“I wouldn’t miss it. Three months will pass quickly.”
“I was hoping you would be my maid-of-honor,”
Hettie said.
“I’d be honored, Hettie,” Loretta said with a smile. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have one of the ladies in town?”
“There’s no one I’d rather have stand as my witness than you.”
“Who have you chosen as your best man, Cyrus?”
Loretta asked.
“Elder Jessup. He has worked with me extremely closely while I was settling in and learning about my flock here.”
LORETTA WAS QUIET during the ride back to the ranch Sunday afternoon. With the announcement of Cyrus and Hettie’s upcoming wedding there hadn’t been an opportunity to speak with Cyrus concerning Clare. Everyone else seemed listless as well, but she suspected their silence was due to an overabundance of alcohol and lack of sleep. When Ino helped her down from the buckboard, she carried her valise into her cabin and changed clothes. She checked her garden for weeds and fed the chickens before entering the back door of the main house to begin preparing supper. The house was unusually quiet and she wondered where Clare was. She still had a few hours before supper should be on the table and decided to make her favorite meal.
She walked outside and entered the wire enclosure Ino built for her chickens. She made soothing clucking sounds, waiting until she saw the chicken she wanted. It never strayed far from the feeding stations and as a result outweighed every other chicken in the coop. As a result its legs could barely hold up its body. She scooped the chicken up and carried it from the coop, away from the other chickens. “This is the price you pay for gluttony,” she said as she twisted the chicken’s neck, killing it instantly. Removing its head with a hand axe, she hung it by its feet to drain the blood and gathered wood to start a fire in a small fire pit behind the main house. She set a large black pot in the fire and made three or four trips to the nearby stream to fill it halfway with water. While she waited for the water to boil she went to the root cellar next to her cabin and found six large potatoes. She carried them into the house where she peeled them and placed them in a bowl of cold water.
By the time she returned to the fire to check the water, it was already boiling. She grabbed the chicken by the feet and immersed it in the hot water, holding it there several seconds. She rolled a short log closer to the fire and sat down to begin plucking the chicken. It wasn’t long until her hands were covered with wet feathers and small down-like feathers floated in the air around her, catching in her hair. It was mindless work, but it gave her a chance to think.
She loved the peacefulness around her. She dunked the chicken twice more to loosen the last of its feathers. She took a knife from her pocket and removed the feet and threw them into the fire. She pulled the innards from the chicken and disposed of them the same way. When she was satisfied the chicken was properly cleaned, she dipped her hands in the water to wash the blood off.
Inside, she rinsed the chicken carcass off again and placed it in a large pot on the stove to begin cooking. She was kneading dough for biscuits when the front door opened. She heard footsteps crossing the front room and then receding down the hallway.
She smiled and hoped Clare liked chicken and dumplings.
A few minutes later Clare wandered into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame. “Did you enjoy your stay in town?” she asked.
“Yes, thank you. After being out here though, it was noisier than I liked.”
“That’s what happens when you go to town, I guess.”
Loretta pumped water into the sink and washed her hands. Then she turned to look at Clare. “I brought you a present,” she said.
“Why?”
Loretta was momentarily shocked by Clare’s cool reception to her return, but shrugged it off. “Actually, it was a prize at the church raffle. A cowboy won it, but didn’t want it, so I gave him the cost of his ticket and bought it from him,” Loretta answered. It was a lie, but she didn’t think Clare would accept it if she thought Loretta spent much money for it. “I’ll get it,”
Loretta said. She saw the uncomfortable look on Clare’s face as she moved past her and into the front room. She returned a moment later with a flat package tied with a yellow bow and handed it to Clare.
Clare untied the bow and removed the wrapping.
Loretta watched her anxiously, looking for some sign that Clare appreciated the gift. Clare ran her fingers over the cover of the book in her hands. When she couldn’t stand the silence any longer, Loretta said, “I saw other books by the same author on the bookcase near your chair and thought you might like this one.
Have you already read it? Hettie says it’s a very good book.”
“It is,” Clare responded in a soft voice. When she looked up, she said, “My mother had this book. It was lost when we came west. I’ve been wanting to replace it for years. Thank you, Loretta. I don’t know what to say.”
“Thank you is good enough.” Loretta was touched by the look in Clare’s eyes and turned back to her food preparation. “Perhaps after you read it, I could borrow it. Supper will be ready in about an hour.”
Loretta glanced over her shoulder and Clare was gone. She wandered through the house until she found Clare lying on the bed. “Is something wrong, my love?” Loretta asked as she sat on the edge of the bed and rested her hand on Clare’s chest.
“I had time to do a lot of thinking while you were gone, Retta. I want to make you happy, but I don’t think I can.”
“Why would you think that?”
“I want to live with you and love you as freely as any other couple would. Instead, we spend our time casting a glance here and there, sneaking a touch when no one is looking, while pretending to be something we aren’t. I don’t want to live that way. Do you?”
“Of course I don’t, but what other choice do we have? I love you and if this is the only way I can do that, then I am contented. Is that why you seem so melancholy?”
