I laughed a little. “You know me?”
He nodded and smiled to himself. “Well, I’m starting to know you.”
“And?”
“And I want to know more.” His hand squeezed mine a little harder. “I want to know all of you, Hannah.”
“Hmm… That doesn’t sound so bad.”
He picked up our linked hands and kissed the skin near my wrist. “Did I mention that I plan to take my time?”
I laughed and put on my most girlish voice, “Ooooh, do tell me more.”
Joel and I had been a couple or hanging out or whatever you wanted to call it for less than a week and it was thrilling and terrifying all at once.
I could honestly say that I’d never felt like this before. Which was crazy, right? I’d been with Owen for years. And in his own way, Owen was the best boyfriend on the planet. He was loyal. He was funny. He said that he loved me. All of that added up to something big, but not even Owen could make me feel like… this.
With Joel, every shared look, every word spoken, every single touch—it was all scary and wonderful and momentous and I couldn’t get enough of it. Of him.
The truth of it was that if it were possible to rate people on a sort of Richter Scale, Joel Sinclair would come in at a solid ten—total and complete DEVASTATION.
“Come here,” he whispered, pulling me into a shadowy cleft between two buildings.
I released a surprised sound.
“To say goodbye,” he explained as he slowly backed me up against a cool brick wall.
“I’m sweaty,” I warned, placing a hand flat against his chest.
“Am I missing something?” he asked. “Is that a problem?”
I shook my head self-consciously. “I’m gross.”
His low and husky laugh made my heart knock a little harder.
“This,” he said, softly brushing his warm lips over mine, “isn’t gross. Not at all.”
The little hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I instinctively put my hands out and squeezed my fingers into my palms, like I was trying to catch my balance.
“And,” he continued as he ran his hands over my hips and tilted his head so that our mouths were at precisely the same level, “I’ve been dying to do this all day.”
Joel ducked his head and pulled down the zipper of my hoodie, exposing my collarbone.
“Oh God,” I whispered.
I felt him smile against the skin of my neck. “Call me crazy but I think it’s the squash practice uniform. It’s so hot, Hannah.”
“I know. I was wearing it once and I had to fight a guy off with just my racquet.”
He laughed then he captured my mouth with his and he kissed me like it was the very first time. Then he broke free and pulled me around the corner to the sidewalk in front of the apartment.
I didn’t want to say goodbye so I grabbed his forearm and tried to hold my ground. Joel chuckled as he easily dragged me over to the door. “Come inside?” I asked him.
He kissed the end of my nose and ran his big hands up and down the sides of my arms. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you? Your sister doesn’t seem like my biggest fan.”
“I don’t care about that,” I told him honestly. “Felicity and I are… Well, it doesn’t matter what she thinks about you. Or me for that matter. We’re barely talking as it is.”
Joel shook his head. “Still, I don’t want to be a wedge between you two.”
I started to protest but Joel bent down and kissed me again, effectively cutting me off. By the time the kiss was finished, I was dazed and seeing stars and had forgotten what I’d been trying to say.
He crouched a little lower and whispered into my ear, “What are you doing a week from Saturday?”
I could barely string two words together let alone think of what my schedule was like a week from now. “Ummm…”
“My stepdad is moving his office this weekend and I’ve been conscripted into manual labor for the duration. But,” he said, running his hand over my face and tucking my loose hair back, “next Saturday I want you to spend the whole day with me.”
“The whole day?”
“That’s right,” he said, stepping away from me.
Frowning, I dug my keys out of my bag. It was almost dark but that streetlamps had kicked on, washing us in yellow light. The door creaked open beneath my hand. “So, are you asking me out?”
He nodded. “I’m asking you out.”
I leaned against the half open door. “Like on a real date?”
“Yes,” he said simply.
“Hyde Park?” I asked, remembering how much fun we had there last weekend. And he’d said that he liked to go there on Saturdays.
He took another step back. “Something even better.”
“What is it?” I demanded.
He grinned. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”
I bit my lip. “In case you were wondering, I’m the most impatient person in the world.”
His smile stayed in place. “You can do it, Hannah.”
I gave a melodramatic sigh. “Okay, next Saturday it is.”
“Good.” He started to walk away but he stopped and turned back to me. “But I’ll still see you at school tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” I said meaningfully.
He waved then and I watched him go until he was down the block and around the corner, out of my sight.
Then I slipped into the house and closed the door behind me. I leaned my forehead against the cool wood and let go of a breath. I felt like screaming or jumping up and down and throwing confetti. Joel had that kind of effect on me.
The hallway was empty and none of the downstairs lights were on, so I figured no one was home. I was hungry but, even after more than a month of living here, it still felt strange just going through the kitchen cabinets. Luckily, I still had that stash of American junk food Caroline had sent me.
