by Leanne Davis
He touched her lips with his finger, outlining them. “Your dad should have paid more attention to you. It’s the crime of neglect. And it hurts every bit as much as your mom being so mean to you. Neither a kind word or touch came from either of them, from what it sounds like.”
“Yes, that’s exactly what it was like. I had Mom’s attention at least, right?” She shrugged with a weary smile. “Compared to my dad, she was the only caregiver.”
“Too much of one and nothing of the other.”
“Yes.”
“And look at that. Telling me about it didn’t even hurt you, did it?”
She closed her eyes. She felt so different. Talking about herself. Exposing her inner thoughts. Being heard by someone who really listened. She finally shook her head in the negative. “It didn’t. But this still isn’t easy for me.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to imply it would be after one conversation. I just want the chance that you’ll talk to me. And trust me. And eventually, maybe you’ll want to have sex with me.”
“I want to now,” she said softly. Shaking her head and biting her lip, she sighed. “That sounds so stupid. I want to so much… but when I do, I can’t.”
“You can’t now. Doesn’t mean it’s forever.”
She tilted her head. “I never looked at it like that. Or considered it might not be a permanent condition.”
“It doesn’t sound to me like it has to be.”
“How do we… I mean, where do we go from here?”
He glanced back towards the kitchen stove and the clock. “Well, we could go pick up Wyatt. I promised I’d take him to the fish ladders today. Want to join us?”
Did she? Should she? She had no idea how to answer the sudden switch in conversation. Puzzled, she asked, “What about… sex?”
He smirked. “As much as I’d like to, Tara, I think that’s something that isn’t happening during the daylight hours; at least, not until we figure out a better way.”
She had no idea what to make of that. First, he wanted to try and figure out how to help her have an orgasm? Now, in place of that, he asked her to hang around him and his son?
“I told you just trying to make me… makes it all worse.” Anxiety was rising up into her brain and causing her heart to flutter.
He stood up and pushed the bar stool in, pausing at her statement before he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “I didn’t mean I was going to make you lie down and suffer through my efforts of trying to stimulate you. It sounds like the problem resides in your brain, not your body. Or mine,” he said with a quick smile. “I meant, we’ll figure out how to open up your brain to all of this.”
He approached the sink and started doing the dishes. She got up and followed him with her plate. “Yes, but that still doesn’t explain how…”
He turned the sink faucet off after rinsing the plates. Turning towards her, he wrapped an arm around her waist. “We’ll find a way to de-stress the situation. Learn how to stop your inner critic. Sounds to me like you need a change of thoughts, not a cryptic way to hone your partner’s skills. How? I don’t know; this is a new one for me. But there has to be a solution. We’ll find it. I’ll eagerly do the research.” He grinned and jiggled his eyebrows up and down. She shook her head, smiling at his teasing.
“I mean it, Tara. Don’t stress. We’ll just see how things go from here. We’ll date and get more comfortable with each other. Something you could definitely use. Maybe if you feel more comfortable with me, things will change. We’ll do all the things you like and only the things you like. But you have to always be honest with me. No more fake noises or just going along.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m quite sure. Now do you want to come with us?”
“Should I? I mean, he’s your son and I’m…”
“What? My girlfriend?” he asked, drawing his eyebrows upwards. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Her breathing increased, and her pulse skittered around frantically. Oh, God. Girlfriend. Could she be? Did she want to be? How? How could she be? But the blip around her heart said yes. The warming of her blood. She maybe wanted just that.
“Look, because I have a young son living in my house and because I haven’t dated anyone since his mother, I have to be pretty direct with him… and the people who might raise their eyebrows up at all this. Does that make sense? We seem to like each other and want to keep spending time together. My son will have to be included for a huge part of that time. Which I think you understand already pretty clearly.”
“I do. One of the things that first sparked my interest in you was how you interacted with Wyatt. I don’t think I could be attracted to someone who wasn’t like you and the way you treat your son.”
