by King, V. L.
“We’ll meet you there, Laurie. See you soon.” With the handset set on its cradle once I ended the call, I turned my focus to the impeccably dressed man in the doorway. You’d never suspect he had just finished nearly twelve hours at work. “She said thank you, and they’ll meet us there.”
His pants pockets were slightly weighed down as his hands hung loosely in them. His lower lip was caressed by his tongue as he focused on his feet with each leisurely stride towards me. “They?” he questioned, his feet scuffing the wooden flooring with menacing strides, causing and my heartrate to increase.
Fuck.
“She was supposed to be spending time with her cousin. I’m sorry, Liam. You said the more the merrier, so I just assumed that it would be okay to invite him along.” Eyes screwed, I felt the wrinkles span across my forehead while my neck and shoulders gave into the weight bore upon it. My head began to fall forward and shoulders began to slouch. “God, I am so stupid, what was I thinking? I’m sorry—”
“Hey.”
My face was coated by his minty breath, while his hand rose to cradle my cheek. I suppressed the urge to flinch. When my head was coaxed upwards to meet his scrutiny, I was chanced by soft, forgiving eyes looking back at me. “Please stop worrying. It is okay, I did say that, and I meant it—”
“But I had no right to assume it in the first place. Liam, please forgive me. I’m so, so sorry.” His handsome, benevolent face was beginning to swim and distort as tears assembled and glazed over my pale blue eyes.
“I forgive you, Kady.” As the words were freed from his lips, I felt myself physically lax, and when his mouth slanted over mine and his tongue dipped into my mouth as I gave him an opening, my tears dissolved. “Now go upstairs and get yourself ready.” He breathed against my mouth when he pulled away. His warm, gentle hand lingered on my face, his thumb caressing the arch of my cheekbone. “Maybe wear that mint green blouse with those dark jeans. You know how much I love it on you.”
“Okay.” I nodded and stepped out of his clutch, his hand dropping from my face. I was rewarded with a small smack on the ass when I turned on my heel to head for the stairs, and he went back to into the dining room to keep Liv company.
Liam and Liv filed into the BMW while I rummaged through my purse for my keys and locked the front door. Their hushed conversation was brought to an abrupt end when I slipped into the front passenger seat, and concluded with Liv playfully swatting his left shoulder from the back seat.
“Okay, children, less of that, let’s get going because I am starving,” I teased, lightly drawing the belt across my body.
Liam was just about to pull out of the driveway when his hand came down on my thigh. “You look gorgeous.”
My heart melted. I took his advice and opted for my dark, skinny jeans and pale mint, silk blouse with gold buttons and matching green heels. My hair was twisted and clipped into place, giving me nothing to hide behind, just how Liam liked it. Gazing into his eyes for an eternity, my lips tipped into a content smile. “Thank you.”
“Okay, come on, enough with the mushy talk,” the voice from the back seat griped, and I couldn’t help but snigger. If only she knew how much I appreciated this degree of, ‘mushy talk’.
“Why, Liv, making you jealous?” Liam teased, staring intently in the rearview mirror as he began pulling out of the driveway.
“Nauseous, more like.”
I shook my head to myself, thinking that when she finds the man of her dreams, she will be the first to revel in ‘mushy talk’.
It was 7:55 p.m. when we pulled up outside the restaurant and Liam handed the keys, along with a substantial tip, to the valet parking before linking our fingers together and leading us to the olive green entrance.
I scanned the area and peeked back at the man beside me. “What about Laurie? She’s not here yet.”
His warm, soft fingers had already begun to come loose around my own as Liv muttered, “We can go in and get a table, and you can wait for Laurie, right Liam?”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Will you be okay with that, baby?”
Liv was already holding the door open when I smiled and nodded my acquiescence. I watched as they stepped inside, Liam’s hand resting on the small of her back as he steered her into the warmth of the bistro, and I waited alone in the chilly breeze.
