“Connor’s not David.”
She and Gwen both looked over at Luke who looked disgruntled and pissy. “What?”
“I said, Connor’s not David and you’re going to have deal with that. If you want to move on with your life and not screw your chances of ever finding happiness again, you’re going to have to accept that. Maybe I was never Connor’s biggest fan, but I am now. I saw…I know how he feels about you. And as a guy, I understand what he’s saying, what he’s asking. And you’re not being fair to him. You’re not trusting him. Has he ever done anything to make you think he’d threaten you in any way?”
She looked away from her brother’s serious face and shame swam through her body. “Of course he hasn’t. I know he wouldn’t. But…staying home with his baby and giving up that position I was offered doesn’t seem right, either.”
“Okay, think of this. If money wasn’t an issue and you were a single mother and Rosie was your daughter. What would you do?”
Gwen smiled after she dropped that question. She knew Haley so well.
She had clarity now. “Without a second thought, I’d stay home with her and work two days at the school. Then when she was old enough to go to school, I’d go back full time, too. Then she could come to my classroom after she finished school and…”
“For something that you haven’t given much thought to, sounds like you’ve got a pretty detailed plan,” Luke said with a smirk, the twinkle in his eyes softening his sarcasm.
“So the problem isn’t what Connor is suggesting, it’s that it’s a guy suggesting it.”
Haley slowly lowered her head to the table. Luke patted her shoulders.
“It’s okay, I’m not offended,” he said, laughter in his voice.
“I’ve got to get myself together before I ruin everything,” she moaned.
“There’s something else you should know.”
Haley lifted her head from the table and stared expectedly at Luke. “Yes?”
“He’s the guy. The anonymous guy.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The women’s shelter. Jack told us last night. It was Connor’s idea for them to build the addition for the shelter and it was Connor who made the anonymous donation.”
“What?” Haley whispered.
Gwen nodded, wincing. “I know. He’s a good man, Haley. You know it deep down. If you know you love him, you have to find a way to get past your fear.”
Haley covered her face. They were so right. She was miserable without him. She couldn’t let David and all her issues ruin something so special. Connor was everything to her and she was going to have to fight her demons.
He was worth fighting for.
Chapter Thirteen
Haley stood on Connor’s doorstep and waited. She could go in, she had a key. But after…what happened it didn’t feel right to just walk in as though she lived here anymore. She couldn’t imagine what he thought of her. Probably that she was a hot mess and that he and Rosie were better off without her. She couldn’t blame him. She pulled the collar of her coat up a little higher as the cold wind blew a dusting of snow around her.
She frowned when another minute went by and there was no answer. Connor’s truck was in the driveway and the lights were on inside. She knocked again and tried not to panic at the thought that maybe he wasn’t answering because it was her.
A moment later the door swung open and she swallowed her gasp at the sight in front of her; Connor was standing there with bloodshot eyes, stubble a few days old, a T-shirt smattered with formula stains. He was wearing those worn jeans that hugged the lean lines of his hips and legs. He was mouthwatering. He was holding the door with one hand and Rosie in the other. Her gaze went back and forth between the two nervously. “Um, hi,” she finally managed.
He looked beyond her, and her heart sank. He wasn’t pleased she was here at all. She turned as she heard tires crunching against the snow.
“It’s Luigi’s,” he said, pulling a twenty out of his back pocket. She tried to ignore how good he looked, even in his bedraggled state.
A young man ran up the walkway, his car still running, holding a pizza warming bag in one hand. “Hi, Connor. Got the usual for you,” he said, sliding out a large box.
Connor slipped him the twenty and grabbed the box. “Thanks, see ya.”
“You bet!” the kid said as he ran back down the walkway.
“You should probably come in. The pizza is going to get cold fast out here.”
She forced a smile and walked through the door, resisting the urge to reach out and kiss him and then grab Rosie. She stifled her gasp as she walked into the house. There were piles of laundry and receiving blankets strewn all over the couches. Empty pizza boxes were on the counters. A dozen or so baby bottles in the sink…and the Keurig was back out, with boxes of coffee pods beside it. “How…are you?” Her voice sounded stiff. She felt awkward.
He sighed and leaned against the counter. “How do I look, Haley?”
She swallowed. “Well…Rosie looks good,” she said, forcing a polite smile.
She was relieved when his lips twitched and she caught a sparkle in his eyes. “I’ve managed to keep her alive for three days, so I guess that’s winning.”
“That’s…great. You’re a great father. A good man,” she whispered. She needed to get it out. She needed to tell him how she felt about him, how wrong she’d been. “I was wrong. I’m sorry. I was reacting to what happened. I know you’d never hurt me. I just needed to separate what happened with David and you. I…started going to a group therapy meeting at the women’s shelter. I’m going to start volunteering there with Mrs. Bailey.”
