by Leanne Davis
His smile and gaze seemed to drift off for a moment. She winced, realizing he was most likely thinking of his ex-wife and how she left him.
“No, but when something is fresh and new with all kinds of potential? Yes.”
Chapter Ten
TARA WALKED INTO WORK after what felt like an epic date, only to find her routine the same as usual. It was disconcerting. She felt changed, transformed, nearly like a butterfly flying free from a chrysalis, and yet… everyone and everything were the same. Gary still came in, looking sad and still crushing on her, overeating, smiling hopefully, and eventually leaving after finishing his dessert. Petra still clucked her tongue as she spoke and Chet still stayed quiet even when she asked him a direct question. Meanwhile, Chloe always dashed around, a ball of energy and incessantly busy. Tara found herself staring covertly too often at Chloe. She was trying to see the face of the woman Ryder once loved. It must have been so incongruous for him to see that face almost every day on another woman.
Tara felt like singing as she went about her work, but she managed to contain it. She blushed to the roots of her hair again when Ryder did finally come in, two hours later than his usual lunch time. Tara diligently looked for him for hours and each passing moment made her stomach churn with nerves, wondering, Where is he? She got excited to see him but also anxious since it was here at work. Especially now, after the great change, as she mentally referred to it, in her life. And it truly was. Right up there with the changes in having a decent place to live and a good job.
At two o’clock, he finally came in. He looked tired, and mud was spattered on his pants. He sat down with a heavy sigh as he set his coat beside him. Tara braced herself, her stomach roiling in tight knots that seemed to only worsen the moment she had to walk over to his table with a water pitcher in her hand. Feeling triply aware of her stupid hair and the unflattering uniform and shoes, she remembered Ryder didn’t care. He glanced up with a tired smile, and the warmth of his gaze falling over her nearly made her almost trip and pour the entire pitcher of water on him. She set his glass down and leaned closer. As she did, Ryder’s lips were beside her ear. He said softly, “It’s probably a good thing you have no idea what I’m thinking right now.”
She glanced at him, tipping the water pitcher upright as she asked, “What do you mean?”
He sighed but soon grinned. “You really are oblivious to the effect you have on males, aren’t you?”
“Are you being… dirty?” Her eyebrows twisted downwards.
He laughed outright. “Yes, Tara, I was being filthy dirty. Right in here,” he said, pointing at his head and her mouth popped open.
“But I thought you knew my whole…”
He leaned back. “Doesn’t mean I have that issue…”
She couldn’t help the smile that brightened her face. “You’re awful.”
“Well, I was. But I hope to change that,” he said in a low, intimate voice. She whipped her head up and his eyes glinted with blatant seduction and teasing. It was a new combination for her. All of it.
She licked her lips. “Why are you so late?”
His smile disappeared. “Long afternoon. Some poachers were out using a gillnet on the river.”
“I’m sorry.”
“But my day just got a whole lot better now that I’m seeing you.”
She rolled her eyes. “What a lame line.”
“It made you smile, so good enough.”
“I’ll get your meal.”
“Wait,” he called and she turned back. “How’s your day going? How are you?”
She shrugged nonchalantly. She didn’t dare admit that she had been all but pacing during the last two hours, waiting for him and trying to be patient with the customers. For once, she had no interest in the patrons, just him. “Fine. Usual. Just…”
“Just?”
“I was nervous for you to come in.”
“And now that I have?”
“It’s good. Normal. Still…”
“Us?”
She nodded, smiling faintly. “Yes, it still feels like us.”
“If I could kiss you right now…”
She dipped her head and left, but the smile on her face was a dead giveaway if anyone glanced her way.
She monitored Ryder as he ate and finished serving her other tables. When he slid to his feet and began pulling his coat on, she was returning from delivering a check to another couple. She almost ran right into his chest. Ryder simply put his arms around her waist and drew her towards him. Flabbergasted, she stared up at him and he tilted his chin down. He shrugged, sliding his mouth up. “The hell with it. I’m too old to be hiding stuff like this,” he muttered as he touched his lips to her cheek. His kiss was very chaste and sweet although her entire body reacted to it. “Dinner tonight?”
