Her lips thinned and her shoulders stiffened. It must be done. Like a warrior queen, head held high, she strode from the room, never slacking or faltering in her stride until she reached the door to Adam's study. There she stopped, breathing deeply, cursing the tears that flooded her eyes.
Smothering a curse that would have done a flatboat captain proud, she flung back her head and, without knocking, stalked into the room. "Adam!" she said imperiously as she closed the door behind her, "I must talk to you."
If her husband was startled at her sudden advent into his sanctuary, he gave no sign of it. Carefully setting down his tumbler of whiskey, he glanced courteously across the small room at her.
Savanna's resolve almost melted when he turned those brilliant sapphire eyes upon her, and her heart began to beat thunderously as she stared at his tall, magnificent form. He was undoubtedly the embodiment of a maiden's dream, his face rising darkly handsome above the starched white cravat, the Prussian blue coat fitting his wide shoulders admirably and the long, hard-muscled legs revealed by the tight-fitting breeches. Her gaze clung to his chiseled features and a pang shot through her. Oh, God! I love him! she thought piteously. How can I do this?
Hideously the answer slid through her mind: But he doesn't love you. Her chin lifted. Of course. How could she have been so stupid as to forget?
Unaware of just how tempting, just how lovely she looked as she stood there facing him, unaware of Adam's aching need to touch her, to drag her into his arms and swear aloud his love for her, Savanna forced herself to meet his eyes. Shoulders squared, body stiff, she said with outward calm, "I think this has gone on long enough—we cannot continue this way—I want a divorce."
Chapter 22
At her words, Adam paled and visibly flinched. He looked away for a moment, trying to hide the furious anguish her demand had caused. Reeling from the bitter knowledge that, despite all that had passed between them, she still wanted to be free of him, he stared at the shabby carpet on the floor. Unrequited love, he decided, torn between fury and pain, was not something that he had ever expected to face, and the anguish of knowing that Savanna was never going to love him hurt him unbearably.
Every instinct Adam possessed raged against acceptance of her demand, and he felt an overpowering impulse to stride across the room and drag her into his arms and force her to take back her words. Force her to admit, once and for all, to the potent attraction that lay between them. But he could not. He was aware that compelling Savanna to give in to him would accomplish nothing—he'd been ruthlessly bending her to his will practically from the moment they had met, and it had, he conceded grimly, gained him nothing.
Adam was an intelligent man, a determined man, even a stubborn man, but he was not a foolish man, and only a foolish man would persevere in the face of such clear rejection. He took a deep, shuddering breath. Perhaps she was the wise one after all. Perhaps it would be best if they did divorce. Free of each other, they could then pick up the threads of their previous lives. A bleak smile touched his lips. He could not imagine a life without Savanna, but it appeared that he was going to have to face that particularly barren existence. Not one to linger over painful decisions, he lifted his head, and levelly meeting her gaze, he said in a voice devoid of any emotion, "Very well, my dear. If a divorce is what you want, I will not stand in your way."
Savanna had been prepared to do battle; she had been certain that he would refuse to countenance such an action. Feeling very much as if the wind had been knocked out of her, she stared numbly at him. It had never occurred to her that Adam would submit so tamely, give into her demands without a struggle, and she was left floundering in the wake of her startling victory. She realized rather sickly that a divorce was the last thing she wanted, that in some twisted, foolish way she had hoped that she could force him to reveal his emotions. She choked back a hysterical laugh. What had she expected? That, faced with her demand for a divorce, he would fall on his knees and declare his love for her? Beg her to stay with him?
She had, Savanna admitted wretchedly, made a miserable mess of the situation and had put herself in an untenable position. But at least I know, she thought bitterly. At least I know that he doesn't give a damn about me. Why else would he have agreed so readily to a divorce? Her chin lifted proudly. The aquamarine eyes dark like the sea before a storm, she muttered, "How do we go about it?"
In that same lifeless voice, Adam replied, "I'm not certain. I shall write to the attorney I use in Natchez and have him advise us." He shot her a keen look. "Do you wish me to leave Campo de Verde?"
