Each Time We Love

by Shirlee Busbee

  Adam grinned. "First Micajah has to find us."

  Not amused, Jason sent him an exasperated look. "And when he does? What do you intend to do?"

  Adam's grin faded and he said, "For the time being, we can do nothing—we go baying to the authorities for justice, and when and if they ever lay hands on Micajah and he is brought to trial, the whole nasty story will come out—you can wager on that. Micajah will see to it and relish pulling Savanna down with him." Adam's eyes met Jason's. "We have no idea where Micajah even is—he could have gone back to Natchez, or stayed in Nacogdoches, or he could have gone after the gold himself, hoping that Jeremy can lead him to where Davalos died. He could even be dead or lost in the wilderness, trying to follow my trail. I don't intend to waste my time trying to find him. Until he makes his presence known, there is little that we can do—beyond taking safeguards against being surprised. But once we do know where is he is..." Adam smiled, not a nice smile. "Why, then I guess I'll just have to let him force me to kill him."

  Jason nodded. "Of course, you'll allow me that same pleasure if he happens to come looking for the real Jason Savage?"

  "Of course," Adam replied cordially, a glitter in his blue eyes making Jason certain that his half brother was lying through his teeth.

  "Well, then," Bodene said amiably, "since we have settled Micajah's fate and since breakfast is past and the sun is rising high, I would suggest that we saddle up and get riding—we have a long way to go."

  It had been decided that the five of them would continue to ride together; they would be able to share their supplies, and in case of danger, five together would stand a better chance than two smaller groups. They traveled swiftly during the next several days and as each mile brought them closer to the Sabine River, there was a gradual relaxation to be discerned amongst the group. Soon they would be out of Spanish territory and out of at least one danger.

  An easy comradeship sprang up between the four men, but it was only in Bodene's company that Savanna felt at ease. Shame kept her from accepting the few overtures of friendship made by Jason and Blood Drinker, and as for Adam...

  To her utter fury, whenever she looked around and caught those hard blue eyes watching her, her traitorous heart would leap in her breast, and not necessarily with fear. Just the very sight of him walking with that animal grace of his across the campsite at night, his tall, broad-shouldered form outlined by the flickering firelight, would make her remember vividly the feel of that long, muscled body moving on hers, possessing her. She hated him for so effortlessly arousing the memory of something she wanted desperately to forget... to pretend never happened.

  Savanna longed to go back to being the young woman she had been before Adam St. Clair had entered her life and made her achingly aware of the pleasure that one man's touch, one man's kiss, could give a woman. She had prided herself on being unmoved by the men who had previously crossed her path, but Adam had shattered all her most dearly held beliefs about herself; she was not the least grateful for it. She hated him, she told herself repeatedly; hated that arrogance of his; hated that mocking smile on that long, sensuous mouth; hated the emotions that a glance from those brilliant blue eyes could arouse within her. And she was afraid of him... afraid that this dark spell he had cast over her would set her feet on the same path that her mother had followed. If there was anything that Savanna truly feared, it was loving a man as her mother had loved Davalos—and suffering the degradation that had come with that love. But she also had another fear, and it was one that gnawed with increasing ferocity at her very vitals: not once since she had first been abducted by Micajah had she experienced her monthly flow....

  In the beginning she had not been worried, convinced that the physical ordeal and strain that she had suffered was reason enough for its cessation, but ever since Adam had made love to her, the terror had grown that there was now a tangible reason for her lack—she could be pregnant with his child. It was an appalling thought, and though she tried frantically to push it away, it remained foremost in her mind and gave her an added reason to fear and resent Adam St. Clair.

  They crossed the Sabine River early in the morning on the twenty-second of June, and after they had made camp that night, the knowledge was in everyone's mind that at daybreak tomorrow the group would separate. Savanna and Bodene would make their way to Campo de Verde, situated in the south of Louisiana, and the others would ride to Terre du Coeur in the north.