“Um… sure.”
He smiled. “Okay. Day’s already so much better,” he said as he turned and left. She was still standing in the middle of the restaurant, with all the diners staring at her as she watched him leaving with her mouth half open in shock. Did that just happen?
She shut her mouth at once and glanced around, not failing to notice the stark silence. “Did Ryder Kincaid just kiss you?” Petra asked, her voice filled with awe.
Tara blushed and every nerve ending she possessed seemed to explode. Nodding, her mouth couldn’t stay closed; she had to break into a huge smile. “Yes, we… we’re dating.” There. She said it. She declared a fact although she had to force the words out.
The entire place was suddenly abuzz with questions and exclamations. She dodged through them and retreated to the back of the kitchen. Chloe stood there, cold-faced and staring at her. Tara fisted her hands and steeled her spine. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
She responded to Chloe’s unspoken accusation in a tone as cool as Chloe’s frown. “I thought we agreed to keep it discreet. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”
“How long?”
“Literally since this weekend. I should have told you and I’m sorry, Chloe. I know what he is to you. But… I really like him and I think… I think he really likes me. At least, he says he does. He says he has fun with me and he hasn’t had much fun except with Wyatt in a long while. And so… well, it’s just… us, you know, having a nice time together.”
Chloe’s eyes closed. “I know. He deserves that. It’s been such a long time. It’s just that for me, well… it’s hard to see. Surprising, really. I picture my sister… and…” Chloe shook her head. “I just thought, for Wyatt’s sake…”
“I’m not going to be his mother. Or his stepmother. Just… I’m his friend. I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes.”
Chloe sighed. “I know it, damn it, Tara. You’re a nice woman. Reserved and totally unassuming. I know. It’s my issue, not yours. Or Ryder’s.”
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry about… your sister.”
“Me too. But that doesn’t mean Ryder doesn’t deserve to move on and have a happy life… and Wyatt too.”
Tara excused herself into the restroom to splash water onto her face. She stared in the mirror. Associating with other people and being a part of society was hard sometimes. As hard as being homeless was in some respects.
Later, when Ryder came to get Wyatt, he asked to drive Tara home.
She nodded and followed him out to his truck. He handed Wyatt his phone and Wyatt started playing a loud game on it. “Did anyone say anything? About us?” Ryder asked Tara.
She described Chloe’s reaction.
“I should have handled that differently. It was just kind of spontaneous. I get tired of being so… well-behaved. You know?”
“No. I just know that everyone was shocked when they saw you kissing me. And Chloe thought she was ready to see you move on from her sister. But she’s not. What do I really think? I think she was hoping her sister would return home someday and be with you again.”
He nodded. “Most likely you’re right. Ebony is her sister. You can’t really
blame her. She’s grieved as much as I have.”
Tara crossed her arms over her chest. “You said Ebony left. How? On what terms did she leave?”
Quiet descended after her question. She fidgeted around. Did she cross a line that she shouldn’t have? “Ryder? Would you rather not answer that?”
He sucked in a large breath and let it out. “It’s okay. It’s just what she did still surprises me. Every time I recall it, it socks me right in the gut again. She left me a note. Actually, she mailed it to me. Can you imagine? She left without word. She had to mail it. She admitted she could not do this anymore and she was sorry but she had to go to find herself and could never do it if she stayed here with me and Wyatt.”
“There were no signs or indications leading up to it?”
“There was some discontent. She collapsed into a terrible postpartum depression after Wyatt was born. It was a painful experience for both of us. But I didn’t blame her. I researched it and knew she wasn’t trying to be sad. And then she just disappeared.”
“That’s it? All you ever heard from her was that one letter?”
