“You’ll be great,” Miles assured me, squeezing my hand. I knew that the gesture was meant to be comforting, but it didn’t help. “The audience will love you.”
I had a sudden desire to sneak a peek through the thick red curtains to see the audience he was talking about, but maybe that was a terrible idea. Wouldn’t that make the anxiety bubbling inside of me reach it’s boiling point?
Miles was supposed to enter from the opposite side of the stage, so after a quick “break a leg” and a confident smile, he left me alone to marinate in my panic.
“Oh God,” I muttered, leaning farther into the wall, feeling the cool cement blocks beneath my fingers and I practiced breathing slowly.
“You ready?” someone said from behind me.
“Do I have a choice?”
Whoever it was laughed softly.
The urge to see how many people I would be making a fool of myself in front of won out, so I opened the curtain just enough to get one eye through.
Wow. The place was packed.
My eyes scanned the crowd and I caught sight of Henry in the front row sitting between both of his parents. Either I wasn’t being very discreet or Henry had known that I would do exactly what I was doing, because he found me right away. Our eyes locked and he smiled before mouthing, Just you and me.
The lights dimmed over the audience, the curtains lifted, and I knew it was time to take my place.
****
“Eliza? Where the devil are my slippers?” Miles delivered his final line.
All at once, the curtains lowered.
It was done.
It was actually done!
We joined hands and took our places for the final bow. The curtain came back up and the audience applauded wildly.
It was exhilarating. I’d never experienced such a rush of adrenaline before.
Holding my hand tight in his, Miles pulled me forward two paces and the two of us took another bow. This time I could definitely hear whistles and my name shouted from somewhere in the audience.
“Come on,” Miles said as the curtain started to come down again.
I took one last look at the audience. My heart was still popping and my blood was buzzing with excitement.
“Where are we going?” I whispered, as I let him pull me through the darkened backstage area. The cast was scattered. I spotted Kristin and Emma and Sam, and I tried to wave but Miles was still tugging me along.
As he opened one of the side doors, he explained, “After the show, the actors do a meet and greet outside the auditorium and we take pictures with audience members.”
“There they are!” Mrs. Cobb exclaimed when she saw us. She rushed over and placed one hand against the small of my back. “Hurry along, hurry along, you two! The paper wants to take a group photo.”
I felt like a raft caught up in the current. In a rush, I was dragged forward and positioned in the front of the group. The photographer brusquely pushed my hair aside so she could see my face, then she stepped back and adjusted the lens on her big black camera. I had the sudden and surreal thought that if my schedule hadn’t gotten disrupted on the first day of school, I would have taken a photography class and our positions might have been reversed.
The flash of the camera brought me back to reality. She took several group shots as well as some shots of just me and Miles together, all the while directing me to move my head this way and that way.
When she was finished, the friends and family members who had been waiting patiently on the sidelines swarmed the actors. Everywhere I looked was a chaotic mixture of flowers, camera flashes, hugging and words of praise.
I stood on my tiptoes and searched the crowd for Henry and his parents, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. I realized that they must have left as soon as the show was over to avoid the inevitable traffic jam. It made sense, but I still couldn’t ignore tried to ignore the weight of disappointment that settled over me. It was crushing.
“Now what could you possibly be sad about on a night like this?”
I sucked in my breath and spun around and there was my father. In a suit! I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“You came?”
He smiled and handed over a bouquet of sunflowers and daisies. They were my mom’s favorites and, of course, mine. “Of course I came. I wouldn’t have missed your big night for anything.”
I was overcome and I think he could tell because he said, “Now don’t cry on me.”
I laughed through my tears and then I threw my arms around him and I hugged him. “Thank you,” I whispered.
His arm tentatively came around my back. “You were fantastic up there, darlin.’ Your mom would have loved watching you like that. In fact, I’d bet she was.”
I swallowed and pulled back a little. “I felt her there. With me.”
Just then, Mrs. Cobb approached. “You must be Caroline’s father,” she said, sticking her hand out with a flourish. ‘I’m Nina Cobb, Caroline’s theater teacher and the director of the production.”
“Jeff McKain,” Dad said, shaking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
She was smiling at us. “It’s my pleasure. Your Caroline has a gift. You must be so proud.
“I am,” Dad beamed as he draped one arm across my shoulder.
“I do hope you’re able to help us persuade her to participate in the winter play,” Mrs. Cobb
hinted.
“I don’t think I’ll need much persuading,” I admitted.
Mrs. Cobb joined her hands and gave a short hoot. “Fantastic! We can discuss the details over pancakes.”
“Pancakes?” Um, what was she talking about?
“It’s tradition for the cast and crew to go to Pancake House after the show,” she said. “We like to celebrate and it’s the only restaurant in town that doesn’t close at nine.”
“Okay… I guess I’ll be there.”
“Great! We’ll talk later but for now, enjoy yourself. You deserve it!” With that, she flitted off into the crowd.
