Til try to keep it brief, but you'll need a little background. For a couple of years Nero Wolfe was in charge of Rusterman's restaurant as trustee, and a man named Felix Mauer was under him. Now Felix is in charge, but he often asks Nero Wolfe for advice, and Mr. Wolfe and I often eat there. We ate lunch there yesterday, and Felix-" "Huh. A waiter from that restaurant was killed in Wolfe's house, a bomb, and you found the body. Huh?"
"Right, That's why we were there yesterday, to ask questions. The waiter's name was Pierre Ducos, and he waited on you at dinner in an upstairs room at Rusterman's on Friday, October eighteenth. Twelve days ago. Harvey H. Bassett was the host. You remember it?"
"Of course I remember it It was the last meal I ever ate with him."
"Do you remember the waiter?"
"I never remember people. I only remember diffractions and emissions."
"Mr. Wolfe and I knew Pierre well, and he knew us. When he came there late Monday night, he told me a man was going to kill him. He also told me about the dinner on October eighteenth, and he told me he saw one of the guests hand Bassett a slip of [65] paper and Bassett put it in his wallet, and that was all. He said he wanted to tell Nero Wolfe the rest of it because he was the greatest detective in the world. I took him upstairs to a bedroom, and apparently you know what happened then, like a couple of million other people. Well, there you are. That dinner had been eleven days ago, and why did he tell me about that and about the slip of paper one of you handed Bassett? That's why I'm here, and it brings me to the question I want to ask; did you hand Bassett a slip of paper, and what was on it?"
"No. Huh."
"Did you see one of the others hand him one?"
"No. Huh."
He seemed to be scowling at me, but it could have been just the wrinkles.
"Then I have to ask a favor, or rather Nero Wolfe does. We asked Felix who the guests were at that dinner, and the only one he could name was you. He said someone had told him who you were, Benjamin Igoe, the well-known scientist. I don't know if you like to be called a scientist, but that's what Felix was told."
"I don't believe it Goddam it, I am not well known."
"Maybe you are and don't know it. That's what Felix told me. You can call him and ask him."
"Who told him that?"
. "He didn't say. He's there now. Give him a ring."
I thought he probably would, there and then. Nine men out of ten would have, or maybe only seven or eight.
But not him. He just said, "Huh. By god, if I'm famous it's about time I found out. I'm sixty-four years old. You want a favor?"
"Nero Wolfe does. I'm just the errand boy. He wants-" "You're a licensed private investigator. Well known," "You can't believe what you read in the paper. I am [66] not well known."
I wanted to say huh but didn't. "Mr. Wolfe wants the names of all the men who were at that dinner, but if you never remember people, of course you can't tell me."
"I remember the names of everything, including people."
He proved it. "Did Pierre Ducos tell you what we talked about?"
I shook my head. "He only told me what I told you."
"We talked about tape recorders. That's what Harvey had us together for. Did you know Harvey Bassett?"
"No. Of course I had heard of him, he was well known too."
"I knew him all my life, most of it, we were at college together. He was three years older than me. I was a prodigy. Huh. No more. I took physics, and he took business. He made a billion dollars more or less, but up to the day he died he couldn't tell an electron from a kilovolt. Also he was unbalanced. He had obsessions. He had one about Richard Nixon. That was why he had us there. He made the equipment for electronic recording, or rather that was one of the things we made and he sold, and he thought Nixon had debased it. Polluted it. He wanted to do something about it but didn't know what. So he had us-" He bit it off and looked at his watch. "Goddam it, twelve minutes."
He jumped up, more like twenty-four than sixty-four. He moved, but I grabbed his arm and said firmly, "Goddam it, the names."
"Oh. Did I say I would?"
He crossed to the desk, sat, got a pad of paper and a pen, and wrote, fast, so fast that I knew it wouldn't be legible. But it was. I had stepped over, and he tore it off and handed it to me, and a glance was enough. All five of them.
"Mr. Wolfe will be grateful," I said, and meant it. "Damn grateful. He never leaves his house, and al - [67] most certainly he will want to tell you so and have a talk. Is there any chance you would drop in on him, perhaps on your way home?"
"I doubt it. I suppose I might. My kind of work, I never know what I'm going to do. Huh. You get out of here."
Turning, I said, "Huh."
I didn't really say it, it just came out. And I walked out.
Also I walked the ten blocks down to Thirty-fifth Street and across town to the old brownstone. As I mounted the stoop it was half past four and Wolfe would be up in the plant rooms, and I hung up my coat and went to the office, sat, and looked at the list. He had written not only the names, but also what they did. If my time hadn't been up, he might have included ages and addresses. I tossed it on the desk and sat and looked at the picture. It was now an entirely new ballgame. By tossing Richard Nixon into that dinner party he had put a completely new face on it. Knowing Wolfe as I did, that was obvious. It was so obvious that it took me only ten minutes to decide what to do first, and I did it. I got at the phone and dialed a number.
