When he was at a safe distance, I let go of my breath and slumped my shoulders, quickly deflating like a slashed tire. With my head still down, I put my coat on, looped a knitted scarf around my neck, and headed for the back entrance before anyone else could try to talk to me.
It was freezing and dark—my two least favorite things. This week, we’d gotten our first serious cold snap of the year and there was even talk of snow. As I walked across the near-empty school parking lot, I shivered and watched my breath crystallize into hazy white puffs in front of my face.
“Do you need a ride?”
Without turning around, I knew it was Henry. I contemplated telling him no, but my desire to get out of the cold night won out. Plus, I really did want Henry and I to be friends again. Even if it hurt, it was worth it. He was worth it.
I swallowed and reached for the door handle of his car. “Yeah, sure. That'd be great.”
Baby steps.
Neither of us said much on the short ride. We listened to the radio and I tried not to smile when he softly sang along. Before I knew it, the car was idling in front of my house and Henry was looking at me. His hands were still on the steering wheel.
“Thanks,” I said as I reached down to get my backpack off the floorboard.
“Any time,” he said. “You know that, don’t you?”
I shook my head and blinked. “Well, yeah… thanks again.”
“Okay. Do you need a ride to school tomorrow?”
“No,” I answered quickly.
“Okay, well…” He rotated his grip. “If you ever change your mind and want a Pumpkin Spice Latte, just text me.”
I tried to laugh as I got out of the car. “Sure. See you at school.”
“Night, Care.”
“Night.”
Henry didn't pull away from the curb until I’d unlocked the door and stepped inside my house.
The house was quiet. It looked like Dad was out again, so I locked the door behind me but left the porch light on. Then I dropped my bag to the floor and went to get Aspen.
As I watched her bound around the backyard and paw at the chilly ground with the kind of pure joy only dogs have, I thought about my father and the perfume bottle that still sat prominently on his dresser. He was gruff and distant, but he’d been telling the truth—he did love my mom. He loved her so much that he’d kept their bedroom like a time capsule, like at any minute she might walk through the door and throw her keys onto the small table in the hall.
Aspen nudged my hand, a sign that she was hungry, so I shook my head clear and opened the back door. She skirted by me and went straight to her bowls. I laughed as I portioned out two scoops of food and topped off her water.
Standing up, I wiped my hands on my jeans and reached for a box of cereal in the pantry. But, before I poured out the milk, I changed my mind and dumped the cereal back into the box. Then I opened the refrigerator and set about making two sandwiches—one for me and one for dad.
Everything was off-kilter and I wasn’t sure how to make it right. I knew a sandwich wasn’t exactly an apology or a resolution, but it was a start.
Baby steps, I reminded myself as I covered one of the plates with foil. And then, before I really knew what I was doing, I darted into the hall and grabbed one of the flyers for My Fair Lady from my backpack. I laid the piece of paper on top of the sandwich plate and put the whole thing in the refrigerator where I knew dad would eventually see it. I wouldn’t directly ask him to come to the play, but the truth of it was that I did want him there.
I took my own sandwich upstairs and set it aside and brought my laptop to life so I could do a quick online perusal before I started my homework.
There wasn’t anything new from Hannah, and there hadn’t been for a few days.
I wasn’t sure what to think about that. It was the longest we’d ever gone without talking, but that was the way I wanted things. Right?
It had been my decision to cut off contact with her. My choice not to respond to any of the messages she sent or answer any of her calls. I was hurt and I was angry and I was…being stupid.
It's Hannah. It's not like I didn't know that she was impulsive and acts before she thinks. I was perfectly aware of the fact that she always thinks she knows what's best—the reason she acts like that is because she's usually right. And her impulsiveness stems from her spontaneity and her spontaneity makes her one of the most fun people to be around.
So was I really surprised that she tried to help me in true Hannah fashion all the way from London?
Of course not.
I think more than anything it was the humiliation I felt that overshadowed any logical thought-process I may possess because now that I had had time to calm down and really think about it, I knew I wasn't really mad at Hannah. I was mad at myself because I knew I was the one being a crappy friend.
She had come clean and told me about Owen and Joel and yet here I was still sitting on the biggest secret I've ever had. I was totally falling in love with my best friend's brother.
****
My stomach had been in knots all morning for several reasons. Dad hadn’t said anything to me about the flyer or the sandwich I left him last night. I still hadn’t figured out how to talk to Hannah. And, I was dreading lunch more than ever. And, not because leaving campus was technically breaking the rules for me… It was because I’d be doing it with Miles instead of Henry.
“Caroline!”
Miles was coming down the hall. When he reached me, he said. “I have some bad news.”
I felt a tingle of hope that he was going to cancel, but tried to squash it down before I spoke. “Oh yeah?”
“I checked and that Thai place I wanted to try is only open for dinner.”
“Darn.” I rolled my eyes like I was irritated. “I guess that’s a bust.”
“Not really,” he said. “I was thinking we could have dinner instead?”
