Next to her, I felt desolate in my high-waist denim jean shorts and boring white tank top over my modest one-piece swimsuit, my hair tossed up in a ponytail with no makeup on my face.
“This is Paige, Grady’s girlfriend. Annaka is foolishly with Gordon, although hopefully she wises up soon—“ Tessa said, her voice carrying over clearly.
“Hey! I heard that!” Gordon yelled out, scowling at Tessa. She flipped him off and he grinned.
“And Samantha is Tommy’s friend,” Tessa continued. “Ladies, this is Elle.”
I tuned out, gazing over to where my son stood. I felt awkward, leaning against my ATV between the two groups of people, but Aiden was enjoying hanging out with the guys without my involvement, and I wasn’t comfortable or assertive enough to march over to the girls and interject myself into their conversation. It almost was a perfect analogy for my life.
It was hard to relate to women in and around my age who weren’t moms, and it was hard to relate to the women older than me that were.
We ended up waiting another fifteen minutes for Travis to finally show up, solo without so much as a bodyguard. Hope bloomed once again in my chest, and I dropped my gaze to my worn rubber boots.
Once his ATV was unloaded off his massive truck, we got ready to hit the trails.
“Come on bud, it’s got to be tighter than that,” I told Aiden, tightening the strap on his helmet so it sat more securely.
“Mom, stop. I can do it myself,” he pleaded, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
“You’re only seven, you can’t be embarrassed by me already,” I frowned, a little hurt.
“I’m not,” he assured me, looking up at me with his bright blue eyes. “I can just do it myself now.” Aiden hated the idea of hurting someone’s feelings. He hugged me before racing over to the Trailrover ATV that Brock and Braden had bought him for his birthday the year before.
Brock led the way with Hunter running alongside him. Tessa followed, with Elle as her passenger. I waited until everyone else had followed before I motioned for Aiden to go. His youth size ATV was slower than the others, and I didn’t want him getting accidentally run over.
Travis waited until everyone else had gone too. He sent me a long look full of promise before following after Gordon and Annaka.
“Go slowly, Aiden,” I cautioned, my heart in my throat as I watched him zip along the trails.
I’d started driving regular sized ATVs at his age at my grandpa’s, but it was different when it was your child. The amount of anxiety that accompanied fun adventures like this was suffocating. But to their credit, everyone was cautious of my seven-year old, not riding as hard or as fast as I knew they usually did.
It took ten minutes to get to our regular mudding spot in the clearing. We rode through the swampy area, so everyone’s legs were covered in mud by the time we made it to the clearing. Aiden was grinning widely, his face caked in mud. He was the kind of child who could have a blast with kids or adults.
Near the end of Brock’s section of property was a clearing, and Brock and his friends had created a large track there with miniature jumps for their dirt bikes and ATVs. When I was fourteen, I’d tagged along a few times, but it was my first time going in years.
The clearing had a couple of springs underneath running through it, but the ground wasn’t as muddy due to the lack of rain. I relaxed a little, trying to lessen the ferocious hold on my mom reins.
We took turns running the track and eating sandwiches. Aiden hooted and hollered when the guys called for a race. I let Elle borrow my ATV, knowing she could handle it. She beat Braden, a wave of mud splashing him directly in the face.
After winning, she paused to gloat before pressing hard on the gas and shooting forward, driving back to where I was waiting with Aiden. I’d made him take another break to drink more water, and he was pestering me to race.
“Come on Mom! Just one race? PLEASE!?” he pleaded, his blue eyes wide with hope.
“I don’t know, Aiden,” I said, uncertainty ringing in my voice. Aiden had only been riding ATVs for a year, and his youth sized one likely wouldn’t hold up against the other, more powerful machines. I didn’t want him to be disappointed, or get hurt trying to keep up with the adults.
“But Mom!” he whined, pouting. “Even the girls got to race!”
“Hey now, that’s not fair,” Elle frowned, a hand on her hip. “Why are you using us girls as an example here, kid? Girls have every right to race. Hell, we’re better than your uncle!”