  There had been no private conversation between Adam and Savanna since the others had joined them, but Savanna was uneasily aware that Adam seemed to watch her continually, the expression in those sapphire-blue eyes hard to define. There had been several occasions during the past few days when he had attempted to speak with her alone, but she had avoided him. There was nothing, she told herself fiercely, that she had to say to Adam St. Clair, and she could not imagine that he had anything to say that she wanted to hear—not even an apology. There was nothing that he could say to undo what he had done to her, just as she could never undo what her father had done to Jason and Catherine. They were quits and she wanted it to stay that way—no matter what might or might not be going on within her body.

  Savanna did not sleep well that night, tossing and turning on the hard ground, and she was relieved when the sun finally rose the next morning. After the breakfast chores were done, she slipped away for a moment of privacy as the others enjoyed a final cup of coffee before they all separated. Grimly she told herself that today would be the last day she would have to put up with Adam's disruptive presence and that she was overjoyed by that fact.

  She was reluctantly making her way back to join the others when she caught sight of Adam's tall form leaning against a tree, his arms folded across his chest, and the blood suddenly thundered in her veins. He was directly in her path and she acknowledged him with a cool nod of her red-gold head. She had hoped he would let her pass unmolested, but that hope died when his hand closed around her upper arm and he said tautly, "I think it's time that you and I had a word together."

  Stonily Savanna stared at his dark features. "I have nothing to say to you. Nothing!"

  His eyes narrowed. "Now, I tend to disagree with that statement, sweetheart," he drawled insolently, his gaze roaming over her, his lips tightening as he saw the all-too-apparent signs of the deprivations she had suffered these past weeks. Her clear aquamarine eyes looked too large for her lovely face, the thinness of her features intensified the slant of her high cheekbones and the fine-boned elegance of her jaw and chin. A muscle twitched in his cheek as he tore his gaze away from the far-too-tempting curve of her mouth. He forced himself to look at the changes that he was at least partially responsible for: the almost frail slenderness of her body, the delicacy of her collarbone where it showed at the opening of her shirt and the heartbreaking fragility of the bones in her wrists.

  There was an odd ache in his chest as he stared at her, but his expression and voice were bland as he stated grimly, "I think there is one topic that needs discussing before we part today, and for once you're not going to shy away from me like a scalded cat."

  Painfully aware of the pull of attraction he exerted on her, Savanna eyed him resentfully. "I can't imagine what it is," she finally said as indifferently as she could, stubbornly ignoring the beguiling warmth of his hand on her arm.

  Adam smiled mockingly, the smile not reaching his eyes. "Oh, I imagine you know exactly what I'm talking about—women usually do." When Savanna remained obstinately silent, Adam asked bluntly, "Are you pregnant?"

  Savanna gasped and her eyes clung fearfully to his for a shocking moment. Then her chin lifted and she said sharply, "It makes no difference if I am." She smiled nastily and asked, "Why do you want to know? Did you perhaps intend to do the honorable thing and offer marriage."

  Adam smothered a curse, and dragging her closer to him, he kissed her devastatingly and then muttered against her mouth, "Damn you! That's exactly what I had in mind."

  Part Three

 
Dangerous Desire

  What's affection, but the power we give another to torment us?

  Edward Bulwer-Lytton

  Darnley

  Chapter 13

  Stunned, Savanna stared up at Adam's dark, unrelenting features, hardly able to credit his words. Her lips tingled from the force of his kiss and she was unbearably aware of the long, warm length of him pressed against her, but there was no joy within her. It would seem that Adam St. Clair was, unlike her father, she admitted sadly, an honorable man. He suspected that she might be pregnant and felt compelled to offer marriage to a woman he might desire, and Savanna didn't doubt that he did desire her—at least, at the moment—but she was miserably certain that she aroused no deeper, finer emotions within him. The question of her father aside, what sort of a marriage would it be for him shackled to a woman far below him in wealth and social standing, a woman who under normal circumstances would never even have crossed his path? If there were love between them, they might overcome the chasms that separated them, but with only his desire for her body to bind them together, she could see nothing but unhappiness ahead for either of them if she were foolish enough to marry him. And then there was her father... would Adam or any of his family ever be able to look upon her and not think of Davalos and the horrible ordeal he had forced them to endure—and not hate her for it? For the sake of a child, could she bear to marry Adam, knowing the ugly circumstances that had brought them to this point; knowing that nothing but lust bound them together; knowing that her father had done grievous wrongs to his family? Surely, once his fascination for her body had waned, and Savanna never doubted that it would, he would hate her... and the child she might bear....

