"A new world’s record." Jessica was warmed by this news, so happy for her friend, and a small flame of hope burned within her. She took the blanket and gave Roxanne a warm smile. "I can’t wait to meet him."
Exhausted, Jessica soon fell into bed after making arrangements for Roxie to give her a lift to Mac’s on her way to work in the morning. At the very least, she thought, I have to get my car.
~ * ~
"Thanks for driving me over here. God! Roxie, I am such a wreck! What if she’s there?"
Roxie turned the "lipstick red" Trans Am into the long private drive leading to Mac’s house. "She won’t be there now. And you have every right to be. Everything you own is in that house. You should have called, though." She stopped near the front door. Jessica sat, distraught, looking at the house she loved so much. "Uh, Jess, I know you’re apprehensive about this, but…I’m kinda late for work."
"I’m sorry, Roxie. I’m going. Just wait until I get in, to make sure he hasn’t changed the locks."
"Don’t be ridiculous."
Jessica turned her key, and the door opened easily. She waved Roxie off.
I’m just going to get my car keys and go, she thought in terror. Then I’ll call him later and we can arrange to meet to resolve…to resolve what?
She crept into the kitchen. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. "Mac?" she called out, softly, her voice tight with emotion. No answer. The house seemed to be empty. On a whim, she went back outside and jogged over to the garage, unlocking the side door and peeking in. Both Mac’s BMW and his truck were there, along with her precious little car, now under a canvas cover. She lifted up the corner to be sure. The blue paint nearly glistened with polish, and she remembered leaving the car dusty and dull. So where was he? Running, probably. Good, I can be in and out before he returns.
She went back to the house and quickly trotted down the hall to "her" room. Nothing here had changed, except that a small stack of mail was on the dresser. She grabbed a couple of garments from the closet, then picked up the mail and returned to the kitchen. Smelling coffee, she noticed an almost full pot of fresh brew in the coffee maker. She frowned. Mac never brewed coffee for himself. While wondering about this new mystery, she gazed past the family room through the back windows to the pool, full and sparkling clean. Intrigued, she went out the back sliding doors to inspect this miracle. She bent down and tested the water with her fingers. Warm. Mac’s been busy, she thought, then jumped at the sound of tires on the gravel near the garage.
She stood up just as Mac dismounted from his twelve speed mountain bike at the side garage door. Panting, his Minnesota State tank shirt soaked, he stared wordlessly at her across the yard.
Jessica cleared her throat. "Hi," she called tentatively.
"Welcome back."
Not welcome home, Jessica thought. He took the bicycle into the garage and returned just as she reached the back porch. He followed her to the kitchen.
Oh, my God, what am I going to say now? Jessica’s mind was frozen with panic. This was it, the moment she had gone over and over during the last two weeks. "You made coffee," she started. "Expecting someone?"
"Yeah. You." His tone was non-committal. "You stayed with Roxie?"
"Well, she picked me up. I got in late last night."
"How was the flight?"
Jessica shrugged. "Fine, I guess. I slept most of the way," she lied. She poured herself a cup of coffee. "I don’t suppose you want any right now?" she offered, glancing at his damp shirt and the perspiration on his face. His hair was awry from the ride, but his face was clean shaven. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the opposite counter, silently watching her.
"How are you?" Jessica asked softly. Boy, I’m original, she thought sourly.
"I’m…" Mac shrugged slightly. "I’m fair. You?"
I’m a complete and utter wreck.
"Fine." She wet her lips. "The pool looks great, Mac,"
…and so do you…
"Big job. They just finished a couple of days ago."
Their trite conversation was unnerving Jessica, and her fingers trembled while holding her cup. She prayed he wouldn’t notice. "So, how did you know I was back?" she asked quietly.
"Our pal Pierce woke me up this morning on the phone looking for you," he answered flatly. "I had no idea you were back." His tone was mildly accusing.
On edge, Jessica became instantly defensive. "I would have called you, but I thought you might be busy with, you know…other things." She looked down at the cup.
