by Sadie Munroe
Star
Holy crap.
Holy.
Crap.
This is actually happening. God, for weeks I’ve wanted Ash, wanted to press myself against him, touch him all over. Now that it’s actually happening I don’t even know where to start.
So I do the only thing I can. I touch him everywhere. Up his arms, under the hem of his shirt, feeling the heat of his skin against mine. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, tugging him closer. I slide the fingers of my good hand through his hair.
A million years pass; a single second. I can’t tell anymore.
And then all of a sudden, we’re moving.
His hands are rubbing up and down my sides as we kiss, making our way, together, step by step, toward my makeshift bedroom. When we’re just inside the door, Ash spins us so that my back is up against the door jamb, and his hands smooth down my sides to my legs. Then, without warning, his hands clasp behind my thighs and he hauls me up. The jamb digs into my back and I wrap my legs around his waist without thinking, a rush of heat shooting through me. I rake my fingers through his hair and jerk his head closer as he presses against me. His body rubbing against mine. Back and forth. Back and forth. It’s driving me crazy.
Moaning, I lick into his mouth one last time, getting lost in the kiss before I pull away enough to drop my legs back down and push him toward the mattress. He stumbles back a bit, grinning at me all cocky. But I can see the way his chest is heaving, the way the muscles of his chest shift and move beneath his skin.
He wants this as badly as I do.
I reach down and grasp the hem of my tank top, and begin pulling it up over my head. The cool air against my overheated skin is delicious and I shiver a little as I shake my hair free and drop the shirt to the floor.
There’s a whimper, and I freeze.
That sound wasn’t from either of us.
I whirl around and find Bruiser just outside the door, staring at me with big eyes.
Ash lets out a laugh behind me, and I look over my shoulder and glare at him before turning back to the dog.
Bruiser’s tail wags back and forth, his doggie smile widening as he realizes he’s gotten my attention. His tail thumps against the wall beside the door, and he pulls himself up out of his seated position just as I smile down at him.
Then I reach over, grab the door and close it gently in his face.
Ash
I bark out a laugh as Bruiser lets out a tiny whimper of confusion on the other side of the door, and turn to Star, raising my eyebrows.
“What?” she says, leaning back against the door, all long limbs and glistening skin. “I’m not letting your dog watch us, you perv.”
“Hey,” I say, and take a step toward her. I want to touch that skin, run my hands all over it. It’s irresistible. “I’ll have you know that Bruiser is a gentleman and a scholar. He would never—” But Star cuts me off before I can finish bullshitting.
“I caught him trying to hump the blow-up Santa in the backyard yesterday,” she says. She’s rolling her eyes but she’s still reaching for me as I get closer. The second my hands touch her skin, rub against it, she seems to almost melt. I press my lips against her throat and her fingers tangle in my hair, pulling at it. God. Damn. This feels good. But it’s Star, and like hell I’m going to give up a chance to bullshit with her.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say, kissing my way up her neck, lingering at her jaw. “Bruiser would never do such a thing.”
She tugs harder on my hair, hard enough that I pull back to look at her. She’s smirking at me. “I also caught him humping the stuffed frog you threw out on Tuesday. Your argument is invalid. Now take off your pants.”
Okay. Maybe I’ll let the bullshitting go. Just this once.
I reach for my belt. “Aye, aye, Cap’n.”
“Wait,” she says, and suddenly my hands aren’t alone, they’re tangled with hers, and her sweet mouth is pressing against my throat. “Let me help.”
I groan and let my head fall back. Fuck. This girl is going to be the death of me. My belt loosens and my jeans drop to the floor next to her shirt. I tilt my head forward and catch her mouth with mine again, tangling my tongue with hers as I reach up and slide my fingers into her hair. It’s thick and silky and it twists between my fingers, almost like it has a mind of its own, like it’s drawing me in. And goddamn, she tastes good. Like the lemonade she was drinking with dinner, and the spearmint gum she chews until it seems like her jaw will crack from it. And something that’s just Star and Star alone. I’ve never tasted anything like it. I’ve always been shit with words, but I’m pretty sure this is what intoxicating means.
It’s rivaling every high I’ve ever fucking had.
Goddamn.
My cock is hard enough to pound nails, and I know she can feel it, the way she’s rubbing her belly against it. I just want to reach down and pick her up, toss her on the mattress behind me and fall down there after her. But she’s two steps ahead of me, and I’ve just barely felt the brush of the mattress against the back of my ankle when I’m suddenly horizontal and she’s standing over me, looking gorgeous and goddamn triumphant.
Jesus.
“So,” she says, reaching down and popping open the button of her cutoffs. I want to chase her fingertips with my teeth, but she seems to be enjoying putting on a show for me, so I lean back on my elbows and watch instead. Her hips wiggle a little as she tugs down her shorts. They slide down her legs like magic and I can’t help but fucking groan at the sight. She’s in her bikini top, her little nipples sticking through like hard candies, and she’s wearing these little panties that look like undies that I wore when I was little, all blue and white with stitching made to look like the front flap. They’re riding low on her hips and look so hot on her I could bust. “Any preferences?”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “That’s a loaded question,” I say and she laughs, taking a step and moving forward until she’s got one knee on the mattress, directly between my damn thighs.