A stone rolled under my foot as I sluggishly perused the area decorated with two green metal benches, potted ferns, and the large green awning over the door. Lots of green, I thought to myself. I idly contemplated the chance of the interior matching the pallet of the exterior when a bubbly, high voice shrieked, “Hey, girlie.”
By the time I lifted my head, Laurie was bouncing her way towards me, her black hair was loose, tumbling past her shoulders while the splash of cosmic blue dye spruced her bangs.
Cosmic blue…
Memories of my sister and her beauty mishap refused to stay dormant. As I strived to shake the thought out of my head where it should no longer dwell, arms of the petite, pale woman had by now encompassed me and were ruthlessly squeezing me like a ragdoll.
“Laurie, you made it,” I strained, returning her embrace.
“Yeah, sorry I’m late.” She nudged her head into the direction she just surfaced from while holding me at arm’s length. “You can blame him.”
“‘Blame me’ says the woman who spent fifteen minutes admiring herself. That’s love for you right there.”
Showered by familiarity, I peeked up and watched as the man strolled towards the entrance. His brown hair was longer on the top and left slightly disheveled as he raked his hand through prior to letting it go limp to the side. The white T-shirt beneath his navy and caramel-plaid shirt was exposed and his left hand sat peacefully in his beige denim pants pocket, trapping the one side of his shirt behind his forearm.
“Hey, Kady, nice to see you again.”
My eyes bulged out of their sockets, and my mouth went dry. I turned my attention back to the secretive woman beside me. “Walker is your cousin?”
“What?” Her shoulders practically touched her ears. “You never asked.”
“But, you’re not Irish.”
“Technically, it’s only by marriage. My uncle married her aunt,” Walker clarified.
With an exasperated shake of my head, I gestured towards to entrance, muttering, “Six degrees of separation is everywhere you turn.”
Shuffling into the warmth of the establishment, we were instantly drowned by pristine cream walls and bright white light from the hanging candelabras. Their glow reflected off the surface of the surrounding mirrors and glass paneled doorways, which lead into a more intimate, smaller dining area. Patrons sat at their crisp, white-covered tables, adorned with fresh white lilies in the center as glistening crystal glasses waited to be filled.
The maître d’ led the way, weaving past scattered tables as we made our way through the bistro where we emerged in the smaller dining area. Four spacious, wrought-iron candelabras hung from wooden beams while a bar extended across the length of the right wall. Square tables were covered in the same white lining cloths and decorated with beautiful white lilies just as they were in the larger room. This area may have been intimate, the glow may have been subtler, though it didn’t lack elegance by any means.
My paranoia whispered taunting words when I sighted Liam and Liv, once again, in hushed conversation when we made our way to join them. He was smiling and nodding at something she had said, when his eyes became rigid as gestured towards us with a tip of his brow.
Rising from his seat as we neared, he snaked his left arm around my waist, drawing me into his side. “Kady.” His barely audible voice became even fainter as his lips slanted over mine. The maître d’ scuttled off back to his position by the time I lowered myself into the waiting seat.
“Laurie. Walker.” He nodded his acknowledgement to each of our little party as they took their places opposite.
“Boss,” Walker responded, mirroring his nod. It still seem
ed strange hearing someone calling my boyfriend, boss.
I introduced the Irishman to Liv, who extended her arm over the table for a friendly handshake before she went back to focusing on Liam. “Shall we browse and order then?” she asked, handing us each a menu, and it was one of the best suggestions I had heard all day. I was famished.
Within minutes, the young waiter was signaled over to our table of five with his notepad and pen in hand.
“We will have two of the grilled New Zealand venison, one of the deviled eggs with house-smoked salmon and caper aioli, and two of the garlic roast chicken.”
Liam had barely finished placing the order when I looked up at the young, smartly dressed gentleman and added, “Extra garlic—”
The entire table fell into a deathly silence when my words were shadowed by Walker’s reiteration. Our eyes locked across the table as shy smiles danced across our features. How could something so innocent, feel so illicit?
