by Clare Lydon
“What are you saying?” Kate’s voice was scrabbling to a far higher pitch than she was used to.
Meg let out a yelp of frustration. “I don’t know what I’m saying, but I know it can’t involve him. He walked out on us, deserted us, was never a father to us. And now he’s playing happy families with you, drawing you in?” Meg licked her lips. “I have to go.”
Kate grabbed Meg’s arm as she went to turn.
Meg looked into Kate’s eyes, then looked away.
“I don’t want you to go.” Kate’s voice was low, almost a whisper. Her heart was hammering in her chest — the feeling was familiar where Meg was concerned.
“It’s not up to you though, is it?” Meg kissed Kate’s cheek, then whipped around and walked off into the night.
Kate was left looking at Meg’s retreating figure.
Yep, she definitely hated Lawrence now.
34
Jamie answered the door with a tea towel in his hand. It was a slow Sunday and his sister’s face was bricked with hot emotion.
Jamie paled. “Is Mum okay?” He stopped wiping his hands, leaving them suspended in the air.
Meg shook her head. “She’s fine, she’s fine.” She stepped into the hallway and strode past Jamie with purpose.
“Come in, why don’t you,” he muttered as he shut the front door. He followed Meg into the lounge.
Meg circled the room, bit her finger, then looked up.
“Is Greg here?”
Jamie shook his head. “At the gym.”
Meg sat on the sofa and exhaled.
Jamie sat down opposite her on a green velvet armchair. “What’s wrong? Why do you have a face like thunder? Are you sure Mum’s okay?”
Meg nodded. “Yes, I’m sure — I spoke to her this morning and I’m going round there after this.” Meg sat forward.
“Bit of a detour,” Jamie stated.
Meg looked up. “Yes it is, isn’t it?” Meg took in a lungful of air. “I saw Dad last night.” Meg stared at Jamie.
“Dad?”
Meg nodded.
“Where?”
“At Kate’s sister’s party, would you believe.” Meg shook her head again like she still didn’t believe it.
“What?” A frown appeared on Jamie’s face. “What was he doing there?”
“Eating quiche and shagging Kate’s mum.” Meg closed her eyes.
“At the party?”
“He might as well have been.” Meg paused. “The upshot is that our dad is now seeing Kate’s mum, so Kate and I might become step-sisters and I’m just so pissed off. I mean, he fucks up our lives once, now he’s trying to do it again.” Meg stood up and began to pace the room.
Jamie bit his lip. “And what did he say?”
“Say?”
Jamie stroked his chin. “Yeah — did he say anything? Anything about me?”
“Why would he say anything about you?” Meg frowned.
“Because I’ve been kinda seeing him. Over the past few months. I was going to tell you.”
Meg’s eyes widened. “You’ve been kinda seeing him? Seeing him or kinda seeing him?”
Jamie looked down at the carpet. “You know…” he began.
“No, I don’t,” Meg said. “Please fill me in.”
“He… We met by accident in the Bull & Bush a couple of months ago. We had a pint, then we’ve been meeting there every few weeks. Taking things slowly. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how you’d react. Like this. But now he’s seeing your girlfriend’s mum, I mean — that takes it to a whole new level.” Jamie shook his head slowly.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” Meg’s voice was full of nails.
“I was going to, but then what with Mum and Kate and everything — and I didn’t want to put anything else on you. I wasn’t lying — I was just waiting for the right time.” He gave a weak smile.
“I could have saved you the trouble — there’s never going to be a right time with him. Never, Jamie. How could you do this to me and Mum? I thought we were a team?”
Jamie stood up and faced Meg. “We are — you know that. But we’re all getting older and I’ve wanted to talk to him for a while now, to get his side of the story. To find out why he just left us. Surely you’ve wanted answers, too?” Jamie spread his palms before Meg.
Meg stuck out her bottom lip and shook her head. “Not really. I’ve no need to hear his side. I know what I need to know — that he ran out on us. That Mum did the best she could. And that he’s a useless piece of shit.”