“Oh…”
“Maybe even tonight after rehearsal?” Something in his tone had me suspecting that dinner had been his plan all along.
“I don’t think I can tonight, but another time, okay?” I said in a strained voice as I turned away. “Well, I guess I'll just go grab lunch in the cafeteria—”
He caught me by my arm. “Don't be silly! We can still go somewhere for lunch.”
“Oh, I-I wasn’t sure you still wanted to,” I stuttered.
Miles laughed. “Of course I do. We’ll have lunch someplace easy and then when we have more time—” He winked, “—we’ll do dinner at the Thai restaurant.”
I forced a perky smile. “Greeaat.”
As we walked across the parking lot, Miles asked me if there was anywhere I wanted to go. I told him that I didn’t care and wanted him to pick.
His car was an old grey stationwagon that smelled like gas and moth balls. This, combined with the fact that there was a bright pink tennis ball stuck on the top of the antenna, made me think that the car used to belong to his grandmother.
The backseat was trashed with wads of paper and books and dirty clothes. I didn’t even know how it was possible to accumulate such a mess let alone maintain it. I spent the entire ride staring at the discarded fast food bags and the empty soda cans with growing revulsion. Was this how most guys were? No, that couldn’t be right. Henry’s car was always immaculate. And it certainly didn’t smell like this. It smelled like… him.
Before I could chastise myself for thinking about Henry while I was out with Miles, the car jounced to an abrupt stop. I looked up to see where he had decided to take me.
We were parked in front of Taco Casa.
Awesome.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I mumbled.
“What? You don’t like tacos?” he asked in alarm.
“No, I do.”
“Whew!” Miles ran his hand over his forehead in exaggerated relief and I reminded myself that it wasn’t his fault that I was such a mess.
“Let’s go,” I tutted and climbed out
of the station wagon.
As soon as I walked through the glass doors and was assaulted by the heavy scent of cheap Mexican food, my eyes swept to the corner booth where I knew Henry and his friends would be sitting. To my horror, there was someone else at the table with them in the spot where I’d been sitting just a few weeks ago.
Elise.
What was she doing here? And why did she have her hand on Henry’s bicep? A flashback to when they were dating passed through my mind and my heart jerked savagely. I had the urge to walk over there and—and do what exactly? Bitch slap her? Mark my territory like a wild animal or someone on an afternoon talk show?
But, as much as seeing them together made me feel queasy, Henry wasn’t my territory to defend.
“Caroline?”
I tore my eyes away from Henry and Elise and saw that Miles was watching me.
“You okay?” he asked.
No, I’m actually suffocating on my own jealousy. Letting my breath out, I said, “I’m fine. Just got a little dizzy is all.”
“You probably just need to eat something,” he replied confidently and led me to the counter.
We ordered and I made sure we ended up at a table on the opposite side of the restaurant from Henry. It was still too close. I could hear some of the conversation at Henry’s table and their laughter and it made my head pound even harder.
I tried to focus my attention on Miles and answer his questions with more than one or two words, but it was like my mind was spiraling with confusion. Were Henry and Elise back together? If so, wouldn’t he have said something to me? Except…why would he? He didn’t owe me anything.
I started messing with the salt and pepper shakers. My food sat on the table uneaten and growing colder by the second.
“You still feeling bad?”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to pull myself together. But this whole thing was like a car accident. I knew it was morbid and wrong to stare, but I couldn’t stop myself from rubbernecking.
“No, if you’re sick…”
“I’m not.” But even as I said this, my eyes flitted to Henry. This time, I found him staring back at me with a curious expression.
I dropped my head and felt my skin going pink. A moment later, my phone vibrated. It was a text from Henry.
You okay over there? You look bored.
I knew that engaging was a terrible idea, but like everything else, I couldn’t help myself.
I’m not. Miles is incredibly interesting.
I barely had time to slip my phone back in my pocket before it vibrated again.
Then why are you texting me?
I rolled my eyes and texted,
You texted me first!
He replied with,
And you responded
I fired back,
Well, I’m Not responding anymore!
I was seriously going to turn my phone off. But before I got the chance another message came through.
You just did ;)
Why don’t you focus on Elise and leave me alone? If you didn’t notice, I’m on a date
As soon as I sent that last text message I really did turn off my phone. What I’d texted Henry was true. I was on a date—well, sort of—and I couldn’t sit here texting another guy.
Miles, who had obviously noticed my distraction, tried a new line of conversation, “So, Caroline, do you know what you’re doing for college yet?”
I picked up a black olive that had fallen out of one of my tacos and I popped it into my mouth. “Um, what?”
“College,” Miles said. “I know it's only your junior year, but I figured… you just seem like a planner.”
“I guess I haven't really thought about it yet.” That wasn’t true.
Hannah and I had very carefully mapped out our college plans. We were headed to the East coast—hopefully Wesleyan, but we were going to apply to Boston College, Amherst, and Dartmouth as well. We were going to share a dorm room, she was going to major in English of course, but I hadn’t quite decided yet, and as soon as we graduated we were going to travel to all sorts of places. But since I still hadn’t spoken to Hannah since our fight, I wasn’t sure what the next year and a half would bring. What if we never made up? Suddenly I wasn’t very hungry.