It took more than half an hour to get all three of them. Actually I only got Fred; for Saul and Orrie I had to leave urgent messages. Then I pulled the typewriter around and made five copies of the list of names. I don't have to type it here for you because I already have. Then I typed the conversation with Igoe, verbatim, one carbon. I usually don't read things over, but I did that, and was on the second page when the elevator rattled coming down and clanked at the bottom, and Wolfe came.
He went to his desk and sat and said, "You're back."
He rarely says things that are obvious, but he says that fairly often because it's a miracle that I'm not limping or bleeding after spending hours out in the concrete jungle.
[68] "Yes, sir. I'll try to cover it all before dinner. I saw Felix and Lon Cohen and Miss Rowan and Felix again and one of the guests at that dinner named Benjamin Igoe, an electronics engineer with NATELEC, Bassett's company, and you'll want it all, but I prefer to give you the last one first. Igoe. I've typed my talk with him for the record."
I swiveled to get it from my desk, swiveled again, and got up and handed it to him.
Three pages. He read the last page twice, looked at me with his eyes half shut and said, "By God."
I stared at him. I may have gaped. He never says by god, and he said it with a capital G. So I didn't say anything.
He did. "Was he gibbering? Was it flummery?"
"No, sir. It was straight."
"He gave you their names."
"Right."
It was in my hand, the one he had written, not a typed copy, and I passed it to him. He read it twice too. He put it down on his desk and then picked it up for another look. "I am not easily overwhelmed," he said. "If I could have them here now, all of them, I would pretermit dinner. I have occasionally asked you to bring people when I knew no one else could, but this-these six-not even you."
"I agree. So before I typed that conversation I did something. I used the telephone. More than once. And got results. You may have one guess."
He looked at me, straight, then closed his eyes. In about a minute, maybe a little more, he opened them and asked, "When will they come?"
"Nine o'clock. Fred sure, and Saul and Orrie probable. As you know, they like doing errands for you."
"Satisfactory," he said. "I'll taste my dinner. I haven't tasted food for two days."
[69] 7 I forget who once called them the Three Musketeers. Saul was in the red leather chair, and Fred and Orrie were in the two yellow ones I had moved up to face Wolfe's desk. Saul had b
randy, Orrie had vodka and tonic, Fred had bourbon, I had milk, and Wolfe had beer.
Saul Panzer was two inches shorter, much less presentable with his big ears and unpressed pants, and in some ways smarter than me. Fred Durkin was one inch shorter, two inches broader, heavier-bearded, and in some ways a little more gullible. Orrie Gather was half an inch taller, a lot handsomer, and a little vainer. He was still sure he should have my job and thought it was conceivable that someday he would. He also thought he was twice as attractive to all women under forty, and I guess he was. He could say let's look at the record.
I had been doing most of the talking for more than an hour, and their notebooks were more than half full. I had given them the crop, saving nothing, with a little help from Wolfe in spots, but of course omitting irrelevant items such as the luncheon menu at Lily Rowan's. That had also been skipped when reporting to Wolfe before dinner. His real opinion of her wasn't anything near as low as he liked to pretend it was, but he didn't need another minus for her.
[70] I took a sip of milk and said, "Now questions, I suppose."
"No," Wolfe said. His eyes moved left to right and back, to take them in. "I must first tell you the situation. Archie doesn't need to be told; he was aware of it before I was. What Mr. Igoe told him. He sees me every day, and hears me. He knew that for the first time in my life I had an itch that could not be relieved-that I hankered for something I couldn't get. He knew that I would have given all of my orchids-well, most of them-to have an effective hand in the disclosure of the malfeasance of Richard Nixon. I once dictated to him a letter offering my services to Mr. Jaworski, and he typed it, but it wasn't sent. I tore it up."
He picked up the bottle, decided not to pour, and put it down. "Well. Mr. Nixon is now out, no longer in command of our ship of state, no longer the voice of authority to us and of America to the world, but the record is by no means complete. History will dig at it for a century. It is now possible that I may be able to make a contribution. You heard what Mr. Igoe told Archie. Was he merely babbling, Archie?"
"No, sir. It was square."
"So I accept it and I expect you to. I trust Archie's eyes and ears, and I think you do. I am assuming that there was some connection between the name on that slip of paper, if it was a name, and the web of events and circumstances that is called Watergate; and further, that it resulted in the death by violence of Harvey Bassett and Pierre Ducos. Of Pierre, in this house. That's what I expect to establish, with your help. I have no client, so there will be no fee. Your usual rates will be paid, and of course expenses. I instruct you not to stint. It's nearing the end of a good year for me, even this year of a delirious economy, and it won't pinch me."
[71] He sat straighter and palmed the chair arms. "Now. You have always trusted my judgment and followed instructions without question. Now you can't. I don't. On this I can't be sure my intellect will ignore the goad of my emotions. It may already have been gulled. The assumptions I have made-are they witless? I have asked Archie. Saul?"
"For a try, no."
"Fred?"
"No, sir."
"Orrie?"
"I agree with Saul. Good enough to work on."