Clare took Loretta’s hand and kissed it. “All my life I haven’t been able to live the way I’ve wanted to.
I want that now more than ever, but I don’t want you to be hurt. You could still find a good man who could show his love openly and without fear.”
“I don’t want a good man. I’ve already found the person I want, so you’re just stuck with me.”
Clare sat up on the bed and leaned in to taste Loretta’s sweet lips once again. “Forever?” she whispered.
“Forever,” Loretta whispered in return.
FOR THE NEXT few weeks work continued at the ranch at a steady pace. Loretta took care of her chickens and tended her garden. Occasionally she would find worms in the soil of her garden and save them to go fishing, serving fresh fish every two or three weeks. The fresh mountain air made Loretta feel healthier than she ever had. She picked and preserved the vegetables from her garden and dried fruit she had gotten from Hettie or one or two neighboring rancher’s wives. Clare still came to Loretta most nights and their lovemaking was as passionate as ever, but clearly there was something unspoken on Clare’s mind. Despite Loretta’s best efforts, Clare refused to talk about what was bothering her.
One evening as Loretta finished preparing their evening meal, she noticed Clare pacing restlessly in the main room as if looking for a way to occupy herself.
“What’s wrong, Clare?”
“Nothing,” Clare answered. “I invited Ino to join us tonight for dinner. We need to talk about a few things concerning the ranch.”
“Then I’ll set another place at the table.”
“I’ll get it,” Clare volunteered. Loretta had never seen Clare this nervous about having Ino join them for dinner before. When the knock came at the front door, Loretta saw Clare jump a little, almost dropping the plate in her hands.
Loretta caught the plate and said, “I’ll get the door. Why don’t you pour coffee for all of us,” she said with a tender pat on Clare’s back as she walked to the door.
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Loretta took Ino’s coat and gave him a brief kiss on his stubbly cheek when he entered. Clare approached him and handed him a cup of coffee.
“Why don’t you both take a seat?” Loretta said.
“I’ll get everything on the table.”
Clare cleared her throat as she followed Ino into the dining room.
“Smells good,” Ino said.
Once the food was on their plates, there was no talking. Ino and Clare seemed grateful to have a way to fill the silence between them. Loretta looked back and forth between them and frowned. These very old friends sitting on either side of her could suddenly find nothing to chat about.
Clare finished her meal first and leaned back in her chair, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “I got a telegram from Pueblo a few days ago,” she said.
“About the herd.”
“We gonna drive them north soon?” Ino asked.
“We won’t have to. The army’s sending an agent down to have a look at them. If he can contract enough cattle from this area, the army will drive the combined herd north with their own men.”
Ino smiled. “It beats eatin’ dust for a week behind a bunch of cows.”
“I was worried about leaving the ranch unprotected while we were gone,” Clare said as she glanced at Loretta. “I don’t trust Garner.”
“Wonder what the old man’s up to,” Ino said as he reached into the bowl in the center of the table and began rolling a cigarette. “Ain’t seen hide nor hair out of him since that night at the fence line.”
“Whatever it is, you can bet it’s not anything good,” Clare said as she finished off her coffee. She cleared her throat and added, “I’m moving Loretta into the main house before winter sets in.”
Ino’s eyes squinted as the smoke from his cigarette left his mouth and drifted over his face.
“Think that’s a good idea?” he asked.
“The cabin roof is sound, but when the snow is heavy it’s cut off from the main house by deep snow for long periods of time. I’ve had to dig my way out many times in the past. She’d be safer in the main house.”
“You’re the boss,” Ino said with a shrug. “Your decision, as long as you’re ready to face the consequences.” He look from Clare to Loretta and added, “Both of you.”
Loretta’s face reddened slightly. With Clare’s announcement the room had become suddenly uncomfortable. “I have to go into Trinidad in November,” Loretta said to change the subject.
“You go every month,” Clare said.
“I might stay in town a little longer then. Hettie and Cyrus are getting married and I’m the maid-of-honor. You’re both invited to attend with me.”
“Congratulations,” Ino said. He looked pointedly at Clare and added, “Maybe one day we’ll celebrate your marriage, too, Miss Loretta.”
Clare started to say something, but Loretta stood up and asked, “Who’s ready for some dessert?”
AFTER INO LEFT and the kitchen was cleaned once again, Loretta joined Clare who was sitting in her chair in front of the fireplace. Smoke from her pipe curled lazily above her head as she closed the book she had been reading and removed her reading glasses. She smiled when she saw Loretta. Although Loretta would return to the cabin soon, having her sit with her in front of the fire created the peaceful feeling of a real home. She would enjoy winter evenings alone with Loretta, no longer facing the solitude that had been her life for so long. It left her too much time alone to contemplate the twists and turns her life had taken, none happy until recently.
Even after twenty years the citizens of Trinidad still regarded her with distrust. She hadn’t done much to encourage their friendship. She couldn’t let go of the fight she had faced at every turn when she had tried to claim the property she believed was legally hers. Now the battle for control of her father’s property continued more subtly, especially since the arrival of Thaddeus Garner ten years earlier. It seemed the minute he arrived in Trinidad he was after Clare’s land.
