Because I Love You

by Amy Brent

  I liked it.

  I liked that when the bed was delivered that we put everything on it and made love with the windows wide open. It might be Sunday and we’d be returning to work tomorrow, but tonight I was in his arms with the sound of the wind and waves filling the room. I allowed myself to imagine a future with him, living here and possibly having a family. I knew that it was silly and unlikely, but I went to sleep in his arms dreaming about it.

  CHAPTER 11

  Lance

  Jesus fucking Christ. I was enjoying the moment when I heard that woman talking about me, feeling like a normal person. I was enjoying my time with Leila, but that voice was like ice water being poured right over us. That’s what I get for trying to shop at normal stores with the general population.

  I tried to play it cool as we left, feigning that I preferred the stock there. I loved the stuff I saw in the first store, but it was all too real that I might be recognized with Leila. I was lucky this time and I went down to some smaller stores and found some stuff that I could settle for. I was happy to go back to my bubble with her and eat on the back deck where we could just talk and laugh.

  I knew that every time we went out, I was risking being called out. I knew that someday she’d find out and told myself that I needed to be honest with her. Leila saw me blow thousands of dollars on furniture as well as a beach house. She had to wonder what was going on with me, unless she believed the trust fund story. It wasn’t uncommon here at all. I just hated lying to her about my life.

  The bed was delivered before the evening and we made it with the new sheets before I attacked her. I’d been hungry for Leila all day and going down on her with the sound of the ocean was perfect. It was everything that I’d ever wanted, and I held her tightly in my arms as I searched for a way to tell her the truth.

  We were both off to work the next day, though I pretended that I was going to the apartment to do some work instead of a studio. Leila seemed happy when I dropped her off at her house, kissing me softly before she went inside. I took the freeway to the studio where I was going to shoot a scene with one of the few actresses I enjoyed working with, or at least I used to. Today, I was dreading it.

  I parked the Jeep and walked inside, heading to the dressing room that was set up for me. The makeup artist came in and treated my body for the camera and I actually felt annoyed that she brushed my cock.

  I was falling for Leila and it scared me.

  I pulled on some shorts and went to the studio where bedroom set that we were using was, greeting the director with a nod. Terra walked into the room wearing a sheer black lace camisole and matching thong, smiling at me.

  “Hi, Lance. It’s good to see you again.” She ran a hand through her thick red hair and looked around as Nolan told her what was going to happen in this scene. It was the usual quick sex deal and I started the scene by acting like I passed the room on accident, leaning in to talk to her as she spread out on the bed, playing with her pussy. I approached the bed, leaning over to rip her underwear down as I pretended that she was Leila. I buried my face between her legs, licking her up and down as Terra moaned and gripped my hair. I knew that she had something for me from past shoots and the way that she held onto me and pulled me closer showed me that Terra liked it. She liked it as more than just a scene in a movie and I faltered for a moment before I focused on the job.

  I made her come with a loud scream before I ripped my shorts down. Terra went off script and pushed forward to take me into her mouth, pushing me back to the bed as she went to town. I closed my eyes and imagined Leila’s lips wrapped around me as she bobbed over me. I imagined that it was just Leila and I in a bed together, going at it until we were too tired to keep it up. Terra worked my cock hard, wanting me to come. I grabbed her long hair and pulled her closer for the camera.

  I wasn’t going to come, and I pushed her away forcefully as she stared up at me with big, green eyes. I told her to get on her knees and slipped a condom on as the camera panned to her face, ready for me. I let out a groan as I took her with one hard thrust, pushing Terra forward on the mattress. I fucked her the way that I was supposed to, knowing that it was only one woman that I wanted to be inside of. I drove into Terra hard and fast as she cried out, rocking with me. I knew that the camera was zoomed in on where our bodies were joined and let my face go slack for a moment and I pumped. I pumped into her pussy like I’d done a thousand times, making her writhe and scream my name. I made her come, feeling her tighten around me as she jerked into me.

  We ended the scene with her riding me, looking like she was having the time of her life. Terra was one of the more skilled porn actresses, but I also knew that she was into me. She came again as she rocked over me and I moved with her out of habit. I was glad when it was over and dropped back on the bed as I took a deep breath. Terra stood and smiled down at me as Nolan told us we did great, but I only stared up into the rafters of the studio.

  “Want to get a drink?” Terra asked as I gave her a dark look. I didn’t make a habit of hanging out with other actors and actresses after work apart from some of the award ceremonies. I wasn’t normally rude about it and she frowned down at me as she stood naked before me.

  “I have plans tonight,” I offered as she nodded and grabbed a robe to walk back to her room in.

  “You just turned Terra Lynn down?” Nolan asked as I sat up and stretched.

  “I don’t take it beyond the set. That shit gets dangerous.” I told him as he nodded. We’d all seen those couples break up over jealousy or just fizzling out in their personal lives. I considered what Leila would think about my career and smirked as I told Nolan to have a good night and walked to my dressing room. I pulled on my jeans and a t-shirt before I walked out to the Jeep and headed to the beach house.