“I know,” Aiden replied sheepishly, his pout growing as he kicked at the dirt. “But I’m seven now! I can race too! I bet I’d beat Uncle Braden. It doesn’t look hard at all!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his response.
“You can race me, little man,” Travis offered, grinning at Aiden. He ran a hand through his wavy, dark blond locks. My eyes shot to his, and I frowned.
“Now I really don’t know,” I scowled, angry at the frantic beating of my heart, and at his intervention. It was unwanted…and yet, it felt right.
“I promise, it’ll be fine,” Travis assured me, his eyes lingering on my face. A look of longing passed across his features. I sighed heavily, my lips lifting in a reluctant, tight smile.
“Fine, just one loop,” I told Aiden, trying to maintain my authority. It was challenging; the look Travis had sent me had all but melted me.
As much as I liked to pretend I was impervious to his charm, I really wasn’t.
“Three! Two! One!” Tessa called out, playing flag girl with a delighted grin on her face.
I watched with my heart in my throat as Travis and Aiden raced around the track. Aiden was going as fast as his little ATV would allow him. I chewed on my nails, anxiety swirling around in my gut as I watched. I couldn’t relax until Aiden had finished the loop first and was tossing his fists up in victory.
My eyes found Travis’s from across the field, and my heart paused in its frantic rhythm at the esteemed smile he flashed at me.
Everyone was covered in mud and sweat when we finally got back to the lake. I helped Aiden peel out of his sodden kinetic trifecta pants while everyone else dismounted.
Tessa jumped off her Grizzly, watching the trail where we’d come from with a satisfied smile on her face.
“Where’d you leave Elle?” I asked. She nodded as Braden’s ATV came into view, speeding onto the beach. Elle clung tightly to Braden, and jumped off as soon as he came to a stop.
She stalked over to Tessa, a scowl on her lips. “How could you do that? Leave me with him like that?” she hissed.
Tessa seemed to wince apologetically. “I’m sorry, he paid me off.”
“How much?”
“A hundred bucks, actually. I figured we could split it,” Tessa laughed.
“No, I’ll be taking it all,” Elle informed her. Before either girl could say another word, Braden had scooped Elle up in his arms and was sprinting to the dock.
“Don’t you dare!” she screeched, trying to fight her way out of his arms. But Braden was strong, and we laughed as he jumped into the cold lake with Elle in his arms. I smiled at the scene, shaking my head at my brother’s playful antics. I hadn’t seen him this happy and carefree for a long time.
But while the playful moment had brought a smile to my face, it also worried me. From the little time I’d managed to spend with Elle since she returned home, I’d picked up on her quiet depression, and I hoped fiercely that my little brother knew what he was doing with her.
“Do you want to go swimming, Aiden?” Tessa asked, and I watched as he nodded eagerly. They ran into the lake together, screeching when the cold water splashed against their legs.
I watched them for a bit, a small smile on my face. Aiden loved his Aunt Tessa. She would take him horseback riding in the summer and tobogganing down the huge hill on her father’s farm during the winter.
When we celebrated our first Christmas without Mom, Tessa had gone out of her way to make the holiday m
eaningful and special. She included us in all of her family’s traditions, and when I tucked Aiden into bed after a day spent with the Armstrong’s, he told me that he felt like Tessa was a guardian angel sent by his Grammy, to make sure we’d be okay.
I had to agree with him.
“Whatcha thinking so hard about?” a familiar voice asked, prompting my skin to erupt in goose bumps. I turned my head, watching as Travis lifted a beer to his lips and took a deep sip, his hazel eyes warm as they appraised me.
I tugged at my mud-splattered tank top, uncomfortable with how the heat in his gaze made me ache.
This seemingly invisible pull between the two of us was driving me crazy. The air between us seemed to hum with anticipation and electricity. His gaze skimmed the lake once before he focused on me, desire burning in his irises. His thoughts had likely taken the same route mine had with recollections of the last time we’d been on my family’s beach together, the night I’d ended our arrangement.