Jamie touched Meg’s arm, but she shook him off.
He ploughed on. “He’s not, though — he was depressed and he couldn’t deal with us, with his family. He’s regretted it every day since and he wants to make amends. He’s not a bad man, Meg, he just couldn’t cope and made some wrong turns. He’s human.” Jamie paused. “So did he say anything else when you saw him? You must have had a conversation?”
Meg sighed. “Not really — I walked out before he could say anything.”
Meg sat down and Jamie sat beside her, taking her hand. “And what did Kate say?”
Meg shrugged. “She was as baffled as I was — neither of us knew our parents were seeing each other.” She shook her head. “It makes things ten times more difficult now, though, doesn’t it? And just when we’d cleared everything up.” Meg exhaled. “Why does life have to be so hard?” Meg leaned in to Jamie and he put his arm around her. He smelt of fresh rosemary.
“You know, this doesn’t have to be an issue. It’s only an issue if you make it one.” His voice hummed through Meg’s body, the vibrations surging down to her toes. “I mean, you and Kate — that’s a definite goer. Nothing’s going to change that, right?”
Meg shrugged.
Jamie frowned. “Take it from your wise brother — you shouldn’t let anything get in the way of that.”
“She told me she loved me last night.”
Jamie looked down at Meg. “And what did you say?” He raised his eyebrows waiting for the response.
“I told her it was too messy and walked away.” Meg hid her head in Jamie’s shoulder again.
“You just want to keep sending her flowers, is that it? Keep pissing her off and then winning her back?” He smiled as he spoke.
“Apparently,” Meg mumbled.
“Well, get another bunch ready and prepare to grovel. But if she loves you, she’ll forgive you. And then there’s Dad.”
Meg untangled herself from her brother and sat back. “I don’t want to see him or deal with him. It would upset Mum too much.”
“I think she might surprise you.”
Meg eyed Jamie. “Really? After she’s just had a heart attack, you want to drop this on her?”
Jamie narrowed his eyes. “You know what I think?”
Meg shook her head. “No, but I think you’re going to tell me.”
“I am,” Jamie said. “And you won’t like it one bit. You should give Dad a chance — he wants to make amends. He wants to be a part of our lives and I think we should let him. Mum will deal with it and we have room for both of them.” He stroked Meg’s thigh. “And Mum will cope. This will not give her another heart attack.”
“How do you know?”
Jamie shook his head again. “You’re using Mum’s situation as a shield, to deflect away from the fact it would help you move on if you spoke to Dad, heard what he had to say and tried to make sense of it all. He’s a nice bloke, he really is.”
“You clearly take after him then, being a nice bloke too.” Meg’s voice was laced with sarcasm.
Jamie smiled. “We both take after Mum. Dad missed the boat on claiming any of our characteristics, that ship has sailed. But we could make some new memories with him now, perhaps ones that might make up for the lack of them in all the previous years. And you’re not betraying Mum or forgiving Dad — you’re just putting yourself first for a change.”
Meg looked at Jamie for a long time before speaking. Finally, she said: “When did
you get so self-helpy?”
Jamie nudged her, before smiling. “Sweetheart, it’s in the gay rulebook, you know that. You just skipped those pages.” He paused. “Now are you going to stay for lunch? I’m trying out a new recipe and it involves a lot of cream. I mean, tons. And you won’t find that in the gay handbook.”
Meg considered his question. “You got wine, too?”
“Course.”
“Sold.” She paused. “But I’m still mad at you.”
Jamie smiled. “You won’t be after you taste the food.”
35
It was a gunmetal Tuesday at Fabulous Flowers, and Meg was out the back when she heard the front door go. Her heart sped up — was it Kate this time? What she was going to say to Kate after ignoring all of her texts so far, she wasn’t sure. The rest of her life was moving ahead, with Olivia showing signs of improvement and the house getting two second viewings over the past week.
Kate was the only cloud still bruising Meg’s horizon.
And Kate loved her.
Meg emerged into the shop to be greeted by Tanya, barrister-fresh with leather briefcase in hand. She smiled broadly at Meg.