As I headed up the stairs to my bedroom I wondered if this was Henry’s house and I was visiting him if I’d be this uncomfortable. I didn’t think so. I mean, whenever I was at Caroline’s house I didn’t even hesitate before grabbing a soda or a chocolate chip cookie. Her home felt like my home. So why did I get the feeling that I was an interloper in my own sister’s house?
Safe in my room, I scarfed down a handful of pretzel M&Ms and one of my precious chocolate chip granola bars. Then I hopped in the shower to wash the disgusting layer of dried-up sweat and grime off of my body. I didn’t care what Joel had claimed earlier. I was GROSS.
Once I was clean and dried off, I found a pair of comfortable yoga pants and a sweatshirt in the bottom drawer of my dresser and I changed into them. I sat on the bed with crossed legs and started the tedious task of braiding my long wet hair into five separate braids. It looked ridiculous when I was done, but it would be worth it in the morning when I pulled the braids out and had soft, beachy waves.
When my hair was done, I bent over and pulled my laptop from where I’d stored it in the space beneath my bed. It was time to catch up on Facebook and my emails. There was one email in particular that I’d been thinking about sending for the past couple of days. It was to my brother.
To: Henry
From: Hannah
Date: October 8
Subject: Cupid
Hey big brother! Want to help out your most favorite sister ever? (You know that you do and the right answer is yes, a thousand times YES!)
Sooooo…. I can’t quite believe it, but our dear, sweet Caroline is crushing hard on MILES SLOAN! This is unexpected (IMHO) but I’m happy for her, you know? She never takes the plunge when it comes to guys so she needs this.
Okay, so here’s where I need your help.
Caroline doesn’t think that Miles notices her even though he’s standing directly opposite her on stage (so how could he miss her???) Anyway, you and I both know Caroline and know that she’s probably just not reading the signs right. I’ve given her a lot of advi
ce—flirting, making him so jealous that he can’t see straight, putting on low-cut shirts. But the truth is that she has no idea how these things are done. Could you help her? Give her some pointers? Help get his attention?
____________
It didn’t take him long to get back to me. I just had time to lather up my arms with my favorite lotion before my laptop gave a tell-tale bing.
To: Hannah
From: Henry
Date: October 8
Subject: Re: Cupid
Miles Sloan? Are you sure?
____________
To: Henry
From: Hannah
Date: October 8
Subject: Re: Re: Cupid
Of course I’m sure! I’m the best friend!! I know it’s a little weird, but I guess the heart wants what it wants.
____________
Just as I pressed send on the email to my brother, my stomach growled angrily. Apparently one could not survive on pretzel M&Ms and granola bars alone. It seemed I was going to have to go downstairs.
I set my laptop aside and looked out my bedroom door. The house still felt empty and I guessed that Felicity and Michael had taken the girls out to dinner. As if on cue my stomach growled again. I was going to need to make the trek to the kitchen to make some real food—well, in my case, a sandwich was probably as real as it was going to get. To put it bluntly, Master Chef was never going to ask me to compete.
As usual, I felt like a snoop searching through the pantry just off the kitchen. It didn’t matter that Felicity had told me multiple times to make myself at home. It was just hard when her house felt like exactly that. HER house.
Our fight or whatever you wanted to call what we’d had last Saturday hadn’t helped at all. Things were just so awkward between us and I had no idea how to go about making them better.
I found some bread and then I moved to the refrigerator and located ham and sliced cheese and a small jar of roasted red pepper spread. I spread everything out on the counter and got busy stacking. I liked to alternate the slices of ham and cheese so it took a while. I had just placed the bread on the top of my sandwich creation when I heard the front door open. That sound was followed by a chorus of high-pitch giggles.
“Hello?” I called out as I put the top on the red pepper spread and put it back into the refrigerator.
“Hannah!” Chloe and Grace skidded around the corner and careened into me.
“Oof!” I caught them in my arms and they laughed even louder.
“What are you doing?” Chloe asked, blinking up at me through the lenses of her pink glasses.
I pointed to my sandwich. “Just making some dinner.”
“But we brought you back food!” Grace cried. She turned her head to look down the hall. “Mummy has it.”
“Oh,” I said, glancing at my sandwich.
“Don’t worry about it, Hannah,” Felicity said as she entered the kitchen carrying a bag in one hand. She was still dressed for work. “I’ll just put it in the icebox for later.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled half-wondering what was in the bag. It smelled like it had a lot of garlic and there was definitely butter in there. My sandwich seemed puny by comparison.
Before I could admit defeat and trade out the sandwich for whatever Felicity had brought home, Michael walked into the kitchen and everyone started to go about their evening routine.
Chloe and Grace wanted ice cream—strawberry for Grace and chocolate for Chloe. While Michael scooped the ice cream into two small bowls, Felicity set the timer on the coffee pot so it would be ready in the morning. Then Michael started to get ingredients together for his daily breakfast smoothie.
All the while, they asked me questions. They wanted to know about school and my writing and even about the squash team. Everyone was being nice enough, so why was I so ill at ease with them? Was it just my imagination or was Felicity giving me weird looks?
