Ghost of Christmas Past

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Ghost of Christmas Past Page 8

by King, Rebecca


  “What do you think? I mean, do you think they intended to shoot him, or you?” She just had to know what Rupert had been up to that would make anyone want him dead.

  “I think that it may have been for me. My associates at the War Office, and the Star Elite, are making enquiries but, as far as I am aware, your uncle is highly regarded by practically everyone. Those who don’t hold him in high esteem don’t know him or have never heard of him. While we go about our work though Thea, it is imperative that you remain indoors and only go out when Marcus and I are able to escort you. John is not well enough to travel anywhere so, unless there is somewhere really important that you need to go over the next few days that can’t wait, stay inside where it is warm. Relax and enjoy having Argus look after you. I am sure that John would love the company. I will be taking turns with Marcus to keep watch on this place day and night, so some days will be around and others, Marcus will be here. If you need me and I am not in the house then just leave a note with Argus and I will come and find you.”

  “Is all of this really necessary?” Thea asked doubtfully. It seemed all very cloak and dagger and totally out of place for somewhere as peacefully austere as Ridings.

  “I am afraid that it is. The Star Elite have spent several years tracking down several French spies who have been smuggled into the country. They have used a network of French and English people within the country to adopt false identifications and work to uncover many of the country’s secrets.”

  “Such as what?”

  “Ships the navy has at port at its disposal; troops who are mustering at various barracks; all sorts of things. They gather the information and send it back to France to give the enemy some indication of what is heading their way.”

  Thea shivered at the callous disregard for human life that Rupert seemed to accept as run of the mill. It wasn’t that he was blasé about what he was saying it was just that he was so used to dealing with such things that he didn’t think anything of it.

  “I am sorry, Thea. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He wished he had kept the finer details to himself when he sensed her disquiet.

  “No, I am glad that you told me, really I am. It just gives me the chills to think that this goes on in our own country. That these foreigners move amongst us and we don’t even know it.” The callousness of shooting somebody in cold blood was something she could never bring herself to understand, and she was very glad of it.

  “It sounds very difficult,” she replied sadly.

  “It is but you get used to it.” He took a sip of his wine and began to eat.

  “What made you choose the army?” Thea asked into the silence with a thoughtful frown. In a valiant attempt to try to avoid the issue of their past she expanded on her question. “I mean, as opposed to the navy. Why the army?”

  Rupert’s lips twisted wryly. “It had the closest barracks. The navy was too far away and I needed to do something before I ended up drinking myself to death.”

  Thea frowned at that. She couldn’t ever imagine someone like Rupert allowing anything to bother him to such an extent that he felt driven to drink to forget. Not even four years ago when he had the world at his feet and an air of arrogance that came with someone who was wealthy and entitled.

  “I am glad that you have recovered sufficiently well to be able to get about by yourself.”

  “It has been a hard won battle, Rupert. Even now, whenever it gets cold, I struggle with stiffness and, if I forget my injuries and move too quickly, I am apt to fall over but I am lucky in as much that I am at least able to walk. For several months after the accident I didn’t think that it would be possible.”

  “I want you to understand that when you had the accident, my life also changed completely and went in a direction I could never have foreseen. I came to see you after the accident but was only allowed in once or twice. You were heavily sedated with laudanum because of the pain so weren’t even aware that I was there. Then, about a month after the accident, I arrived at the doctor’s office and heard you. You were in considerable pain.” Her cries had echoed around the walls of the doctor’s house and had been so pitiful that he could still hear them to this day. “I asked to see you but the doctor wouldn’t allow it. I came by each day still, but was never allowed in. My father kept sending me notes demanding that I return to Bainbridge, but I couldn’t stand the thought of it. He even came to the inn to see me but I refused to answer the door. In the end, I tried to force my way in to see you but was told that you had refused to see anybody. I pleaded with your uncle, but he stalwartly refused to budge on the issue. Then one day, when I arrived at the doctor’s office I was told that you had asked to move to the country to continue your recovery. I don’t know if you had gone by then but, in spite of my best efforts I couldn’t get any details about where you were or how you were. I was eventually told that John had left the tavern in the village but nobody knew where he had gone. With no idea of where you had disappeared to I was left with little choice but to accept that I had lost you. I left the doctor’s office with my world in pieces. One moment we had been destined to wed, the next I not only had to deal with the news that you had been badly injured, but then to lose you as well.” He shook his head sadly. “I hadn’t been able to do a damned thing about it. I didn’t know what to do or what to think. I ignored all of my father’s demands to return to Bainbridge, and moved to the nearest large town where I found an inn and took to my room with several bottles. I eventually sobered up and realised that I could either go home and live a shadow of a life I didn’t want, or go my own way before my father disinherited me completely. I used the last of the funds I had available and bought myself a commission to the army.”

  “But you didn’t want to marry me,” Thea protested with a frown. She remembered the conversation she had overheard the night before the wedding between Rupert and his father. When Rupert merely looked at her blankly she knew that he had no idea what she was talking about. She took a fortifying sip of her wine and slowly began to recount the awful meeting she had overheard that had shaken her to her core.