“Caroline!”
Dad and I both looked around to see who was shouting my name and we saw Mr. and Mrs. Vaughn sidestepping through the crowd. I looked past them but I didn’t see Henry.
“You did such an amazing job!” Mrs. Vaughn cried out. “And your accent! Dear, I didn’t know you had that in you.”
I laughed self-consciously. “Neither did I.”
“Cecilia’s right,” Mr. Vaughn added. “You had the whole audience eating out of your hand.”
“Thanks… But, should you be here? So soon after the hospital?”
Mr. Vaughn grinned and pointed to his chest. “Not to worry. This sucker has a lot more miles left. And now that I have your father to help me, I feel a lot better.”
“What?” I turned to face my dad.
He shrugged mildly and said, “I was going to tell you, but I guess the beans are spilled.”
I shook my head in confusion. “Okay?”
Dad jammed his hands into the pockets of his suit pants and said, “Well, the other day, I called Alan to see how he was and we got to talking.”
“I’m on doctor’s orders to take it easy,” Mr. Vaughn said.
“That’s right,” my father continued. “So I’m going to help out for a while. You know, check up on his developments here and on the new one in Missouri just to make sure things are running like they should.”
“Like a job?” I was flabbergasted.
Dad smiled nervously. “Like a job.”
“Really?” I squealed. This was great news. The best.
“Yep.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, grinning widely. “This is wonderful.”
Mr. Vaughn clapped Dad on the shoulder. “For everyone.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then the crowd started to dissipate. The cast was filtering back inside the auditorium to change and clean up for the night. Mr. and Mrs. Vaughn said their goodbyes and then they started toward the parking lot, leaving Dad a
nd I alone.
“You really were amazing up there,” he said again.
“Thanks,” I told him, giving him another hug. “I guess everyone’s going in to change. I’ve got to get this thing off—” I picked up the skirt of my costume. “But I’ll see you at home?”
“I can wait if you need a ride.”
“No, I’m sure I can get someone to drive me.”
Dad backed away. “Okay, I’ll stop by Joe’s and pick us up a pizza.”
“Perfect—I’m starving! Oh wait… The after party!” I’d almost forgotten about the Pancake House. I looked back to my father and shook my head. “You know what? I don’t have to go.”
“Of course you have to go, Caroline. You’re the star!”
“Well…” I frowned. “Do you want to come with me?”
Dad laughed. “Aw, darlin,’ I appreciate that but you don’t want your old man tagging along on your big night. You go and have fun with your friends and I’ll pick up that pizza anyway just in case you’re hungry again later.”
“Good call,” I said, squeezing the bouquet he’d given me to my body. “Then I’ll see you later.”
I walked back through the side door of the auditorium to change out of my costume, clean my face off and grab my things.
As I approached my bag, I noticed there was a bouquet of brightly colored gerbera daisies in a purple vase sitting next to it.
I looked around the room but no one else was left in here so I didn’t know who they were from. But I could see my name on the card so I knew they had to be for me.
I set aside the flowers from my father and reached for the new bouquet. I pulled off the small card that was attached to it. Inside were three Starbucks gift certificates and a silver necklace chain with a small star-shaped pendant. It was Hannah’s necklace. With shaky hands, I unfolded the small white note card. It read:
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
—William Shakespeare
You said that I was the strong one, but you were wrong.
Care, you’re the strong one.
You’re the one who kept her feet on the ground.
The one who didn’t get lost trying to steer the stars.
If you haven’t figured this out already...
I am completely in awe of you.
We only get this one life.
There are no do-overs or rewinds.
So I’ll make you a deal, okay?
From now on, we both live it.
Love, Hannah
I dug out my phone from the bottom of my bag and sent Hannah an instant message.
CareBear16: Annnnd that’s a wrap!
Jellybean08: Yayyyy! So, how’d it go?
CareBear16: It was good. Really good. At least I think it was. I didn’t throw up or anything so that’s got to mean something :P
Jellybean08: Fantastic!
CareBear16: And I got YOUR NECKLACE and the flowers AND the Starbucks cards!! Thank you sooooo much! You made me cry.
Jellybean08: Well, I know how you need your caffeine…
CareBear16: LOL! Too right. I wish you could have been here tonight.
Jellybean08: Me too! But don’t worry—I made Henry record it!
CareBear16: Eek! I didn’t even notice he had a camera!
Jellybean08: He’s sneaky like that.
CareBear16: Hahahha. Okay, I gotta finish changing but I’ll call you tomorrow.
Jellybean08: Okay! Have fun tonight! XO
I hung up the costume and then I sat down in front of the mirror and used the cleansing pads Kristin had left for me. When I was back in my jeans and my face looked like mine again, I carefully put on Hannah’s star necklace and smiled at my reflection in the mirror. Then I grabbed my bag and the flowers and I scooted out of the dressing area, hoping I still had a chance at catching a ride to the Pancake House.