Recalling the two girls he’d brought to O’Riley’s in my mind’s eye, I looked away. The wave of jealousy and disappointment that had washed over me that night made my feelings undeniably clear. All the more reason to try to avoid the whole thing.
“Just so you know…I brought those girls to O’Riley’s the other night to purposely make you jealous,” Travis said, breaking the cozy silence with his soft-spoken admission. I tensed, sensing him move closer to me. “I’m not really all that sorry for doing it, either.”
The second confession was spoken near my ear, and the warmth of his breath tickled against the sensitive skin on my earlobe, igniting the slow burn of desire in the pit of my belly. His words evoked a fluttering in my chest that I refused to analyze.
“And why’s that?” I demanded lowly, my voice shaking as I folded my arms across my chest. The reaction his words had coaxed out of me was bewildering.
“Because, it made you jealous.” He arched a brow at me, like I should have guessed his reasoning. “Because it makes me think that maybe, you didn’t end the arrangement because of the wedding and the possibility of getting caught. You still want me.”
My shoulders trembled and my chest rose and fell with each quick breath I took. I glanced around at everyone else, they were too occupied in their own conversations to pay ours any attention.
“I do want you,” I finally said, my voice thick with emotion. I was tired of denying it. I was tired of holding my feelings—and myself—back out of fear. I was tired of being afraid, and I couldn’t carry it anymore. “That’s not the problem.”
“What’s the problem, then?” Travis asked, his lips twitching with humour.
I arched my brow, intentionally mimicking his earlier move. I cast a worried glance around us, just to ensure nobody else was watching. “I’ve got enough to deal with. I don’t have time to be your occasional play toy anymore, and to be honest…I’m not sure I want to be.”
Maybe it wasn’t fair of me; I’d been the one to insist upon keeping it strictly about sex between us, so to throw the fact that he’d given me exactly what I wanted back into his face was low.
But somewhere down the line, my wants and needs had changed, and my flight response had kicked in.
Travis took a hesitant step toward me, catching himself when he realized that we weren’t completely alone. He stopped so that he was standing directly beside me, his head turned toward the lake as if he was watching the others swim.
“You aren’t and would never be just my plaything, Becky. I want you, I want you in more ways than you can possibly imagine. When you told me you wanted to end the arrangement, I agreed because that’s what I thought you wanted. But you don’t want that, do you Becs?”
His eyes slid over to mine, watching me, reading me. Seeing me.
“I—“ I trailed off, staring at him with astonishment. “I don’t know what I want anymore,” I admitted. I felt woozy, and a little disoriented. Maybe I had heat stroke, or maybe watching Travis interact with my son all day had done strange things to my head and my heart.
I’d melted at the way Travis spoke to my son. He treated him like an equal, like he was extremely interested in hearing every little thing that my seven-year-old had to say.
If I allowed myself to think about it, that’s exactly what I would want my partner to do: treat my son with respect and interest, take the time to get to know him, because any man I chose would need to accept Aiden into his life.
“That’s okay, we don’t have to put a label on it Becs. I feel it, you feel it…so let’s just see where it takes us?” he suggested. His hazel eyes burned with desire and promise, and my heart stuttered in response to the heady way he looked at me.
“Can we talk about this later?” I pleaded, clearing my throat. My eyes itched, a sign that tears would surely follow. Now wasn’t the time or the place for this conversation, although I agreed we needed to have it.
“Yeah, of course,” Travis nodded, crestfallen. He brought the bottle of beer to his lips and took several long sips, his eyes never leaving my face. He lowered the bottle a fraction, running his tongue along the seam of his lips. “But, we will have this conversation, Becky…and we will have it soon.”
I nodded, watching with pursed lips as he strolled over to Gordon, Grady and Brock. I turned on my heel and walked up to the cabin, grabbing the cooler off the back of my ATV as I went.
Setting it down on the island, I took a deep breath. Travis’s words confused my already twisted heart. They scared me at the same time that they gave me hope. Wiping away a lone tear that had the audacity to escape, I squared my shoulders and set to unpacking the cooler.