Yeah, I’m definitely going to bust. But if I’m lucky, I’m going to make her bust first. I’m reaching for her before I can even decide where to touch, flat on my back, wrapping my hands around her face and tugging her down so I can press my mouth against hers. She’s leaning over me now, her body pressing down against mine, and I can feel her pulse hammering as I slide my hand up her neck. Goddamn. If this is what sober sex is like, I just found another reason not to touch a drop ever again. My hands are in her hair again, and she’s kissing and rubbing up against me like her life depends on it. That’s when my fingers touch the little bow at the back of her neck.
The bikini top.
I grin against her mouth and start working the knot apart with my fingertips. It loosens way easier than I was expecting, and the strings fall from her shoulders without me even having to touch them. I want to touch, though, so I slide my hands down her neck, down her shoulders, until I have my arms wrapped around her. I want to see her. I want to see every single inch of her, but I suddenly feel like it’s a choice between holding onto her or dying, and I can’t make myself stop touching enough to pull back to look.
She’s a million miles ahead of me again, and her other knee shifts so it’s pressing into the mattress at my side, and she’s clutching at my shoulders, pulling me with her as she rolls over.
Suddenly I’m on top of her, pressing down into her hot little body, and somehow that feels better. Like if I pull away she won’t disappear on me. Like she wants me there, on top of her. And I’ll be damned if I’m not willing to give this girl whatever she wants.
Getting my knees under me, I pull back, smiling as she leans into me, chasing the kiss, and look down.
God. Damn.
Her tits are amazing. I’m leaning down and pressing my mouth to them before I can even think. By the way Star moans and arc
hes into me, she has no problem with my actions. She presses closer to me, and I lap at her breast and suck the tip into my mouth as I reach around her body to tug at the knot at her back. I can feel it come loose, feel her bikini fall away, but she’s moaning and writhing, her fingers pulling at my hair as I suck at her, and I’m so hard I’m dripping through my boxers.
I’m going to die from this.
But goddamn, what a way to go.
Star
We kiss, chest to chest, and it feels like too much and not enough, all at the same time. I run my hands over his shoulders, cup my palms over the back of his neck, thread my fingers up through his hair. I want to touch everywhere. And all at once.
I’m torn between touching forever and rushing full force to the main event, and I press against him as we kiss and kiss and kiss until I can’t stand it anymore. I press my palms against his chest, reveling in the warmth of his skin against mine, and push him away.
He blinks down at me, confused, but I smile and shove him a little farther away, so I have room to move. I turn over onto my belly, and reach across the mattress for the box that I’ve stashed on the other side, the box my no-good interfering roommate sent me. Who I shall love forever and will be given cookies the next time I see her.
I shove the package of markers out of the way, dig past the package of labels and the box of garbage bags, fingers searching and fumbling as I feel Ash’s warm palms cup and squeeze my ass, sending a bolt of heat racing through my entire body. Then finally, finally I lay my fingers on what I’m looking for, and snatch it up. I pull myself up to my knees and turn around to face Ash, holding the condom out to Ash in victory.
“That’s what was in the box from Autumn?” Ash asks, laughing.
My face is on fire. “Shut up,” I say, and toss the condom at him. It hits his chest and falls into his lap before he can catch it. Leaning forward, I press my mouth against his one more time.
“You can either laugh at me,” I say, letting my eyes flutter shut, “or you can put that to good use. What’s it gonna be?”
Suddenly, he’s not laughing anymore. I open my eyes and find him staring down at me, an intensity in his gaze I’ve never seen before. My heart thuds in my chest, heat coiling in my belly, and he reaches out and wraps an arm around my waist, hauling me closer, drawing me into his lap.
This is such a bad idea, a voice in the back of my mind reminds me. It’s not going to last. All you’ll wind up with is a handful of memories and a truckload of heartbreak if you let this happen.
Shut up, I tell the voice as I press my mouth to Ash’s, tangling my fingers in his hair again. He flips me back over so I’m on my back again, his weight a solid, heavy warmth pressing me down into the mattress as he runs his hands over my body.
“You are so fucking hot,” he murmurs against the skin of my neck, trailing kisses as he begins to trace a path down the front of my body. I squirm beneath his touch, fisting my hands in his short hair and tugging.
“Yeah,” I say. “God. Yeah, you, too.” I can’t get enough of him, of his skin against mine. We’re a tangle of hands and arms and flesh gliding hot against flesh, whispered words spoken against sweat and skin.
Then he grabs the condom from where it has fallen in the tangle of blankets, and tears it open as I pull his boxers down his hips. He kicks them off and they go flying over the edge of the bed and disappear from sight just as he reaches down and rolls the condom on. .
And then he’s pressing into me, and it’s hot and slick and a million different feelings all at once.
“Yes.” I breathe the word against his mouth, and as we move together, his lips claim mine once again.
There is no more talking, after that.