  Nobody had been over apart from Leila and I enjoyed the peace. My new furniture was set up from the earlier delivery and I glanced around as I headed towards the fridge for a beer. I wanted to ask Leila to come over, but Terra had made a deep cut with her talons during the last sex scene that I wasn’t ready to explain. It seemed apparent what it was to me and even in the dark, Leila would notice it. She was touchy with me when we were being intimate, and the broken skin was obvious. I took the beer to the back patio and sat down on the steps, taking in the amazing view as I realized how big the world really was.

  I thought about the money that I’d made working. I knew that I could live well for a long time and I was already set up with homes and cars. Could I quit and do something else? I could freelance like I lied about doing and keep myself going just fine.

  I’d never considered this for a woman before. Even if I did quit, there was still a chance that she’d find out someday. Leila was not the kind of woman to embrace that and I knew I’d lose her. In that case, I might just end up back in the business because I’d never meet another woman like Leila. I heard my phone through the screen door and let it ring. I didn’t want to talk to anyone tonight and I figured I’d stay here for the night alone. I missed Leila, but it was too risky to have her come over here. I wasn’t ready for it to end yet.

  I stayed outside until I was too hungry to ignore it anymore, going inside to make something from the few groceries that I had in the fridge. I ate in the bedroom and looked out the window over the ocean, drinking another beer as I pushed away the memories of Leila that I had in this room. I dropped back onto the pillows and closed my eyes, feeling the sting of my wounds.

  I had never been at a crossroads before when it came to my career or a woman. I didn’t know what to do with this and I downed my beer as I tried to push the thoughts away. I had a lot of shoots lined up for the next several months and even if I could quit, that would be shitty to do to the people that I worked with.

  “Fuck,” I cursed under my breath as I craved another beer or more. I needed to sleep for tomorrow and I pushed away the worries about Leila and my life. I couldn’t do this to myself, not after all my hard work.

  CHAPTER 12


  Leila

  I tossed and turned all night after hardly hearing from Lance last night. I knew that we weren’t that serious and was fine with it, or was I? I loved the feeling of sleeping in his arms after making love and doing it alone didn’t appeal as much to me any longer. I woke up earlier than necessary and after sitting in my bed trying to go back to sleep with little success, and got up to dress for a yoga class that I’d been trying to get myself to on a regular basis. It was something that I discovered through my job after selling a home to an instructor and once I landed Nan as a client, I found that I needed it more. It eased the stress in my life, but I still thought about Lance as I moved through my stretches, missing him inside of me.

  I was never a highly sexual woman before Lance. I did and enjoyed it enough, but now I craved it every moment of the day. I wanted him every night and ached for it when we weren’t together. He was turning me into a nympho and I blushed in the middle of class as I moved into a plank position.

  I got through the class and pulled my sweatshirt on to walk the block to my favorite coffee shop close to home. I always felt better after going there and I ordered a large cup and one of the cinnamon bagels with the honey and nutty cream cheese. Glancing around, I found a seat and took it, looking out of the window as the streets came to life.

  I had a new client to talk to today about purchasing a house. They had just moved from San Francisco and it was a single woman. We were meeting somewhere at eleven to go over what she was looking for and I pushed my nerves away. I knew that I was missing Lance and needed to regain my composure with that. I couldn’t afford to be lost in him. I couldn’t afford another heartbreak and I told myself to keep this casual.

  I finished my bagel and took the coffee home to shower for my meeting, choosing a black skirt and soft sage green shirt that fell over my curves. I generally dressed in a conservative manner for work and I looked at myself in the full-length mirror as I wound my hair into a loose bun. I liked to keep some of my style in every look and I wrapped the curls with a smile. I added a light coat of makeup and darkened my eyes with mascara before I glossed my lips with a nude color.

  It looked good and I found a pair of black heels to go with the outfit. I headed out to my car and drove to the restaurant a bit earlier than the meeting, wanting to be prepared when Lynn arrived. I walked in and asked for a table against the window as the hostess grabbed two menus at my request. I followed her to a private corner table and sat down as I set up my tablet and took a small breath. This client had a lot of money to spend and I couldn’t help but wonder what she did for a living. It wasn’t my job to know any of that since everyone was already approved by a lender, but I did question it at times. It was a natural thing to be curious and I’d even admit that I was a little jealous sometimes. What girl wouldn’t be when she was showing million-dollar properties to clients, only wanting to buy something of her own someday?

  I heard a voice across the room and glanced up to see a tall woman with vibrant red hair and a great body, if not completely fake. She was wearing a tiny blue skirt and white blouse that left little to the imagination, smiling with the blonde hostess pointed to me. I raised a hand and waved as I felt insecurity wash over me. I thought I was used to the woman in LA and how they looked, but Lynn was a gorgeous woman. I stood and greeted her with a warm smile as we shook hands. She was about three inches taller than my five-foot seven height and her bright blue eyes took me in shrewdly as we sat down.