His smile was quick. “So you are attracted to me?”
She blushed clear to the roots of her hair and nodded. “You know I am.”
“No, Tara Aderly, I don’t always know who you are or what you think. But I think I’d like to learn.”
“I’m terrified.” She kept her eyes averted.
He smiled gently. “I’m not that scary.”
She shook her head. “You and Wyatt kind of are, actually.”
“Why, Tara? Why don’t you think you deserve to hang out with a guy who thinks you’re funny, sweet, pretty, and kind? You must know I wouldn’t let you hang around Wyatt just because I find you pretty, don’t you? I mean, yeah,” he said, rolling his eyes, “yes, you first caught my attention for being so young and hot as you are. But you must realize I’m not a player. Not even remotely. I haven’t been on a single date, or even with another woman, until I met you. So bringing you around Wyatt says a lot about what I think of you. I hope you see that.”
“I do see that and it terrifies me you’ll realize you’re wrong.”
“How about taking one day at a time? That easier for you to face?”
She let out a small breath and understood what he was saying. “Yes. I could probably face one day at a time.”
“Good. So do you want to come with us?”
“Yes. Yes I want to come with you,” she answered and silently thought, more than anything else in the world.
Chapter Nine
HE LET HER USE his bathroom first in total privacy, so she showered and put her clothes back on. He showered next and smiled as he came downstairs, ready to pick up his son. Something that was totally new for her. They piled into his truck and drove to a house in a residential neighborhood. She already knew his retired parents, who were in their mid-sixties, and liked them. They were a nice couple: middle-class, attractive, spent a lot of their time knitting and gardening. They were polite and friendly to her so they must have known Ryder was taking her out. If they were shocked she arrived with him to pick up his son the morning after their date, they didn’t show it at all.
Wyatt was all smiles and squeals, his squeaky voice rising in excitement as he greeted his dad… and her. “Tara. Look, come look at what I did.” He ran right up to her, taking her hand and pulling her towards the refrigerator where the drawing of a truck—which was obviously Ryder’s work truck, since he’d drawn his dad in uniform standing by it—was held up by a magnet. She glanced back at Ryder and shrugged, grinning. Wyatt didn’t even question why she came there with his dad. To his grandparents’ house.
As Ryder was gathering up Wyatt’s duffel bag, coat, shoes, spare boots, and the toys he brought with him, Ryder’s mom, Rosemary, said in a casually warm voice, “Why don’t you bring Tara to dinner next Sunday?”
Tara nearly choked on her own tongue, she was so surprised. She was almost terrified. Having dinner with his parents? That seemed too crazy to contemplate. Ryder glanced at her to find her eyes huge and fearful. He grinned when he caught her gaze and leaned forward to kiss his mother on the side of her face. “I’ll let you know. Might give Tara a day or two before making her a part of the family.”
Tara’s cheeks burned hot. His mom didn’t get offended or worried, she simply laughed and pat
ted his arm. “Oh. You’re right. I just feel like I know you, Tara, after all the times we’ve chatted at the café.”
Tara smiled feebly. She did chat quite often with the Kincaids. They came in usually for dinner but not as frequently as Ryder did. She’d been serving them for months without realizing they were Ryder’s parents. It was only after seeing them with Wyatt that she connected the dots. They were loving and indulgent toward Wyatt. Obviously, they adored him. That only warmed her heart towards them more. But to have dinner with them as their son’s… oh, lord! She couldn’t even say it in her head. Their son’s girlfriend?
That would mean she was a cop’s girlfriend. She shuddered reflexively. Imagine if Jerome had lived to see her now.
Did the way a man treated his son and parents indicate how he would treat his girlfriend? Watching Ryder, he did things Tara had never experienced. He was so kind to his son. And considerate to his parents. He listened to the young and old and treated everyone as though they were every bit as important as his own opinions and what he said. His dad asked for his help next weekend to move some tools around his garage, and he easily consented. Then he congratulated Wyatt for his trial and failure at riding a two-wheeled bike. Her heart twisted all up. Who knew one date would land her here?
