by T. Smollett
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
HE APPEARS IN THE GREAT WORLD WITH UNIVERSAL APPLAUSE AND ADMIRATION.
Meanwhile, Fathom and his engine were busied in completing his equipage,so that in a few days he had procured a very gay chariot, adorned withpainting, gilding, and a coat of arms, according to his own fancy anddirection. The first use he made of this vehicle was that of visitingthe young nobleman from whom he had received such important civilities onthe road, in consequence of an invitation at parting, by which he learnedhis title and the place of his abode in London.
His lordship was not only pleased, but proud to see such a stranger athis gate, and entertained him with excess of complaisance andhospitality; insomuch that, by his means, our hero soon became acquaintedwith the whole circle of polite company, by whom he was caressed for hisinsinuating manners and agreeable conversation. He had thought proper totell the nobleman, at their first interview in town, that his reasons forconcealing his knowledge of the English tongue were now removed, and thathe would no longer deny himself the pleasure of speaking a language whichhad been always music to his ear. He had also thanked his lordship forhis generous interposition at the inn, which was an instance of thatgenerosity and true politeness which are engrossed by the English people,who leave nought to other nations but the mere shadow of these virtues.
A testimony like this, from the mouth of such a noble stranger, won theheart of the peer, who professed a friendship for him on the spot, andundertook to see justice done to his lacquey, who in a short time wasgratified with a share of the seizure which had been made upon hisinformation, amounting to fifty or sixty pounds.
Ferdinand put not forth the whole strength of his accomplishments atonce, but contrived to spring a new mine of qualification every day, tothe surprise and admiration of all his acquaintance. He was gifted witha sort of elocution, much more specious than solid, and spoke on everysubject that occurred in conversation with that familiarity and ease,which, one would think, could only be acquired by long study andapplication. This plausibility and confidence are faculties reallyinherited from nature, and effectually serve the possessor, in lieu ofthat learning which is not to be obtained without infinite toil andperseverance. The most superficial tincture of the arts and sciences insuch a juggler, is sufficient to dazzle the understanding of halfmankind; and, if managed with circumspection, will enable him even tospend his life among the literati, without once forfeiting the characterof a connoisseur.
Our hero was perfectly master of this legerdemain, which he carried tosuch a pitch of assurance, as to declare, in the midst of a mathematicalassembly, that he intended to gratify the public with a full confutationof Sir Isaac Newton's philosophy, to the nature of which he was as much astranger as the most savage Hottentot in Africa. His pretensions toprofound and universal knowledge were supported not only by this kind ofpresumption, but also by the facility with which he spoke so manydifferent languages, and the shrewd remarks he had made in the course ofhis travels and observation.
Among politicians, he settled the balance of power upon a certainfooting, by dint of ingenious schemes, which he had contrived for thewelfare of Europe. With officers, he reformed the art of war, withimprovements which had occurred to his reflection while he was engaged ina military life. He sometimes held forth upon painting, like a member ofthe Dilettanti club. The theory of music was a theme upon which heseemed to expatiate with particular pleasure. In the provinces of loveand gallantry, he was a perfect Oroondates. He possessed a mostagreeable manner of telling entertaining stories, of which he had a largecollection; he sung with great melody and taste, and played upon theviolin with surprising execution. To these qualifications let us add hisaffability and pliant disposition, and then the reader will not wonderthat he was looked upon as the pattern of human perfection, and hisacquaintance courted accordingly.
While he thus captivated the favour and affection of the Englishnobility, he did not neglect to take other measures in behalf of thepartnership to which he had subscribed. The adventure with the twosquires at Paris had weakened his appetite for play, which was not at allrestored by the observations he had made in London, where the art ofgaming is reduced into a regular system, and its professors so laudablydevoted to the discharge of their functions, as to observe the mosttemperate regimen, lest their invention should be impaired by the fatigueof watching or exercise, and their ideas disturbed by the fumes ofindigestion. No Indian Brachman could live more abstemious than two ofthe pack, who hunted in couple, and kennelled in the upper apartments ofthe hotel in which our adventurer lived. They abstained from animal foodwith the abhorrence of Pythagoreans, their drink was a pure simpleelement, they were vomited once a week, took physic or a glyster everythird day, spent the forenoon in algebraical calculations, and slept fromfour o'clock till midnight, that they might then take the field with thatcool serenity which is the effect of refreshment and repose.
These were terms upon which our hero would not risk his fortune; he wastoo much addicted to pleasure to forego every other enjoyment but that ofamassing; and did not so much depend upon his dexterity in play as uponhis talent of insinuation, which, by this time, had succeeded so farbeyond his expectation, that he began to indulge the hope of enslavingthe heart of some rich heiress, whose fortune would at once raise himabove all dependence. Indeed, no man ever set out with a fairer prospecton such an expedition; for he had found means to render himself soagreeable to the fair sex, that, like the boxes of the playhouse, duringthe representation of a new performance, his company was often bespokefor a series of weeks; and no lady, whether widow, wife, or maiden, evermentioned his name, without some epithet of esteem or affection; such asthe dear Count! the charming Man! the Nonpareil, or the Angel!