  ********

  “I have said that I will go along with it and I will. Just leave Thea to me,” Rupert growled and glared belligerently across the width of his desk.

  “The contacts have all been signed. All you have to do is turn up at the church, say the words in the right place and return here for the celebrations. As soon as the guests have left you and Thea can take up residence in Weatherby. Her parents have already moved into the Dower house.”

  “We have already been through this father, so what is your point?”

  “The point is that this marriage isn’t a love match, we know that, but you have a duty to this family to ensure that we are not sullied in any way, shape or form. That includes tarnishing your reputation with that odious mistress of yours.”

  “I have told you that Barbara is my business, not yours. Leave her to me.”

  “I am just saying.”

  “I am just saying too. I will deal with Barbara. That is nothing to do with you.”

  “I know you don’t want to marry Thea, but she is more your age and will give you the children you need to fulfil your duties to the family name. Do what you want about your mistress, but keep it discrete. Your shenanigans around town have already drawn the censure of the gossips. Don’t put them into a position where they will ridicule Thea any more than they already are.”

  Sensing movement in the hallway beside her, Thea had hurried into the Library and struggled to contain the fierce trembling that had shaken her so badly that she had been forced to sit down for several long moments to gather herself. She had known all along that Rupert’s affections were already engaged elsewhere, but to hear it from his own lips struck deep into her heart and she knew with absolute certainty that her future was doomed.

  ********

  “I will admit that when my father first approached me about getting married I was completely opposed to the idea, but that w
as before I had even met you. My father objected to my being in London and had tried several times to get me to return to Bainbridge and take over the running of the estate. Until then I had refused to bow to his dictates. However, I knew that I also had a duty to the family name and so agreed to at least take a look at you at the Abernathy’s ball.”

  He smiled wryly as he remembered the first time he had seen her across the crowded ballroom. His heart had pounded and he, like many eligible bachelors there, had been unable to take his eyes off her as she had stood beside the far wall of the ballroom in a beautiful white ball gown that had emphasised her narrow waist and gently rounded bust. Only the bravest few had dared ventured anywhere near such a fragile and captivating beautiful but, although it was still relatively early in the evening, her dance card had been full and he had been left to watch her from a distance.

  Still, he had seen enough to know that she was definitely someone he wanted to get to know considerably better and he had taken the first step toward securing their union right there and then by parting company with his mistress, Barbara.

  He grew aware that Thea was studying him with a strange look on her face and turned to meet her gaze.

  “I agreed to meet you at Weatherby a couple of weeks later. As time progressed and I got to know you I realised that I wanted to marry you, irrespective of whether contracts were drawn up or not and agreed to the marriage before we left the Abernathy’s. Unfortunately, by the time I got back to Bainbridge, my father and yours had already signed the contracts and put a price on our nuptials. It was horrific really and, now that I look back at it, I should have put a stop to their machinations. At the time though, I saw it as a means to an end.” He smiled sadly at her. “I knew that you didn’t want the marriage, Thea. I am no fool and could sense your reluctance, even though our parents put it down to pre-wedding nerves and youthful innocence. I just thought that by allowing the contracts to be drawn up, you would have little choice but to go through with the wedding in spite of your reservations. It was ridiculous really, but there was little else I could do except ensure that the wedding took place. We were never alone long enough before the wedding for you to take me into your confidence, or for me to be able to assure you that it was what I wanted.”

  Thea’s snort left her before she could stop it. Although she didn’t say anything, he knew that she wasn’t convinced.

  “You don’t believe me.”

  “It isn’t that I don’t believe your version of things Rupert, it is just that I saw things very differently. We both know that our marriage was an arranged one based on what our parents wanted, not what we wanted. You and I were merely pawns in their game. Our parents would have benefitted from the union more than us.” She hated to allow the memories to surface and felt a familiar dark shadow settle over her as she remembered the past she would much rather forget, but she had to get things out into the open.

  “While I was struggling to come to terms with the severity of my injuries at the doctor’s office, my mother turned up. I was already in a lot of pain but she stormed in and demanded that I go through with the wedding as soon as I was able to sit up. She rambled on about not losing the contracts; they were too valuable, but I didn’t pay all that much attention. At the time, I didn’t know whether I would be able to walk again and couldn’t bear the thought of being anyone’s burden. Frances being Frances caused a scene, obviously, and made such a ruckus that the doctor refused to allow anyone to see me after that. If it had been left to Frances, I would have had a wedding at my bedside, in spite of the fact that you could have been lumbered with a cripple for the rest of your life. After overhearing your conversation about Barbara with my own ears, I knew that something had to change. It was then that I decided to just get away from everything and everyone. There was nothing more the doctor could do for me anyway and so I asked Uncle John to make arrangements for me to leave for the country. As soon as the house was ready, I was heavily dosed with laudanum, taken to a carriage and relocated to the lodge in Leicestershire. It was far enough away that Frances would never think to find me there, yet close enough that I didn’t need to travel for days in discomfort. Given what had happened the night before the wedding,” she hesitated but ploughed on anyway. “When you made it clear that you wanted your mistress, I knew that in all conscience I couldn’t saddle you with a wife who couldn’t walk. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to me because of the contracts or my injuries. So I decided to get away from all of it and Uncle John helped me.”