Wolfe nodded. "I'm not convinced, but in any case I am going to get the man who killed Pierre-and might have killed Archie. But don't trust me blindly. If you doubt the soundness of my conclusions or instructions, say so. I would like to come out of this with my self-esteem intact, and so would you."
He leaned back. "To the job. If one of those six men is the culprit, he was with Bassett in an automobile last Friday night, and he had access to Pierre's coat Monday, day before yesterday, no matter what his motive was. To that the soundness of my assumptions is immaterial, and my emotions are not involved. Archie has given you lists of their names and has told you that five of them are in the Manhattan telephone directory. One of the lawyers, Mr. Ackerman, is in the Washington directory. Saul, you will start with the other lawyer, Mr. Judd. What is he? Where was he? Of course you won't ask him. If he learns you are inquiring about him, he may ask you, and if you need to consult with Archie, he will be here. Better Archie than me; on this I am suspect. As I said."
"Yes, sir. A question?"
"Yes?"
"You have told us not to follow your instructions [72] without question. Lucile Ducos, Pierre's daughter. What Igoe said and the names he gave may have made you forget her."
He looked at me. "You think he may have shown her the slip of paper?"
"May have, certainly."
"Could I open her up?"
"Possibly. If anybody could. I doubt it."
Back to Wolfe. "The name may not be one of those six men. It may have no connection with Watergate or Nixon. That may be why you forgot her. I could give it a try. Archie looks like a male chauvinist, and I don't."
Wolfe's lips were tight. He had asked for it, but even so it was hard to take. I am supposed to badger him, that's one of the forty-four things I get paid for, but not them, not even Saul.
Til discuss it with Archie," Wolfe said. "In asking about Mr. Judd, if you reveal that I sent you, so much the better. He may resent it and want to tell me so. Fred, you will start with Mr. Vilar. Since he deals with what is euphemistically called security, you will be familiar with those around him. My comments to Saul apply to you. Questions?"
"No, sir. Archie will be here?"
"Yes. He will see Mr. Igoe again and bring him if possible, but that will have to wait. At least he will be here tomorrow. Orrie, I believe you are known at Rusterman's."
"Well . . ."
Orrie let it hang five seconds. "I have been there, sure. With my wife. Not often; I can't afford it."
"You were there two years ago, when money was taken from one of the men's lockers and Felix asked me to investigate. I sent you."
"Oh, that, sure."
"So you have seen that room, and many of the men have seen you. Pierre's coat could have been anywhere that he was that day or evening, but that room is the [73] most likely. Was a stranger seen there that evening? Go and find out. Archie will tell Felix to expect you. Don't go until eleven o'clock, and interfere with the routine as little as possible. Have in mind another possibility, that the bomb was put in the coat by one of them. Archie and I think it unlikely, but it isn't excluded. You will not mention the slip of paper; you know what we promised Philip. Questions?"
Orrie shook his head. "About that, no. That's simple. And Archie will be here. But I'd like to say-about the ante. Fred has a family and needs it, but my wife has a good job with good pay, and we won't starve for a couple of weeks. Also I've got some feelings about Nixon too. If you pay the expenses, I'd like to donate my time."
"No."
Wolfe clipped it. "This is my affair. When Archie said it's all in the family, he meant merely that I have no client. No."
"I live here," I said. "I took him up to that room. It's a family affair."
Inside I was grinning. Orrie was so damn obvious. He thought my taking in a man with a bomb was a black mark for me, and offering to donate his time showed that he was fully worthy to step in when I stepped out. I'm not saying he was dumb. He wasn't.
Fred said, "Hell, I wouldn't starve either. I've got two families. I don't live here like Archie, but I like to think this is my professional family."
Saul said, "So do I. I raise. I'll pay expenses-mine."
Wolfe said, "Pfui. It's my affair. Archie, five hundred to each of them. There may be occasion to buy some facts. Record it as usual; it may be deductible, at least some of it."
I went and opened the safe, got the reserve cash box, and made three piles-ten twenties, twenty tens, and twenty fives, all used bills. When I finished, the members of the family were on their feet, including Wolfe. He had shaken hands with them when they [74] arrived, but they didn't offer now because they knew he didn't like it. They took the bills and went to the hall for their coats.
When I returned to the office after letting them out and sliding the bolt, Wolfe
had the list of names and the conversation with Igoe in his hand. Taking them up to bed with him. "Still half an hour to midnight," he said. "I'll sleep, and so will you. Good night."
I returned it and started collecting glasses and bottles.
[75] 8 At a quarter past ten Thursday morning I left the South Room and closed the door, which was no longer honored with the seal of the NYPD. Ralph Kerner, of Town House Services Incorporated, closed his imitation-leather-bound book and said, "I'll try to get the estimate to you by Monday. Tell Mr. Wolfe to expect the worst. That's all we get nowadays, the worst, from all directions."
"Yeah, we expect it and we get it. Isn't there a discount for a room where a man has just been murdered?"
A Family Affair Page 7