“Not another self-confessed garlic freak,” Laurie jeered, her tone playful. Even so, her speech was merely a muffle in my ears as Walker and I continued examining each other. “How did I not know that about you?”
Flailing my head and lifting my shoulders, I was becoming somewhat nervous about the reaction this could prompt in Liam. Yes, it was a trivial chancing, but it was something that I had in common with another male. Taking into consideration that he thought I was flirting with his employee the last time I was in his company, I didn’t like the chances that he would possibly twist something in that head of his, and insinuate I was doing it again. Or maybe I was and I just couldn’t see it.
Either way, I wasn’t going to continue standing on the railway tracks while I waited for Freight Train Liam to come hurling towards me. As a result, I tore my gaze away from the man smirking affectionately ahead of me and hung my head low. For my own peace of mind, I remained mute with my focus aimed into my lap while the waiter scurried off to the kitchen.
“So Kady, how’s the baking coming along?” Laurie questioned over the table, placing her fork into her left hand. She retrieved her glass of Shiraz and took a welcome sip.
“Really well, actually. You were right. It is relaxing.” I craned my head to the man sitting at my right with that deviled egg on his plate dredging up some difficult memories. In spite of everything, I locked them back in the steel-encased box at the back of my memory and only focused on the behavior I’d demonstrated that monstrous night which had resulted in my fate. I wouldn’t act that way again. “Liam’s enjoying them too.” I forced a grin.
“You know, there are courses you can go on to further those skills, Kady,” Laurie said before taking another bite of her food.
“Further?” So much caution dripped from that lone word.
“There are plenty of courses which help teach the art of actually decorating them. They usually only run for a few weeks, but they teach you everything you need to know.”
“You know,” Liam interjected, pointing and waving his fork in a loose grasp in Laurie’s direction. “That is a really good idea.”
“I don’t know, I don’t think I’d be very good around new people. I—”
“Kady, this could really open up some doors for you. I think it’s an amazing idea.”
“But what about—”
“No, don’t worry your pretty little head over it. I’ll sort out everything.” He winked.
And just like that, I felt that same fisted, irate feeling consume me when I realized that, once again, I didn’t have a choice in this. This wasn’t a decision I could make, it wasn’t a decision I was being allowed to make. What made it even worse, Liam was going to be the one forking out the costs for all of this…failure wasn’t going to be an option. In that lapsing moment, I dreaded the consequences of if I did indeed fail.
The fork was carefully set to the side of my plate as my hand lifted to my throat. I couldn’t sit there for a moment longer. I felt like I was being smothered. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t focus on anything other than being forced into something which should have been optional. Instead, Liam had just made it mandatory. My head was fogging, my breathing ragged.
All I desperately wanted was to slam my hands down on the table and tell everyone to back the fuck off, that it was my life, my options, and my fucking decisions. Oxygen caught in my throat, the buzzing in my ears made my vision shake. I had to get away. Urgently.
“I need to use the restroom,” I excused myself. I slipped my clutch purse under my arm as I headed to the privacy of the ladies’ with one sole purpose.
I locked myself in one of the empty stalls, feeling like some fugitive. With the toilet seat lowered, I perched myself on the edge and folded myself over to frantically empty the contents of my purse over the cream-tiled flooring, totally uncaring of the thunderous clattering. Cell phone…purse…cards…bills…
The inner-side zipper was hastily opened, and I yanked out a small, metal nail file and held it between my fingers like it was my lifeline—the silver edge reflecting the overhead halogens. Breathing still rough and my thoughts still clouded, I shunted myself from the toilet, undid my jeans, and lowered them over my hips, down to mid-thigh.
Panic and alarm, trepidation and angst, so many overwhelming emotions surged through my body, making me physically tremble and heated tears gathered in my eyes. He took it away from me…again. This time in the presence of our friends.
I didn’t feel like a grown woman. Dammit, I was twenty-five but made to feel like a reduced being that needed her actions in life dictated at every turn. I needed it back; I needed something I had power over, something I could manage.