While he thus shone in the zenith of admiration, it is not to be doubted,that he could have melted some wealthy dowager or opulent ward; but,being an enemy to all precipitate engagements, he resolved to act withgreat care and deliberation in an affair of such importance, especiallyas he did not find himself hurried by the importunities of want; for,since his arrival in England, he had rather increased than exhausted hisfinances, by methods equally certain and secure. In a word, he, with theassistance of Ratchcali, carried on a traffic, which yielded greatprofits, without subjecting the trader to the least loss orinconvenience. Fathom, for example, wore upon his finger a largebrilliant, which he played to such advantage one night, at a certainnobleman's house, where he was prevailed upon to entertain the companywith a solo on the violin, that everybody present took notice of itsuncommon lustre, and it was handed about for the perusal of everyindividual. The water and the workmanship were universally admired; andone among the rest having expressed a desire of knowing the value of sucha jewel, the Count seized that opportunity of entertaining them with alearned disquisition into the nature of stones; this introduced thehistory of the diamond in question, which he said had been purchased ofan Indian trader of Fort St. George, at an under price; so that thepresent proprietor could afford to sell it at a very reasonable rate; andconcluded with telling the company, that, for his own part, he had beenimportuned to wear it by the jeweller, who imagined it would have abetter chance for attracting a purchaser on his finger, than while itremained in his own custody.
This declaration was no sooner made, than a certain lady of qualitybespoke the refuse of the jewel, and desired Ferdinand to send the ownernext day to her house, where he accordingly waited upon her ladyship withthe ring, for which he received one hundred and fifty guineas, two-thirdsof the sum being clear gain, and equally divided betwixt the associates.Nor was this bargain such as reflected dishonour upon the lady's taste,or could be productive of ill consequences to the merchant; for themethod of estimating diamonds is altogether arbitrary; and Ratchcali, whowas an exquisite lapidary, had set it in such a manner as would haveimposed upon any ordinary jeweller. By these means of introduction, theTyrolese soon monopolised the custom of a great many noble families, uponwhich he levied large contributions,
without incurring the leastsuspicion of deceit. He every day, out of pure esteem and gratitude forthe honour of their commands, entertained them with the sight of some newtrinket, which he was never permitted to carry home unsold; and from theprofits of each job, a tax was raised for the benefit of our adventurer.
Yet his indultos were not confined to the article of jewels, whichconstituted only one part of his revenue. By the industry of hisunderstrapper, he procured a number of old crazy fiddles, which werethrown aside as lumber; upon which he counterfeited the Cremona mark, andotherwise cooked them up with great dexterity; so that, when he hadoccasion to regale the lovers of music, he would send for one of thesevamped instruments, and extract from it such tones as quite ravished thehearers; among whom there was always some conceited pretender, who spokein raptures of the violin, and gave our hero an opportunity of launchingout in its praise, and declaring it was the best Cremona he had evertouched. This encomium never failed to inflame the desires of theaudience, to some one of whom he was generous enough to part with it atprime cost--that is, for twenty or thirty guineas clear profit; for hewas often able to oblige his friends in this manner, because, being aneminent connoisseur, his countenance was solicited by all the musicians,who wanted to dispose of such moveables.
Nor did he neglect the other resources of a skilful virtuoso. Everyauction afforded some picture, in which, though it had been overlooked bythe ignorance of the times, he recognised the style of a great master,and made a merit of recommending it to some noble friend. This commercehe likewise extended to medals, bronzes, busts, intaglios, and old china,and kept divers artificers continually employed in making antiques forthe English nobility. Thus he went on with such rapidity of success inall his endeavours, that he himself was astonished at the infatuation hehad produced. Nothing was so wretched among the productions of art, thathe could not impose upon the world as a capital performance; and sofascinated were the eyes of his admirers, he could easily have persuadedthem that a barber's bason was an Etrurian patera, and the cover of acopper pot no other than the shield of Ancus Martius. In short, it wasbecome so fashionable to consult the Count in everything relating totaste and politeness, that not a plan was drawn, not even a housefurnished, without his advice and approbation; nay, to such a degree didhis reputation in these matters excel, that a particular pattern ofpaper-hangings was known by the name of Fathom; and his hall was everymorning crowded with upholsterers, and other tradesmen, who came, byorder of their employers, to learn his choice, and take his directions.
The character and influence he thus acquired, he took care to maintainwith the utmost assiduity and circumspection. He never failed to appearthe chief personage at all public diversions and private assemblies, notonly in conversation and dress, but also in the article of dancing, inwhich he outstripped all his fellows, as far as in every other genteelaccomplishment.