They left his parents’ house and Wyatt begged them to stop by the fish ladders. Ryder winced but sighed after glancing at her with a look of apology. She smiled, feeling totally at ease with it because she could finish touring the museum behind the fish ladders. They entered the large building and she was dragged to the fish windows by Wyatt. Unable to resist, she let him pull her there as he jogged along, making her jog too. Once there, he squealed and pointed at the different kinds of fish. Some darted past, while others hung around, their bodies undulating in the fast current of the water, going against the flow. Wyatt was a running monologue of trivia and useless facts. Obviously, he spent a lot of time there.
“That’s a shad! Oh, they’re so gross, Tara. They shed scales like a cat does fur. The scales fall off and get all over everything! I play with ‘em until it looks like I rubbed ‘em all over me!” He identified everything he saw, a wealth of arcane fish facts. She glanced at Ryder, who listened and indulged Wyatt right along.
Ryder was always present and in the moment. That realization made her sit up. When he spoke to Wyatt, he listened to his thoughts or concerns or ridiculous conclusions. Wyatt also talked non-stop, which said something about Ryder’s patience. Ryder was present when Tara spoke too, starting from the very first time she served him his usual lunch. And each and every single time thereafter. He didn’t check his phone screen when anyone spoke to him, including his son. He only checked it after saying “Excuse me” to whomever he was with, and usually qualified it by adding, “It might be work.”
She was puzzled by his kindness and courtesy. Most people scrolled their phones no matter what they were doing or whom they were with. Not Ryder. Not with Chloe or his parents or his in-laws. Everyone had his undivided attention when he was with them. And she loved that. Having spent her entire life being ignored by the one man who should have given her all his love and attention, her father, she cherished seeing it with Ryder. Her grandfather was just as dismissive toward her. And as for Tristan and Tommy? They were loud and obnoxious and too self-focused to pay anyone any mind, let alone her. To suddenly have someone’s undivided attention was both disconcerting and slightly addictive. It was sexy as hell, she realized as she kept watching him interact with his son. It made her body warm and wet and that dynamic totally surprised her. She didn’t often get physically turned on.
She jumped to her feet and flew off the bench before the window, backing up and mumbling, “I’m going out to read the displays up there.”
By then, Ryder was holding Wyatt in his arms. He turned at her words, nodding with a quick smile. Then he put his kid in front of the window and they kept discussing the fish as they had been. Wyatt laughed, his high-pitched squeal drawing the glances of several people. They all smiled, glad to see how infused with joy and life the happy child was.
Breathing hard, Tara forced herself to calm down. It felt good to acknowledge all the positive things she felt about the man she had decided to date. Actually, it was huge. Momentous even.
And it really scared the shit out of her.
Eventually telling her brain to engage with the last display she read about when she was there with Ryder, she tried to seem normal. People dated all the time and were attracted to each other. People interacted and had conversations and showed affection and had sex. It was all totally normal. It wasn’t normal, however, for her to keep freaking out over each little thing.
Which she couldn’t help doing.
But he was so easy to be around and likeable that she never expected how great all of this could feel. Not at all. Not like she did.
“Wanna go see the sturgeon? There’re ponds full of sturgeon and trout on the Oregon side of the dam for the public to view. All kinds of fish live there. Plus, I can show you Herman the Sturgeon. He is ten feet long and over sixty years old! Can you imagine?”
She grinned and nodded. “Yes, I’d like very much to come with you two.” It almost scared her when she thought how much she would like to.