He ran a hand over his jaw and she didn’t know what he was thinking. The last few days with Gwen and Luke had been cathartic for her. When he didn’t say anything, she continued. “I thought in my year away from him that I had healed. I thought my issues were with David. Turns out, they aren’t magically going to disappear, so I think therapy is the right thing. I have a long road ahead…” She blinked back tears furiously and she forced the truth from her lips, knowing he needed to hear everything. “But I don’t want to travel that road alone. I don’t want to lose you. I want you and Rosie by my side. I want to learn how to lean on you. I can’t do it by myself. I want to be here, if you’ll have me back.”
…
Connor couldn’t stand still any longer. He crossed the distance between them and gently wrapped one arm around her, relief flooding him when she let him. She clung to him, like he was her lifeline. He stroked her hair and whispered as many words of reassurance as he could. Rosie made a noise and she pulled back slightly to look at her, the longing in her eyes making him hurt.
He handed Rosie over to her and she hugged her tight, squeezing her eyes shut.
“So you’re speaking to me?” she asked, holding Rosie still.
“Haley, I told you the other night. I love you, and I don’t want to live without you.”
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes glistened. “I love you, too,” she whispered, her words, the emotion in them, touching him inside. All these soft places he never knew existed in him. They reminded him of when he was little, of the times when he’d felt unconditional love. It had been a long, long wait to feel that again.
He cupped her soft face with his hands. “I love you in ways I didn’t know was possible. You gave me the direction to go in. You showed me I was capable. There isn’t an inch of me that isn’t damaged or scarred. I came to you completely inadequate and unworthy, but I’m not the same guy. I’m not that guy who found his baby on his doorstep. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I was given two amazing chances to become so much more than I ever thought I could be: you and Rosie. You’re my girls, and you’ve healed every damaged part of me. You’re the woman I’ve always wanted. You’re the woman that makes me the man I want to be. You are perfect. In all the ways you think you are imperfect, you are perfect for me.”
She was crying when sh
e leaned forward and kissed him.
“Babies?” she whispered.
He framed her face with her hands. “I thought I was going to kill him when he said that. You are not some vessel whose only purpose is to bring children into the world.”
“I know…I know that on a rational level, but I can’t help feeling inferior. I can’t help feeling like I’m the one who would screw up our future,” she whispered. “But you’re going to want more kids.”
“Thanks for telling me what I’m going to want in the future. I know when I’ve got it good. You and Rosie are all I need. Hell, I didn’t ever plan on becoming a dad. Life had other plans for me, so here I am. I love that little girl more than anything, but I’m not going to go from not even having kids on the radar to wanting a giant brood of them. Look at me, despite my status as genius I’m incapable of multi-tasking with a baby. I can barely warm a bottle and call for pizza delivery. I can’t make coffee unless it’s in pod form, and I swear to God I have no idea how you’re able to take Rosie out of that tub thing without her slipping out of your hands. I almost dropped my own child. The constant bottle washing. I had to order more bottles off Amazon Prime because I couldn’t keep up. We now have a three-day supply of bottles. I don’t know how you’re capable of running this place. I will never take that for granted.”
…
Haley shut her eyes, half laughing, half crying at his words, not really believing any of this was happening.
He made sense.
He sounded sure.
It was good male logic, but he didn’t know how it really worked. How the feeling could just suddenly be there one day when you looked at another family, or maybe wanting Rosie to have a sibling. And then what? She wouldn’t be able to give him that.
“I can see you’re still arguing with me inside your head. Haley, I want you and Rosie. That’s it. That will be more than enough for me, and I will consider myself the luckiest man on earth.”
She blinked back tears and crossed her arms in front of her. “You’ll never be able to change your mind,” she whispered.
“You know what I think, babe?” This time when he spoke, his voice was soft and the anger was gone. He rubbed his thumb across her cheekbone. “I think you want a baby so badly and you’re putting it on me. You want to be pregnant, to have that baby inside, to give birth to him or her.”
When a sob broke he pulled her against his chest and she held on for dear life. She hated how he knew her so well, how he could cut out all the bull and speak the truth, no matter how painful it was. “I’m sorry that it sucks, I’m sorry you’ll never experience that. Life isn’t fair, so many times. But you’ve got my little girl. You don’t need the same blood to make her your own. You’ve been more of a mother to her than her biological one. You can’t tell me that you’d love another kid more than her. Let her be enough.”
She struggled to hold it together and clutched a fistful of his shirt. “You know Rosie is enough. You know I see her as my own, and maybe that’s what’s so painful if we don’t work, then I’d have to give her up to.”
“I want you, today, I want you by my side forever. I don’t know how I managed to get you in my life. You are so beyond what I ever thought was in my future. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how grateful I am to have you in my life. And my little girl—you became her mom. She had no one in the world when she was dropped off on the doorstep that day. You stepped up and gave her what she needed. She is so lucky to have you. I want us to be a family. I want us to do all the cheesy things you like at that winter carnival thing. I actually want to do that again next year.”
She laughed and buried her face in his chest. It was so much to process. Everything he was saying was a dream come true. He was giving her the family she always wanted. He was giving her himself, the kind of man she’d only dreamed about. He was everything.