I took small bites of my sandwich and answered their questions and tried to be polite but, let’s face it, I was completely aware that I was an outsider looking in.
“I think I’m just going to eat the rest of my sandwich upstairs,” I said when I just couldn’t take it any longer. “I actually have some homework to finish.”
“You’re sure you won’t stay for some ice cream?” Michael asked politely.
I was already standing and my plate was in my hand. “I’m sure. Thanks for asking though.”
Felicity didn’t say a thing. But I did feel her eyes on me as I padded out of the kitchen toward the stairwell. When I was back in my room I made sure that the door closed behind me.
Still holding my sandwich plate, I sighed and plopped back down on the bed.
That’s when I saw that while I was downstairs, a new email had come in. I assumed it was something else from Henry, but then I read Caroline’s name. Speak of the devil…
I took a bite of my sandwich and excitedly wondered if she had an update on Operation Cupid.
To: Hannah
From: Caroline
Date: October 8
Subject: Let’s revisit the alien abduction theory
Hey! I meant to tell you that I saw Owen last night. He was weird. It was weird. It was like he didn’t want to see to me and then he told me to ask you about it?? What is he talking about?
____________
I reread Caroline’s email with a sick feeling swishing around in my gut. I set my barely-touched sandwich on the plate and flopped onto my back.
“Crap,” I muttered to the ceiling.
I had been able to confide in Tillie about my feelings for Joel, so why couldn’t I tell my best friend?
She would understand. It was Caroline.
Okay, yes, this was exactly what she’d been afraid of before Owen and I started dating. She had worried that things would be weird between the three of us if we broke up. And, here we were, broken up and things were weird. Owen was avoiding her—and me. And I was keeping secrets from her.
Basically, it was a hot mess.
I couldn’t do anything about Owen, but I could at least suck it up and tell my best friend the truth. But not over email. That was for suckers. I would have to tell her face to face.
Decision made, I opened my Skype account, found her in the contact list and pressed the video call button.
After a few rings, the sound changed. The video was fuzzy at first, but then Caroline’s face appeared out of the static. “Ello Govna!”
A lump of nerves was balling in my stomach, but I tried to make my lips form a smile. “Hey!”
She was moving into her desk chair, getting into position. Behind her, I could make out the posters on the walls of her bedroom. “I didn’t know you’d be calling!”
“I know,” I said, nervously smoothing my wet hair back. “I wasn’t sure if you had play rehearsal today but I thought I’d try.”
“No rehearsal—and thank God,” she added, laughing.
“Still that bad?”
She curled her upper lip. “I don’t even want to talk about it.”
“Yuck.”
“Yuck is right.”
“So…” I needed to get to the point. I needed to tell her about Owen but I wasn’t even sure where to start. “What are you up to?”
She paused so that I could hear the music playing in the background. “I was listening to Ed’s new single and thinking about what he might be like in real life.”
“You’re obsessed.”
“I readily admit that.”
“You’re crazy. You know that?”
“Ed is everything,” Caroline said solemnly. “His lyrics... His accent… His music… And, of course, there’s the fact that he’s a redhead and we gingers must unite.”
“Well, of course,” I teased her.
“Tell me, what’s new with you? Any squash traumas?”
“Every day I have
practice there’s a new squash trauma.”
She laughed. “That’s how I feel on stage. What about that writing project you were telling me about? Any ideas yet?”
“Not really. I’m still playing around with some stuff, but nothing I come up with is really… congealing.”
“It will.”
“Maybe…” I rubbed my eyes. “Care, I’ve got to be honest. Something happened.”
“Yeah?” Caroline asked distractedly. She was reaching for something that was on her bed. Off camera, I heard what I thought was Aspen coming into her room.
I looked up at the ceiling of my bedroom and took a breath.
This was it. I was sick and tired of keeping secrets. I was done with half-truths and uncertainty. Before I lost what little courage I had, I blurted out, “I met someone.”
She was only quiet for a second but it was a long second. “What do you mean?”
“I met a guy.”
“You met a guy?” she repeated the words back to me slowly.
“Yes,” I said. “Do you remember me mentioning Joel, the guy I hit with my racquet on the first day of school?”
She hesitated. “Yeah, I remember.”
“We, um, went out. A few times actually.”
“Like on a date?”
“Well… I mean yeah,” I admitted, “like a date.”
She was quiet. The lump in my stomach hardened.
“Caroline?”
“I’m here,” she said. “I’m just trying to figure this out, Hannah. What about Owen?”
“That’s the thing.”
“What’s the thing? I don’t—”
“Everything is off with Owen, okay!” I shouted.
There was a stunned silence. Caroline’s mouth was moving, but no words were coming out. After a moment, she swallowed and asked, “What?”
“Owen and I haven’t even talked in over a month. He won’t respond to my emails. He won’t take any of my calls.”
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