“I finished reading The Scarlet Letter today,”
Loretta said as she set a cup of coffee next to Clare.
“Did you like it?”
“It was a very interesting story. I felt sorry for Hester and Reverend Dimmesdale, however.”
“Why? They sinned and were caught. Do you think their punishment was undeserved?”
Loretta leaned closer to the fire and stared into the flames. “It seemed unfair.”
“Hester committed the sin of adultery.”
Loretta laughed, but there was no joy in it. “But she didn’t know her husband was alive. Everyone sins. Whether being in love and expressing that love is a sin, I don’t know. The story reminded me of being here.”
“With me?”
“In a way.” Loretta left her chair and lowered herself to the floor in front of Clare. “If what I feel for you is a sin according to some, then I am a sinner indeed. I have chosen gladly to be with you.”
“There will always be those who break the rules of civilization. I suppose it all depends on how one handles what they’ve done,” Clare said. “I’ve sinned many times and felt little remorse afterward.”
“Did you feel like a sinner when you killed those men who murdered your family?”
“You and Ino must have had a very long talk,”
Clare said with a frown.
“We did.”
“It felt like sweet revenge when I let those men die. But it didn’t bring my family back to me. I hope they at least rested more easily in their graves knowing they weren’t forgotten.”
“Would you kill their leader, after all these years, if you found him?”
“Without a second thought. As bad as people think I am, I would never kill a helpless woman or child who could do me no harm just for the sake of a few coins.”
“And what about your sin with me?”
“I would gladly suffer any punishment to continue sinning with you.” Clare cradled Loretta’s face in her hand. “Unlike Reverend Dimmesdale, I don’t have a need to reconcile my actions with my beliefs.”
Loretta smiled. “Perhaps next time we should read a book with less weighty moral issues. Will you join me later?”
“Of course.”
Chapter Fifteen
THE ONE HORSE buggy topped the final rise before reaching Clare’s ranch on a sunny, but brisk Saturday morning in mid-October. Clare was assisting Frank Carson re-shoe two of their horses. She heard the sound of the buggy approaching and looked up.
“Take a break, Frank,” she said patting him on the back. “Looks like the agent from the army is finally here.”
She walked slowly across the packed dirt between the stable and the main house, arriving in time to greet a man and a woman. She helped the woman step out of the buggy while the man stepped down from the opposite side.
“Thank you,” the woman said in a soft voice with a slight southern drawl as she dusted her gloved hands over her dress and looked around.
“Carter Jamison,” the man said as he approached Clare, hand extended.
“Clare McIlhenney,” she replied as she shook his hand.
“This is my wife, Amanda. You certainly are a long way from town,” Jamison commented as he brushed his hands together as if cleaning dirt from them. “Nice house.”
“Thanks. Can I offer you a cup of coffee or something else before we get down to business?”
Clare asked.
“We’d appreciate that. It’s a dusty trip out here,”
Jamison said as he and his wife followed Clare toward the house. She opened the front door and held it as the two entered.
“Loretta!” Clare called out. When there was no response she said, “My housekeeper’s probably tending her garden out back. I’ll be right back. Please make yourselves comfortable.”
Clare exited the back door off the kitchen and spotted Loretta, stooped over, turning the soil in her garden into hills with her familiar hoe. Clare stepped carefully to avoid stepping on anything tha
t wasn’t a weed.
“The army procurement agent and his wife have arrived,” she said. She allowed her hand to linger a heartbeat longer than usual on Loretta’s shoulder.
Loretta smiled up at her. “I baked a cake this morning hoping they would be here. I’ll be right in.”
A few minutes later, Loretta entered the back door and removed her straw hat, hanging it on a hook inside the door. She pumped water into the sink to wash her face and hands before taking cups and small dishes from a cabinet in the dining room. She cut a generous portion of cake for each dish and set the cups and dishes on a serving tray and carried them into the living room. She set the tray down and returned to the kitchen to get the coffee pot. She handed a dish and fork to Mrs. Jamison, then filled a cup with steaming coffee and set it on the table next to her. She repeated the same motions with the cattle buyer, but when she looked at him as she handed him a dish, her hand froze and her face blanched. By the time she was ready to pour his coffee, her hand had begun trembling. Jamison reached out and took the cup from her to prevent the coffee from spilling. Her eyes met his briefly and there was no misinterpreting the lascivious look she saw in his eyes. Carter Jamison was a portly man in his forties and fancied himself a great lover. Although Loretta had done what she needed to do to please him as a customer, Jamison had only been interested in taking her in ways she was certain his wife would never have allowed. His preferences bordered on the sadistic. He always requested Loretta and she had never been able to convince Jack that she was afraid of the man. His money had simply been too good for Jack to turn down. She may have been Jack’s favorite, but like his other girls, she was replaceable and disposable.
Loretta handed Clare a dish, followed by a cup of coffee. “Is there anything else you need?” she asked.
“Won’t you be joining us?” Jamison asked. “I’m sorry, my dear. I don’t believe we’ve been introduced.” He looked across the room at Clare.
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