  Savanna's heart clenched. Adam's scorn and hatred for her she could withstand, but what about his scorn for their child? Hadn't she herself suffered because of Davalos's indifference? How much worse would it be when the father hated the mother, and that hatred included a child?

  When she remained silent for so long, her eyes locked in his, Adam grew impatient. Shaking her , he demanded, "Well? Are you going to marry me?"

  Savanna took a deep breath and carefully extricated herself from his arms. Not looking at him, she brushed a leaf from her worn breeches and said softly, "No."

  Adam stared at her incredulously, the unexpected ache in his heart at her answer almost driving him to his knees. "Excuse me?" he said in a dangerous tone of voice once he had gained command of himself. "Are you telling me that you refuse? That you're not going to marry me?"

  Savanna nodded, unable to look at him for fear her resolve might weaken.

  A wave of impotent rage swept through Adam and, his hard blue eyes boring into her, he wanted to curse, shake her senseless and kiss her into acquiescence all at the same time. Jaw clenched, hands on hips, he surveyed her with open dislike. "And would you mind," he finally snarled, "telling me why in the hell not? You sure as the devil aren't likely to get a better offer."

  Savanna's head snapped up at that and, suddenly just as angry as he, she spat, "I don't have to give you a reason—but I could point out that you haven't shown me any cause to want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're an overbearing, arrogant swine! Why the hell should I want to marry you?"

  The truth of her words hit him like a blow, and his hurt and rage at her refusal ebbed. God knew their courtship, if what they'd shared could be called that, certainly had not been gentle. He'd never asked a woman to marry him before, had never wanted to marry anyone before now, and while he would admit that the circumstances were not the best, he had been convinced that Savanna would see that marriage was the only answer to their dilemma. That he might have other reasons for wanting her as his wife than just to give his child a name, he single-mindedly pushed aside. She had to be made to see sense. The facts surrounding his own birth made him particularly sensitive to the notion of a child being born out of wedlock, and he was grimly determined that no child of his was going to suffer that fate—not even if he had to drag the mother hog-tied and gagged to the altar. Savanna was going to marry him! She just didn't know it yet. And he was willing to pull every underhanded trick he knew to make her realize it....

  Catching her off guard, he jerked her into his embrace and his lips unerringly found hers. He kissed her an endless time, all the passion and pent-up longing within him behind the seductive crush of his mouth on hers. Ah, Jesus, he'd missed having her in his arms, he admitted with angry bewilderment; missed the warmth of her soft body against his; missed the intoxicating taste of her on his tongue, the soft, exciting sounds she made when he kissed her.

  Savanna fought against the hungry desire that surged through her as Adam's mouth worked its dark magic on her, but her attempt was futile, and with a moan of defeat and despair she melted against him, hating herself just as much as she was convinced she hated him.... His tongue moved with sensuous abandon within her mouth, making her weak with longing, arousing sensations and emotions she didn't want to feel but was powerless to control. To her shame, she pressed nearer, her own tongue curling warmly about his, her breasts pushing wantonly into his hard chest.

  Helplessly entangled in the web of desire that bound them together, they clung desperately to each other, for the moment all the difficulties and hurts and misunderstandings that lay between them forgotten. There was only this: the demanding hunger of each other's kiss, the giddy sensation of their bodies crushed together as they stood there locked in a passionate embrace.