At her comment Mac sighed in disgust, raking his fingers through the locks above his ears in frustration. "You called here Wednesday afternoon, didn’t you?" It was more of a fact than a question.
Jessica put the cup in the sink. "I have to go." She hurriedly gathered the mail and her keys, and started for the door. Quickly Mac stepped ahead of her, blocking her way.
"Jessica, it’s not what you think."
"Please, Mac, I have to go." She tried to go around him, afraid to hear his explanation. She nearly ran through the door, her panic heightened by his closeness.
"Jessie, we have to talk," he demanded, following her to the garage. "Don’t go."
She pulled the cover off the Miata and carefully, if hastily, folded it up and put it on a shelf above the car. "The car looks super, Mac, thanks," she murmured, then got into the driver’s seat.
He stood next to the car, angry and exasperated. "Pierce’s waiting for your call. He plans to be back tomorrow, so you won’t have long to wait." His bitter tone was not lost on Jessie. She flashed him an angry look and tore down the driveway, leaves flying furiously around her tires. Mac cursed loudly and kicked at the gravel in rage.
Jessica crossed the Valley and headed for the beach. She drove north and didn’t stop until she reached Santa Barbara, where she rode around aimlessly. In Montecito, she found herself parked at the place where she’d picnicked with Mac. It seemed an eternity ago.
Her thoughts were jumbled and painful. Did Mac know about her night with Dane? Could Dane have possibly been so awful as to mention it to Mac? Had this new woman in Mac’s life changed everything? She remembered, now vividly, the feel of his lips that day in the hospital, the slow and tender way he had kissed her. Oh God, this can’t be happening. I can’t lose Mac.
She drove inland and joined Interstate 5, then turned back south. It was late afternoon, and she took the Frazier Park turnoff that led to the mountain resort area just north of the Valley. Two hours later, she had signed an agreement for a month’s rental of a small hillside cabin with a large front deck overlooking a lake and golf course.
Jessica closed the door after the realty agent left and went to sit in the early evening hues of the sunset that warmed the deck. A small sense of accomplishment encouraged her. At least she had a place to stay, alone, for awhile. But she would eventually need her television and answering machine. Not to mention her entire wardrobe!
She glanced vacantly through the envelopes she had picked up at Mac’s; closing bills, mostly, on her utilities, junk mail and two personal letters. In surprise, she recognized the handwriting on the envelopes as Wesley’s. She quickly opened and read them both.
In the earlier one, Wesley was brief and almost formal. He was coming to L.A. to look for work, would she like to get together? If so, there was a number to call. In the second, the tone was depressing and sad. He was not only out of work, but sounded despondent over the break up with a girlfriend; and he was losing his home to foreclosure. Jessie frowned at the sadness of this news. Poor Wes…she wished she could help him, but in truth, she just couldn’t involve herself in anything right now. She put the letters into an empty kitchen drawer.
There was no phone service yet, so she decided she had better drive to Roxie’s and at least pick up her luggage.
"Where in the world have you been?" Roxie’s voice was a mixture of relief and irritation. "I’ve been worried sick."
Jessica colored. Roxie had a guest, and her e
vening was obviously ruined by Jessica’s disappearance.
"Sorry, Rox, I just went for a drive."
"Dane’s called twice and Mac once. They are both worried about you. God knows why…I know you can take care of yourself, but Mac said you were upset when you left."
"I rented a place. It’s near Frazier Park, just for a month or so, until I decide what to do." She glanced up as Roxanne’s friend emerged from the kitchen. "I’m so sorry, really, I should’ve found a phone and called you…I didn’t think anyone would notice."
"Didn’t think, huh?" Roxie sniffed. She turned to Tom, who was amusedly watching the scene unfold. "My best friend, Jessica Taylor," she offered, "Jess, this is Tom."
Roxanne’s gentleman friend stood and extended his hand. Another tall one, Jessie thought, shaking his hand. And in the moment she grasped his hand, she knew he was the right man for Roxie. He had dark, curly brown hair and a full mustache, and warm, genuine brown eyes.