To my chagrin, I saw Miles leaning up against a wall. When he looked up and saw me, he smiled and I knew instantly that he’d been waiting for me.
“There she is!” he called brightly.
Gah!! I slipped on my coat and said conversationally, “Oh hey. I figured you had left already.”
“I thought we could head over to the Pancake House together.”
“Um, well…” I glanced around. Oh, why hadn’t I asked my dad to wait?
“Of course, if you want to skip pancakes, maybe we could just hang out?” He laughed and winked. “I’m pretty sure you owe me a date.”
“Miles.” I bit down on my bottom lip. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“You don’t think it would be a good idea? Why’s that?”
“Look… I’m sorry. It’s just—I don’t think I ever should have agreed to go out with you in the first place. It wasn’t very nice of me.”
“Oh, okay.” He sounded crushed.”Can I ask why?”
I felt horrible. This was worse than I thought it would be. “It’s just… I like someone else and even if he doesn’t like me back, I don’t think it’s fair to lead you on when my heart already belongs to someone else.”
He shrugged in defeat. “I guess I knew that.”
“You did?”
“Yeah… but I still thought it was worth a try.” His sigh was loud and regretful. “Well, I think I’m going to head on over for pancakes. I’ll see you around.”
I watched him walk away, his shoulders slumped forward and his gait awkward and I almost called out to ask if he still wanted to ride together. But at the last second, I thought better of it. Probably best not to rub his nose in it...
I bit my lip, still feeling guilty about the whole exchange despite knowing that it was the right thing to do. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted.
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
What? Had I spoken out loud?
I turned around to see Henry standing behind me in the hall.
“What did you say?” I asked, half breathless with the shock of seeing him.
He took a step in my direction. “It looked like Miles was asking you out again. Isn’t that what you wanted all along? To be with him?”
I was so sick of this. So sick of the what ifs and the wondering and the half-truths. What had Hannah said in her note? We only get this one life. There are no do-overs or rewinds. And, even though I was scared out of my mind, I knew she was right. I’d rather be hurt and disappointed than feel like I was stuck in place.
Henry was looking at me so intently that I could barely meet his eyes. I was almost shaking with the rawness of what I was about to do. All around me the walls of the hallway were shifting in and out of focus. “No… I don’t want Miles,” I told him. “Don’t you get it? I want you.”
Understanding seeped in and I watched as his expression shifted from surprise to something else. Something that seemed to mirror what I was feeling. “Caroline…”
Hope sparked somewhere deep inside my chest and gave me the courage to go on. “Henry,” I said softly, “I’ve always wanted you.”
He reached for me then, pulling my hand to his chest and pressing my palm above his heart so that I could feel how fast it was beating. “Always?”
I nodded, my own heart pounding. “Since forever.”
His fingers slid up my arm and around to the back of my neck while his other hand found my waist and pulled me closer. Close enough to feel his body flush against mine and his warm breath and the stubble above his lip. “You know what I said before.” He was whispering into my ear. “Forever only happens once.”
I barely had time to digest his words before he bent lower and kissed me.
How many times had I imagined this moment?
How many times had this exact scenario played out in my head?
The truth I learned in that moment was that nothing I could possibly dream up, could have prepared me for the real thing. For Henry.
He was everywhere—his mouth on mine hungry and soft at the same time, his touch sending tingles down my spine an
d making me ache.
It was epic—the kind of kiss that you can feel in your bones.
When it ended, I blinked dazedly. Henry was smiling. Both of his strong hands traveled up my body to cup my face. He was looking directly into my eyes—into me.
I didn’t know what to say, how to put what was inside of me into the right words. But I didn’t have to because Henry said them for me.
“Only once.”
Turn around…
It was a wish. A hope and a prayer.
In the nearly three hours that I’d been waiting, I’d chased off a kid in a beanie, a few birds, an old woman with an umbrella gripped in her hands, and a dog with a poofy tail. There’d been no sign on him and, of course, I had no idea if he’d actually show up. After all, he’d only mentioned the park a few times.
Still, I sat on a wooden bench braced against the trunk of a wide-branched beech tree with my hands stuffed in the pockets of my red coat and watched the bridge.
The ground around my feet was so thick with golden-brown leaves I couldn’t see the grass below. My breath formed icy clouds the moment it left my mouth and my nose was numb.
Still, I waited.
And I waited.
And then it happened.
At first, I wasn’t sure it was him. He was walking from the opposite direction and the light was working against me. I stayed in my spot but I strained to see, stretching up as high as I could.
Was it him?
He was the right height, but it was a long distance and his features were lost beneath the lip of a dark green hoodie. I watched in earnest as he stopped at the apex of the bridge and turned to face the water. The hood fell around his shoulders, revealing his face, and I knew.
It was him.
My heart was in my throat as he pushed up the sleeves of his jacket and rested his forearms against the railing. And when he noticed the bright red bag just to his left, I held my breath and stood from the bench.
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