***
“So . . . ” Ash says as we lay there afterward, flopped on our backs on the mattress. I’m panting so hard, I can hardly catch my breath. I turn my head and watch as he shifts around so that he’s lying on his side, gazing down at me.
“Mmmhmmm?” This . . . this was amazing. This wasn’t the adolescent fumblings I’d shared with Brick, or the handful of drunken hookups I’d had during freshman year at college. This . . . This was better.
He trails the backs of his fingers up my side. I’m still buzzing with sensation. It feels amazing.
“I just wanted you to know, that this wasn’t . . . that this wasn’t just . . . you know . . . a one-time thing. At least, for me.” He’s staring down, straight into my eyes, and I feel a warm rush through my chest, giving my heart a little lurch. “It wasn’t for me,” he says again, and reaches up and cradles the side of my head with his hand.
I raise my hand and let my fingertips slide across his cheeks, up to his hairline, to tangle behind his head. And I can’t stop smiling as I pull him down to me. I kiss him, and tug him closer to me, press my body up against him as our mouths move together.
Our lips part and my eyes open and I’m looking straight at him when I answer. “It wasn’t just a one-time thing for me, either.”
A little smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “Promise?” he says, but it’s hesitant. Unsure. And his eyes drop from mine. His body tenses. And suddenly I realize that he’s bracing himself for me to shake my head or laugh it off. He’s bracing himself for rejection. My heart does something traitorous in my chest, and I struggle to swallow over the lump that’s forming in my throat.
“Hey,” I say, reaching out and touching the edge of his jaw, tugging his face back up so that he’s looking me in the eye. His gaze flickers back and forth across my face, catching my eyes over and over again as I do the same. I want to look at every bit of him, all at once. I feel like I could look forever, and it still wouldn’t be enough. I lean forward and press my mouth to his. “I promise,” I whisper as we part, and he smiles but even then it doesn’t quite meet his eyes.
“Hey,” I say again, because he’s not getting it. He doesn’t believe me. So I do the only thing I can; I bring my left hand up between us, holding my pinkie out to him. That makes the half-smile he was sporting turn full-fledged, and we’re both grinning like idiots as he reaches up and links his finger with mine and we waggle our linked hands back and forth, cementing the deal.
Then I kiss him again, just to make it official.
Chapter 16
Ash
This…this is nice.
Fuck. There’s that word again. Nice.
Before the crash, before everything that happened and all the shit that followed, I’d never really thought about what I wanted my life to look like. And when I did, what I brought to mind sure as hell wasn’t this. I always thought I’d be some famous goddamn artist, drinking and doing whatever drug I could get my hands on, living my life in the moment.
But this moment, this single snapshot in a day with Star, it’s nice. Spending our day together, fucking in her bed, dozing off next to each other. It’s nothing I’d ever thought I’d want for the long term. But now that I have it, I don’t want it to end. Five years ago, if someone had told me that this would be the fucking highlight of my life, I’d have laughed my ass off. I was an idiot five years ago. Star, these moments I have with her? They make me want more. They make me want to do better. To be better. Hell, just being here with her, walking my stupid mutt down the road with her next to me, it makes something in me tug. Like there’s a fishing hook looped behind my navel, and every time she turns her head and smiles at me, I feel drawn toward her, like she’s reeling me in.
We’d woken up this morning like we had for the past two weeks, in bed next to one another, me trailing my hands over her body, though her hair, her nuzzling into my chest, clinging to me like I’m something important. Something special. I’ve never felt special to anyone before. I kissed her head and run my fingers down her naked skin, over all the colors and designs she’d let me mark her with after we’d had sex. Her body was this gorgeous canvas, covered in my sketches. She was
fucking beautiful.
Then she’d yawned and pressed her lips to mine, mumbling something about coffee before pulling herself up and wandering naked into the kitchen, and I’d been struck like lightning with a single thought.
She’s fucking perfect for me.
And she is. She really is, and there’s a war waging in my chest, because I know she’s leaving and it’s tearing me up inside.
I’ve finally found the perfect girl for me, and I’m going to have to let her go.
It fucking sucks.
That was hours ago, and I’m still reeling. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Luckily, though, if Star notices I’m acting different around her, she isn’t saying anything. Instead she smiles at me as we make our way down the street, our fingers tangled together. As we turn the corner, Bruiser tries to make a dash after a giant orange cat that crosses his path, jerking on the leash hard enough that I have to drop Star’s hand and use both of my own just to keep him from racing off after that freaking giant cat. Seriously, that damn thing is easily twice the size a cat should be. Apparently the good people of the neighborhood don’t know the word restraint when it comes to feeding their pets. The thing practically waddles as it walks. Its tail whipping back and forth in the breeze, almost as if it’s mocking us, and Bruiser starts losing his shit, barking his fool head off as the cat trundles away like it doesn’t have a care in the world. Like it didn’t just almost run out of luck and meet its damn maker.
“Stupid cat,” I mutter, shaking my head as I pull back on Bruiser’s leash. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I tell my dog. “You want to chase the pussy. I don’t blame you.”