"Happy to meet you. And, happy you’re alive," he said with a wink and a smile. Jessica’s response was pre-empted by Roxie.
"Jess, get on the phone and call them back. Both of them." Her words were an order, not a suggestion.
"Roxie--"
"At least call Mac. Jessie," she pulled Jessica aside to the kitchen and her voice became a whisper. "Mac’s in a bad way. I’ve never heard him sound like this. I could care less if you call Pierce or not. But Mac…"
Tightness constricted Jessica’s chest until she could hardly breath. Roxie was right, of course, but how could she call him? She picked up Roxie’s phone, and Roxie went back to the living room. She dialed Dane’s home number and at Peter’s answer, asked him to let Dane know she was doing fine and that she’d call him after he returned.
Peter was happy to comply. Calling Mac would be a different story. She went to Roxie’s bedroom and picked up the French phone on the nightstand. Numbly she dialed Mac’s number, remembering the last time she’d done so. On the third ring, he answered. She wanted to hang up, to prepare something to say, but his voice had already grabbed her heart.
"Hi, Mac, it’s me," she said quietly, calmly.
A long sigh. "You okay?"
"Sure. I drove up to Santa Barbara. I’m okay."
"Jessie, come home. We need to talk." He sounded tense.
"Mac, I need to get my stuff." She cleared her throat. "I rented a place today."
Silence on the line.
"I can come by when it’s convenient for you." Jessica rushed the words out before she lost her nerve.
Finally, he spoke. "If that’s what you want." He paused, and Jessica squeezed her eyes tightly shut, anticipating his next words. "Now would be convenient."
She had never heard this hardness in his voice before. It scared her. "I can’t come now. It’s late…tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow evening then. I won’t be home until seven. Feel free to let yourself in."
"Okay. I’ll see you then." Jessie bit her lip and recradled the phone.
~ * ~
Saturday morning dawned foggy and cool. Jessica drove Roxie to the cabin in the woods, and the two of them rearranged the furniture and stocked the kitchen with food. Later, they took a hike up the mountain together, letting Jessica’s problems take a back seat to the beautiful scenery and peaceful atmosphere.
"I love it here," Jessica sighed as they sat on a fallen log near the top. "I hate to go back."
"You shouldn’t hate to--the cabin’s adorable."
"Yeah, I know. I’m just dreading facing Mac. I don’t know what’s going to happen. He is really, really angry with me."
"What in the world could he be mad about?"
"I’ve had nothing else on my mind for weeks. I think…I think we got too close. I think I scared him by being so clingy down in Amande. And worse, my hysteria over his…friend. Mac’s not ready for someone like me to drop into his life. I love him dearly, as a friend, and I regret blowing it with him." Her voice was sad.
"As a friend?" Roxie repeated quietly. "Jessica, this is Roxanne. Can you honestly tell me you’re not attracted to Mac…as more than a friend?"
Jessica closed her eyes. Her movie-screen imagination flashed Mac, yesterday morning, leaning against the counter; his runner’s legs, the taut, muscular chest breathing hard from his morning ride; the sensitive, concerned eyes. She remembered suddenly how she used to tease him about showering too much and his obsession with keeping his hands and nails clean. Men’s hands had always fascinated her, and Mac’s were perfect.
Then the picture changed and went back to the hospital room in Amande, the scene that had played again and again, endlessly in the weeks that had followed. "I won’t leave you, Jess." And the kiss. The mind boggling, unexpected rush of emotion that had changed everything.
"Why?" she murmured to herself. She stared across the pines, now lost in thought and mindless of Roxanne. "We joked about having slept together," she whispered. A desire suddenly engulfed her, a desire to see him and talk to him and get everything straightened out. She wanted to be able to touch him without fear and smile and laugh with him again. She sighed, wondering if things could ever be the same.
They hiked back down, a more difficult feat, they decided, than the climb. After one last look around, they locked up and headed back to the Valley.