“To what do I owe this honour?” Meg walked around the counter and folded her arms across her chest.
Her ex carried on smiling. “I thought you’d want to hear this news in person — the estate agent just called and the second couple have put in an offer — and then so did the first. They’re in a bidding war and the upshot is, we’ve been offered 20 grand over the asking price.”
Meg’s mouth formed an ‘O’. “You’re kidding.”
Tanya shook her head. “I wouldn’t joke about stuff like this, and I wouldn’t come all the way here to tell you, otherwise.” She walked up to Meg and put her arm around her. “We’re going to be rich, kiddo. You and me both. You should go on holiday — you could do with a break.”
“That’s true.” Meg leaned into Tanya’s embrace. “I can’t believe it, though — we really might be moving.” Meg paused. “And I really might be homeless.”
“Sooner than you think too — the first couple are cash buyers.”
“Shit.”
“Shit indeed,” Tanya replied. “You fancy dinner to celebrate? End of an era. Just you and me, like old times?”
Meg gave Tanya a look. “Not exactly like old times, I hope.”
Tanya cocked her head. “Yes, exactly like old times. We’ll go out for dinner, we can snipe at each other and not have sex at the end of it. Sound good?”
Meg nudged Tanya, chuckling. “Sounds perfect. Only not tonight. I’m meeting Jamie and my dad for dinner tonight. Much against my better judgment.” Meg bit her lip.
“Your dad?” Tanya sounded incredulous.
Meg nodded. “Believe me, I’d rather be having dinner with you, and that’s something I never thought I’d say.”
Tanya crumpled her face. “Thanks, I think.” She paused. “Another night, then? Thursday or Friday?”
Meg nodded. “Definitely. It’ll be good to mark the end of such a grand era.”
“It will.” Tanya stared at Meg. “Good luck tonight.”
“Thanks. I might need it.”
***
At Female Health & Fitness magazine, Kate was sat in her chair frowning at her screen. She couldn’t get this current article to work and it was beginning to annoy her. Mind you, after the past week, that didn’t take too much. After the debacle of last weekend, Meg had gone into radio silence with her, and that was despite Kate’s ill-timed declaration of love. Then this weekend, Jess was moving out. Life had a funny way of twisting the knife, didn’t it?
Kate moved the image of a woman in Lycra to the left of the spread to see if that worked any better. It didn’t. She sighed and got up, walking down the row of desks towards the coffee machine, where she bumped into Dawn.
“Morning sunshine.”
“I think you’ll find it’s raining and actually the afternoon now.” Kate looked out the window at the damp October day, before showing Dawn her watch which read 12:41.
“Oh dear. No word yet?”
Kate frowned her best frown. “Nothing. And I can’t get this Ten Ways To Get A Fitter Core spread to work. And I’m going to die alone. Anything else you need?”
Dawn’s face remained impassive. “No, I think that about covers it. Only, I do have some news that might cheer you up.”
“It’s going to have to be mega to cheer me up.” Kate pushed past Dawn and thumped the panel on the coffee machine.
“So this issue, the one with your girl… I mean, the one with the Princess Emily on the front and the lesbian runners and all of that.”
Kate picked up her drink, took a sip and winced as it burnt her tongue. “I know of it.”
“Well,” Dawn continued, exuberance sweeping her words along. “It’s already our best-selling issue. Ever. Ben just told me. And there’s still a week to go.” Her face lit up. “So this means it’ll be up for Cover Of The Year in the next awards too, with the numbers to back it up.” Dawn swept her hand through the air. “I can picture it now — Cover Of The Year for the second year running and Magazine Of The Year for the first time.” Dawn clapped her hands together quickly and Kate worried she might burst with excitement.
Kate stared into her coffee, then at Dawn. “The power of lesbians, right there.”
“I think you might be right. We should have lesbians in the magazine every issue!”
Kate winced. “I’m not sure I’m up for meeting any more.” She sighed. “But that’s great news, honest. But sadly, not enough to cheer me up. Because it means the magazine with the one that got away will be winking at me for the next year or so, give or take.”
