by Alexa Aston
Tristan pulled Nan to him and kissed her thoroughly until she was breathless. Someone cleared his throat. She and Tristan pulled apart.
Drew said to both couples, “We’d best be off.”
No one stopped them as they left the keep. Only a few servants watched in silence from the doorway of the great hall. They crossed through both baileys. Wycliffe’s captain of the guard awaited them and signaled for the gates to open when they approached. The moment Nan stepped through them, she felt the nightmare had finally come to an end.
As dawn broke on the horizon, she looked out and saw what had to be every soldier from Leventhorpe waiting outside, mounted on horses, weapons in hand. A rousing cheer went up as the army caught sight of the two women. Tears came to her eyes, thinking how all of these men had come to her and Gillian’s rescue. Nan gave a brash wave, causing more cheers to break out. She saw Sir Dawkin’s pleased smile. He nodded graciously and pivoted his horse to face the men.
Tristan swung into his saddle and lifted her to his horse, placing her in front of him. His arms went around her. Nan felt as if she were deep inside a cocoon, one of warmth and protection.
And love.
As the soldiers turned their horses to return to Leventhorpe, Tristan nuzzled her ear.
Though she longed for him to do more, she turned and looked up at him, asking what weighed on her heart. “What has changed, Tristan? You have fought me every step of the way. From the moment we met, you told me you didn’t believe in love. Even when I admitted that I had fallen in love with you, you rejected me. I need the truth before we ride away from this awful place.
“Do you truly love me? Or did you do and say what you needed to in order to save my life?”
He pressed his lips to her brow. Nan felt his tears against her skin.
“I meant every word I said in there, Nan de Montfort. I love you with all my heart. I give it—I give everything I have and am—to you. You have taught me so much. I now understand that love doesn’t make a man weak. He is stronger because of it. I think I loved you from the moment I met you, something I did not believe possible. It took you being placed in grave danger for me to realize what was most important to me. You. And how much I need you. How much we need one another. How much we can love.”
Tristan had finally opened his heart to her, something Nan didn’t know was possible. Now that it had come to pass, she knew each day would be better than the one before because it would be lived in love, with this man by her side.
“I know you may be disappointed in me, sweetheart. I entered Wycliffe intending to strike down Lord Petyr. But . . . something stopped me. Because of something that happened to my family and what I saw that I can never forget, no matter how much time has passed. The baron’s children are innocent of any wrongdoing. I couldn’t let them suffer—couldn’t make them orphans—for his foolish actions.”
Nan knew he spoke of finding his family butchered upon his return to Leventhorpe and how he had immense responsibility thrust upon his shoulders at a young age.
“It takes a very strong man to grant mercy as you did, Tristan. I am not disappointed in you. Nor angry with you. If anything, it makes me love you even more.”
“Then will you marry me, my love? I want you as my countess. My wife. My partner in life and love, from today until the end of time.”
“You know I will, Tristan. I love you. I always will.” She smiled. “Until beyond the end of time.”
His arms tightened about her and his horse took off. As they headed toward Thorpe Castle, her new home, peace filled Nan.
Chapter 23
By the time they arrived at Thorpe Castle, Nan was ravenous. The soldiers of Leventhorpe went to discard their armor and weapons and returned to the great hall. Servants dashed about, bringing food for everyone. Nan ate her fill, content to stare out over what would be her new home. Already, she had many ideas she would like to implement inside the keep, from scenting the rushes to hanging new tapestries. She could hear Alys now, teasing her for finally being interested in domestic issues, something that had never held Nan’s interest at Kinwick.
She looked at the trencher in front of her and decided if she took another bite, she might burst. Instead, more than anything, she desired a bath. Washing away not only the grime but also Lord Petyr’s touch was important to her. It still surprised her how forgiving Tristan had been of the nobleman but she did understand why he would not want to leave the baron’s children as orphans, having them find their father’s bloodied corpse as Tristan had his own family’s dead bodies years before. Nan thought she needed to let her future husband know that she had learned of the deaths of his family during the peasants’ rebellion, but didn’t want him to think she had gossiped with others about him.
Gillian sat to her left on the dais, next to David. David would leave after the meal and ride to Sandbourne to bring his parents back to Leventhorpe. Together, she and Gillian had made a quick, easy decision that they both should marry together at Thorpe Castle in a single ceremony as soon as possible. Drew would ride for Kinwick, as well, in order to notify her parents. Riders would be sent from Kinwick to Alys and Edward’s estates, while Tristan would send one of his men to Ancel since Ancel lived the closest to Leventhorpe. Nan hoped that within a week all her family would arrive so that the two marriages could take place.
They went out into the sunshine of the warm day to see David and Drew off.
Drew pulled her aside and embraced her. “I am happy for you, Nan, and I can see how happy you are. I worried that Lord Tristan would not come around and admit his feelings for you.”
She chuckled. “That makes two of us, Drew. I suppose it took the thought of losing me for Tristan to understand what we share between us.”
He smiled. “You’re a love match, just as the earl and countess are. At least Lord Geoffrey has already met your husband-to-be. Now, he’ll have to pass Lady Merryn’s inspection.” The squire paused. “Before I forget.” He pulled out a blade and handed it to her.