The question caught her off guard and she nearly blurted out that she never wanted him to leave, but holding back those betraying words, she shook her head, stammering, "I—I didn't m-m-mean... I d-d-didn't believe..." She stopped and, taking a deep breath, continued more coherently. "It's not necessary for you to leave this very instant. I just wanted things to be clear between us and—and I see no reason why we cannot part, er, friends."
His blue eyes glittering dangerously, Adam crossed the room in two swift strides and jerking her next to his hard warmth, he crushed her lips under his. Savanna shuddered at the savagery of his kiss, her body surging into life, her blood singing in her veins, and hungrily she met his plundering mouth, the long weeks since they had last made love intensifying her craving for his touch.
She was melting into him, her fingers reaching to caress the dark head bent to hers, when, just as unexpectedly as he had pulled her into his arms, Adam tore his lips from hers and set her roughly from him. His expression shuttered, he growled, "From the moment I laid eyes on you, friendship never entered my head. For such as you and me, we can either be enemies or lovers, but never something as tame as friends."
He spat out the last word as if it fouled his mouth and Savanna stared dazedly at him, her body tingling and clamoring for his touch even as she sought to clear her befuddled senses. She took a step away and with her back to him, she confessed unhappily, "Adam, I don't want to fight with you. I cannot be your lover, and we have shared too much to be enemies. Friendship is the only thing I can offer you. Please take it."
Quietly Adam said, "I'm afraid that I don't understand why you think you cannot be my lover. We are lovers—we have been almost from the second we met. I know that the marriage was not what you wanted, but do not insult me by trying to end it because you claim that you cannot be my lover."
Oh, God, he was making it so difficult for her! How to put in words all the insecurities that ate at her, how to tell him how vulnerable she felt, how to explain how very uncertain she was in her position as his wife—his unloved wife? It was an impossible situation.
Thickly she said, "Very well, then—even you will admit that ours was not a love match. The b-b-baby forced the situation upon us and without the baby..." The pain of her recent loss swept over her and she added dully, "Without the baby there is no reason for us to remain married. Please do not make this any harder for me—divorce is the only option open to us. I beg you to allow us to end this unfortunate affair with dignity."
Adam stared impotently at her rigid shoulders, his emotions torn and raw, and yet... and yet underneath all the hurt and fury, he was aware of the faintest flicker of hope. He had felt her warm response when he had kissed her, and only a blind man could not see that she was obviously suffering—she was finding this conversation no less painful than he, and if he meant nothing to her, such would not be the case.... He realized suddenly that while he might have agreed to the divorce, he was not going to let Savanna go without a fight. He loved her! And he was going to make her love him.
He spun her around to face him and looking down into those lovely aquamarine eyes, he felt his heart knot in his chest. He could not give her up! But too often he had brutally overridden her objections, arrogantly brushed aside her wishes, and he wasn't, if he could help it, going to do that again. But he also wasn't just going to tamely admit defeat either.
Softly he said, "Savanna, if you want a divo
rce, I swear I'll give you one... but—" He hesitated, not certain of his way. He cursed under his breath and muttered, "We have done everything wrong! The baby, the marriage. Everything!" He took a deep breath, and staring intently at her upturned face, he said, "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps we should attempt to become friends." He smiled twistedly. "I've never been a woman's friend before—I don't know how well the role of gelding will suit me—I have been a stallion too long."
It wasn't what Savanna wanted to hear, but she was so grateful that he wasn't making immediate plans to implement her muddleheaded demand for a divorce that she was more than happy to accept the opportunity presented. Hiding the turbulent emotions that churned in her breast, she fixed a smile on her lips and said with a lame attempt at gaiety, "I'm positive that you will make a magnificent gelding."
He shot her a dark look. "I've said I will try to be your friend—just don't test my patience—some geldings never lose their stallion-like tendencies."
Savanna smiled wryly. "It's difficult for me, too, Adam. I did not mean to be insulting."