“I think I’m probably going to wind up at Missouri Valley. It’s not my first choice but when I looked into the cost of some of the bigger acting schools, it seemed out of reach,” Miles went on, either not noticing that my already indifferent mood had soured completely or ignoring it. “Still, it’s not so bad. Missouri Valley actually has a fantastic theater department and it’s small enough that I won’t get lost in the classes.”
“That’s nice.”
Miles continued to talk about college and that was fine with me. As long as he was talking about himself, I could just nod politely and occasionally say that’s nice and hopefully, he wouldn’t catch on that I wasn’t really participating in the conversation.
A commotion on the other side of the restaurant drew my attention. Henry was on his phone. His face was pale as winter and he’d knocked his drink onto the floor. As he listened, his lips tightened. I watched him put the phone in his jacket pocket, say something to his friends, and take off for the door. He hadn’t even bothered to pick up his fallen drink. What in the world?
Miles was still droning on about school. “I have to cut a banana into three sections lengthwise before I can eat it.”
“That's nice—wait,” I jerked my head around. “What?”
He smiled. “So you are paying attention.”
“Sorry...” My eyes darted back to the table Henry had vacated. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it. “Miles, I know this is rude but can you give me a minute?”
“What’s going on?”
I held up my index finger. “I’m not sure. Just one minute, okay?”
I didn't wait for his answer. I walked over to where Henry’s friends were just starting to get up from the table and clear their trash.
Alec saw me first. “Hey, Caroline.”
“Is everything okay? I saw Henry leave and he looked upset.”
“He is,” he told me. “His dad’s been taken to the hospital in Tulsa.”
I went unsteady, like my bones had been liquefied. “Oh my God.” My voice was barely audible. “What happened?”
“Why are you so upset?” Elise asked. “It’s not your father.”
“I-I don’t—” my voice was rattly. I couldn’t believe that Elise was choosing a time like this to be catty toward me. She knew how close I was to Henry’s family. Mr. Vaughn was like a second father to me.
Before I could stumble over another word, Jaxson inserted himself between us. “Back off, Elise. You know Caroline is his friend.”
I was grateful for the save but I was more interested in getting answers about Mr. Vaughn than worrying about Elise.
“What happened?” I asked again. Was he in a car accident? Was it an aneurysm?
“We’re not sure because he didn’t hang around,” Alec answered me. “But I do know his mom was panicked.”
“Oh my God.” I felt tears spill onto my cheeks.
“Caroline?” Miles stepped up from behind and put his hand on my shoulder. That’s when I realized my whole body was quivering. “Is everything okay?”
“No,” I said, wiping at my face. “I know this isn’t what you had in mind but I need you to take me to the hospital in Tulsa.”
He looked bewildered. “Right now?”
“Yes. Henry’s dad was taken in and I don’t know what’s happening and I need to be there.”
“But school and rehearsal this afternoon…”
“Mrs. Cobb will understand. And, honestly, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency.” I was already pulling him in the direction of the door. Alec and Jaxson called after us, but I didn’t stop.
Miles might not have been happy about it, but he did drive me to Tulsa without another complaint. He asked a few questions but I barely re
gistered them. I spent most of the drive staring out the window in my own version of hell. I knew what it felt like to lose a parent. It was like having the entire world crumble away. Hannah and Henry couldn’t go through that.
I was prepared for Miles to pull up to the emergency entrance and drop me off, so when we reached the hospital, I was surprised that he parked and followed me in.
The automatic doors swished shut behind us and I scanned the sterile-looking space. When I spotted the reception desk, I rushed over to it.
“Alan Vaughn?” I asked, breathing heavily.
The nurse sitting behind the desk was wearing brightly patterned scrubs. She looked up from the chart she was writing in and raised an eyebrow.
“Alan Vaughn? He was brought in not too long ago.”
She turned to her computer. “Spell the last name for me.”
“V-A-U-G-H-N”
As her fingers rapidly clicked at the keys, my panic increased.
“Floor three. Just take the main elevators,” she said, blandly pointing to a bay of elevators.
“Floor three? Is that good or bad?”
“Sorry, hon. I don’t have that kind of information on my terminal.”
I barely thanked her before running for the elevator. Miles was right behind me.
As soon as we reached the third floor, I saw Henry. He was in a partially enclosed waiting room, slumped over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
“Henry!” I rushed toward him.
When he saw me, he stood and his arms automatically went around me. As we pressed together, I could feel the tenseness in every one of his muscles.
“What happened?”
His head was tucked between my neck and shoulders. His body shook as he said, “Dad had a heart attack.”
“It’ll be okay,” I said immediately. It had to be okay.
“It was bad,” he went on. “He’s in surgery right now.”
Surgery? My stomach clenched tighter. Henry loosened his hold on me and carefully pulled away.
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