“My baselard! You found it!” she cried. “It certainly proved useful.”
“We saw your handiwork,” Drew said dryly.
“Thank you for returning it. ’Tis the best gift I have ever received and it’s all the more precious to me because it came from you. Be safe, Drew,” she cautioned him. “I will miss you.” Already, the thought of being parted from her dearest friend saddened Nan, knowing she would remain at Thorpe Castle after her marriage while Drew returned permanently to Kinwick.
The two men mounted their horses and waved goodbye. Nan watched until they were both gone from sight.
“I don’t know about you,” she told Gillian, “but I long for a bath.”
“I have been thinking of one, as well. I’ll let the servants know to bring hot water to us both.”
Nan returned to the solar, glancing at it with new eyes. She would spend many years in these rooms.
With the man she loved.
Buckets of hot water arrived and the bath proved to be exactly what she needed. Nan scrubbed her limbs vigorously, trying to wash away any trace of the events that had occurred. She dried herself and combed out her hair, waiting to braid it until it dried.
Someone rapped upon the chamber door. She answered and found Tristan standing before her.
“May I come in?” he asked.
Nan chuckled. “Well, it is your solar.” She stepped aside to allow him entry.
“Our solar,” he corrected as he shut the door. “Or it will be soon. Are you feeling refreshed?”
“Aye.”
He reached out and ran his fingers through her unbound hair, sending a delicious thrill through her. “I like when you leave your hair down.” He rubbed a lock between his fingertips. “I hope you will leave it loose every night,” he said huskily.
“I can do so since it pleases you,” she said, her pulse quickening with his nearness.
“Are you tired? I thought you might wish to sleep after your bath.”
&nbs
p; “Nay. In fact, I’m bursting with energy,” she admitted, hoping he had kisses—or more—on his mind.
“Can we talk? There are things I wish to speak to you about.”
Tristan’s tone was serious. Nan wondered what he wished to discuss. “I hope you aren’t regretting expressing your feelings toward me.”
“Not at all,” Tristan said, a smile playing about his lips as he toyed with her hair. “Come.”
He led her to a chair and sat, pulling her into his lap. She slipped her hands behind his neck and locked her fingers together. Being next to him like this made her wish they never had to leave the solar.
“I want to share something with you. What made me offer Petyr Medford forgiveness, though he didn’t deserve it.”
Now knowing what Tristan wanted to discuss with her and how painful it might be for him caused her to say, “I’m not interested in your past, Tristan. Only our present and future together.”
He gave her a gentle smile. “I need to talk to you about it, Nan.”
“Go ahead,” she encouraged. “Tell me what you wish.”
Tristan took a deep breath. “My family was like many. My parents met once—briefly—when their betrothal contracts were signed and then years later on the day they wed. They were civil toward one another but had no real affection between them. The moment we reached seven years of age, we were sent away to foster. All but Gillian. As the only girl, she remained home. My brothers and I returned to Leventhorpe during the summers and I looked forward to seeing them each year. I was the oldest and they all looked up to me. I was quite adventurous and outgoing, not the cautious man of few words that you now see.
“Seven years ago, my father sent a missive, asking that I return to Thorpe Castle earlier than usual. I fostered far from home in the West Country and none of us there had any idea of the seeds of rebellion that had begun to spread east of London. I left at once and rode for home, reaching Leventhorpe on the day I turned ten and nine. Cook had always spoiled me amongst all of the children and I looked forward to the lente frytoures that I knew she would make for me once I arrived.” He smiled sadly. “No one could fry battered apple rings as she did.”
Nan already ached, hearing the wistfulness in his voice and thinking of how tragedy had changed him.
“As I drew close to the castle, it struck me as odd that no serfs labored in the fields. Then the scent of something burning reached me, so acrid that my nose and throat began to burn. I galloped to the gates, only to find them open and no soldiers stationed along the wall walk. The bailey was deserted. I turned my horse in the direction of where the fire had occurred and found myself at what had been our stables.”
She stroked his back lightly, trying to comfort him.
“The structure had burned to the ground, though embers still smoldered. The stench of burned horseflesh stayed in my nostrils for a week.” Tristan swallowed. “I heard . . . noises. I found two horses that had escaped, probably when a side or the roof collapsed. But they were burned so badly, they had no chance of survival.” He shuddered. “I quickly put them out of their misery.”
“Oh, Tristan.” The words escaped her unintentionally.
“I picked through the rubble, afraid to go anywhere else. It was so silent, Nan. No sound at all beyond a gentle breeze. No birds sang. Nothing.”
He remained taciturn a few minutes. Nan let him be, knowing the rest of his tale would unfold when he could manage to speak of it.
“I came across something. At first, ’twas hard for me to reconcile what it might be. Then I realized it was the remains of . . . a babe.”
Her fingers stilled from stroking him.
“My mother had been with child the summer before. The babe was to come about three months after I left Leventhorpe. I knew . . . I knew . . . that this was that child.”