Adam grimaced, his withers badly wrung from the entire situation. Determined to change the painful subject, he walked over to his desk, picked up Bodene's note and handed it to her. "Bodene sent this to me. It would seem that our old friend Micajah has been in New Orleans, asking questions about you. He apparently is not best pleased to discover my real identity or the fact that I am married to you."
Savanna snatched the letter from Adam's grasp, their present difficulties fading in the face of a possible threat from Micajah. She read Bodene's words, an unaccountable dread spreading through her. She knew Micajah too well, knew how he would feel at being made a fool of—even if it was his own fault. Bodene's scrawl only confirmed her worst suspicions. She glanced across at Adam, an anxious expression on her face. "It's clear that Bodene feels that Micajah means you harm. What are we going to do?"
Adam shrugged. "Until Micajah makes his presence known, I'm afraid that there is very little that we can do. As his letter states, Bodene sent two of his best men with this message and will soon be here himself, for which I am grateful. The more eyes we have, the better chance we stand of not being surprised. Other than being on our guard and keeping our wits about us, there really is nothing we can do. The next move is up to Micajah." He sent her a thoughtful look. "You know him—what is he likely to do?"
Agitated, Savanna took a step forward. "From Bodene's description of his reaction to learning your name, I fear that he will try to kill you." She came up to him, her hands clasping the crisp lapels of his jacket. Her eyes bright with fear, she said huskily, "Bodene and I grew up around him—he is a deadly, unpredictable man. He likes to hurt people. He always has, and his reputation as a killer is well deserved. When I was a small girl I once saw him shoot a man simply because he did not like the poor fellow's hat." When Adam appeared unmoved by her words, she shook him slightly. "You must believe me! You were lucky that he didn't kill you when you were his captive. The only reason that prevented him from doing such a thing was because he thought you were Jason Savage and that you had information that he wanted. It was convenient for him to keep you alive... and it isn't anymore." Her expression of anxiety increasing with every word she spoke, Savanna took a deep breath and said baldly, "You must leave! He knows where you are and it isn't safe for you here now. You are too vulnerable here—we are too isolated; there's no use making it easy for him."
Adam shook his head. "No, I'm not leaving you. And I have no intention of running like a dog with my tail between my legs. Besides, have you forgotten that he also has a very definite interest in you?" His face hardened. "I'll not leave you to face him alone."
"Oh, Adam, don't be a fool! I have been fending off Micajah's attentions for years, but I swear he means to kill you."
"And do you think that I could live with myself if he were to succeed in his attempts to possess you?" Adam demanded angrily. "Do you think that I could ever be at peace with myself if I let him harm you?"
Savanna silently cursed Adam's misplaced concern. It was true that Micajah had managed to kidnap her, but that had been because she had, for once, underestimated him—and she wasn't likely to do so again. While she could not dismiss the prospect of further attempts on her person by Micajah, she was so confident of her ability to thwart him that she viewed her own peril as negligible, whereas the danger to Adam was enormous. His life was at stake!
A steely glint in her eyes, she said coolly, "At least I would still be alive. You would be dead!"
Adam smiled crookedly. "Then you wouldn't have to worry about a divorce, would you, my dear?"
Pain and fear and fury twined in Savanna's breast at his words, and before she could stop herself, her temper erupted and she stuck him across the face . "Don't mock me!" she spat, an angry flush staining her cheeks as she glared at him.
She had lashed out at him too swiftly for Adam to react, and astonished he touched his stinging face where the imprint of her hand was delineated. He had been like a wounded, caged tiger for weeks now, and Savanna's slap was like the cage door bursting open; all the hurt, frustration and violence within him boiled to the surface. Dangerous emotions darkened his blue eyes, and with a menacing silkiness he drawled, "I believe I warned you about that nasty habit of yours once before...."
Fear and excitement choked Savanna as she stared at Adam, watching the carnal expression that crossed his handsome face, knowing that whatever restraints he had placed on himself had been unleashed by her violent action. Had she done it deliberately? she wondered, horrified. She didn't like the answer that occurred to her, especially not when he jerked her into his arms, and with a moan of half entreaty, half delight, she met his plundering mouth.
