by K. I. Lynn
“If you what?” she spat, her anger surprising me. “Hadn’t left me? Broken me? Left me a shell of the paper thin person I already was before you? If that’s even possible.”
Fuck.
I did all of that.
“All of those. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” I could never say it enough, but I could make some of it up with my actions. I would show her.
“You didn’t do this physical damage to me. What you did was far worse.”
The guilt that weighed me down threatened to consume me. “Please, Lila, please!”
“Please, what?” she yelled.
Please be mine again.
“Please, I’ll tell you everything, anything you want to know if you… Can we start over? I need you so much.”
She was so angry, so hurt, that I couldn’t blame her for lashing out at me. I only asked for a chance, but I could have fucked things up bad enough she wouldn’t be willing.
“Why? Why did you leave me if you were going to beg for me back?”
My hands shook as we reached the tipping point. It was now, or she was never going to let me in again. I had to tell her what she never looked up.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you, to us. I was trying to protect you, and myself,” I said.
“Protect you from what, exactly? What did you need protection from?” she asked.
I swallow hard, my chest so tight trying to keep it all in. “From losing you the same way I lost…my wife.”
Her expression flickered, the anger ebbed away, but then bounced back. “And what were you protecting me from?”
“From the Marconi family.”
I watched as her eyes widened, indicating she knew exactly who I was talking about. She knew what they could do. I should have told her sooner so she could make her own decision, but I was so adamant about not getting close to her, it didn’t matter anyway.
But it did, because I’d found in her something I’d long been missing. Along with things I never had before.
“Why would you need to protect me from the Marconis?” she asked, bracing herself.
I let out a shuddered breath. “Because if they found out about you, they would kill you like they did her.”
She stared at me in shock. “Why did they want to hurt her?”
“They were trying to kill me,” I admitted.
“Oh.” Her lips formed a thin line.
“I can’t let that happen to you,” I said, trying to keep her listening, to understand.
Her eyes snapped up to me, and I saw anger flash across them. “So you let me go? Were you ever going to ask me what I wanted? Were you ever going to tell me and let me decide for myself to risk my life to stay with you or cut all ties? Do you feel anything for me?”
I grabbed her hand. “I feel so much for you. I tried to stop it. I knew it could happen with you—I sensed it from the beginning. The pull I feel to you is so strong. I tried to will myself not to develop these feelings for you, but you just won’t fucking be denied!”
I couldn’t escape her if I tried. Somehow, I was always meant to find her.
She shook her head. “I don’t understand what the fuck you’re saying.”
“I’m saying Darren was right. I tried so hard to deny it, to deny you, but he saw it. He said I was being selfish by leaving you, that I did it because I didn’t want to be hurt again, that I was a coward for it.” And I was. Anything to avoid the pain of more loss. “He was right. He saw it from the moment he arrived at the hospital when you were unresponsive.”
Her brow scrunched. “Dr. Morgenson? How do you know him, and what did he see?”
I shook my head, my heart racing in my chest. I’d tried to say it without saying it, but she needed to hear the words. Three words that made her a target.
“Just fucking say whatever it is you’re trying to say!” The exertion was too much for her, and she laid her head back down, face twisted in pain.
I stared at her, my mouth opening, then closing, as I tried to get them out. She had to know, had to hear, or there was no way she would let me get close again.
“He knew that I’m in love with you,” I said, my voice just above a whisper.
Her eyes widened, locked on mine.
“I love you, Lila,” I declared with more volume. “I’m so scared about what that means for you.”
A bitter laugh erupted from her clenched teeth, and I flinched at the sound I’d put in her. “You love me? Then why did you leave me?”
“I’m sorry, I…”
“You love me? You’re sorry? Do you somehow think that makes everything better?” she screamed.
I flinched. “No.”
“Then what, Nathan? What the fuck do you want?” she asked as tears welled in her eyes.
“I…” I trailed off, not knowing the answer myself. I had no plan of action, no idea of what to do.
“Out.” She pointed with her undamaged arm.
Ice ran through me. “Wait, Lila, please.”
“I said get the fuck out!” she yelled.
Her eyes grew wide, and the beeping of the machines intensified.
I stepped toward her to help, but she turned and growled at me. “No! Out!”
She grabbed the water bottle next to her and threw it. The plastic slammed into my chest, the top popping off, and splashing ice-cold water all over me.
I stared at her in shock, both from the cold and from her reaction, before she screamed out in pain.
“Lila!” I stepped forward as two nurses also entered.