Dawn pulled Kate into a hug and squeezed her so hard, Kate coughed.
“You’ll be fine. Meg’ll come round, you’ll see.”
Dawn released Kate and she staggered sideways.
“And if all else fails, I’ll take you out this weekend and get you really drunk. How does that sound?”
That forced a smile from Kate. “It’s the best offer I’ve had in a while.”
“That’s the spirit,” Dawn said, before linking Kate’s arm and walking with her back to their desks.
Kate sat down and stared at her screen, the steady hum of the office all around her. Next to her, Henry was tapping his hand on the desk to the tune playing through his headphones. Across from her, staff writer Daisy’s face was gnarled with concentration as her fingers stabbed her keyboard. Meanwhile, Hannah looked tired and had an eyebrow raised at her screen; and the sales team were on the phone quoting inflated circulation figures to possible advertisers. So far, so normal.
But nothing felt normal to Kate today, nothing felt right at all. She and Meg had come so close, and then had imploded again through no fault of their own. Logic told Kate that Meg would come around, but logic had long since left the building. Her stomach rumbled with the injustice of it all — she hadn’t eaten yet today, but it wasn’t high on her priorities. She sipped her coffee and felt it hit her empty stomach, the hot liquid the lonely dweller inside her.
Should she be so easily defeated? She decided she should not. Yes, Meg had said it wasn’t up to her, but she wasn’t going to just take that lying down. However, if Meg wasn’t returning her calls or texts, what was she to do? Kate twirled a blue biro in her fingers and cupped the back of her neck. She flicked onto the Fabulous Flowers website and an idea came to her. Flowers. Meg never got sent flowers. And she’d sent Kate enough to last a lifetime.
Kate made a decision and clicked on the Interflora website.
***
Meg was the first to arrive, so she ordered a bottle of Cobra lager and fiddled with her phone, checking the door every few seconds. She texted Jamie to ask where he was, as he’d assured her he’d be early. Clearly, her brother had lied.
Meg’s worst fears were realised five minutes later, as Lawrence pushed open the door to the Indian restaurant. No matter what she thought of hi
m as a person, Meg had to admit her dad was wearing well and the fact he had a full head of hair was something Jamie was terribly excited by. Hair was important to Jamie.
Lawrence smiled, but his eyes showed anxiety. He indicated the chair opposite Meg and she nodded curtly, pursing her lips.
Where the hell was Jamie? She was going to kill him.
“Hi,” Lawrence said, sitting down and fixing Meg with his gaze. “Been here long?”
Meg shook her head and clicked her phone off. “Five minutes.”
They both stared.
Meg searched her mind for something to say that might nibble at the endless silence, move it along a little, but nothing sprung to mind that could make up for her dad’s absence throughout her life. All she could think about were all the things he’d missed out on — the school plays, the summer holidays, her first boyfriend, her first girlfriend. He didn’t know her at all, so what the hell were they doing here?
Lawrence cleared his throat. “Before your brother gets here, I just want to say thanks for coming. It means a lot.” He paused, studying his cutlery for a couple of seconds, before looking back to Meg. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on and I’m pleased you’re giving me the chance.”
Meg stayed silent, taking a swig of her lager while her dad ordered his own. She looked at her watch. She really was going to kill Jamie.
Lawrence looked at her expectantly. “How was the florist today?”
Meg nodded. “Good. It’s going well.” She bit her fingernail.
“Your mum did a good job there,” Lawrence said.
“She had to, didn’t she?”
Lawrence smiled weakly. “Yes, she did.” He paused. “I’m not denying that.”
More silence.
“How about you — how was your day?”
Surprise registered on Lawrence’s face. “It was productive - had some good meetings to get some projects going, so…” He ran a hand over his chin. “But I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Looking forward, while also being scared witless.”
Meg’s face remained stoic. “Why scared?”
“That you might not turn up. And that if you did, you’d scream at me.” Lawrence gave a faint shrug. “You’ve got every right.”