It was madness! Insanity! This was the very thing that she had sworn she didn't want. To escape from his loveless power over her own treacherous flesh had been the reason behind today's confrontation, and yet, when his lips crushed against hers and his hands tightened on her arms and he held her pressed closely to his long length, coherent thought, logic, sane reasoning fled. Savanna was left with only the hungry clamoring of her own yearning body.
Hating herself, she tried not to respond, tried desperately to remember all the reasons why this shouldn't happen, tried despairingly to remember that he was only using her... but she loved him and the craving for his touch was too powerful, too strong, to be overcome. Her senses reeling, every nerve in her body gloriously alive, with a shiver of anticipation, she parted her lips for him. Right or wrong, sane or mad, as he deepened the kiss, his tongue boldly taking what she offered, Savanna knew that she was not going to deny him... that she could not deny him. All that mattered was his warm mouth upon hers, his strong arms around her and his hard body pressed demandingly next to hers.
Adam had made her love him, but he had also awakened her to desire, her young, vibrant body discovering in his arms its own sensuality. And now, having been denied the sweet succor that only he could give, at the first touch of his mouth on hers, Savanna gave up fighting against the elemental needs that racked her. United together, her love for him and the natural demands of her own flesh defeated her. Helplessly she moved deeper into his embrace, her arms closing around his neck.
Locked passionately together, they kissed with a feverish intensity for long, mindless moments, all the love suppressed deep inside them only deepening their need for closer contact. Not even the sound of her gown tearing as Adam's impatient hands ripped it open, baring her body to the waist, impeded the frantic desire that scalded through each of them. His buttocks braced against the front of his desk, Adam pulled her between his legs, his ravenous mouth finding her hard-peaked, aching breasts, his teeth and tongue wreaking havoc wherever they touched. Savanna gasped as his dark head moved against her breasts, the aching fire centered deep in her belly flaring higher and hotter with every kiss, every wicked flick of his knowing tongue.
Adam might have been furious and retribution might have been in his mind when
he had first reached for her, but the moment his hands had closed around her arms, the instant his mouth had found hers, he had forgotten everything but the pleasure of having his wife in his arms once more. Drowning in his need for her, a need that had been suppressed for so long, he was powerless to stop himself, powerless to step aside, to put her from him, all the love he felt, all his despair and anguish, his fear and fury, destroying his fine intentions, obliterating everything but his fierce need to possess her one more time. He loved her! And if he could not say the words aloud, his body would say it for him.
He never remembered ripping her gown, he only knew that the fabric was an impediment that could not be borne, and at the sight of the full, milky-white breasts and the stiff coral nipples as they sprang free of the gown, a shudder of pure animal hunger had gone through him. Blindly his lips had sought those tempting peaks, and as the taste and scent of her soft flesh filled his nostrils and mouth, the driving urge to bind them together, to bury himself deeply within her, became unbearable.
Trapped in his arms, her lower body held tautly against the hard promise of his manhood, her lips and breasts at the sweet mercy of his marauding lips, Savanna arched up against him, dizzy with the desire that spun out of control within her. His clothing prevented her from touching him the way she wanted to, and moaning aloud her frustration, she plucked and tore at the offending garments, wanting to feel his warm, naked skin against her hands.
Aware of what she was doing, Adam smothered a curse and in between stinging little kisses on her mouth and chin managed to remove his upper clothing—cravat, shirt, vest, jacket flying wildly in all directions. Parting from her only long enough to get rid of his boots, he jerked her back into his embrace and kissed her with an explicitness that had them both trembling with the need for even more. He could not get enough of her, could not hold her close enough, and, his hands on her hips, he slid her sensuously against the tightly swollen length of his bulging shaft, groaning aloud at the pleasure it gave him. There was a feral, hasty madness about his actions, as if he feared that she would be torn out of his arms at any moment—or that sanity would return to one of them.
Each Time We Love Page 34