  The waitress came over and I ordered a water and a small salad since I’d eaten a bagel earlier, while Lynn ordered a martini and a larger salad.

  “So, Lynn. What are you looking for in a house?” I asked her as she grinned with her flawless pink lips.

  “I’d love something near the beach. I love the ocean!” She was enthusiastic as she spoke, and it made me smile. That was a common answer, but she looked too young to afford a place like that. I gave her the age of twenty-five at the oldest. Trust fund kid?

  “Any particular area?” I asked her as the waitress brought our drinks and she sipped her water.

  “I work at various parts of the city, so I suppose it doesn’t matter. Malibu sounds nice, and I also like Santa Monica.” I nodded and jotted down notes as I thought about some properties that I’d been to, some that Lance had looked at.

  “I can find a lot to look for. What is your budget for a home?” I already knew this, but I always asked people in person to clear things up from the get-go.

  “I can go up to two million dollars. I want a lot of amenities in my house and that should give us a lot of choices.” I took a drink of my own water and wrote that down mid sip before I smiled at her.

  “I can absolutely work with that. Want me to run some properties by you while we eat? I brought my tablet along.” I offered, and she nodded as I looked into her pretty face.

  “That sounds great,” Lynn agreed as I warmed up the device and glanced out of the window at the water. “Where do you live?” She spoke with an ease that I only dreamed about and I pressed my lips together.

  “I am in Santa Monica and really enjoy that part of town,” I told her as she eyed me again. “Where do you work?”

  Lynn laughed throatily and took a long sip of her cocktail.

  “I am in the acting business,” she replied confidently, and I tried to place her as I leaned back. She was so unique that I thought I’d recognize her and she giggled as she pressed her napkin to her mouth gently. “You don’t know me.”

  “I don’t. I’m sorry, but I am not much into pop culture,” I apologized, and she laughed harder. I frowned and looked at her curiously as she took another drink of the martini.

  “It’s not pop culture, sweetie. I am in the adult industry.” I widened my eyes and she smiled at me, clearly used to this. “I can see that it’s not your jam and that’s okay. I am preparing for my future with this job and buying a house and then saving some money. I have a plan.” Lynn looked at me again. “If it was your thing, I think that you would do well. You’re a pretty girl.”

  I blushed and shook my head, choking as I reached for my water.

  “No, that’s not my thing at all. I can’t even imagine…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that.” I shook my head and focused on finding the website where we had our listings offered. I was embarrassed, and she reached across the table to touch my arm. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine. That didn’t offend me at all.” Lynn smiled warmly at me as I pulled up a house and slid the tablet across the table towards her to show her. Lynn looked down and scrolled through the pictures as she told me that she’d like something just a bit smaller. It was just her at this point and she didn’t need a mansion, just something for her and maybe guests from time to time.

  Our salads were delivered, and we looked over some more properties as I felt myself warming up towards her. Lynn was nice, and I decided that I shouldn’t judge her for her choices. It didn’t shape her and as much as I couldn’t imagine doing that for work, she seemed to be fine with it. We picked out a few properties and I asked if she wanted to look today, assuming that she was free. Lynn agreed, and I felt relieved at the fact that I kept my car clean all the time. We ate and relaxed a bit as we discussed the city and what brought us here, since we both came from other places. Lynn came with her mom as a teenager from Kansas and found her way into the business when she turned eighteen. I told her about moving here and my dreams, surprisingly open with her. I didn’t get along with women well and despite liking Nan, her boyfriend got in the way of both our personal and professional relationship. I was wary of something like that happening again.

  We left after Lynn insisted on paying for lunch, laughing when she told me that she could write it off. I could as well, but I didn’t fight her over it. We walked out to my car and got inside as I started the engine. We were planning to go to about six properties and I lowered the volume of the radio as I headed over to Malibu. The first house was across the street from the ocean but offered a
lot, so I thought I’d start with it.

  I noticed her looking at her phone a few times and sending some text messages. I didn’t mind since we were driving, and she probably used her phone for work, and I felt a bit squeamish as I stopped at the light. She let men have sex with her for a job, and women. Before Lance, I didn’t even think of sex as that great and I could not understand doing it for a job.

  I was glad that Lance didn’t do that for a living. That would be a deal breaker for me.

  We wandered through the house with three bedrooms, a loft, and three bedrooms as she looked around slowly. She seemed interested in every aspect of it and we discussed it as we walked, both the good and the bad. We went to another house a few blocks away that was right on the water and more of a cottage style with three bedrooms and two big bathrooms, along with another loft. Lynn really liked it but wanted to see the others nearby and compare them before she made a choice.

  We did that and then I took her to her sleek red BMW, where Lynn promised me that she’d call me with a decision. I drove away thinking about how my views changed about sex workers, if Lynn could be called that. She was a nice person and seemed to have goals. I assumed that she was clean about her job and kept herself healthy. Wasn’t that a rule now?