  Rupert lifted his hand to silence her and stared hard at her. “What do you mean, what happened the night before the wedding? The conversation with my father? I never made it clear that I wanted to keep Barbara. If I recall that conversation I told my father to leave her to me to deal with.” His heart hammered in his throat and he studied her closely but knew deep in his heart of hearts what she was about to say. He was stunned. Simply stunned.

  “I didn’t mean then.” Thea slowly shook her head. She wished now she hadn’t said anything. “I meant later.” The last thing she wanted to do now was confess that it had been her who had climbed into his bed the night before the wedding and allowed him to take the pleasures of a married man before they had even said ‘I do’. When she made no attempt to expand on her announcement, Rupert leaned across the table and tipped her chin upward until her eyes met and held his.

  “Tell me, Thea,” his words were husky yet determined and he bit back a sigh of frustration when she merely continued to stare at him. “It was you, wasn’t it? The night before the wedding, it was you who climbed into my bed.”

  Thea nodded and pulled her chin out of his reach. Her fingers were clenched tightly around her wine glass and she stared blankly down at the table as the memory of that night came flooding back with such sensual force that she immediately wanted to cry.

  “Good God, Thea, why the hell didn’t you wake me up before you left?” he whispered. Anger rose so quickly that he pushed away from the table and put more logs onto the fire in an attempt to bring himself under control.

  “I couldn’t,” she whispered feeling shame and humiliation that was as acute as it had been the night her world had been shattered by his careless words.

  “Of course you could. We were due to be married. If you cannot talk to me after what we shared, who could you turn to?” He didn’t bother to try to keep his temper out of his voice.

  Thea sighed and began to fee her own patience wane. “You fell asleep.”

  “Then you should have woken me up,” Rupert retorted sharply.

  “What for? You made it perfectly clear that you wanted that woman you were, you were -” She was aware that she was waving her hand ineffectually toward him but manners prevented her from actually saying the word aloud.

  “Is that why you refused to see me after the accident? Were you embarrassed? Did I hurt you when we made love, Thea? Was that it? Were you repulsed by me; by what we did?” He had barely finished before she was shaking her head.

  “It was nothing like that,” she snapped. “I told you why, Rupert. Please believe me about that.”

  “Then why, Thea, why?” he demanded and gave her shoulders a rough shake. His voice dipped with a mixture of anger and frustration. He had never hurt a woman in his life and wasn’t about to start now but he had to get to the truth while it was so close and he felt as though they were so very close to resolving what had actually gone so horribly wrong all that time ago.

  “You wanted Barbara,” Thea repeated, fighting tears.

  “I wanted you. I agreed to marry you, Thea, not her. You were the one I wanted, Thea. You,” he ground out through gritted teeth but Thea had had enough and shoved hands off her shoulders roughly before she turned away.

  “Because when you, you,” once again she waved her hand ineffectually toward him and took a deep breath. Her voice dropped to a monotone and she studied him across a few feet that in reality felt like several miles. “At the end when you – finished, you shouted
out Barbara’s name.” There was no accusation in her voice, merely a cold declaration, but the stiff way she held herself warned him just how deeply she had been hurt by it.

  He closed his eyes on a bitter curse and thought of all of the years of misery that had passed. Now he knew. It had been Thea and he had hurt her in the worst possible way. Unsurprisingly, when opened his eyes to talk to her, he found the space before him empty and the doorway that led to the hall wide open. She had gone.

  With bitterness in his heart, he slumped down in one of the chairs before the fire and dropped his head into his hands.

  What now?

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  At first Rupert absorbed the silence of the room while he tried to put his thoughts into some semblance of order. He allowed her to retreat to the safety of her room because right now they both needed a few moments to gather themselves. However, the horrible realisation then dawned that they had been down this route before. The last time she had retreated behind closed doors he had been prevented from seeing her for four long years.

  Although opening up the old wounds from the past hurt, and brought forth a lot of bitter and very painful memories, they were so close to being able to resolve everything and forge some sort of future together that he realised it was foolish to let her go anywhere, even to the relative safety of her bedroom.

  With a sigh he pushed to his feet and within minutes was stalking up the stairs after her. He didn’t bother to knock and let himself in. The sight of her standing bereft in the centre of the room unmanned him but he wasn’t going to be deterred from having this out with her.

  “Look, Thea, while I can understand that this is a difficult matter for you to discuss too, we need to get it out into the open.” He was shaken by the sight of the tears on her face but struggled to find a way to comfort her. When words failed him he walked forward and drew her gently into his arms. “My work in the Star Elite has taught me many things. I have seen death and destruction and terrible injuries brought about by war. I have killed, maimed and fought to stay alive, Thea, you need to know that.”

 

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