He smiled. “I’m trying, Haley. God knows I’m trying. I will do anything. I’ve got you, forever, if you’ll have me. I love you.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pulling him in closer, exactly where he needed to be. “Thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me as I am.”
His own eyes felt watery as he leaned down close. “You are perfect,” he whispered.
Epilogue
“Mrs. O’Leary, would you mind standing a little closer to your husband for the photo?”
Haley happily sidled up next to Connor, whose arm tightened around her. They were having their photo taken in the new kitchen and dining room of the Shadow Creek Women’s Shelter for the local newspaper. The money he’d donated, along with the renovation that he and Jack had provided, had transformed the place into a true place of respite for the women who needed it.
Tonight was a grand re-opening party that she and Mrs. Bailey had helped organize. She was holding Rosie who was currently trying to swat Connor with her chubby hand. He took it all in stride, laughing and kissing her palm. In the last six months, he’d fallen into his role as father and husband as though this was who he was meant to be.
He doted on them. He called them “his girls” and he said he was pretty sure in the future that Haley and Rosie would be a tag-team against him and his sloppy ways. Haley wasn’t so sure, because Rosie seemed smitten with her daddy. But she was okay with that, because she was, too.
“Sorry I’m late,” Luke said, walking into the dining room and joining the Bailey clan. “The new maternity center at the hospital is getting pretty close to opening,” he said to everyone. They were all gathered here today because in one way or another they had a hand in fixing up the old shelter. It was one of the things she and Connor talked about late at night—how amazing it was to be part of a big family. Sure, they were loud. Nosy, too. But no one had their backs like the Baileys. Because of them, Rosie would know the love of many family members.
She smiled as her brother leaned down to kiss a very pregnant Gwen. She couldn’t believe that their dreams were coming true, that she and Luke had come out on the other side. Haley felt like she’d come so far. The maternity/pediatrics ward at the hospital was also going to have a fertility clinic and there were some days that she almost thought she could have that conversation again. Maybe she’d have the courage to try again. Maybe not, but she knew with Connor by her side, anything was possible.
“Here, why don’t I hold her a bit and give you a break,” Connor said, taking Rosie. She gladly went to her daddy and the three of them went to join the rest of the Baileys.
“Who is that? She looks familiar,” Julia said to them, nudging her chin in the direction of a beautiful woman who was talking to the director of the center.
“Oh, that’s who I was talking about, Molly Mayberry. She’s the pediatrician who’s going to be heading up the new maternity/pediatrics ward,” Luke said. “She had mentioned she was planning on stopping by to offer some kind of program where she stops in once a week or is available, free of charge, for any children who need a doctor. Most of these women don’t have health insurance.”
“That’s really nice,” Haley said, looking at the woman. She was very pretty, her long blond hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail. She was wearing a navy suit and matching pumps and had a great Kate Spade bright blue purse over one shoulder.
“You didn’t say it was Molly Mayberry,” Gwen said, poking Luke in the stomach.
“Why? Is she somebody we should know?”
“She’s Marlene Mayberry’s daughter. No one has seen her since…wow, I don’t even know. After graduation, she was long gone. All of Marlene’s kids left town. I’m surprised she’s back,” Julia said. “I should go say hi or something. We used to be close.”
But they all watched her walk out a moment later, not stopping to make eye contact with anyone. She looked like someone who didn’t want to be noticed, Haley thought.
“Luke, you’re going to have to get better with the gossip situation,” Gwen teased.
Connor pull
ed Haley from the crowd of gossiping Baileys to a corner nearby. “I wanted to let you know my GED came in the mail this morning.”
Haley threw her arms around him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to wake you up before I left,” he said, bending down to kiss her.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said.
Rosie slapped him across the face and they laughed.
“I never would have bothered if it weren’t for you. But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It’s something I should have done a long time ago.”
“Well, you breezed through that course. It was really a formality, Connor. It’s a piece of paper, but I know what it means. You deserve it.”
He kissed Rosie and she gave them a slobbery smile. “A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought I was worthy of any of this. You, Rosie, this family we’re building.”
She smiled up at the man who’d given her everything; he’d given her his heart, his child, his home. He’d restored her faith in men and her confidence in herself. The last few months, she’d been religiously attending her weekly sessions with the other women at the shelter. Juggling her job as a part-time teacher and mom to Rosie had been the most gratifying experience. Being Connor’s wife was a dream she never would have even wished for a year ago. She had vowed to never marry again, to never put her trust in anyone again, but he’d made it so easy. Loving him, trusting him, had been easy when she finally surrendered her fears and allowed him to love her.
“What do you say we ditch this party?” he asked, giving her a quick kiss.
“No way, man. If we have to stay here, so do you,” Jack said, the rest of the family joining them and laughing.
“Here, I believe I owe you this,” Connor said, handing Jack a ten-dollar bill.
Jack frowned for a second then broke out into a big grin. “Looks like I’m the genius after all.”
Connor threw back his head and laughed. She and Lily smiled at their antics. She’d have to ask him about that later.
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