With that sole thought, that one purpose, I pressed the shiny hooked edge of the file against my thigh. But it didn’t help. My head was still a haze of anger and resentment, so I pressed it in deeper. Still nothing I frantically sought was regained.
I needed, even just for an idle moment, to feel and salvage that sliver of control.
I felt the abrasion of the file slipping and grazing between the surfaces of my fingertips as I pushed the implement into my leg with exacting force.
Harder…
A slow burning and a somewhat bruising sensation began to encircle the area being gradually impaled.
Tears fell. Yet I pushed harder…
Stifling a whimper, I tipped my head back. There it was, that sharp stabbing sensation. The burning of my flesh circled around the skewer as I speared it into my thigh. It hurt like hell—a raw, tender throbbing, which soon radiated down the tissue of my leg in regularity of the pulse in my neck. I’d reached my limit.
Breathe in…breathe out…in…out…slowly…methodically…
Gradually decreasing the pressure which I bore upon the tool with each stable and balanced inhalation, the racing, unsteady thoughts began to stabilize and regulate. I was drawn back; the pain was my lighthouse in the dark, overpowering tide of the stormiest seas.
My eyes closed as twin tears glided down my cheeks, and I sunk into my moment of tranquility and lucidity. My grip on the file released sending it plummeting and clattering onto the tile of the stall.
As I sat back in the privacy of the restroom stall, my head dropped forward. Concrete may as well have been coating my arms with how weighed down they felt. While I sank back into the world around me, my feet tingling against the solidity of the ground beneath them, I felt for a brief moment, serene, unperturbed and gratified that I was the one who had control, for that one diminutive moment.
Chapter Sixteen
“What happened, you get lost in there, Kady?” Walker joked as I rejoined our little party, taking my seat opposite him.
The tender wince and a soft catching of air in my throat were ignored when Liam set his hand on the new tender puncture of my right thigh. “You okay?” he asked.
Once I muttered that I was fine, ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ began to resonate from Liv’s phone. God she really was self-assured. Damn…was I ever like that? She didn’t bother excusing
herself to take the call, she simply answered from the comfort of her seat, and I found my subtle gaze centering on Walker who was frowning at me for some godforsaken reason. It was as if he could see through my pretense, could notice that I had to take care of a need that was no longer optional for me. When I rubbed the nape of my neck with my left hand and offered a tiny, tightlipped grin, the creases in his forehead began to loosen and his mouth, coated in prickly scruff, began to lift as he nodded his head.
“Damn you, Benny,” she hissed with a jab of her thumb on the ‘end call’ button and stuffed it into her purse. “I’m so sorry. Looks like I’m going to have to leave you all to your devices. One of the girls is sick so I’ve been called in,” she muttered, rearing from her seat and shrugging on her little denim jacket.
“You need a lift?”
“A lift would be fantastic, thank you, Liam.”
“You know, maybe we should all call it a night. It’s getting kind of late anyway.” I began to shift from my seat when Liam’s hand crashed down on my shoulder, halting my intention.
“The night is still young.” He smiled. “Here.” The credit card was fished out of his wallet then placed into my palm. “I’ll take Liv, you settle the bill, and you two”—his gaze lifted to Laurie and Walker. Pointing his finger, he tethered them with an invisible line—“show my girl a good time. She deserves it.”
Walker nodded his acknowledgment, “Boss.”
“I mean it, if she’s home before midnight, I’ll know she didn’t have a good time and you’ll be fired.”
The words Liam spoke had stunned me. I was in a wary, yet slightly-gratified daze. The clashing of silverware on plates and generalized chitchat that engulfed the restaurant, fell away, only to be replaced by a galling, muffled buzzing. My protective and possessive boyfriend was giving permission to the man, who was one of the reasons for his last vile deed, to show me a good time? Deep down in the pit of my gut and floating around in my mind was one query, was this some kind of test? I didn’t know. I didn’t know what the right answer to this conundrum was. Either way, I knew I was fucked.