A moment later, the bathroom door opened. Turning, I watched as Tommy’s friend, Samantha, walked out. She startled when she saw me, bringing her hand up to her heart. Her eyes—so blue they were hauntingly violet—were red rimmed and swollen.
“Is everything okay, Samantha?” I asked her, walking around the corner.
“Yes, I’m—” she paused, her voice scratchy and weak. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m good. Just…allergies. And please, call me Sam.”
“Brock has some allergy medication if you need it,” I offered, turning to open the cabinet over the sink where I knew my brother kept it.
“Actually, I’m good,” Sam said awkwardly. “I…“ She hesitated again, her eyes going to the screen door and the voices from outside. Tommy had the kind of voice easily picked out from the crowd; it was the most boisterous of them all. We could hear him razzing Braden from inside the cabin. Hearing it, her shoulders dropped in disappointment. “I should head home.”
“Why?” I asked, surprised.
“To be honest? I feel very out of place,” she shrugged, a small yet sad smile on her face.
“I feel out of place sometimes too,” I told her, giving her a comforting smile. “There’s a certain energy about this group, isn’t there?”
“Yeah,” Sam nodded in agreement, biting down on her lip. She glanced back outside wistfully, like she longed to be a part of the group but didn’t know how.
I could relate.
I took a closer look at her, my nursing instincts in high drive. Sam’s skin was pale and clammy, and she seemed to be in pain. “Are you sure you’re alright, Sam?”
“Ah, you’re a medical professional, aren’t you?” Sam asked, a dismal smile on her lips.
I nodded, my brow furrowing slightly with confusion as I tried to figure her out. “I’m a nurse.”
“Thought so. I can always tell the nurses, they pick up on the stuff spoonies try to hide,” Sam sighed lightly.
“Spoonies?” I arched a brow, unfamiliar with the term.
“It’s what people with chronic pain disorders call themselves,” she shrugged, seeming a little embarrassed. “It’s a theory someone coined to explain chronic pain to healthy people. I don’t know.”
“Oh, makes sense I guess,” I laughed lightly. “Do you mind if I ask—“
“I have a disorder called p
olymyositis. I was diagnosed at seventeen,” she said, almost apologetically, as if she worried she was boring me with the details. Or perhaps she’d simply relayed them so many times. “It’s a systemic disease. I experience muscle weakness and tenderness, especially in my hips and shoulders, muscle and joint pain, and sometimes I have difficulty swallowing. Basically, I get tired and sore really easily.”
“And you came ATVing?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. I was impressed. ATVing—even when you’re riding on the back of one—is rather hard on the body. I could see the toll it had taken on her.
Sam nodded. “I used to do things like this all the time…before the diagnosis. I forgot how hard it can be.”
“Understandable. Does Tommy know?” I asked, feeling rather helpless.
“No, I don’t think he’d understand, anyway. I should probably just go home, call it a day.” She cleared her throat again. “It’s not really like Tommy will notice either way.”
“I’m sure he will,” I tried. Sam gave me a somber, knowing smile. It was clear that she didn’t believe me.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, Becky. Maybe I’ll see you around,” she said, making her way to the door. She moved gingerly, as if she was trying to hide a limp.
Before she could reach it, Travis burst in, the screen door slamming behind him, startling the both of us. He paused when he realized I wasn’t alone.
“Everybody’s getting ready to go to the bonfire,” he finally said before he turned, letting the screen door fall shut behind him.
“I still can’t believe you guys are friends with Travis Channing,” Sam sighed dreamily, watching as he walked back to the garage. “He’s really nice, but super intimidating. How do you stand it?”
“We knew him before he was famous,” I shrugged. For the most part, Travis’s fame was just an extension of him. He was still the same guy he always was—girls had fawned over him even before the albums and the tours. He was friendly, social, and loved attention. But he would give the shirt off his back to help a friend in need, then and now.
Rebel Song: (Rebel Series Book 3) ((Rebel Series)) Page 11