“No, she also cleared out our savings account. That was her parting gift, I suppose. She pocketed every last dollar we saved, and honestly? I saved up for a lot for years before I met her, so it really wasn’t all hers to take. But anything beyond that? No. I never even had a forwarding address to send her the divorce papers. I had to publish my intention to divorce her in the local paper. That was the only way I could prove that I looked for her but couldn’t locate her. Anyway, I completed the process and we are legally divorced, Tara. I’m available and single.”
Tara’s heart rate increased as she listened to him. Of course he was still pretty bitter and angry at the woman who abandoned him and especially his son. The baby who would never know his mother.
But it was not the same as what Tara did to her family. For one thing, she had no child. She didn’t leave anyone who was totally dependent on her. And second, she was practically a child herself when she ran away from home. There was no comparison to draw between what Ebony Kincaid did and what Tara did.
“I don’t know how someone can just walk away from their family like Ebony did. No word. No thought as to how it might have destroyed the ones she left behind. I can’t understand how anyone could be so cold and unfeeling to her own family.”
Let her count the ways… Her family created a more toxic environment for Tara than living all alone on the streets. The emotional damage they inflicted was deep and far-reaching, so much more than not knowing when you’ll eat your next meal. She licked her lips and said softly, “So even Chloe was shocked to learn how she left like she did?” Tara’s attempts to learn more about Ryder and Ebony while avoiding a discussion of why someone might leave their family without a word and disappear for years and years was difficult for her to navigate. She kept her face averted because she began turning every shade of red. The hypocrisy of her criticizing Ebony was so blatant in her own mind. She tried to tiptoe around it.
“Yes. Chloe was shocked. They… did you know she and Ebony owned the café together? Chloe was left alone with it and was just as upset as I was. It was so unlike Ebony. You know? Or the person we thought she was. Maybe it was the effects of her postpartum depression, but for the absence to stretch on all these years? How could she abandon her family? It’s not just me… How could she leave her son, her parents, and her identical twin sister? It’s such a great family. We saw them often because she utterly adored them… Then she broke all of our hearts by robbing me of my savings and ditching everyone.”
It tugged heavily at Tara’s heart and she wanted to say something. If only she could express something that was deep and insightful, but she didn’t know how to. She wasn’t sure what to say. She abandoned her parents and siblings… but the difference was, Tara did not leave a loving family in her wake. It wasn’t the same. Not at all. Tara reminded herself of that and decided she should never forget it.
No two situations or people are the same, and leaving her own family without a word wasn’t the same as Ebony running away from her responsibility as a mother and wife. Right? She had to believe that.
Suddenly, the other piece of information Ryder said filtered into her thoughts. “Wait. If Ebony used to own half of the café, does that mean you own it now?”
He glanced her way. “Yes. Technically. I got everything we owned in the divorce. She failed to respond so I got all the community property by default.”
“So that’s why you eat all your meals there for free. Does that mean you’re also my boss?”
“No. I do get free food because I’m part owner. But I don’t touch the business end. It’s all Chloe’s to run and do whatever she wants with. I’m a game warden, Tara, not a restaurant manager.”
“Oh. That was really decent of you.”
His smile was small. “I always try to be,” he said softly. Then he added. “Try and remember that. Whatever happens or goes on, I always try to do the right thing.”
She pressed her lips together in a thin line. Could she claim that about herself? She wanted to. She desperately wanted to say that with regard to herself. But after listening to what Ebony’s disappearance did to her family, Tara wondered, What if my disappearance caused pain in my family? No. She banished that thought. Her family was nothing like Ebony’s. No. No one cared when she left. Perhaps her mother missed some of the acclaim and attention she received as a dance mom, but otherwise? No one ever missed her.
Maybe Tristan did. If he ever glanced up from his work long enough to remember her, he just might have had some twinges of concern as to her whereabouts. He might have even thought he missed her, but there was little doubt in Tara’s mind that his heart didn’t. Tristan couldn’t even tap into his emotions, much less let them overrule his logic. Perhaps on her birthday or on holidays, Tristan might actually have missed her physical presence. Perhaps.