  They remained lost in each other's arms until the sound of Bodene's voice in the distance brought Adam back to the present. Dazedly he lifted his plundering mouth from Savanna's but recovered himself almost instantly to allow a crooked grin to slash across his face. He glanced down into her bemused features and drawled, "I think we've just demonstrated one of the reasons why you should want to marry me."

  Savanna had been drowning in the sweetness of his kiss, but his words were like an icy douche, all the problems and obstacles between them exploding through her; before she had time to think, her hand shot out and she gave him a ringing slap on one lean cheek. Bosom heaving, she glared up at him. "That," she said frostily, "is not reason enough for me."

  Adam's face darkened and he took an angry step forward. Grasping her arm, he shook her roughly and growled, "You know, I've suffered about all the physical abuse from you that I'm going to—you've hit me for the last time, sweetheart. Next time you lay a hand on me that way... I'm going to beat the living hell out of you."

  "Try it!" she snarled back. "And I'll skewer your liver and feed it to the gators!"

  Hearing this last bit as he walked up to them, Bodene smiled and murmured, "Ah, how sweet the lovebirds sing."

  Two pairs of furious eyes nailed him where he stood, and almost in unison, with equal amounts of loathing obvious in their tones, Savanna and Adam repeated scathingly, "Lovebirds!"

  Bodene pulled on his ear and, bending his head, looked suitably chastened, but a smile lurked at the corners of his mouth as he said with suspect meekness, "My mistake. I apologize." Glancing quizzically at them, he added, "We're ready to break camp—you'd better come back now, or you'll have Jason and Blood Drinker coming after you."

  Throwing Adam a fulminating look, Savanna said tightly, "Believe me, we can't break camp soon enough. There are some people I'll be glad never to see again!"

  Adam took a deep breath and grabbed hold of her arm. "We haven't finished our conversation yet," he said stubbornly. Never taking his eyes off her stormy face, he added to Bodene, "Tell the others we'll be there in just a moment. We have something to settle between ourselves."

  Seeing the grim line of Adam's jaw, Bodene decided that now was not the time to argue with him. He shrugged his shoulders and disappeared into the brush.

  Equally furious with her cousin for deserting her so easily and with Adam for his high-handedness, Savanna glared at Adam and muttered, "I don't have anything to say to you. Let me go!"

  Gently he turned her to face him and said urgently,
"Savanna, whatever you may feel for me, there is still the matter of the child—you can't want it to be born out of wedlock."

  Savanna bit her lip and averted her eyes from him. Mutinously she said, "I don't know if I'm pregnant. I might not be, so until I know for certain, there is no question of marriage."

  "Look at me!" Adam said tightly, his grip on her arm increasing. When her eyes were fastened angrily on his face, he asked heavily, "If you do discover you are carrying my child, can I trust you to tell me?"

  Exhausted by the events that she had endured and worn out from the turmoil within herself, she felt some of the fight go out of her. But pride would not let her abandon the stance she had taken, and she said tightly, "Adam, even if I am pregnant, it will not change my answer. I will not marry you!" Her chin lifted defiantly. "And you can't make me."

  A dangerous glint entered his sapphire-blue eyes and he added silkily, "Well, sweetheart, we'll just see about that, won't we?"

  Releasing her abruptly, he pushed her in the direction of the camp. Uneasily aware of him walking behind her, Savanna hurried to where the others stood waiting. The speculative look that Jason gave the two of them as they approached brought a wave of color burning into her cheeks. She mumbled some sort of greeting and with relief set about double-checking the gear on her horse.

  A few minutes later they were all mounted, and there was a brief, awkward moment before Bodene touched the rim of his hat and said cordially, "Gentlemen, we'll bid you good-bye and Godspeed!"

  Jason nodded and he and Blood Drinker turned their horses to the north and, taking one of the pack-horses with them, began the journey to Terre du Coeur. Only Adam remained with the cousins. He smiled at Bodene and murmured, "When next I am in New Orleans, I plan to visit that establishment of yours."

  Bodene grinned. "And lose a tidy sum at the tables, I trust?"