She had trouble deciding what to wear, since she only had a few suitable items with her. Roxie brought out a pair of cream colored slacks and a fuzzy peach sweater, and although the pants were slightly loose in the hips, Jessica was satisfied with the look. It was six o’clock, and they threw together a salad and waited.
"Tom and I are flying to Tahoe next weekend," Roxie told her.
"Ooohh…sounds like fun." Jessica toyed with the salad, her mind obviously wandering away.
"It will be," Roxie sang. Looking across the table at Jessica, she suddenly waved her hand in front of her face. "Yoo hoo, Miss Taylor, forget your lines?"
"I wonder what he did today. He doesn’t work on Saturdays."
"And you’re thinking he’s with her."
Now Jessica looked up at Roxie’s face expectantly.
"There’s a million things he could have done today. You are being hysterical. And you can quit looking at your watch," Roxie suggested. "It’s six forty-five. It’s at least a half hour’s drive."
Jessica went to the bathroom to freshen her make up and hair. She nervously started to bite her nails, then laughed and called out to Roxie: "I can’t even bite my nails, they’re plastic!" referring to the acrylic nails applied in the Caribbean.
"You look great, except for the hickey on your neck," Roxie advised. In horror, Jessica looked back into the mirror. She blushed, remembering the wild night on the sand. She borrowed some makeup and covered the mark sufficiently, she hoped.
~ * ~
It was dark when she arrived at Mac’s. He was indeed home, and answered her knock at the door. She could sense immediately that his mood had changed from the day before, and she followed him through the family room and outside to the pool. Candles were burning at a patio table where he had obviously just been sitting.
"It’s beautiful, Mac," she spoke of the pool, now lit for nighttime, and the surrounding Malibu lights in the garden. With an inside smile she remembered suggesting he get it finished, so she could swim. She sat down and allowed him to pour her a glass of Bailey’s. "The good stuff, huh?" she joked, unintentionally letting down her guard.
He picked up his glass and held it up to toast. "To…tomorrow," he said simply, "and your new place."
Jessica stiffened slightly but sipped the drink, trying hard to control her anxiety.
"So, where is it?" he inquired. "Your place?"
"In the mountains. It’s just a little cabin, actually."
"Santa Barbara?"
"Mount Pinos."
"Ah…nice area. I skied there once."
A bit of quiet. Then, "When would you like to move your things?"
"Any time…" she answered softly.<
br />
"Next Saturday okay? I’m going to be pretty busy during the week."
Jessica took another swallow, then cleared her voice. "Look, Mac. About yesterday--"
His hand went to her wrist, the long fingers wrapping gently around it. Her pulse quickened and then seemed to stop, as if her heart had paused to listen also. He leaned slightly forward. "Let’s forget it, okay?"
"But you were right, Mac, we do have to talk about…things." Her voice was small and hesitant.
"There will be time for that." He seemed certain and confident, and Jessica was awash with relief. Except…except his hand was moving from her wrist to her hand, which he took and held in both of his. "Just--don’t--run away again." He had her attention and knew it. Her face burned. "If you do, I won’t be your best friend." The serious brown eyes had a serious message for her, despite his childlike warning.
"You ran first." She’d said it before she could stop herself. He slowly released her hand and stood up, walking toward the pool with his back to her. Jessica was in turmoil, and she began to shake from the adrenaline surging throughout her body. Things had been going so well.
"You’re absolutely right." He spoke to the pool. "The situation down there was making me face things I wasn’t ready to. Unfortunately, my ego and my reason sometimes clash, especially when it comes to people I care about."
Jessica sat frozen in her seat. It was all she could do not to jump up and throw herself on him.
He returned to the table, offering a brief smile. "I’m sorry, I’m being melodramatic. I guess I’m on camera too much."
Still trembling, Jessie feigned a calm she couldn’t begin to feel. Mac again took her hand, pressing it firmly between his.
"I’m sorry about yesterday, too. It wasn’t you I was mad at." He brushed her fingertips with his lips. "It was me."
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