But he would never really miss her, or long for her, and feel his life was over. Years later, did they hurt like Chloe, her parents, and Ryder did over Ebony? No. It wasn’t that way in her family.
Ryder leaned across the seat and took her hand in his, squeezing it. “I didn’t mean to upset you with all that talk about my ex. I worked through my anger towards her. Honestly. It’s not going to jump back up and hurt you. If she returned tomorrow, I’d have to allow her into Wyatt’s life, but not back into mine. Not beyond our roles in co-parenting. Okay? I made my peace with her desertion, along with my disappointment over the mother and wife she turned out to be, and I fell out of love with her because of that.”
Tara gripped his hand and nodded. “It doesn’t upset me. I’d rather hear you talk about it all than be so negatively affected by her absence that you couldn’t discuss her. That would signal that you still have unresolved feelings about her.”
“I have feelings, sure. But they are not unresolved. I know what they are. And they definitely aren’t longing or love.”
“And you do have a son with her. You can’t pretend like he doesn’t have a mother.”
He tugged her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. The simple, sweet gesture made her heart thump and melted her entire body. Any affection in Tara’s life was usually withheld, if not entirely absent. The only times she had received it was on a conditional basis, so it was pretty amazing to have it simply given for no reason. Just because Ryder liked to. And Tara didn’t know how to accept it as easily as he offered it.
He walked her up to her door. “Do you still want to go out to dinner? Maybe we could see a movie too. It’s a Disney movie, but…” He shrugged, making a face.
Her heart bumped. “That’s exactly what I’d like to do.”
His smile was just as big as hers and her entire core melted and felt all warm… Honestly? She was more turned on than she could ever remember. When he leaned down and swiped his lips over hers, she wondered if what she felt shifting in her heart was her sexually responding to him? Maybe it was something
that had never engaged before. Maybe that would make all the difference. Maybe Ryder could crack all the frigid ice that seemed to numb her to the the very center of her being.
****
That was just the start. She was being wooed.
There was no other word she could find to describe it. He picked her up for dinner several nights a week, and brought his son too. They went out a few times but mostly they ate at his house. They played lots of board games with Wyatt and Tara watched more cartoons and under-twelve, family-friendly movies than she’d ever watched in her life, even as a child. No one in her family had cared what she watched or ever monitored her. They had better things to do. She remembered watching a horror movie when she was five years old and not being able to sleep for almost a year from all the subsequent nightmares.
Ryder never insisted she have sex with him and never mentioned it again. She thought that would be the main topic on his mind after what she told him. No. He continued to ask her out to various meals and activities or simply just to hang out at his house. Most of the time, Wyatt was also around. There was no denying how much she liked being with both of them. She grew used to it very quickly. And liked it so much. To describe her days now? She had a productive job that she enjoyed, which allowed her to interact with various kinds of people. Only a year ago, Tara would have run the other direction if anyone tried to approach her on the street. She also enjoyed a close friendship with Petra and Chloe, something she never shared with any other females in her life.
And Ryder. Tara grew increasingly more reliant on seeing him in her spare time. It was a new and very strange dynamic for her, having someone in her life on a daily basis. He never failed to ask how her day was. And how she was. Like clockwork. No one had ever cared or asked about her comings and goings, or randomly discussed their thoughts, no matter how insignificant. Yet Ryder seemed interested in all of it. He asked. She hadn’t been asked many questions in her life. No one seemed to care about her opinion. At eight years old, and just a little girl, her mother and father never asked her how her day at school was. She attended a private school, the best in the county with ridiculously exorbitant tuition per year. But no one ever asked how she was doing there. The answer they would have received if they did ask was not well. Her grades had been invariably low and she had to struggle to keep up. She had private tutoring too, but it never seemed enough to get her caught up. Far be it from her parents to even crack a book open on their own to help her. Tara learned early on to keep her thoughts, concerns, and worries, be they big or small, entirely to herself.