Tara saw the white sturgeon, which looked like huge, gentle, giant sharks, lacking teeth and floating idly around the pools that were built for them. They toured the ponds and viewing centers, reading and learning all about fish species of the lower Columbia River, before going out to lunch. Wyatt’s presence was a blessing, and it prevented any chance of Tara feeling awkward or bored. He managed to be engaging and fun without getting obnoxious or bratty. Ryder did a good job of rearing him. When Wyatt got a little too loud and forward with her, Ryder said in a low, stern, but even voice, “Wyatt, not okay.”
Wyatt immediately ducked his head down and blushed as he replied with clear sincerity, “Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Tara.”
Tara couldn’t resist being drawn to both of them.
As the day started to wane, Ryder pulled his truck into Tara’s place. He glanced at Wyatt and said, “I’ll be right back, Wy. I’m going to walk Tara to her door.”
“Okay, Daddy.” Wyatt’s voice rang out from his seat behind Ryder. He was kicking his feet and singing to himself while juggling around his little stuffed bear.
Tara’s raw nerves hit her with the force of a slap. When Wyatt was with them, she found it so much easier not to feel intimidated by Ryder or insecure. But when they were alone? All those nerves of anxiety rushed back.
He put the truck in park and got out, and so did she. He waited for her by the edge of the front bumper. Taking her hand, she stepped closer and he gallantly walked her to her door. He pulled her around to face him and wrapped her in his arms. “I’m going to kiss you, okay?”
“You don’t have to ask me every time. That’ll get old.”
“So you’re just going to tell me if you don’t want to? You’re not exactly adept at being honest about things like that.”
He leaned closer and cupped her face with his hands as he stared into her eyes. He leaned down to close the gap between them and her heart thudded loudly in her chest. He was so hot. The way his hair curled so haphazardly around his head. His intense gaze that was so deep, it almost sparked a flame, fastened on hers. His lips brushed over hers once, then again until he paused, hovering his mouth over her lips. She lifted herself up high enough to press her lips on his and he suddenly reacted. Sweeping his arms around her waist, he pushed her up against the front door and wedged his leg between hers. Their hips were close together when his tongue dipped inside her mouth. She kissed him back but she didn’t sigh or moan. She savored the blissful silence of the moment.
He finally released her and his gaze sought her eyes, nearly piercing them. His breathing was ragged. “You know, my son could end up making you more comfortable, instead of hindering us.”
Puzzled, she tilted her head. “How so?”
“Be
cause after a kiss like this? Do you have any idea of all the things I want to do with you? Do to you?” He smiled and stepped back, letting her go. “But luckily for you, you don’t have to respond right now, because I have to take my son home.”
He hugged her once more saying, “So tomorrow, when I come in for lunch, are you going to be okay?”
“Can you just… try to act normal? I mean, I don’t know if I can handle PDA and all that. Especially at work.”
“Okay. I understand. Besides, I wouldn’t anyway. Not with Chloe there… you understand…” Tara nearly slapped her own head. Duh! He was married to her sister. Of course, he wouldn’t flaunt his new girlfriend, especially now that she was Chloe’s employee. She winced at the reference new girlfriend, even in her own head.
“I understand.”
He smiled and stepped back to leave. Tara ducked around, moving towards where he crossed the yard. “Ryder?” she called after him.
He turned all the way around to face her.
“I liked that.”
He smiled. “Which part?”
“All of it. The dinner. The… the hot tub… the breakfast… and being with you, and… and Wyatt. And just now. I really liked that too. Thank you.”
He glanced back at the truck before he walked towards her. She was surprised he came back. “We should have just gone in the hot tub and left it at that. But in many ways, I’m glad we didn’t. At least, we figured out what’s real so you could start being honest with me. I had fun with you too, Tara. More fun than I’ve had with anyone but Wyatt in years. So thank you.” He tipped forward and touched her lips one last time with his, winking at her as he turned to leave.
“I don’t know what you’re thanking me for. I wasn’t that much fun.”
He smiled over his shoulder. “You were a lot of fun. We’ll figure it all out.”
“Are you always so optimistic in the face of opposition?”