“Mr. Thorne, I need you to return to your room,” the surly nurse who had chased me down the hall said with a tug on my arm. “They’ve got her, don’t worry.”
I couldn’t tear my eyes away. She was in serious pain, and I could do nothing to help her.
Slowly I backed out. I felt numb as the nurse pulled me back down the hall. I gave no resistance because I had no strength of will or body left.
I could feel my family’s eyes on me as I lay back down on the bed, the nurse plugging me back into the monitors.
“What are you going to do?” my father asked.
The total time I’d been awake since I received the call from Lila was less than an hour. Meaning, I’d had no time at all to even process what the future held.
“I’m going to get her back,” I said. It was the one thing I knew. I couldn’t live without her. The past weeks were torture on us both.
She’d lashed out at me, but I couldn’t blame her, after everything I’d done, but I could make it up to her.
“Nate…” Darren started, but trailed off.
“Don’t start with anything. I’m having a hard enough time trying to process it all.”
“You fell in love, honey,” Mom said. “It’s okay.”
“Is it? Or is she another tool for Marconi to destroy me with.”
“We’re all here for you,” Erin said, squeezing my hand. “We’re here for both of you.”
I smiled at her and nodded.
“I never thought I could love again,” I admitted. “And look how I’ve fucked it up.”
No one said anything, which I took as a silent agreement. It was true anyway. Every move I made with Lila was a mistake on how I handled it. I should have agreed to more, to not let my fear cloud my mind of what my heart and my body already knew. Words that I said to her every day—she was mine.
And she was going to be mine forever.
I was determined to be with Lila, no matter what. Somehow, my panic attack served as a dose of clarity for what the beast already knew.
I loved Lila, and I was going to be with her in every way. My fear of the Marconi was still real and tangible, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me from living any longer. Lila was life and love, and I wanted to be with her for the rest of days.
Forever with my sex goddess, my Honeybear, my love.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
K.I. Lynn is the USA Today Bestselling Author from The Bend Anthology and the Amazon
Bestselling Series, Breach. She spent her life in the arts, everything from music to painting and ceramics, then to writing. Characters have always run around in her head, acting out their stories, but it wasn't until later in life she would put them to pen. It would turn out to be the one thing she was really passionate about.
Since she began posting stories online, she's garnered acclaim for her diverse stories and hard hitting writing style. Two stories and characters are never the same, her brain moving through different ideas faster than she can write them down as it also plots its quest for world domination...or cheese. Whichever is easier to obtain… Usually it's cheese.
Other works by K.I. Lynn
Six
I had a one-night stand. It wasn’t my first, but it would be my last.
A gun to the head.
A trained killer.
A deadly conspiracy.
Kidnapped and on the run, my life and death is in the hands of a sadist captor who happens to be my one-night stand. Armed with countless weapons, money, and new identities, the man I call Six drags me around the world.
The manhunt is on and Six is the next target. Can we find out who is killing off the Cleaners before they find us?
Two down, seven to go.
When it’s all over he’ll finish the job that dropped him into my life, and end it.
Stockholm Syndrome meets bucket list, and the question of what would you do to live before you died. The questions aren’t always answered in black and white. Gray becomes the norm as my morals are tested.
Death is a tragedy, and I’ll do anything to stay alive.
Are you ready for the last ride of your life? Six has a gun to your head—what would you do?
This isn’t a love story.
It’s a death story.
Need
I was Kira’s from the first moment I saw her. Maybe it was love at first sight, but I was only ten.
She became my best friend.
My crush.
The girl I can’t live without.
But I have to.
She was almost mine, but my father took away my chance.
Now she lives across the hall from me. Instead of the title of girlfriend, she’s now my stepsister.
But that doesn’t stop how I feel, how I want her. Thankfully, I’m off to college two hundred miles away, but even that doesn’t help.
She’s under my skin, all around me, and I watch her morph from a sexy teenager to an irresistible woman.
I can’t take it anymore, I need her.
Is it possible to ever be happy without the one person you need?
"I'm Brayden, baby. The man you've been dreaming about your whole life. And I'm about to fucking show you why."
Part 1 of a 3 part series.
Becoming Mrs Lockwood
Every girl has dreams of meeting Prince Charming, or at least I know I did.
A fairy tale-like meeting of love at first sight.
Real life and fairy tales are very different.
I’m just a small town Indiana girl that had a chance encounter with one of Hollywood’s golden boys. You may think you know where this story goes—not even close.
Life is different. Marriage is hard. It’s even worse when you’re strangers.