Nan laid her head on his shoulder. His arms tightened about her. Once again, they sat for some minutes without speaking.
Finally, Tristan said, “I hunted through the debris desperately after that. My mother had made it plain that she was unhappy to be with child again, especially after birthing five boys and a girl. I knew Gillian would be the one to care for this babe. Already, her maternal instincts were strong at a young age.” He finally looked at her, tears filling his eyes. “And if the babe had been in the stables, I knew Gillian had been, as well.”
“But you didn’t find her,” Nan murmured.
“Nay. I didn’t know if she had hidden the babe there and been unable to return for it.” He swallowed hard. “But I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.
“I went to the keep.”
She knew what he would find when he arrived. She wanted to tell him to stop but, at the same time, Nan realized Tristan had never spoken of these events with another soul. Releasing this was something he needed to do.
“On the way, I came across a few scattered bodies on the ground. I was only beginning to understand that a rebellion had occurred but I was so dazed that I didn’t know who started it or why. I thought I would find my family huddled together in the solar, weeping at the losses that had occurred.
“I was wrong.”
Nan’s hand slid down to rest against Tristan’s heart. It pounded beneath her fingertips. She closed her eyes, hating that he would now relive the horror of that moment.
“The door to the keep stood open, as the gates had been. I called out. No one answered. I started up the stairs to the solar but something stopped me. I retraced my steps and went into the great hall instead.” He drew in a long breath and expelled it slowly.
“My family was there. My father. My mother. All four of my brothers. Their bodies mutilated. Blood . . . everywhere. I had never seen such savagery. I stood there for who knows how long, staring at their brutalized corpses. Then I heard a low moan. It finally pulled me from my confusion. I found Dawkin lying nearby, horribly injured.”
“He’d tried to defend them?”
“Aye. To save his life, I had to saw off his leg. His eye had already been plucked from his face. I nursed him back to health even as I took time away each day to dig the graves for the dead. My dead. And the other bodies I found. The soldiers’ barracks was a virtual slaughterhouse.”
Nan kissed his cheek softly.
“I also knew I had to find Gillian. Dawkin was able to tell me that she had escaped with the babe but I knew I hadn’t found her bones in the stables. It took three days before I found her in the forest, huddled in a tiny ball, shivering.”
Their eyes met. “I have had nightmares about that day ever since. Those rebelling peasants and their murdering ways defined the man I became. A man who isolated himself. One who found he couldn’t trust anyone because he never knew who might turn on him. I cut myself off from every emotion and held everything inside me. I believed I could never love again because it would hurt too much. I refused to let my guard down. I never let anyone close to me again, not even Gillian, who craved my attention. I was lucky enough that once Stephen and Toby earned their knighthoods that they came to be in my service. And then I lost them, too.”
He paused. “I saw myself alone for the rest of my life. Until you came along, Nan, and changed everything.”
Tristan cupped her face in both of his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, wet from the tears she wept.
“You made me yearn to be different. To break away from my past. To want and receive love. Your optimism reminded me of everything lacking in my life. You began to pull me from my shell, little by little. You became like a breath of fresh air—and then you became the very air I needed to breathe, my love.
“Because of you, I want to explore life—and love. With you. No more hiding from my past.”
Tristan’s lips touched Nan’s and he felt he had come home. He pressed soft kisses against her mouth, each one healing him. With this woman by his side, Tristan knew everything would be transformed for the better. She parted her soft lips and he deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue inside her mouth. One kis
s melted into the next until he finally broke away. They both gasped for air.
“I love you, sweetest Nan,” he said earnestly. “I cannot wait to speak our vows and make you mine.”
Love shone in her eyes as she told him, “I am yours, Tristan, for the taking. Love me.”
He frowned. “But—”
She cut off his reply, her hands gripping his gypon and pulling his mouth back down to hers. They kissed hungrily. His arms enveloped her and held her close. Nan wiggled her bottom against him. His manhood sprang to life.
This time, she broke the kiss. “Come. The bed awaits us.”
Nan scrambled off his lap and captured his hand, tugging hard. He allowed her to pull him from the chair.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
Her smile lit up the room. “I will always be sure—when I am with you.” Those sapphire blue eyes sparkled at him with certainty.
And a bit of mischief.
Tristan scooped her up and took her into the bedchamber, his pulse racing. He gently placed her on the bed, the cloud of long, dark hair spilling about her. His trembling fingers undressed her slowly, admiring the creamy, smooth flesh as it was bared to him. When he pulled her boots from her feet, her dagger fell to the floor.
“I see Drew returned your blade.”
Nan shrugged. “Every woman should carry one.”
Finally, she lay before him, unclothed. Tristan’s eyes roamed over her frame, taking in her full breasts and the beautiful curve to her hips.
“Prepare for every inch of you to be kissed, my lady,” he promised.
“Nay.”
Had she changed her mind?
“First, you must let me see you, my lord.” A smile played about her lips. “Then we shall have this kissing come to pass—although it may be my lips kissing every bit of your flesh.”
Tristan began tearing at his clothes. He had never undressed as quickly in his life. Nan giggled as she watched.