going to fear you now instead of to admire you. He’ll think you’re crazy.”
Jane said, “I am crazy. Just ask Leona. I never had anyone before, so I think I can manage going on alone.”
John said, “That’s exactly what Leona told you to avoid. She said you had to get away from being tethered to me like an anchor. You have to find a way to fix this with Jack. He really likes you. He always wanted to ask you out, but he’s been terrified of rejection. I think he would treat you like a goddess if you allowed it.”
Jane said, “I’ll try to make things right then.”
Jane walked over to Jack’s table and sat down. Jack had been sitting alone, so they had near complete privacy. Everyone else knew what was going on, so they didn’t want to cause any kind of interruption to Jack’s attempt to win Jane’s heart.
Jane said, “I’m sorry, Jack. It seems that I was wrong.”
Jack said, “I was afraid that you wouldn’t come to my table. I didn’t want to return to work without resolving this.”
Jane said, “I see now that I make you nervous, but you don’t need to be nervous around me. I’m just dealing with my own image issues, and I find it hard to believe that someone finds me attractive.”
Jack said, “Well, I find it difficult to believe that someone as perfect as you has any problems with the way you look. You’re magnificent.”
Jane said, “Thank you. I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did. I’m also sorry that I felt the need to verify your attraction for me. I should’ve taken your word for it.”
Jack said, “I was a little hurt that you didn’t believe me. I was petrified as it was to tell you how I feel, and your reaction didn’t help. I felt kind of humiliated when you had to ask your brother to verify what I told you. I had asked him to keep that a secret because I didn’t want you to know that I was secretly in love with you until I was ready to tell you myself.”
Jane said, “I’m sorry. Can we start again?”
Jack said, “I’d like that very much. Then we can be honest from here on out and really get to know each other.”
Jane said, “Let’s get back to work, that way we can stay busy and get to know each other in private and away from all of the peeping eyes and eavesdroppers.”
Jack and Jane left the galley and walked to the Turbolift. On the way, Jane grabbed Jack’s hand and held it in hers until they got to the weapons console.
Jane asked, “So I don’t even know where you’re from.”
Jack replied, “I’m from Wisconsin. I grew up in Oshkosh, but I’ve lived in Portland ever since I left the Navy.”
Jane said, “So why did you leave the Navy?”
Jack said, “I hated being on the water. I’m terrified of drowning, so I think the Navy wasn’t a good choice.”
Jane asked, “Are you liking space life?”
Jack answered, “Not really, but I’m thinking of the reward at the end of this journey. How do you like this mode of travel?”
Jane said, “I hate it. I’ve been sleeping with my brother to cope.”
Jack got quiet. He didn’t know if he heard Jane correctly, but what he heard was disturbing. Jane noticed his shock.
She said, “Not like that, you thick idiot
. I sleep in the same bed next to him to relieve my separation anxiety and uneasiness about space travel.”
Jack said, “Oh, I see. You had me worried there for a minute. So why do you want to go to Mars?”
Jane said, “Because Earth sucks. I convinced my brother to join me because we need as many committed people as possible to make this society work. I’ve always dreamed of a utopia where everyone is the same. No matter what you do, you should be valued by society.”
Jack said, “You’re preaching to the choir. I’m just as committed as anyone in the group is. I’m actually in the core of the military.”
Jane said, “I didn’t realize there was more than one core to the group.”
Jack said, “The core of the group is still the core of the group, but Jordan requested a new military core to form as soon as we left. We need to be able to defend ourselves as soon as possible.”
Jane asked, “So how does your family feel about you being with us?”
Jack said, “I haven’t told them yet. I’m saving that for when we actually get to Mars. I don’t think they’ll approve.”
Jane said, “I’m glad that it’s just me and my brother in my family. It makes it so much easier.”
Jack asked, “So you don’t have any support back on Earth?”
Jane said, “No, it’s just us. We were orphans, so we had to fight just to stay together.”
Jack said, “That sounds like a hard life. No wonder you want to join our new society.”
Jane continued to talk to Jack for the rest of the day. They got to know each other and explored their feelings for the rest of the day.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Progress
The robots on Mars had been very busy while the crew hurtled through space. They built a very familiar looking town on a very alien planet. Once they created the magnetosphere, they got to work building a home for the coming colonists. Snicker and Skittle were self-sufficient and followed their programming to the letter when possible. When not possible, they had the ability to solve problems in order to accomplish their missions.
MARS: Renaissance Page 21